In which the pond offers a couple of classic reptile rants in lieu of a Sunday meditation ...

The pond relishes the way the reptiles throw up weird juxtapositions in a way designed to attract innocent punters to their failing fake news business model - Donald's nukes and dog botherer's pukes - but even more, the pond enjoys a good, hearty, reptile rant …

The pond has spent years detailing the art of the reptile litany …. and here, while acknowledging the religious element, and a ceremonial and liturgical form of invocation, the word must also encompass a recitation or recital that resembles a litany, and reliably turns into a prolonged and tedious account of assorted failings, mixed with the usual exalted righteousness of the reptile scribbler …

The dog botherer is a specialist in the art. He's always pissed off, though it has to be said, this necessitates much pissing in the pants, even as he valiantly aims at trees, climate science, TDS, and lefties and such like … above all, the deeds of the virtue-signalling, virtuous elite (and thanks to the pond charging a penny a use for "virtue signalling", the pond is already able to afford to see space on a Tesla or a Virgin rocket) … never mind that the dog botherer himself blathers on about assorted virtues, sends all sorts of signals, and is handsomely paid for his outbursts ...

Ah, the Donald, what a relief, an excuse for the pond to shovel cartoons to fill up the cracks, though strangely, even the WSJ has noted that things are getting a tad weird in Donald la la land …

Why they even managed to fit in a mention of students in the streets - akin to heresy in reptile land down under - but the pond is relieved at the latest news.

Come back Shanghai Sam, all is forgiven. A 100k in an Aldi bag? Small-time, punk thinking. Come on down Chinese government, offer SloMo 250 mill for opposition research, and we'll be cooking with democracy, in brand new reptile style …

Ah, but the pond is almost starting to sound like the dog botherer, and the lad was just getting started in his ranting … which raises the question … can it be long before dog botherer one note brings out his favourite phobia, and climate science intrudes into the litany?

An onanist deploring onanism, while spilling so much verbal seed, that perhaps for once it would be wise not to swallow?

Well the reference is a tad biblical, but something of a first, and the pond drifted back in time to the way it once was, when the dog botherer himself was a cash-pocking virtue signaller …

‘The Left’ is often characterised by those who appoint themselves as its opponents as lacking a sense of humour, too ‘politically correct’ and too self-righteous to lighten up and take a joke. No doubt Kenny, Bolt and Blair would argue that the difference in this case is that tax-payers fund the ABC, and should not have to hand over their hard-earned cash for this type of trash. And I tend to agree. Let’s see the ABC give back every cent of what it cost them to use Photoshop for thirty seconds. Maybe I’ll spend the spare change on a bus to go see the Great Barrier Reef before it, like the Chaser’s dog, is completely fucked in the arse. (Get more of this junk at Junkee).

Reef smeef,  the dog botherer rarely gets into the actual science. There are hints and innuendoes, but a rant doesn't leave much room for details …

The pond just needed that interstitial before heading into the next gobbet ...

Oh fucketty fuck, it's a marvel, the way that the reptiles routinely deplore alarmism in all its forms, and at the same time announce on a daily basis, the disintegration of civil society.

They can only do it because the lizard Oz routinely proclaims itself as elite … the heart of the nation, your national newspaper, for the intelligent Australian, news brand of the year, and so on and so delusionally forth … a bit like a corrupt Mafia don who claims he's a billionaire proclaiming he's at one with the people …

Sorry, these days the pond needs a cartoon or three to get through a reptile litany rant ...

Uh huh. But why does a climate science denialist like the dog botherer give a flying fuck about cutting emissions? It doesn't matter, it's all fake science, so to borrow a line, surely his position is paradoxical nonsense …

Sorry, the more the ranting litany goes on, the more cartoons the pond needs … but what joy that this is the last gobbet ...

Yes, facts are being subsumed by dog botherer hysteria, the world is coming to an end, and all because some outrageous scientists have observed certain things changing in the world.

Once upon a time, journalists paid attention to scientists. Even if they didn't understand the science, they understood it had significance, offered insights, and might assist in developing new ways of dealing with the world. These days braying fuckwits at the lizard Oz offer emotion and the foretelling of doom, because in a world featuring the Donald, reality and facts are dangerous and frightening … so alternative, dog bothering reality here we come ...

But wait, there's more. As a Sunday meditation, the pond feels free to pile reptile on reptile, stage a litany challenge as it were, and if there's one reptile who can top the dog botherer, surely it has to be the MAGA-hat donning Dame Slap ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, there was the pond thinking that it was merely the dog botherer announcing the end of civilisation and liberal democracies and possibly the world, when in reality peak PC madness has driven us to the brink of savagery, like darkies stomping in the jungle of Conradian heart of darkness …and we know where that leads …

Never mind, into the heart of darkness the pond goes ...

Uh huh, and so to the Dame coming down from her privileged school above the faraway tree to wonder why we got so nasty and why there's so much bile in the world…

Of course the pond could think of a few reasons there's been a coarsening of debate and public style …

But you can bet Dame Slap's rage, bile, anger, hate, fear and loathing isn't going to go anywhere near there ...

So how's Dame Slap's donning of the MAGA hat working out for her and the United States?

Okay, the pond had to crank it up with a couple of cartoons, because the sight of Dame Slap quoting Fry frankly proved too much … 

Silly old Fry. The reptiles eat milquetoast softie sodden pussies like this for breakfast … because in the alternative reptile world, anything goes …

And that's how the handsomely paid Dame Slap, an insider in the world of Murdochian 'leets, who knows which side of the bed her gravy sits, can berate other journalists, and berate anyone else who might see the world through a different lens ...

What happened? Well you won't see anything of this in that ...

Luckily once again the cartoons have led the pond to the relative safety of the final gobbet. The litany of vitriol and ridicule, of classic Dame Slap kind, has been done, delivered and dusted, and for sheer style, the pond continues to insist that even though she quotes the dog botherer, she's much better at the art ...

So we got G K Chesteron, but not a word about the Donald? Well that's because Dame Slap is full of blind certainty, and loves to smear, to shame and to censor, and she too is determined to announce the end of a liberal and more civil word … without a single mention of her donning of the MAGA cap …because she's actually fine with one night stands, a bit of pussy grabbing and dick flashing, and all the other things that go these days with being the President of the United States (siding with authoritarians, dictators and repressive ratbags of the Saudi kind also go with the job).

The pond can only mark down Dame Slap for failing to include an obligatory slam job on climate science, a dog botherer speciality, but as a result, did think of ending with a couple of celebratory cartoons …

But instead the pond thought it might introduce a politically incorrect correction to the hapless Fry …

You see, here's the rub. While donning the MAGA cap and not mentioning it or going there, deluded fops like Fry think that you can play nice and the reptiles will reciprocate. Actually it just encourages them to go for the throat, which is why the pond thinks, along with the uncivil, offensive Bill Maher, that it's time for Catch 23 ...

In which the pond studies the headlines, and as it usually does, settles for prattling Polonius ...

These days the pond is generally content with a review of reptile headlines. Culture wars? Just a few basic chords will do …

And that's how the pond came to realise that the reptiles were frantic at the impending march by upstart youff, which required all hands on the denialist deck the entire week, and nary a meaningful sighting of the impudent youff in today's tree-killer edition …

Banish the youff, and all will be well, and what an heroic and valiant effort it's been for the dog botherer…and never mind the absurd contradictions …

 

So invoking the term "denier" is the exact opposite of academic rigour, but flinging around "alarmist" is the epitome of academic insight and wit?

And that's why the pond sticks to the headlines. Why plunge into the depths with a blithering idiot, given to much blathering? By end of week, the dog botherer seemed to be flirting with the joys of fascism, and the triumph of the will of the people …

And the diligent Lloydie was also beavering away through the week …

 

Yes, it's all hype … and coal lovers were being persecuted …

So desperate were the reptiles that even an expert in medieval science - some might even think she qualified as a medieval scientist - was hauled into the fray …

The pond always loves it when the reptile groupthinkers berate others for groupthink. How George would have approved …

What else in this survey of reptile headlines, on the basis that the pond prefers to be strangled in the shallows for fear of getting too deep? Well Dame Slap and our Adam went the biff …

 

Sheesh, and the confusion this day even spread amongst the denialists …

Oh to hell with the giant sawfish, Bjorn says, and who can argue? How they love to be Bjorn again, these humble reptiles …

Meanwhile, anyone who thought that the onion muncher was a useless lump of irrelevant dog droppings on the streets of Manly had to think again …

Speaking of woke, the pond made the fatal mistake of plunging into dashing Donners latest outing. At first the pond thought that it would have to ignore Donners, what with it being a piece about depression, the black dog, suicide and such like …

And then the pond came to this ...

They can't let it go, can they? The culture war stuff …but it did help explain why dashing Donners was routinely pathetic. 

The next time someone in deep distress comes to the pond, the pond will know what to say: "Have you thought about reading a little Homer? Lost your partner, children, job, home and now squat under the bridge over the way from the fish market, until they move you on? Heck, perhaps you should do a course, and learn to read Homer in Latin. That'll fix what ails ya, and send that black dog whining into the harbour …"

Or some such thing. Perhaps Beowulf instead, but only after rigorous study of old English ...

There were sundry other sightings … the usual transphobia, conscription, with Bergin showing the way by being the first recruit, it being more useful than scribbling crap for the reptiles, and the bromancer telling SloMo what SloMo must say …

  

Well somebody's got to do it, Bernard, right? Better than being conscripted into some army? And how pleasing to see SloMo carry out the bromancer's orders …

But by end of week, the pond was exhausted just by scanning the headlines, and the sense that somehow NSW had never made it into the new millennium …

Well it's better than the tedium of doing a report, eh Barners, and so the pond turned, as it usually does, to prattling Polonius …

There's something comforting about the endless moaning, whining, whinging and wailing of  Polonius, like a well-chewed pair of slippers, or the perfectly boiled egg produced by the Aldi machine thingie bubbling timer …

Yes, in the land of the one eyed Polonius, it's outrageous that other one-eyed people refuse to share his one-eyed view, and it resulted in an interesting insight into Polonius's psychological make-up - not that the pond expects any to share its interest in desiccated coconut ….

Sheesh, and the pond was marvelling at how dashing Donners couldn't let it go. Polonius is still prattling about an outrageous slight he suffered back in the late 1960s?! That'd be like the pond still brooding at not being leftist enough to score a job at ABC radio in the 1970s…

Just let it go, you ancient mariner muffin … turn your attention to climate science ...

Ah, and where's the dog botherer to deplore Polonius's use of the term eco-catastophism? Somewhere off in the ether blathering about alarmists … and no he's not a denialist, he just denies climate science, and by the cleverest ways … by not actually talking about the science, or real world observations, or the latest developments  … just sly talk of "but not all" …

You know, in the same way that 99.99% of reptile correspondents are barking mad Catholic fundamentalists, coal lovers, climate denialists or delusional culture war lovers of Homer and songs celebrating rape … but not all ...

Well the pond is a convert, and other true believers were out marching and waving banners …

The pond swears there was no post-modernist, post-ironic intent. This was in Melbourne, where all is sincerity and great wetness … and Polonius had plenty more trolling to do, as well as celebrating that idiot Angus beef ...

Is there a corollary? Do the reptiles hear what they don't want to hear? Do they listen? Do they produce a conversation? Not on your nelly, not when Homer is the likely solution to anything that ails you …

As for Polonius, it was surely wrong to say that only Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt pose an immediate threat to children. Polonius's tedious droning poses a threat to everyone, from the young to the ancient … anyone who comes within range of the persistent, invasive low frequency humming, rumbling and droning ...

And so to a Rowe, with more Rowe here, featuring SloMo riding the range with the Donald, and a thought from the infallible Pope, with the pond regretting the uselessness of linking to a paywall …

And that leaves the pond where the reptiles started, with climate denialist men of titanium …