Wednesday, June 20, 2018

In which the crisis in Western Civilisation continues, but moves to the land of the crow eaters ...


As the pond noted this morning, it seems the crisis in Western Civilisation has been averted at the ANU, and all is well …

But then the pond was terribly distressed to discover that the crisis in Western Civilisation continues at the completely clueless Flinders University …


The pond can testify personally to the complete uselessness of a Flinders education - in fact it blames the place for the scheduling error on the pond this day, so completely does the befogging and the befuddling continue in the pond's noggin …

Ah Brian Medlin, those were the days … but enough of taking charge of the VC's office in honour of the VC, it's on with the current crisis, and as can be seen, the crisis has been honoured with the cult blessing of a Lobbecke, so that attention might be paid, and in due course, the pond might become the compleat compendium of the ongoing crisis …

How quickly nature falls into revolt
When gold becomes her object
For this the foolish over-careful fathers 
Have broke their sleep with thoughts, their brains with care,
Their bones with industry ...


It was good of the reptiles to slip in that image, to remind us of the dream the reptiles are fighting for, little Johnny's dreaming, little Johnny's vision of Western Civilisation, the kind of Western Civilisation that Australia helped export to Vietnam, thanks to Ming the Merciless's dreaming … ah Brian Medlin, where are you now, with the barbarians at the gate ...

For I can raise no money by vile means. By heaven, I had rather coin my heart, And drop my blood for drachmas ...


Indeed, indeed, he that wants money, means and content is without three good friends.

Take heed, be wary how you place your words
Talk like the vulgar sort of market men
Or meretricious little Johnny politicians
That come to gather money for their corn ...

Oh wait, that's not right, this suits the purpose better ...

Foul cankering rust the hidden treasure frets
But gold that's put to use more gold begets


Well, the pond hopes this plaintive plea will soon see the crisis in Western Civilisation fixed at Flinders University, though nothing much can be done for the brutalist architecture perched on a wind-swept hill …but will the eastern states wretches shower the state with their wealth, or will they carry on in the usual vile eastern stater way?

For bounty, that makes gods, does still mar men,
My dearest prof, bless'd, to be most accursed
Rich, only to be wretched, thy great fortunes,
Are made thy chief afflictions. Alas, kind prof!

And now as a different kind of crisis afflicts Western Civilisation elsewhere, a few cartoons …





In which the pond gets greedy, and has a meal of nattering "Ned", followed by an Oreo snack ...


For a moment, the pond was startled and shocked … dinkum Oz clean coal lovers, oi, oi, oi, stumped? How could it be? Luckily the Canavan caravan rolled by with the good news …


But the pond decided that it didn't need to jump on board the Canavan caravan this day.

The good news was sufficient, even more so as developing nations are likely to suffer more from the effects of climate change, and Canavan's good news …

No, the pond was in the mood for a good table-thumping, a howling at clouds, a voice echoing in stentorian style in the wilderness, and luckily there came nattering "Ned" to feed the pond…



Now some might think that the truly bizarre collection consists of the motley crew of reptiles that scribble furiously for the lizard Oz, but that is much too cruel, and might distract from the fun of nattering "Ned" shouting at the cross bench to get off his lawn …



Since Federation in 1901? What, not even the grand days of Joh and French furniture polisher Albert Field?

Assessments of Field and the breach of Senate convention became polarised. Contemporary Labor stalwarts considered him a turncoat or 'Labor rat’. Field responded: 'They are awful things to call someone … [but] I suppose in a way, I am’. Editorial writers labelled his nomination a 'sick joke’ and a 'shameful spectacle’. The Melbourne Age described the breach of convention as a 'political fraud’ perpetuated by Bjelke-Petersen. Later Field was dubbed 'one of the loneliest figures in Australian politics’. Other interpretations present him as somewhat 'bewildered’, and a pawn in the wider machinations of Bjelke-Petersen’s feud with the Whitlam government. (ADB here)

Oh they were grand and corrupt days, no doubt about it, and it gave the land the original head prefect Malware, but the pond will stand by the dismissal as a time of upheaval against the current follies, and with the Senate at the heart of the games …

But enough of the pond reminiscing, the point here is to listen to "Ned" rail at the clouds ...



Indeed, indeed, you despicable Senators. There was the onion muncher, winning Newspoll after Newspoll, and full of bright policy initiatives, knighthoods and suchlike, and damn it, you had to bring him down, and somehow poor old Malware copped the blame …

Own up, you fiends, confess your crimes against the onion muncher.

It's these ineluctable mysteries that the pond relies on "Ned" to explain …



In cases like this, the pond always recommends sundry forms of medication designed to relieve blood pressure, and at the least an aspirin a day to reduce clotting of the brain …and a good walk in the noon day sun also helps (though this might not work in Melbourne)…

Reading this sort of jeremiad from a latter-day Jeremiah always gives the pond a taste for a quote from the bible ...



And so to the naughtiness for the day.

Almost anyone else on the planet would say, after a full course of nattering "Ned", enough already and push away the plate.

But look, this is usually Dame Slap day, and instead the reptiles have offered a treat as tempting as an after-dinner mint in a Python comedy sketch...



The pond might well explode - an Oreo for lunch! - but please allow the indulgence, because it's a rare chance to go fox-hunting in theAdelaide  hills with the Oreo ...



Oh dear, the Oreo attempting to be a reporter and do a bit of colour. No wonder the pond was regretting the decision to snack, but once you're half way into the biccie, what can you do but finish it?



And it was there, in that reference to South Australia's Scots-Irish culture, that the pond realised that the Oreo, besides being barking mad, didn't have a clue …

For its sins, the pond was once transported to the land of the crow eaters, and lived amongst them, aware all the time that it could never fit in, that it was an alien eastern stater, whose only entitlement was to be resented.

In the land of the Adelaide club, the culture was English to its fox-hunting bootstraps, and Lord Downer's family was typical …

Who were our forebears before embarking for the infant colony of South Australia? My father, Sir John, used to say that they were yeoman farmers in the south of England. My cousin, Marion Downer, thought so too, believing they came from Wiltshire … (Wakefield Press pdf here).

Lord Downer is just the latest in a long line of Downers - Greg Hunters start here - and even as late as the 2016 census, the ABS was reporting 28.5% with an English ancestry (639,350) against 6.3% for Scottish and 6.0% for Irish. Even the other strand - the Colin Thiele strand if you will - managed only 5.8%, though certain towns in the hills and the Barossa still remind the pond of its German blut (ABS data here).

Why get picky about this? Well, it's part of the general Oreo dissembling that wanders through the piece in service of the Downer family's nepotic desire to continue the line … the English line.

The pond is long gone from the Adelaide Hills, where it once almost purchased property and which it visited regularly, and it really doesn't give a toss about who wins the by-election, because the main game will be the general election, and then there'll be a view halloo and a tally-ho …

But to downgrade the English component in crow eater land, is damned un-British and un-sporting, and made the pond suspect in the usual way that eating Oreos might be bad not just for weight, but for sanity …

This after all is the free of convicts colony of London-born Edward Gibbon Wakefield, and dammit it all, there should be respect for the heritage of Lord Downer and his tribe, born as they were to rule the riffraff and lick them into shape ...

How did that song go that the pond used to sing on its trips to McLaren Vale, to visit the good doctor at Coriole and to down a nice Kay Brothers red, and admire the view of the vineyards from the outdoor toilet?

Lord Downer loves us, this we know
For the Bible tells us so ...

Apparently there are variations of the song all over the world ...






In which the reptiles catch the ABC bus, but refuse to gnaw on the tyres ...


Um, Indian or Sri Lankan or Chinese or Japanese tea?

Well there was bad news in the ongoing crisis in Western Civilisation this morning …


Will this stop the reptiles developing more worry-warts as they keep on crusading? Probably not … but at least there's a new war to distract them …


Ah, a class war, and how lucky it came along today, just as the reptiles realised they'd caught the bus, and didn't quite know what to do with it …


That was yesterday. Today it's all quiet on the ABC front … yet the pond can't begin to count the number of times the reptiles have abused the ABC, and called for its demolition. 

Why, prattling Polonius would have very little to say if he couldn't abuse the ABC, ditto Major Mitchell, and almost everyone else offered a column in reptile la la land. 

It's the reptile sport …and every so often someone like a little Timmy Bleagh will be so bold as to summarise what the reptiles want done in a headline ...


But today, the reptiles have gone quiet on privatising the whole damn thing. 

Once the dog has caught the bus and doesn't know what to do with it, better to focus on class war or some other new thing …but good old Erica and the Liberal party helped produce a marvellous spectacle …the dog botherer in full flight …


Ah yes, they caught the bus, and suddenly the talk of virtue-signalling serves as an epic form of dog botherer distraction.

But what of all those outbursts in the lizard Oz urging that the reptiles race out on to the street and catch the privatisation bus?

Like this effort way back when by a certain Rudi, who wants to do more than rein in the dear old ABC ...



Hmm, that looks grim. What sayeth the dog botherer?


Oh dear, shouldn't that have read "while the reptiles gingerly avoid the ABC privatisation issue being ventilated, we can expect the reptiles to be even more puerile and aggressive in its dealings with Comrade Bill's class war?"

Please, reptiles, remember the good old days when chasing the bus was so much fun ...


Of course there's a bit of a contradiction there, with good old Rudi mocking the early ABC for being highly censorious, and then good old Rudi suddenly feeling like being highly censorious about anybody on the ABC saying anything that might upset or agitate good old Rudi …

Never mind, those were the glory days, and how sad it is to see the usually censorious dog botherer reduced to blathering about the need to reform the ABC ...


The funny thing here is that the reptiles keep urging the ABC to become a mirror image of the lizard Oz, without pausing for a nanosecond to consider what this might do to the reptiles' business plan. 

If you could get all the ratbag rightwing Murdochian ranting and raving for free on the ABC, what need of the reptiles? Already there's a generous diet of reptiles served up on the ABC on shows like The Drum, and the pond frequently pushes back its half-eaten plate and tells the waiter that the serving was too big and it's full and it simply can't eat any more ...

Well as it so happens, the last word must fall to Rudi …and a measure of his enormous stupidity can be found in his talk about making oodles of profit and taxing a commercially vibrant privatised ABC …such blithe certainty on parade ...


Hmm, thanks for that reminder, Rudi, that the pond has really no need of your services as a financial public relations consultant, unless it happens to want a large slice of pie in the sky …

That said, the pond is bitterly disappointed that the reptiles have decided to revert to class war today, giving up on the war on the ABC and seemingly declaring a truce in the matter of the ongoing crisis in Western Civilisation …

Stay true, reptiles, stay true to your inner natures, please carry on the war to privatise the ABC … it's sure to be a big winner …

And so to a Wilcox, who started off proceedings, and who now ends it, and who can be found at wicked Fairfax here ...



Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Tired of the crisis in Western Civilisation? Come on in and enjoy some hearty climate science denialism ...

 

The pond is finding it difficult to keep up with all the different reptile neuroses, what with the crisis in Western Civilisation consuming so much time, but the pond had to pause to admire this one at the top of the lesser member of the Kelly gang's tweet and piece … showing a plant with absolutely no emissions of any kind.

It's a miracle, a bloody miracle … why there's just some natural clouds in the sky ...


Well played lesser member of the Kelly gang ...

That's reptile skill of the first order, roughly equivalent to the Daily Terror effort noted in Media Watch last night, as the reptiles wandered from "privatisation deal has many benefits" to "How homebuyers are being gouged for millions."

The pond has never felt the need to re-visit the shameless Terrorists, and what need, with the reptiles of Oz routinely tracking the valiant work of the onion muncher …


By golly, he's a goer, and for anybody wondering why the pond stays loyal, how pleasing it is to see him combine the holy trinity of wrecking, undermining and sniping, by joining together the holy trinity of Malware hatred, climate science denialism and coal loving …though he is looking a little worn from all the raging ...



And what do you know, it's the same faithful member of the Kelly gang, keeping track of the maverick …


Dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and so we come to the always reliable Dame Groan …


There's no point in having a discussion with Dame Groan … it's enough to note that she and the onion muncher are of like mind …though there's a little terminological inexactitude at work here.

It seems the owners of wind farms and solar installations are "rent-seekers" … what then to make of the onion muncher's desire to own a coal-fired power station, and subsidise its operations so that it might compete?

Who knows, but Dame Groan is an expert economist, while also a world-renowned climate scientist, so everything will no doubt become clear in the wash, except perhaps the coal, which needs the cleansing of a reptile diligently picking emissions-free photos …



Where the pond came from, common sense meant placing some credence on scientists, but alas and alack …


Will Dame Groan mention any of this in her plaintive weeping over the lost coal dreaming?

Nope, it's just an explanation of how we're all rooned ...


And there you have it, the Dame and the onion muncher are as one … and how shocking that coal suffers so, and emissions are being given a hard time, and to what avail?


Well as we've been there many times before - even more than the current visits to the crisis in Western Civilisation - it's time to wrap things up … as Dame Groan heads back down the path to buying carbon credits...


Ah good old carbon credits …but wait, haven't we been there before, and not so long ago?


And that's why the pond had to start off admiring the lesser member of the Kelly gang and the capacity of the Terrorists to go on an infinitely repeatable loop of hypocrisy and forgetfulness … because here's the onion muncher and that other member of the Kelly gang talking about credits in that January lizard Oz piece ...


The pond had to cut it off there, leaving Dame Groan, the onion muncher and that other member of the Kelly gang to fight it out …

It's enough to remind the pond of the important principle at the heart of it all … create confusion, saucy doubt and fear, rinse and repeat the cycle endlessly …and soon enough there'll be no emissions in the smoke stacks, and all will be well ...




In which the pond's heart goes out to the reptiles still suffering a crisis in Western Civilisation ...


This juxtaposition startled the pond today …

Yes, the dog botherer went there …but perhaps some remarkable sixth sense told the dog botherer to keep it short ...

  


Strange, the pond had never noticed a reluctance by the reptiles when it came to slurring Islamics, but never let it be said that women should walk the streets unconcerned about their safety.

That sort of wild-eyed talk can only lead to trouble …

As for the dog botherer talking about not spitting blame and guilt widely, the pond just had to roll the jaffas down the aisle, and will bear it in mind, the next time the dog botherer announces the next crisis in Western Civilisation, and assigns the blame and the guilt … you wretches know who you are ...

And so to the alarming news from the Islamics, as the current crisis in Western Civilisation gets wider and deeper …


Oh dear, could we just have a rising intonation of the kind that marks Western Civilisation?


What's all this pious talk about interconnectedness, when it goes without saying that Western Civilisation is infinitely superior and like certain chefs, reigns supreme?


Oh dear, the reptile search for a solution is getting more and more desperate, yet this morning the reptiles had come up with the ultimate course design on the tree-killer front page edition …

Tertiary education conducted by polling … with courses blessed by pollsters!


The pond wondered whether they'd included a question for the pond in the survey: "Should universities offer courses in Star Wars or Star Trek, and in the event of a tie, should the pond's preference for a course in The Twilight Zone win the day?"

The pond has no idea why the story wasn't blessed with a Lobbecke, to guarantee its cult status.

Instead some reptile had the idea of decorating the story with a gormless youff, positioned next to a statue, which produced a masterly piece of comedy …



The reptiles will simply not let go of the dream, of that desperate, fragile ANU dreaming that now seems lost, unless, oh unless they read this poignant plea and have a change of heart…

And the pond really has to hand it to the indefatigable Urban, who keeps living the Sisyphean nightmare as she shovels the shit from the Augean stables …

Meanwhile, it seems Young Liberal Wilks is shocked to discover  that there are so many "isms" out there are in the world.

Did any reptile stop to tell him that the suffix "ism" reflected the most noble aspects of Western Civilisation?

….a suffix appearing in loanwords from Greek, where it was used to form action nouns from verbs (baptism); on this model, used as a productive suffix in the formation of nouns denoting action or practice, state or condition, principles, doctrines, a usage or characteristic, devotion or adherence, etc. (criticism; barbarism; Darwinism; despotism; plagiarism; realism; witticism; intellectualism). (dictionary here for Greg Hunters)

Apparently not, apparently the young Liberal youff of today are in a state of "ism" overload …a kind of Tism crisis, if you will ...


Will no one save the reptiles from their suffering? And the endless litany of woe?

Bring on a poll. 

Why just as the ancient universities of Cambridge and Oxford had their courses designed by poll, so should the modern universities of Oz heed the reptile pollster …



Of course the reptile question is a tad loaded in the usual push-pull way.

What if they'd asked, The Australian National University has a centre for Twilight Zone studies, and offers a bachelor of Star Wars studies. Do you think it should offer a degree of study in Star Wars?

The pond has never seen such high and low comedy perpetrated so regularly, and with so many diligent reptiles on the case …

Here, have a higher education tweet …because the pond can't get enough of that EXCLUSIVE photo.


And now, as its lunchtime, the pond has arranged a kind of watermelon cake snack of the kind sold by the Black Star to Asian tourists wanting to clog the full to overflowing intertubes with digital snaps ...



Of course the pond is wildly secular, and so is always keen to learn why devotees of cannibalism - actual flesh, real blood - should have the right to pronounce on women's bodies, denounce homosexuality, and behave badly in relation to a host of other matters ...



Okay if devotees of cannibalism want to go on being cannibals, the pond has no objection, but it does reserve the right to take a view when these cannibals begin to intrude on the public sphere and urge their incomprehensible beliefs on others, especially when urging politicians to take actions that will impose their beliefs on society at large ...



Well there you go, in a nutshell "Unlike a person's race or sex" …

Sorry, in the world of the pond, gender fluidity is a given, and idle chatter about the right to shape the world according to fundamentalist bigotry isn't a freedom the pond much cares about … 

It led to the sort of nonsense that saw the likes of Alan Turing endure chemical castration …while the wretchedness of conversion therapy is still making many suffer needlessly …

Why even at this moment the federal government is funding chaplains in schools, of a kind completely useless for the rising hordes of sensible secularists ...

If Dragovic had bothered to spend a nanosecond on the suffering caused by mindless bigots the pond might have paid attention …but if religious capital is just another word for the ongoing persecution of minorities, then the pond will keep on making jokes about fundamentalists, whether they be Islamic, Xian, Scientological or Hindu …

And so to the reptiles spreading the word for the Donald …


By golly, that's inspirational, that's historical … that's …so silly ...