Okay, the pond has played exceptionally fair by the reptiles, keeps issuing notices about their flimsy paywall and how they have to tighten it so that the lemon pips shriek and the paywall is as tight as a wrinkled prune.
The pond is extremely reluctant to go back to its old ways ...
Just a reminder, this is how it ran, by rote, like conjugating Latin verbs ...
First there was the top of the digital page ...
Ah it's Friday, and look at the ugly mug. No, not the terrorist, there's Henry, the hole in the bucket man ...
So there's the pond's task for the day. It can safely overlook the flip-flop man flipping and flopping in the west, there's an election coming on, and how can the pond tell Angie that the phone calls and the cruel messages trying to tame the Tame have been coming from inside the reptile house ...
Next step in the ritual was to observe the tree killer edition...
Yep, Clive's cash in the reptile claw is still keeping the reptiles propped up ... instead of freedumb, tis time bleating about all that demand on hospital services.
Why you'd swear there were anti-vaxxers of the Craig Kelly kind buzzing about trying to put pressure on services through fuckwitted advice.
And then back in the days before freedumb, the pond would then start on Henry ...
Ah, the hole in the bucket man on a war footing, armed with a plentiful supply of white feathers ...
Even in the old days before freedumb, the pond would often pause for relief, turn to an infallible Pope to lighten the mood ...
Worked a treat, and so the pond could return to the hole in the bucket man, though leery that a classical reference might sneak in from right field ...
The pond left that gap in just to show it had done the kindly thing and deleted a reptile link, with the space left to show it had been cancelled... and as for Napoleon, does that count as a reference to the ancient Greeks and Romans?
The lad had a certain elegant style in the manner of a Caesar ...
But enough of the perfidious French and their territorial ambitions, this is about Emperor Vlad the impaler, and our Henry's willingness to head to the front line ...
Of course enduring a Henry history lesson means that the pond can't partake of the Crikey betting ring ...
Good on ya Tom, the pond will put a penny on the mutton Dutton ... and so find the strength to return to another gobbet of hole in bucket fixing ...
And around this point, the pond usually stopped with the interruptions and lurched to a final short gobbet ...
Uh huh, all that, and yet not a single sensible suggestion as to what to do about the smirking Vlad and emperor for life Xi ...
Is this what you want reptiles?
The pond has breached the paywall, and wasted valuable time and space on the hole in the bucket man, and yet you've ignored the pond's threats and pleadings to tighten your paywall so that it becomes a black hole.
No light enters the minds of your columnists; why should any light enter the site?
Around this point in the hilarity, the pond would usually do a survey of what it had missed ...
Ah, there you go, the Hon Lady Downer, already mentioned this morning, and the clouded meretricious Merritt, and poor old Albo trying to convert the Murdochian faithful ... forcing mug punters to fork over precious shekels to the chairman and son ...
Well the lizard Oz editorialist will have a few words to say about that feeble attempt at pandering, because it'll take a long hard effort to prise SloMo from their cold, dead, clammy hands ...
Say what, the reptiles sound like they might be tempted to switch, provided Labor remains firm on doing absolutely nothing of a Labor government kind ...
Best raise the matter of unions to keep on with the Albo sheep-herding ...
And there you have it ... the economy's already fucked, and yet somehow the reptiles will pin it on the unions ...
The pond tossed this report out on a Friday, doing a late dump, as pollies are wont to do, but still Henry is same day service, and we know what that means ...
Please reptiles, time is short, fix your paywall ...
The pond can take only so much shit in a day, even when you're whopping Whoopi ...
Fuck, that's beyond moronic and pig ignorant to boot, and deeply racist as well, and it didn't get any better ...
Cf. "their slaughter has to be attributed to something other than race", and yet in preceding gobbet "the is no doubt that Hitler's regime saw the Jews as a pestilential race to be exterminated."
Yep, it's got nothing to do with race, and everything to do with race ... and never no mind that the reptiles seem to be endorsing Hitler's race theory, as if there really was or is a Jewish race ...
It seems to the pond that there's an urgent need for a course in CRT, at least in Surry Hills ...
Yes that talk of Jews and the Jewish race and the Jewish conspiracy, and the world bank and climate change leading to a UN world government and George Soros is all very News Corp and mango Mussolini ...
Sorry, the pond almost forgot to include that offending contradictory reptile quote ... because, you see, there is no actual Jewish race, and the whole faux notion of race is hotly contested in the academic arena, and yet when you come down to it, racism is structural and deeply embedded, and not just in the United States, but in Australia ...
The pond knows this, having grown up in a racist household, where the pond's mother was appalled by the ability of Aboriginal kids to pick up marbles with their toes and make off with them ... (it seemed like an admirable skill to the pond, the pond was always losing at marbles to unscrupulous boys destined to a career at News Corp).
In short, one Whoopi doesn't make for a reptile racist denialist summer ...
Please, reptiles attend to your paywall.
There's only so many ways the immortal Rowe can help the pond make it through the day on a diet of reptile stew ...
Second thoughts, perhaps if there was some time off for a game of cricket?
Let us hope that they just give up this yuppy internet and go back to good honest paper only.
ReplyDeleteThinking about CreepyScoMo as a man who likes white bread, I looked up 'whitebread' in the Urban Dictionary - https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whitebread Spot on.
Oh fair go Joe, what did Kenny G and golden retrievers do to get lumped in with SloMo? What's wrong with elevator music and fetching balls, up against a man constantly dropping balls and lies ...:)
DeleteThe Reptiles want to educate us on productivity. Like too many other businesses, they are not aware that they have someone on the payroll who was involved in significant research on factors in productivity (and, therefore, growing wages and living standards). They could have asked the Dame Groan to summarise the ideas she was exposed to in her researching days, because there were many good ideas circulating there. Many have been applied very successfully in other countries, for the benefit of those countries.
ReplyDeleteWell - it would have upset whoever approves the words that are identified as ‘editorial’, so best to stick with the same old narrative that the workers should be damned grateful for any kind of job, and, if they are not - there are thousands wanting to get into this country who would be happy to work for less - in the national interest. And tell the RBA to keep the price of money down - it just might set off a boost in productivity, once we have finished with the mergers and acquisitions.
Mergers and acquisitions, yes, but there doesn't seem to have been much mention of 'share buybacks' recently. Have they basically run out of money for that now ?
Delete"...because, you see, there is no actual Jewish race, and the whole faux notion of race is hotly contested in the academic arena..." The whole "race" thing is just a bit mucky and murky isn't it. After all, wasn't the "anti-semitic" behaviour originally based on religion, not "race"; on the Jewish rejection of Iesus Christos as the messiah. The introduction of 'race' surely has as much to do with the Jewish 'matrilineal descent' rules as anything.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I tend to think that basically it really is "man's inhumanity" - in Germany that was expressed as the German 'master race' versus the rest of the world - the usual "us versus them" psychopathy that the human race has practised in various forms all throughout its history.
But our Mr Ed writes, somewhat out of the blue about CRC: "CRC is marketed as an anti-racist project..." Now is that just a typo for CRT or has the Community Relations Council really got something to do with this ?
So, a long ramble by Holely Henry in which he didn't call Vlad the Put a revanchist even once. Though 'revanchist' was quite a favourite word not so very long ago. Which reminds me to ask: why has "few" and "fewer" disappeared from today's English ? We used to say "few" (and occasionally "fewer") when we were comparing countably small quantities and "less" was used for larger and 'uncountable' quantities: few for small 'integer' numbers, less for very large and/or 'real' numbers. But all the media only use "less" for everything, now.
ReplyDeleteAny'ow, Henry tells us that: "...Russia's persistent attempts to dominate its near surrounds have proven to be a source of weakness rather than of strength." Oh, all hunky dory then: the more territory Russia "dominates" the weaker it gets. So "In that way, the Soviet Union, just like the tsarist empire before it, had laid the basis for its own disintegration."
All done and dusted then, and so good to have a Henry to use his unparalleled ability to quote ancient Greeks and Romans to explain all of that to us.
The "We have Henry's column" ransom note gag was very funny.
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