The pond hates to do it, but promised that it would be done.
A full serve of Ughmann.
Last weekend the reptiles dropped the Ughmann into the mix later on the weekend, thereby missing the pond deadline.
It was a big splash:
Top of the digital page ma!
The pond immediately regretted not covering it, and now seeks to rectify the set back to herpetology students:
The header: Call it Argentinisation, but Australia’s economic decline is entirely self-inflicted; Like Argentina last century, we’re squandering the prosperity built on abundant natural resources, enterprise and ingenuity.
The caption for the cornball collage. Take a bow Sean, AI couldn't have done it worse: How would you set this nation on a highway to hell? Artwork: Sean Callinan
It was the headline that caught the pond's eye:
Australia’s economic decline is entirely self-inflicted
Entirely? In mad King Donald's economics wilderness?
Such a silly former seminarian, but the pond knows where the thinking comes from and it deserves a Donne rebuke ...
Some say Australia is a continent; every man (and womyn)
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Australia
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's (orwomyn's) death diminishes me,
because I am involved in dinkum kind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
mad King Donald's bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
And that's a round about way of saying credit where credit is due, because the likes of Vlad the sociopath and mad king Donald have done much to stuff the world economy, and so Australia's ...
America’s position of global economic stability is starting to look shakier as the Trump administration piles on debt and doubles down on sanctions. (*intermittent archive link)
And so on, and will mad king Donald and his minions manage to bankrupt the planet in the same way he bankrupted casinos and is currently bankrupting the Kennedy centre because he craves having his name next to JFK's?
The pond lives in hope, but digresses:
Bad politics played no small part in the difference.
Call it Argentinisation, where politicians contrive to beggar a rich country. This would be yeoman’s work in 21st-century Australia because we have such a rich inheritance.
Early on Australia decided to be a high-wage economy. That was a good thing. The 1907 Harvester judgment established the principle of a basic wage and it became part of the Australian settlement. Wealth was widely shared and, despite the imperfections of our history, this country built one of the fairest and most prosperous societies in the world.
We could afford to do that because Australia was blessed with abundant and cheap energy. Victoria built an electricity system on vast, dirt-cheap brown coal reserves and tapped the oil and gas in Bass Strait. NSW and Queensland have enormous amounts of high-quality black coal. Later, Western Australia harnessed massive gas reserves. The wheels of industry hummed.
We were also gifted with abundant resources, rich agricultural land and inventive people. Wool and wheat grew on our farms and gold, iron ore, coal, oil and gas lay beneath our feet. From the stump-jump plough to the black box flight recorder, Australians devised practical solutions to practical problems. There was enterprise, ingenuity and optimism.
Squandering all this would take time and almost supernatural ineptitude. But with dedication it could be done. So, how would you set this nation on a highway to hell?
Well, begin with wilfully increasing the cost of energy and making it scarce.
To ensure serious harm, embed rising costs in the architecture of the electricity system by replacing dense, predictable generation with a vastly larger agglomeration of taxpayer-subsidised, wildly dispersed, weather-dependent energy gatherers.
String it together with thousands of kilometres of transmission lines hooked up to a life-support system of batteries and stability services. Then build enough dispatchable backup to meet 100 per cent of demand for those inevitable times when the wind does not blow, the sun does not shine and the batteries run flat.
The total system cost of this electricity Frankenstein is almost impossible to calculate but it must be paid. And that’s what drives the retail energy bill ever higher.
Of course it had to be renewables, and could it possibly be a lizard Oz yarn without a comical snap? The total system cost of this electricity Frankenstein is almost impossible to calculate. Picture: NewsWire/ Martin Ollman
This is familiar turf for the Ughmann, and he had his litany down pat:
The artistry of misallocating hundreds of billions of dollars into an electricity system that produces less power for every dollar invested is that it wires declining productivity into the nation’s central nervous system. Once done, it can’t easily be undone.
For some reason the reptiles decided the next little grab was worth doing in indented italics, not replicated here:
Australians devised practical solutions to practical problems. There was enterprise, ingenuity; and optimism. Squandering all this would take time and almost supernatural ineptitude. But with dedication it could be done.And someone else always pays. The solar subsidy lands in electricity bills while taxpayers pick up the battery subsidy. So export the resources, import the finished products, bankroll better-off homeowners to buy them and leave renters, apartment dwellers and the poor paying the lion’s share of the cost of a grid that everyone still needs. Then massively increase distribution and transmission costs paid for by the kilowatt-hour charge embedded in every electricity bill.
Only a policy virtuoso could devise a scheme so regressive.
Then attack the businesses that produce energy and those that make and move things. This is best done by turning carbon emissions into a cost for large miners, manufacturers, transport operators and oil and gas producers. Then watch those costs work their way through every supply chain they touch. Create government-issued carbon credits that businesses can buy, sell and surrender to meet their obligations. Call the whole apparatus something comforting, purposeful and planet-saving, like the safeguard mechanism.
Best not to ask what, precisely, is being safeguarded.
This instrument of self-harm works best when Australian producers face carbon costs that competitors overseas do not. That way local industry gets the expense while foreign companies get the advantage.
There was a guest appearance by that notorious dog bothering climate science denialist:
Sky News host Chris Kenny lashes out against Labor’s green left energy “revolution”. “They are spending money on household batteries, subsidizing wind farms and solar factories and there’s electric car subsidies,” Mr Kenny said. “They are giving them billions of your dollars so they can keep going despite the energy mess.”
At this point, the Ughmann devolved into standard rant, a litany of complaints, and the pond found it so tedious and predictable that it decided to let the Ughmann run off at the mouth, rant away ...
You will know you have hit paydirt when a major player such as, say, Woodside spends $24bn somewhere like Louisiana or Santos starts diverting its cash from Australia to Papua New Guinea.
Then tax capital formation. Reduce the after-tax reward for investment, entrepreneurship and risk-taking. Capital is notoriously mobile, so make sure Australia becomes investment’s ugly stepsister.
The best measure of whether this is working will be when fund managers advise their clients to send their savings offshore in search of better returns. The final triumph comes when Australians themselves decide Australia is not worth investing in.
This works particularly well when business investment is already weak. Investment buys the machinery, technology, software and equipment that allow each worker to produce more. The Reserve Bank says investment has failed to keep pace with employment growth. Less capital behind each worker means weaker productivity. Productivity is simply getting more out of every hour of work. Without it higher incomes eventually become higher prices rather than higher living standards.
Next, entrench deficits. Borrow in good times and bad, and lock permanent spending commitments into the budget that grow faster than the revenue needed to pay for them.
Given that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, attach woefully designed programs to sacred causes: disability support, the care economy, social inclusion, community resilience. Demonise any attempt to question the cost as an attack on the vulnerable. Don’t means-test anything. A parent on $500,000 a year is still a mother or a father. Welfare should be class-blind. Think of the children.
Always assume money will be cheap. Governments raise cash by selling bonds, which are essentially IOUs. On September 21, $39.4bn worth of Australian government debt falls due. It was issued at the vanishingly small interest rate of just 0.5 per cent.
Alas, money is no longer nearly free. Government borrowing rates are now around 5 per cent, driven by persistent inflation, higher official interest rates and growing competition for capital as governments around the world pile on debt.
The trick is to make sure there is plenty more borrowing to come. The Australian Office of Financial Management expects to issue about $125bn in government bonds this financial year. Gross commonwealth debt is forecast to rise from $982bn in 2025-26 to almost $1.2 trillion by the end of the decade.
Nothing dramatic needs to happen. That is the beauty of it. Just keep rolling cheap old debt into more expensive new debt while borrowing more on top. More tax revenue goes to paying for yesterday and less is available to build tomorrow. Do it for long enough and eventually the bond market starts writing your budget. As borrowing grows and yields rise, investors will demand an ever-higher price to keep buying the debt. Push it far enough and the question is no longer what interest rate government wants to pay, but what rate the market demands.
Then attack the nation’s comparative advantages.
If you have enormous mineral resources, make developing them absurdly difficult. Lengthen approvals, multiply conditions, increase charges and create a minefield of environmental laws.
If your nation is also a great agricultural producer, make farming increasingly difficult while creating incentives to turn productive land over to carbon sinks. Make it more profitable to stop producing food than to grow it.
Make every mine, factory, apartment block, road, transmission line, data centre and major project slower, harder and more expensive to approve. No single regulation need be fatal. No one regulation to rule them all, just a million rules to bind them.
At this point it would be useful to ladle taxpayer cash on to activist lawyers to tie developments up in court. Give them an unimpeachable name. Something like the Environmental Defenders Office.
Then destroy productivity with regulation. This project is going well. The Productivity Commission says company directors reported spending 55 per cent of their time on compliance in 2025. A decade earlier it was 24 per cent. That’s progress.
Make it prohibitively expensive to build anything. Layer planning laws over environmental approvals, heritage requirements over building codes and leave ample room for appeals. Lift minimum home energy ratings from six stars to seven, then keep going. The sky is the limit and each increasingly marginal gain in efficiency can add thousands to construction costs.
Ensure everyone has a veto but nobody has responsibility for getting anything built.
Given government is the solution to every problem, it should always grow faster than the productive economy, consuming an ever-increasing share of labour and capital. Make sure your bureaucrats are among the highest paid in the world and don’t demand they actually come to work. Then build more government offices in Canberra for this ghost workforce.
Turn industrial relations into a minefield of cost and compliance. Reward complexity. Restrict flexibility. Multiply obligations. Make hiring someone a legal relationship so baroque that small business owners lie awake at night wondering whether hiring another employee is worth the ordeal.
After all that the reptiles reverted to indented italics, but why bother?:
Attach woefully designed programs to sacred causes: disability support, the care economy, social inclusion, community resilience. Demonise any attempt to question the cost as an attack on the vulnerable. Don’t means-test
There's nothing like the sight of a reptile in the grip of hysteria, and still it didn't end ...
Each entitlement may seem modest on its own. The trick is never to add up the cost of them all. That’s the job of business, not government.
Then make big businesses instruments of government ideology. Require them to measure and report their progress on climate and gender equality. This is actually a job creation scheme because each will need another layer of lawyers, accountants, consultants, compliance officers and human resources specialists.
None will make a tonne of steel, grow a tonne of wheat, build a house or produce a kilowatt of electricity.
Housing is rich with opportunity. Promise to make houses more affordable while reassuring homeowners that their houses won’t lose value. Try not to dwell on the contradiction.
Then constrain supply while subsidising demand and marvel as prices rise. Pour more money into helping people buy houses without ensuring there are enough houses to buy.
Once you have helped young Australians buy at inflated prices with as little as 5 per cent equity, make a surprise change to negative gearing and capital gains tax. Then watch the youngsters stop spending on everything else as they fret over a term they have only just learned: negative equity.
It was a relief to get to an AV distraction:
Assistant Productivity and Treasury Minister Andrew Leigh claims the Labor government is “building more social and affordable” housing. “We’re the government that is most engaged in housing … than any government in the past half century,” Mr Leigh told News24. “We’re working with states and territories [to] engage with those policies at the state and local level which have impeded building. “We’re building more social and affordable housing through the Housing Australia Future Fund.”
The Ughmann let out a final howl of pain:
Call the whole shebang a housing affordability strategy.
Next, create an industry in subsidy harvesting. Governments are clearly best placed to decide which technologies and industries deserve investment. Socialise enough risk that investors learn it is more profitable to understand government policy than customers. Capital will begin chasing regulatory advantage over economic return.
And everyone can play the subsidy game. One federal MP helpfully publishes a 145-page bulletin listing more than 450 grants, scholarships and funding opportunities.
Let skills deteriorate. Downgrade academic rigour, become suspicious of excellence and spend endless hours arguing about what children should believe while ignoring whether they can read, write, calculate and reason.
Make sure the population grows faster than productive capital, housing and infrastructure. This produces a particularly useful statistical trick. Headline GDP rises while GDP per person stagnates. Clever governments can boast that the economy is growing while the people living in it wonder why they feel poorer.
Finally, never call spending spending. Describe every new program as an “investment”. The word sounds so much better than “cost”.
None of these measures alone will ruin a rich country. That is the beauty of the plan. Each regulation has a justification. Each subsidy has a beneficiary. Each spending program serves a worthy purpose. Each tax raises necessary revenue. Each environmental restriction protects something valuable. Each sounds progressive in a press release.
The trick is accumulation. Keep loading the saddlebags, one seemingly modest burden at a time, until the economy buckles under the weight of government.
It will take time and effort, but we can wreck Australia. Today we are running on the fumes of inherited wealth. But, with the right policies, one day we may wake up and discover that our only industries are selling coffee and houses to each other.
The Ughmann then produced a closing line of such cleverness and wit that the pond wilted, as if exposed to dazzling sunlight:
I’ll have a double decaf soy latte in a keep cup, please.
Well, he knows the jargon, and likely he places that kind of order on a daily basis, while whining weekly that the end is nigh...
The pond reckons that herpetology students will celebrate long into the night at this Ughmann treat, a bit like the relief the pond felt last week when the dentist finally fixed a gaping hole in a tooth.
Here, have a celebratory cartoon about how to bankrupt a casino, a centre and quite possibly the planet ...
And so to yesterday's offering, and the pond thought that it would stick to screen grabs to keep it simple.
The Ughmann started off with some Islam and furriner bashing, pretty much standard for a reptile treatise.
Naturally the ranga, Pauline's pampered pet, set the tone, because long gone are the days when bigotry and racism were deemed impolite, and perhaps even unsayable ...
We woke up in a foreign land?
The pond must live in a different country, called Australia, but perhaps that's because way back when the Chinese restaurant across the road used to regularly treat the lumpenproletariat family to a handsome serve of 'luck' soup ...and the same Chinese family ran a fruit and vegie shop in the main drag and treated the poor with a little kindness... (and the Chinese basket weaver at the back of the pond's aunt's Carlton house kept giving everyone woven bamboo what nots, to the point where there was no room left, a bit like those multiplying brooms in Fantasia).
As for the next gobbet, the Ughmann managed to sound like a Vaucluse ponce, deeply up himself, with sniffy talk of "too many of the wrong kind of people".
What a prize git. More tone deaf than an out of tune piano.
Is there a Karl Rove in the house to offer some advice?
Karl Rove!!
Why I'm Voting for a Texas Democrat.
Inter alia:
Maybe the Ughmann is keeping company with the wrong kind of people:
After that came some good news.
Correspondents will already be aware that the pond became a squillionaire by scoring thrupences and sixpences whenever a reptile referred to "the left's long march through the institutions", and the Ughmann kindly added to the pond's wealth.
Sadly it came with a bit of transphobia, but as Osgood, the wondrous Joe E. Brown said at the end of Some Like it Hot, "Well, nobody's perfect":
Actually it is progress because the pond has made it past the transphobia, and now it's on to the Ughmann fighting ancient wars all over again...
One thing's certain, the Ughmann is deeply intolerant, and simply won't tolerate any form of tolerance, as you might expect of an unreformed seminarian, deeply fearful of furriners and trans people, and seems entirely to have forgotten the bible, as unredeemable faux Xians are wont to do:
1 Corinthians 6: 1-4:Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?
Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?
If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.
John 8: 1-11: Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
And here's an immortal Rowe the pond almost missed, celebrating a man full of humble tolerance (the one on the left)...