Tuesday, March 26, 2019

In which the pond takes a break, but not before giving Moorice, Bella and Lloydie their due ...


This will be the last pond post for a week. Not because of the defeat of the NSW Labor party. Any notion that this should involve some kind of mourning was swept aside by the news that Michael Daley intended to stand again for position of statistics bumbler in chief and resident hater of Chinese students with Ph.D.

No, that comedy will continue apace  …

Nor is it due to the gloom surrounding the Mueller report. The Donald, bless his socks, will remain a grifter, conman, and snake oil salesman, busy fucking the United States and the planet (oh and the middle east too), and the entertainment will go on …

Nor is it due to the tricky situation plucky Theresea finds herself in. This very morning the pond has been entertained by UK pollies burbling away in the Commons, without the first clue about how to get out of the pickle plucky Theresa has put them in …

Nor is it due to alienation from the reptiles. Why, this very day our unoriginal Adam scribbles yet again about the importance of dinkum clean true blue Oz coal. Why, it must have been a nanosecond since the pond last read a message like that in the lizard Oz …

No, it's the siren song of the socialists in the south that has called the pond to Melbourne. These wretches, with their weird addiction to a peculiar form of football, are a constant source of consternation to the the reptiles … and so the pond has succumbed to their pinko pervert charms (there's also a birthday party, but relax, there'll be a few socialists there).

But what to leave in place as a good sampling of what the pond's curating of the reptiles has to offer?

Well the pond could have gone with unoriginal Adam or with Dame Groan, doubling down with prattling Polonius, to diss on Ardern …


Such grace, such empathy in a difficult time. You can always rely on a generosity of spirit from Dame Groan, of a kind that the Marquis de Sade himself would envy …

But no, coal and mocking New Zealanders - there's nothing like a mass murder to produce clever mockery - must give way to Moorice.

Moorice might write a treatise on postage stamps, and he'd probably manage to find Gramsci's long march and the Nazis at the heart of the international conspiracy.

Now here the pond must confess this isn't vintage Moorice. For a start, as the world's leading climate scientist, he should really have been writing about coal, but that was snaffled by our unoriginal Adam …

But be fair. Moorice is at least in full apocalyptic mode, and capitalism and business is doomed, doomed Moorice tells ya …


Ah, Gramsci's long march, with a clear and present breach of Godwin's Law by dragging the Nazis into the stew.

Apparently Moorice isn't particularly up on German history. German companies didn't fall meekly into line, they made out like bandits, and so did many American companies. Have a read of Henry Ford about the Jews, marvel at the way that IBM made a motza, recollect that diverse businesses from Hugo Boss to Mercedes did very well under the Nazis …

It turns out that the Nazis didn't mind a bit of privatisation (Greg Hunters go here), and it was only a short while ago that the Krispy Kreme mob decided to donate a token amount for conscience-salving purposes (Bloomberg here).

Of course there are all sorts of listicles about companies that did business with the Nazis, with many surviving and still doing deals ( wiki here). How about kind words for Adidas, Kodak, Bayer and Fanta? (listicle here). 

Cunning Moorice, he knows the pond is a sucker for Godwin's Law ...


Ah yes, from the Nazis to growing left-wing bias, but strangely no mention of Moorice's speciality, climate science …

The Business Council supports the development of an integrated, national and bipartisan energy and climate change policy framework that can deliver the following four key goals: 

  • Secure and reliable energy supply
  • Affordable energy supply 
  • Strong, internationally competitive economy 
  • Meet current and future absolute emission reduction targets. (here)

Say what, the long march and the Nazis have got to them? Well luckily they don't really mean it, but it does sound awfully like corporate social responsibility being used as the latest weapon of the anti-capitalists ...



Indeed, indeed, the world needs its champions ...



Oh yes, the stories will be told long into the night, or long into the Rowe, with more Rowe here


And so a culling that the pond regretted the moment it had done it yesterday … poor Bella given the chop? Unthinkable, and so to remedy the matter the pond will revert and make way …


Now first the pond must celebrate Bella's use of Orwell.

Orwellian has fallen out of fashion with the reptiles - instead we get a lot of blather about virtue signalling, which simply isn't good enough. 

Now as the reptiles are supposed to be about free speech, it seems remiss not to have provided a link to the opposing argument - it wouldn't have been so hard, but the reptiles live in a bubble, and never provide links to the enemy, as in After Christchurch universities have a responsibility: abandon Ramsay.

Reimer hasn't been backward in coming forward before … Ramsay course offers stark choice to Australian Universities in 2018 and the same year Weaponising Learning

He also tweets …


Naturally he also produced a howl of pain in Simon Haines To blame Rasmay for Christchurch atrocity is facile vilification. 

But there's the white man's burden in a nutshell, as the persecution of poor hapless white people continues apace … and noble Bella is waiting to help with the shouldering of the burden ...


Um, did Bella strike a slightly odd note there? Western society is characterised by religious toleration, as demonstrated by blowing fifty people away …not to mention those 11 killed in a synagogue massacre, and so on and so forth …

And now for a little more sobbing about Peterson missing out on a junket ...


Well done Bella, once more the victims have been blamed, and it's all the fault of identitarianism, and the supremacy of white civilisation has got nothing to do with it. But at least we know climate science denialism, coal and tobacco's future is in safe hands with the support of the IPA …

And so to a final treat, because the pond simply couldn't overlook this one … and it provided a chance to catch up on Lloydie's climate science credentials …


Ah the Peruvian venture. Bit sticky, wot, wot … with suits and despair

Never mind, Lloydie comes highly recommended

He (Lloydie) has been named by the Queensland One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts as one of the journalists who “show the courage to research the evidence” for climate change, alongside Alan Jones, News Corp and the Sky News commentator Andrew Bolt, and his colleague Chris Kenny at the Australian.

So what delighted the pond with this outing? Well it was the notion that thousands of dead fish provided no reason for doing anything much about the environment 


Yes, it's always pleasing to read an environment editor who doesn't seem to give much of a flying fuck for the environment …

The pond wondered what would please Lloydie even more. Thousands of dead koalas, so he might write dismissively about the echo chamber mourning all those dead koalas? Would we need millions of 'roos, it being commonly judged that one dead koala is worth a thousand dead 'roos?  As for a million fish, it's just business as usual …no need to worry, it's all in the best of hands.

Well here's hoping the quixotic venture to turn the Amazon into a haven for junketing westerners gives Lloydie the funds to help out with the Darling river …perhaps each time there's a fish kill, city dwellers could head west for an eco-tourism experience ...


Yes, it's all good, as our Lloydie dances on the grave of climate science, ever ready as he is to consider a counter view, which is that it's all a theological hoax or a religion or a cult. Why Malcolm Roberts might have been a genius with astonishing insights, if you keep an open mind and are open to counter views …

And so to the Pope cartoon of the day, with more Pope here



Monday, March 25, 2019

In which the pond culls the reptile herd and ends up with the Major and the Oreo ...

Mondays are the toughest days for devoted reptile watchers … look at this line-up:


And that's not to forget Bella, out and about in another spot in the digital edition …


Inevitably there has to be a culling of the herd to keep it manageable. It's usually the Caterist, but then anyone blathering about "moral and intellectual landslide" just has to be cut. And what of Dame Slap?


Is she just about ready to start blathering about gender, role models for women and men, while praising Gladys for avoiding same? Sure, on its high ranking in the stupidity stakes, it probably deserves attention, but the Darwin awards insist there must be losers …

Besides, there's important work to be done, the ritual washing of the paws, and nothing to do with me, and look over there …


And who better to do this tricky job than the Major, a cunning bird?



Indeed, indeed, it's but better to have the moderated hate, fear and loathing, and dog whistling, done by a professional team like the lizards of OZ ... reliable experts like the Bolter and the rest of the Sky night-time mobsters, piling in and piling on … but let's be fair, Facebook and Google routinely fail in their duty. 

How else to explain this sort of muck turning up on the Facebook platform?


Rowan Dean: There is no difference between radical and moderate Islam … there is just Islam, full stop.

Oops, that first washing of the paws didn't seem to work, a little more diligent scrubbing might be required …


Yes, that work by Maley, already noted by the pond, was excellent stuff, a splendid washing of the paws … nothing to do with us, look over there ...



But what's this? No, it's not a hot link, the pond doesn't routinely link to hate speech ...


Rowan Dean: those bloody Islamics have no interest in peacefully integrating into Australian society? … Remember, there's no such thing as a moderate Islamic ...

Oh dear, how does Facebook allow that sort of vile hate-mongering on to its platform? Perhaps a little more scrubbing would come in handy?


Oh fucketty fuck, the Major goes off the deep end yet again, with more blather about critical literacy theory (did he mean "literary"? Who knows, who cares?) and identity politics …

Odd, given that the latest terrorist was clearly heavily into the reptiles' form of identity politics, and might have made a splendid student at Ramsay, perhaps doing a course on the medieval crusades …

Never mind, there's just one washing of the paws to go …


No, not that ritual cleansing, this Major Mitchell cleansing. What a wily old literacy bird he is (why would anyone want to be literate?) …


Yes, the two siderisms are out in force today, and butter wouldn't melt in the mouth of this wily centrist bird … but ...

Rowan Dean: There is no difference between radical and moderate Islam … there is just Islam, full stop.

And so to the next treat, but the pond just wanted to reassure readers that this is safe …


Of course there's still more washing of the paws to be done, and if the Major is a top-notch expert, can the Oreo be far behind?


Indeed, indeed. Of course the Oreo would never advocate fighting, which is why the pond took a step back in time …


Oh how they loved her for it … how they loved her wisdom as a cultural warrior ...



Yes, the Oreo is an expert on "the Islamic problem".

Sadly the pond can't dally in the past for too long, but this closing gobbet shows the noble Oreo's mind at work, her fighting spirit in full flight ...


It is our turn to fight for its future!!

Yes, it's a fight, and long ago in Tamworth the pond learned never to bring a knife to a fight when you could bring a gun …

Oops, perhaps another washing of the paws?


And so it's back to the present …


Yes, it's absolutely nothing to do with suggesting that Western Civilisation has a fight on its hands, as honourable and proud as the Anzac tradition … though it seems that the Oreo thinks the New Zealand terrorist, a bit like Gallipoli, lacked a coherent, organised and sophisticated strategy. Oh there's much work left to be done by the Ramsay centre … if we're going to successfully fight for our future ...

What a tragedy that New Zealand lacked laws preventing incitement to violence … after all, the Oreo only intended It is our turn to fight for its future!! to mean a friendly food fight using the right sort of food …


And if it's not a food fight, perhaps it's just a dog whistle. We all know how it works, the dog whistle ...


Say what, it's not attracting the crowds, and even worse, the pond watched The Insiders on the weekend?

Well more of that after this final gobbet ...


Yes, let us be clear. It is our turn to fight for its future and any invocation of the noble Anzac tradition of killing Johnny Turk was a dog whistle from long ago … and having a joke and a good laugh is just what Facebook needs, though why the platform allows this sort of nonsense to turn up is beyond the pond …



Perhaps the Major was right after all. But if we're going to crack down on Facebook, shouldn't the after dark Sky mobsters be the first to be cleansed? There'd be a royal washing of the paws ...

And that brings the pond back to the state election … and a tweet the pond foolishly didn't run when it was first emailed by a reader …


The pond thought it lacked a punchline, and then it watched Talking Pictures, and the punchline was complete, with talk of billionaires and golf …



Imitating a billionaire grifter golfer, and yet with remarkable Photoshop incompetence … and there were suckers who voted for him …

So much Sky News fucking up Facebook, and so much for Twitter and the NSW election, and so much for so many stupid people, leaving the pond with so little time ...


Sunday, March 24, 2019

After the election of Godzilla, a feast of reptiles ...



The pond dropped in on the coverage of the NSW election, and saw a little of the ABC. Well, why wouldn't you?


Inevitably the result sent the reptiles and SloMo into a frenzy. Kudelka called the Godzilla bit right, and there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Shorten might implode like Daley in the final week, there was hope for coal, the dream was alive, and the wrecking of Sydney could continue.

Meanwhile, the Mueller report dropped, nobody knew anything, Brexit lurched on to another day offering the same result with destiny, and the pond was forced to watch the Sumo live stream instead of brooding about any of it.

And then the pond woke to a meditative Sunday with much more more important fish to fry. For starters, there was prattling Polonius.



Now just after a major tragedy seems exactly the right time for a tone deaf reptile to slag off New Zealand and New Zealanders.

Some might think it was a little beyond the pale, but not our man Polonius. Whenever there's dirty work to be done, he's the pond's go to reptile hero ...



Yes, Kiwis, pay attention to Polonius's prattle.

Sure it was an Australian that went over and shot the shit out of the place, but really, it was all your fault, and Ardern is little better than a fellow traveller with a populist poseur … and, what switching off already?

But it's time for your history lesson, and why John Howard is much better than anything you pathetic New Zealanders could come up with (and how do you explain and justify your weird vowel shift, while the pond's in the business of showing deep sympathy in the proven, patented Polonial style).

Remember, Australia is fully aware of the dangers of extreme right wing groups, which is why ASIO has staked out the Sydney Institute and the HQ of the dangerously 'leet reptiles lodged in the inner city suburb of Surry Hills, where you might expect to find greenies and lefties.

Somehow they've been dislodged by far right wing extremists ranting away at New Zealanders, and publishing subversive Polonial manifestos ...



Oh dear … that dreadful Muslim giving the speaker in tongues a hard time? What a shocking thing.

Why if we don't watch out, Polonius might have a fainting fit … because somehow a story in Fairfax has turned into a disgraceful smear and an appalling lie …

Well the pond's been there before …

But really it's just one of many crimes and misdemeanours committed by the reptiles and right-wing politicians ever since John Howard bunged on the Tampa do … and yet Polonius, stout-hearted chap, manages to remain in denial about it all ...



Damn you New Zealanders with your fancy airs and your fancy ways and Peter Jackson and Colbert gushing all over you and blathering on about his appearance in a bloody movie … you've got on the wrong side of Polonius, and there's going to be hell to pay.

What's worse, see how you've ruined a major lizard Oz initiative, as evoked by the reptile editorialist:



Ah, the brand, because a country should be a television commercial … and what do you know, eccentric Twiggie is leading the charge … and how unfortunate it was that an Australian was rampaging in New Zealand, until Polonius correctly pointed out it was all the fault of the victims ...



But hang on, hang on, SloMo was responsible for a major branding exercise, and what a ripper that was …

The man who oversaw the controversial but successful "So where the bloody hell are you?" tourism campaign has ended up a victim of his own refrain. 
Scott Morrison, the managing director of Tourism Australia, has lost his $350,000-a-year job after what insiders describe as a bitter falling-out with the federal Tourism Minister, Fran Bailey. 
Mr Morrison's departure will be formalised at a board meeting in the next week, ending the persistent tension between the tourism boss and Ms Bailey since his appointment in November 2004. (here)

Successful? Yes, you too can dangle the Bingle and be a dropkick loser, and go on to be PM:

What have we learned about global campaign localisation in the ten years since Tourism Australia’s $180 million ‘so where the bloody hell are ya’ campaign? Intended to increase tourism from markets including the UK, Canada and Singapore, it was banned in the UK for using the word ‘bloody’, banned in Canada for using the word ‘hell’, and changed to the innocuous ‘so where are you?’ in Singapore. (Mumbrella here).


Talk about branding. A Bingle, a prawn and a camel, and the job's done.

Who does the pond invoice? Do the reptiles need any more help?


The contributions of leading scientists?

They wouldn't be the mob practising a fake theology known as climate science, always moaning about the state of the reef and the weather, and giving the reptiles a hard time by suggesting that we give up precious, dear beloved coal? Why, the lizard Oz denounces leading Australian scientists and their mischief on a daily basis, it's a sport more popular than eating Vegemite on toast (now there's a brand).

Shouldn't be undermined by populist political vagaries?

Yes, the parrot and the Bolter will fix all that …and speaking of the Bolter, the pond also thought it should dig this up for a meditative Sunday ...


Right from the start, the pond thought it should head to the edge of stage, and deliver with elaborate theatricality, a whispered aside, he's from Campion College, don't ya know …

And why not a cartoon as a bit of blessed relief ...


Now it's on with the Campion college view of things, which begins with a plea for the right to insult Chinese folk.

Yes, a massacre on Dixon street might just be the right sort of healthy corrective the country needs. Why it'd stop the Kiwis bleating, and Australia's branding would be right back on the world stage … Port Arthur does Chinatown ...




Yes, there's nothing like Free Speech and Western Civilisation, and Wilcox appreciates this Campion set of conclusions … He knows which side of his Vegemite bread must be buttered with unctuous praise for the reptiles and a wanting against assaults on Sky and the noble SloMo by the devious Aly.

Oh the tragedy that people should speak freely in this way, when there's even freer speech to be speeched, with more Wilcox here ...



And now on with what the pond thinks of as vintage Campionism … because bloody useless furriners must be discussed and addressed in a democratic way, and told to sod off as required, with the reptiles wondrous experts at the game ...



Indeed, indeed, there's nothing like a flock of Catholics in full flight insulting a bunch of poofters to show the treasure that is free speech …

Don't think of it as demeaning and abusive, it's just the Catholics showing Xian love ...

Meanwhile ...



And so to the ultimate challenge.

By now most stray readers will be reeling, but the pond has had a proud tradition of paying attention to nattering "Ned", always facing some elemental crisis, or catastrophe, or the rapture, or the end of the world, or at least the end of the SloMo government ...



It's an imitation of Chicken Little that has many admirers, and yet in each rendering of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, nattering "Ned" somehow manages to be as boring as batshit, and so reduces the crisis to hand  to nothing more than a storm in a teacup, or much ado about nothing.

So here's the pond challenge. Who can make it through this latest edition of much ado, right to the bitter end?

The pond is already wildly over length, and so isn't going to say anything much.

The only thing it will offer at each way station is a cartoon, in much the same way as cyclists are offered a sponge, a drink, and perhaps something to munch on, before careening on for another forty kms, or perhaps, as at the stations of the cross, Catholics stop to abuse Islamics, atheists, ne'er do wells, foreigners and homosexuals, all in the name of free speech ... 



Wilting already, oh feeble and faint of heart? Here, have a Campion approved cartoon ...



Now back in the saddle. It's the climb that sorts out the "Ned" chaff from the wheat ...



A real evaluation downwards? Not beloved, dinkum, true blue clean Oz coal? Not the black gold ravaged by fake Australian scientists taking climate change seriously, not those preachers of theological bunkum the Oz editorialist wanted to push on to the world stage just a moment ago? What else might be swallowed whole if this is the go?


Never mind, back on the bike, and if you pedal hard, you might find a street library, or some other dirty, filthy, pinko pervert example of communism gone wild in the community ...



Is there anyone still out there reading?

Here, have a cartoon …



A church where the abuse of all can finally be seen as the Xian virtue it is ...

And now it's back to nattering "Ned", yearning for some kind of rapture or apocalypse ...


The pond should probably confess at this point that it has been a member of retail and industry super funds.

And the retail fund was a disgraceful rip-off, with high fees and sorry performance … and that's about all it's got to offer on the matter causing "Ned" such great distress ... but really, that's not going to help people in agony, attempting to read "Ned" nattering to the bitter end …



Yes, in the next twenty minutes, you might realise you've reached the end of "Ned", and wondered where a vast amount of your life, way more than twenty minutes, just went ...



At this point, the pond is starting to run low on cartoons …


But what luck, there's only one gobbet of "Ned" to go ...



Well if anyone wants an explanation of why Comrade Bill might overcome the Daley factor and win the next election, the pond can't think of a better one than the tedious exegesis just offered by nattering "Ned."

Never mind, be proud, you did it, you finished the verbal Tour de "Ned", you climbed Mount Nederest,  you endured the Nedalypse and survived, but sorry, all the pond can offer as a prize is a few more cartoons …