Friday, June 05, 2020

In which the cult master blesses our Henry ...


For sheer righteous, completely up himself complacency, can anyone beat our hole in the bucket man?

The reptiles know it, the reptiles recognise it, the reptiles honour it … and so our Henry took away the ultimate prize this day, a visit from the cult master, with one of his genuine classics …


The trouble is, how can poor old Henry possibly match that ironic juxtaposition of the clenched black fist with the clenched small orange hand, wrapped around a phone, but with an indeterminate image thereon? What, no Twitter in there, cult master?

But if the competition is confined to, and only involves, indolent complacency, then our Henry could teach the cult master a thing or three …


Now there are a couple of problems there, not least the brutal misrepresentation of US history, the Klu Klux Klan, The Birth of a Nation, Strange Fruit, and all the rest of the sorry history …

But there's another problem, which arose yesterday when poor old poor Paul Monks tried on a little Tiananmen Square distraction … and found himself coming up against a new image ...

 

As the infallible Pope put it …


You see, old hole in the bucket man, if the US has always been fucked, comprehensively so, and this is just another manifestation of business as usual, or complete fuckedness, wherefore all the righteous bullshit of US exceptionalism?

But please, do go on, because the pond loves a serve of luxurious white complacency with its morning cereal, lavishly ladled over with white milk …


Yes, there's a tremendously apt way to dismiss what's happening, but you know, dear hole in the bucket man, haven't there been some splendid images coming out of the US, which must surely swell your proto-fascist heart with pride?


 

Then there were the choppers, and the military vehicles in the streets, and squillions of shots designed to make an Adolf proud, and then there was that infamous walk to the church, and eventually even Mattis decided to spit out the cherry pip he scored while helping make the cherry pie, but do go on, make it all seem just like good old American cherry pie (whatever happened to apple?)

Perhaps begin the next gobbet with a couple of snaps of white pollies, in campaign photo style? 

Perhaps with the Donald looking smug, as if a Cheshire cat that just swallowed a canary …. perhaps with an opening line proposing that the Donald was hardly out of line ...

 

Oh it's rich, it's almost as rich as this offering yesterday, which the pond politely declined …


Good on you Heather """ Macdonald …scribbling with impeccable WSJ whiteness … why you've been doing that line for some time, and with impeccable whiteness 

… but the pond's heart belongs to the hole in the bucket man, with his caring cry for a little more statesmanlike approach …
 

Yes, we all know the playbook, but lordy, lordy, when even Pat Robertson speaks of cool … it seems our Henry must go on speaking of righteous complacency …


What a complete and utter wanker. What a tosser. What a read. Did not our Henry deliver? Did  not Henry provide the perfect excuse for an immortal Rowe, with more immortality here?


And so to a second piece, and again the pond was tormented. So many reptiles demanding attention with their stories and their mea culpas …


Now he tells us? But who will tell all the reptiles who used the Swedes as a splendid example? No, it would be heartbreaking of the pond to tell Killer Creighton, who has spent months urging we all head to the killing fields …


That was back on 25th April, as the Killer urged dinkums to go over the top and tackle the virus with their Anzac guns …what the hell, if a few died, provided the Killer's economy was kept in shape …

No, the pond didn't have the heart to go there, and tap Killer Creighton the shoulder, and the moody Moody would have to be given a hall pass …

What then? Well the reptiles were very keen on one story, offering a fragrant juxtaposition in the process, and a re-badging, just to keep it fresh …

 

Loon meet useful idiot mocker loon meet today's rebadged loon … 

How could the pond resist such urgent reptile attention-seeking?


Oh that's disappointing, that's just common or garden old school racism of the Windschuttle kind, as channelled by the lying Leyonhjelm in later times …

There's a spray about it here



Pure, undiluted loonacy ...

And yet The Conversation took it terribly seriously, and considered it at fact-checking length back in 2015 here

The pond appreciates the reptiles are always delighted when they spot some home-grown racism … but the pond felt irritated it had been distracted, when it still had a few cartoons to run …



But once the pond has started with a loon, the pond should finish the job …


Oh dear, that snap's terribly unfortunate, and most distracting … and a sure sign of a complete loon ...



Better still, just don't fucking do it. 

Ever. Stop it. You'll go blind. You're not Roger Stone, you're not Tom Wolfe, you're just  naughty boy, you're just an ordinary suburban loon, blessed by racism, an indecent lack of history, and bad taste …

Here, have a cartoon that'll show you the proper way to wear a tie …


What, the reptiles are still carrying on about him? Apparently there are 11 of like mind?


Actually it was all just a build-up to a ripper Rowe cartoon, as a way of wrapping up the day's 'racism with the reptiles' report …


Oh yes … speaking as we were of Australian history


Never mind, look on the bright side ...



Thursday, June 04, 2020

In which the bromancer and the savvy Savva have hopes for the Donald ...


The pond was sitting back last night watching gobbets of US comics in its usual way, and having idle thoughts of totally dominating the reptiles and making them submit. Total dominance and submission, it's the only way, because hated are the cheese makers ...

Tear gas, a rear naked choke hold, an arm bar,  a Peruvian necktie (okay, the pond cheated and looked them up), whatever it took …and then one of the comics made a joke about the Donald praising himself - the pond can't remember which one, Colbert, Seth, Kimmel, but they were unable to imagine any other politician dumb enough to make the same move as the Donald, and indulge in self-praise …



Yep, good old prime Angus 'beef' Taylor could show the Donald a thing or three …and those US comics should remember they don't have exclusive rights to the dumbest, most fuckwitted politicians on the planet …we have our own dinkum proud pollies down under, and no-one can match our prime Angus 'beef' ...

But as the Donald has been mentioned now, it's time to get on with it, so bring on the bromancer, talking up the Donald …


The pond respects the reptiles for running a snap of Reichsmarshall Donald out in the field inspecting the troops in the war against protesting civilians and priests getting in the way of a photo op, but would have preferred a better snap of the Donald with upside down bible in hand, Satan style, to set the cartoonists running …


Fair warning. The bromancer will deliver a bout of piety for starters, but fear not, soon he'll get on to the immense political advantages all the trouble and strife will deliver to the Donald ...


Actually the Donald has been criticised in a number of areas, not least his shameless misuse of the bible, which agitated priests at the church at the centre of the fuss, especially as the Donald hadn't been seen there since inauguration day …(does anyone but the truly dumb think that the Donald has a religious bone in his body?)



Be fair, bromancer. Cartoonists love the smell of hypocrisy as much as napalm, tear gas and pepper-sprayed journalists in the morning …


But let us take it slowly, because the bromancer will slowly turn the spit, until he arrives at a point of hope, determined as he is to turn the Donald into a likely winner ...


At this point, any sane person might wonder whether the United States could stand another four years of the Donald in charge. If the country is erupting now, might we look forward to civil war in a couple of years time?

But the reptiles and cartoonists get inspiration from a country in flames …

 

It takes some major reptile skill to wish four more years of the Donald on the United States, but fear not, the bromancer is always ready to sink to his knees and abase himself for the occasion ...


Four more years, four more years … saying what Americans want to hear, because the Weimar republic was decadent, and what we want is a courageous leader in the field, ready to strike fear into the hearts and minds of the citizenry …tweeting the tweets loons and reptiles want to read ...


What a vision, what a dream, and the pond deeply regrets that it now has to turn to the savvy Savva …issuing a warning to SloMo …


Really? You've been stripped of your cult master illustration, and instead scored a shot of a simpering ning nong, and you want to destroy future prospects for cartoonists?



But do go on, savvy Savva ...


Amen to that, and luckily the pond is white, so it can enjoy its white bread wonders …


But to do go on ...


Emulate Merkel? Surely our speaker in tongues should emulate the Donald?


Never mind, after all the fuss and the worry, the Savva also sees a way to ride the Donald home ...


Keeping up that talk of a discredited president as a winner, just like tricky Dick, because didn't that turn out well …

And now as  bonus, a little of our Adam …relax, it's short, it's painless, it's just the usual Adam thing …


History will judge? But our Adam has spent column after column judging, always with the same conclusion …


Our Adam has spent weeks worrying about the suffering of the looters …


Who can forget Adam's message, repeated over and over …


But the pond promised it would be short, and short it is ...


Indeed, indeed, just what we need, a round of economic stimulus for beer consumption and Queensland getaways, but at least after saying the rapture was near and all was ruined, in true Hanrahan style, at least our Adam had the decency to make room for the Rowe musical coming to a theatre near you … with more dancing and singing here


And usually that would be enough for the pond, but this Lloydie piece caught the pond's eye …


Say what? The reptiles surely won't stand for this sort of nonsense. We must immediately resume export of dinkum clean Oz coal, and crank it up to 11, and these Julie and poodle come lately types must be told to get lost …

The pond has no doubt that in due course Lloydie, saviour of the Amazon, will sort them out ...


Alongside Adam Spencer, and prime Angus 'beef' praising himself yet again? And suddenly the born agains are doing a head prefect and going all renewable energy? Oh Scottie from marketing got it right, it's a wonderful country ...

Not to sorry, the pond has its own strategy for survival, should the reptiles succeed in getting the Donald another four years …

A little prepping, and it's down into the bunker for the duration, and the pond reckons that the Donald would understand … and might even join in …


Is that 'to the bunker, Batman and Robin style,' or 'to the bunker, Adolf style'?