In which the pond is unnerved by the bromancer's depressive mania, but relieved by the return of dashing Donners ...

 

 

The pond will confess to a little mild surprise on learning that nattering "Ned" had taken a principled stand and resigned from the lizard Oz, effective immediately. 

Apparently the discovery that he was working for a criminal corporation that had aided and abetted and consorted with a criminal president was too much for the plucky pompous one, and he up and quit, just like that...

What's that, it was just a fever dream and that's why the pond is running late for the day?

Never mind, speaking of fever dreams, imagine the pond's surprise when it scanned the tree killer edition this morning...

 

Oh sure there was simplistic Simon doing the standard hagiographical arse-licking and he scored all the glory in the tree killer edition too ...

 

 

How relieved "Ned" must be to see his criminal enterprise still taking money from Clive in a way that can only be described as morally criminal... but no, enough of all the usual reptile nonsense, because the pond was heart-broken, shattered, and unnerved by the bromancer's sorry tale of woe, down there with the Ancient Mariner as he stoppeth the pond for a chat ...

 

Twilight's last gleaming...

Now please bear with the pond. The reptiles decided to fill the bromancer piece with click bait videos and snaps right up the wazoo, and the pond didn't attempt to fumigate or disinfect the piece, but let them sit, as being indicative of the reptile state of mind ... reptiles last gleaming, so to speak ...

Oh dear, it all became clear. The bromancer has been listening to Malware, and like most village idiots, comes away with an intense belief in the last thing he heard. 

As if Malware could be right, when the bromancer himself admits that Scotty from marketing scored an immense diplomatic triumph ... you know, alienating the French, getting the Indonesians and the Malaysians over-excited and ... say what?

Note how the reptiles slipped in a click bait video starring Mark Latham, wanting to nuke the country.

It has three fifths of fuck all to do with the bromancer's gloom, but you have to admire the reptile cunning ... and so it seemed only fair in response to slip in a cartoon celebrating the bromancer's decline into terminal depression ...

 

Now on with more snaps and click bait videos - rendered harmless of course by screen caps - as the bromancer keeps on with his terminal decline into futility and abject pointlessness ...

 

 

A sick joke, a three card trick, frankly batshit crazy quality? By golly, too much time in the company of Malware and Scotty from marketing, and you really do need your meds ...

 

 

Dear long absent lord in heaven? Why have you forsaken the bromancer and left him with Scotty from marketing, speaking in tongues to an imaginary friend?

Well at the end of this long depressive spiral into mindless gloom, the reptiles tried to lift the bromancer's spirits with the snap of a sub.  It's a bit like that scene in Godard's Les Carabiniers, where the soldiers return home with an ample supply of postcards, testament to their war loot ...

 

Of course in the film the war loot isn't real, it's just full of semiotic signs and meanings and significations and a Jean Renoir joke, but the pond digresses ... because as well as a golden coach, there was also an air ship,  surely in celebration of the subs that might not be ... 

Please, reptile,s console the bromancer with the sub, the ancient museum piece,  that will save us all ...

Grand announcements, a grand shamble, and a snap of a museum piece, and that's all there is my friends, that's all there is ...

Conclusion: somebody put the wrong supplement in the kool aid in Surry Hills, and the reptiles, keen to defy Covid and get back into the building, went mad. 

First "Ned" discovering he worked for a criminal enterprise, aiding and abetting a criminal, now the bromancer has his rose-coloured glasses shattered, at least until the next pundit comes along to give him a fresh vision ...

And so to the rest and the pond is pleased to remind anyone passing that this is the day the pond's permanent ban on petulant Peta stays in place ...

Scotty did well on subs? Is she mad, hasn't she read the bromancer? 

As for showing us his convictions, what about a remarkable Rowe, where his convictions lurk under the kilt (with more Rowe lurking here) ...

As for the rest, the pond is always in the habit of surveying what's down under, simply to note what it failed to take up ...

 

Oh dear, James just worth a """ treatment? But huzzah, dashing Donners is back. The pond had thought he'd abandoned the reptiles for the tabloid Terror, but no, his infinite wisdom has returned to where it rightly belongs...

Hmm, that's an unfortunate snap to get things going, some weird loon calling out in tongues to an imaginary friend, perhaps ready to lay that uplifted healing hand on some sick person, and transmute them from ailing secular lead into rapture-ready gold ...

Never mind, the pond is pleased Donners is back with his dash, because the pond noted his absence when he was mentioned in despatches only a few days ago ...

 

Yes, he's a "based on the trailer" sort of reviewer, and to be fair, the pond spends all its time looking at Netflix trailers just so it can avoid watching Netflix, but on with Donners, as usual preaching on the right of religious loons to preach not just self-hated, fear and loathing, but a goodly dose of hatred in general and all round ...

How outrageous, fancy wanting to stop gay conversion therapy. Why half the Catholic church's priests need a goodly dose of it (or so the gay priest in the extended family says when in a whimsical mood).

As for trans bashing, when hasn't that been a godly cause for righteous loons of the dashing Donners kind. Why Donners and the Taliban are one when it comes to trannies ...

Yes, it's the usual religious cry for freedom of religion and belief being fully respected and guaranteed, and the next thing you know you find yourself in the company of a fundamentalist tyke, or the Texas Taliban, or just as bad, the actual Taliban ...

On the upside, Donners kept his frothing and foaming indignation relatively short ...

 

Ah yes, protect the Xians, but have at the poofters and the trannies, it's the Catholic Taliban way ...

But on an up note, remember that other piece of heresy to grace the reptile digital page this day, and what's worse, a bloody reptile EXCLUSIVE?

Who is this wretched Schott? Doesn't she realise the planet (not to mention the NBN and submarines and all that jazz) is shot?

Here, have an infallible Pope and go in peace, but remember to be afraid, it's the Xian way ...

 

 

 

In which the pond joins political criminal "Ned" beforer turning to the dire suffering of white blonde women ...

 

 

 

 

Call it out?

The pond woke up to the demented blah, blah, blah from nattering "Ned" and felt the need for some horse paste to help control the horse laugh.

But okay, the pond will help "Ned" call it out. Chairman Rupert, in aiding and abetting the mango Mussolini, is a political criminal. News Corp is a criminal company. Nattering "Ned" works for News Corp and Chairman Rupert and thereby fellow travels with political criminal Donald. Ergo, and don't cogito too long on the sum, "Ned" is himself a political criminal ... well, you certainly couldn't call him a populist, because droning has never been that popular, except among bagpipe lovers ...

 

 

The ironies came thick and fast. That caption for that snap of the political criminal should have read "Former president and aspirational mango Mussolini has Faux Noise and News Corp trapped - the company, like its base of lickspittle Republicans, is chained to a renegade figure yet cannot find the means to liberate itself" ..

And the notion that a little blah, blah, blah from nattering "Ned" will see Chairman Rupert leap free in a single bound is beyond delusional, but never mind, on with the blah, blah, blah ...

 

 

 

It's good that "Ned" can construct a column by reading Peril, but where was he when it came to constructing columns out of other texts?

 

 

 

 

Even CNN?  Come on "Ned", get down wit it ...

 

Suddenly he's also caught up with Kagan? Might be paywalled here, but really it should have been headed Our Fox Chairman Rupert constitutional and media crisis is already here ... because the two things go together, like peas and pod ...

As if to emphasize the point,  the reptiles chose this moment to interrupt "Ned" with a click bait video, without even the wit to show the mango Mussolini as a Joker, instead deciding to give him the status of an ace in a royal flush ...

 

 

It must be buried deep in the reptile genes, but look on the bright side ...at least there was no sign of "Ned's" infamous podcast, nor any sense of history ... 

Ah, the good old days when fascists might congregate together ...

 

 

 

Yes, the pond remembers it well, as recorded in the Graudian here ... way back in 2017 ...

 

And so the criminal dance began, and it's been a "They shoot horses, don't they? " marathon dance event ever since ...

Ever since the criminal enterprise has played a key role in the work and deeds of the political criminal, ever fearful of being outflanked by even more extreme right networks, and so driving itself and the Republican party towards complete madness and criminality and coups ... and yet "Ned" ignores all the history, the complicity, the criminality, and just plows on with the blah, blah, blah ...

 

 

Having tried it once, does anyone doubt that chairman Rupert and Faux Noise won't be beside him when he tries it again?

Sure, they banned Rudy except they say they didn't, except they did, to the delight of Seth Meyers, but let's face it, Rudy was only ever the clown at the Faux Noise tea party ... 

The Chairman doesn't have the guts to turn on the Donald - he values his precious and his cash and power too much - and in any case are the monsters in Faux Noise for changing?

Could the lizard Oz be any more pathetic? Yes, they could, because they decided to dance away, and they wrapped up "Ned's" piece with a clickbait video about Angela Merkel ...

 

So it's farewell to the podcast? Or are millions so hooked on "Ned" that the reptiles no longer need to promote it?

Never mind, speaking of blah, blah, blah ...

 

 

Come on down Greta, join the Canavan caravan of coal ...

 

Oh that has to be a worth a Rowe, with more roweing to be done here ...

 

 

 

 

Not that the pond is averse to a bit of banjo picking and blue grass ... it comes with the Tamworth heritage ...

I didn't think too much about books and schoolin'
'Cause there are more important things to do
I'd just sit out in the yard and pick my ol' banjo and hump a little coal
Tryin' to do what the big coal humpin' hillbillies do
I would sit there by the hour pickin' Wildwood Flower or Dinkum Oz Coal
Wore my little fingers to the bone
I said I'll never rest till I am the very best
The best coal humping banjo picker in this whole coal humpin' Canavan caravan country

 And so to a look at the rest and what a wretched bunch ...

Gra Gra, the Swiss bank account man doing a little blah blah, and a piece singing Josh's praises and doing the investment blah, blah, blah? Oh, that has to be worth a tweet ...

So it's not just the pond that remembers ... Prof Hughes is on the twitter case ...

But that was all just a detour, just a way to explain how the pond ended up with Dame Slap yet again ...

Apropos of "Ned" and his natter, might the pond propose that actually it's Faux Noise that showcases the retrograde politics of race and replacement theory and Tucker and blah, blah, blah ...

Google as you will and as depression allows.

It's just a way of getting prepared for Dame Slap's version of white rage down under, the thunder that might make you chunder ...

Ever since a correspondent mentioned it, the pond is haunted by images of Michael Kroger, and reading Dame Slap can never be the same again ...

But we've already heard Dame Slap peddle the Bettina Arndt line ... what about the channeling of Tucker?

You'll find those and more here, but can Dame Slap match it with major white supremacists ...  because, you know, pretty for a certain age and style white blonde woman being Krogered and getting agitated about it ...

As an aside, the pond was reminded of this note in Crikey (possible paywall) the other day ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, and dammit, thanks to Dame Slap getting another Faux Noise bee in her bonnet, the pond couldn't recall or celebrate other Slappian moments of triumph ... or help the reptiles with the blah, blah, blah ...

 

Never mind, time to wrap up the current thinking of an overly sensitive, vastly privileged blonde white woman ...

 

One of the most generous, open and equal places on the planet? Well you would think that if you happened to be a blonde vastly privileged white woman scribbling for the lizard Oz ...

And now, quickly, before the pond thinks of getting Krogered, an infallible Pope to wrap up the day ... because you've got to laugh, if only to hide the tears ...

In which the pond does a pell mell helter skelter tour of the lizard Oz rabbit hole ...

 

 

 

No time to lose today, the pond has a lot to cover, so it's straight into it with the bromancer giving expert climate advice to the man who will save the planet ...

 

 

Oh yes, he's a man of vision, and technology has been the only answer all along ...

 

 

And here the pond must briefly pause to pick a fight with Charlie Lewis at Crikey when he scribbled this ...

 

 

Actually Charlie it wasn't the press gallery, it was a lizard Oz beat-up. Please, fair credit to the reptiles as they go about their duties ... 

Be fair ... surely the plan to have a plan, and the plan already being in the planning stage and soon to become a plan, was a most excellent lizard Oz EXCLUSIVE, exuding positivity ...

 

 

 

 

And so back to the bromancer for the wrap-up, exuding the positivity the reptiles are now famous for when it comes to climate science ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, because when talking of climate science, the only way to approach it is to blather on about affirmations of faith and stints in purgatory in the next life ... though the last time the pond checked, even the church was unclear about the status of purgatory, let alone Pope Francis's dodgy thoughts on hell ...

Still, there's just time for a celebratory offering from the infallible Pope as the pond's act of contrition...

 

 

 

And now, pell mell, helter skelter, it's on with Dame Groan ...

And there's the reason for the pond's white rabbit rush down the rabbit hole with the groaner ... you see, the pond thought it would be fun to head back in time and do a cut and paste in the Burroughs manner, making sure not to aim at any apples on heads ...

Europe? Why on earth should anyone pay attention to that tired irrelevancy ...

 

What fun. You can see why the pond wanted to rush, so it could rush back to the past, then rush back to the present, because you never know, you might be able to set up a back to the future franchise ...

Indeed, indeed, but let us not forget the triumphalism of yore ... and the celebration of the good days that were to come ...

 

Indeed, indeed, and haven't things gone splendidly, and aren't they going splendidly now, as we return to the present for a final celebration of where the Boris mob have landed ... (sssh, don't mention assorted shortages, or truck drivers or such like) ...

Good old Groan, with her usual modest climate science denialism, but back in the day, it was all systems go ...

 

Oh yes, it's all going to be rosy, though a cynic might observe that if Dame Groan's observations about Brexit are as accurate as her thoughts on climate science, the planet is well and truly, and more than comprehensively, fucked ...

And now for the real reason for the pond's rush ...

You see, the pond has already gone on far too long, but the pond must attend to Killer Creighton. Whenever Killer wants to express his deepest fears, the pond puts him on the couch and gives him the full Freudian shrink treatment ...

The pond can hear a sharp intake of breath ... not the Killer carrying on in the usual way ... must psychotherapy involve deep damage to the intellects and tired, reptile-exhausted emotions of listeners and readers?

But if the pond can run with the Caterist blathering about "bodily integrity" and not crack a joke about precious bodily fluids and Commie plots and all the Dr Strangelove routines the pond has celebrated many times, then anything is possible ...

Indeed, indeed, but please allow the pond to make another detour. You see, Media Watch last night reminded the pond of where dashing Donners had landed ...away with the pixies and off to the Sunday Terror, and so out of reach of the pond, though to be fair, a tabloid is about where dashing Donners' intellect should be put on parade ... as you'd expect of a man who might summarise an entire show by simply looking at the trailer ... (though to be fair, the pond finds Netflix trailers unerringly accurate, so much crap, so little time).

Never mind, the pond was startled to see another old pond favourite turn up this day, and he was in something of an unseemly rage ...

Frankly the pond hadn't thought of the Melleuish for yonks, and yet there he was riding shotgun on the Killer ...

 

 

 

Simplistic Sharri was also in the mix, but there has to be a limit ... and her constant carry on about Wuhan is simply too weird for the pond ...

Let us instead smote the denialists ...

Why, the mellifluous Melleuish was sounding quite pond-like, and seems to have been much changed by his time in the mighty 'Gong ...

It made a poignant and pleasing contrast to the Killer, and the pond hoped it might help Killer with his therapy ...

Yes, it's classic Killer, his deep fear of fearmongering and his abiding disgust at servile deference to social media, as opposed to our own eyes and ears - because everybody regularly attends ICUs to observe Covid patients in their death throes - but at the same time, the pond couldn't stop turning back to the irate Melleuish ...

 

Indeed, indeed, but what if your patient has a deep and abiding fear of masks? 

The pond has many times tried to grapple with Killer's deep Masklophobia, and yet it keeps popping up, and the chance of a full recovery seems minimal ... 

In consequence, some might think the pond an abject, abysmal failure, patiently sitting by the couch, listening to the Killer as he pours out his concerns, and yet we have to try ...

 

Did someone mention hysterical over-reaction? Perhaps that's the pond's problem. It's misdiagnosed Killer. Sure there was the obligatory mention of masks being useless, but then there was the hysterical over-reaction leading to the notion that liberal democratic society had been brought to an end by a pandemic, when Faux News, the mango Mussolini and News Corp had already done that in style (as noted in another Media Watch item on the far right consorting with Laura Ingraham).

Perhaps the Killer was suffering from what Victorians described as female hysteria, but it is easily curable ...

 

 

 

Luckily there was just time for a note as to what to do with these miscreants, as proposed by the malicious Melleuish, though there seemed to be something of an SM severity to it ...

Now the pond apologises for such a quick canter, which verged on a gallop in places, but it just had to be. The bromancer led to coal and Crikey and the infallible Pope; the Groaning turned the pond back to the glorious days of Brexit groaning; the Killer's dubious history lesson, full of the usual neuroses, and saturated with further rich material for Freudian analysis, simply had to be accompanied by a celebration of the return of the Melleuish from the 'Gong ...

And yet the pond had barely scratched the service of a gigantic conspiracy that was busily beavering away in the Surry Hills bunker, and "may have destroyed our liberal democratic society ..."

Cry "bodily integrity" and "precious bodily fluids", under attack from sinister forces ...

Fortunately there is a solution to paranoia and hysteria ... take a Rowe a day before breakfast, with a Rowe in easily digestible form usually to be found here ...