Saturday, July 04, 2015

In which the pond shows off its expertise as cat and reptile whisperer ...

(Above: oh come on this is a serious blog, but we're all allowed a Saturday meme. Found here).

As a skilled cat whisperer - oh the cats and the cowboys and cowgirls the pond has herded over the years, up Tamworth way and beyond - the pond naturally thought that reptile herding would be a piece of cake, a doddle, a walk in the park.

Foolish pond.

You just can't keep the reptiles down. From the light-hearted to the solemn, they always have a view, but you never know when they're going to turn, break on the flank, and come up with a piece of gibberish that, it turns out, is at the heart of their world view.

Look at the reptiles of Oz. Now it's well known that the reptiles have their hearts set on a little recognition of Aboriginal people in the constitution.

But it must be just like the porridge in that tale of Goldilocks and the bears. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right, or put it another way, certainly not too much, perhaps not too little, but just a little above too little, and so just right ...

They've had their own in-house, pet tame black helping them measure the temperature for years, and their latest outing in today's reptilian editorial finds them in top Goldilocks form. 

Now summon up all your remaining strength because this is the reptiles in solemn mode:

You see, Goldilocks? But not a word about how the reptile approach would solve the serious problems faced by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples ... except perhaps by returning to the good old days when governments were very busy legislating for indigenous people, with fabulous consequences and results ... and they're still busy doing it today, with or without changes to the constitution. Anyone for food stamps?

But hey ho, nonny no, on we go and let's see where the reptile musings will get us. Perhaps the perfect bowl of porridge?

Now let's ignore the fuss surrounding Pearson's model - Patrick Dodson raises concerns over Noel Pearson's model for recognition, What is behind Noel Pearson's change of stance ... etc - or the tragi comedy of the attempt to revive an ATSIC in some form or another, without mentioning that name or it being put to the sword by the Howard government containing one Tony Abbott - Howard puts ATSIC to death - did anyone spot the fatal flaw in the reptilian thinking?

Here it is again:

Abbott, modest change, bipartisan agreement, wide consultation and later wider consultation? Now there's a miracle of conflation, to fit all those words and the name Abbott in the one sentence.

What land does he live in, this modest marvel? Is it the same one as the boofheaded bulldozer flattening everything around him? A man so Islamic Taliban fundamentalist that the thuggee boofheads of rugby league emerge as caring, compassionate and kind people, with a sympathetic and generous capacity to understand others? People just need to get over it, says Rabbitohs star as NRL backs gay marriage.

One thing's guaranteed. If that's what's being asked of Abbott, the Billists might come on side, being craven and always open to consensus for fear of being discovered as a policy free zone, but Abbott is completely hopeless at wrangling his conservative base. 

There's no way the Bolter and all the raging, rabid, Adam Goodes booing black haters are going to come on board, no matter how minimalist Pearson cares to make his proposals and no matter how he tries to pander to the fundamentalist conservatives, who claim dear Tony as their fearless non-consultative, kick 'em in the head or the guts leader.

Let's see how Abbott's leadership continues to play out in the gay marriage debate, which has been handled without much fuss in other countries which claim some adherence to whatever "western values" might mean, droning wedding parties aside.

For that we must turn to the bouffant one, returning for another epic bout of hand-wringing apologetics today:

Yep, it's another round of the bouffant one explaining how poor Tony is caught up in the machinations of others and so simply can't do a single thing:

You see how generalities can be turned to good effect? But who were the debaters making overblown emotional claims and displaying no real judgment on what the public feels?

Sssh, please don't mention Erica, or the Asians or Pandora's Box, or bigotry, or marrying your friendly South Australian poodle, or doing a Jack Thompson with sisters, or fear of gays, or being threatened by same, let's get on with poor hapless Tony, hamstrung by absolute necessity and the tyranny of the base:

What's funny is that in the same way that the Oz reptilian editorialist delivered today an impassioned plea for Abbott to do something about Aborigines, yesterday the Oz editorialist suggested that maybe gay marriage should be allowed to happen.

But there you can also see the nonsense of all this talk of bipartisanship. In Abbott's world, bipartisan means the Billistas caving in and agreeing with Abbott and not rocking the leather-jacketed boat.

Hence the bouffant one's handwringing, because look what's happening to the coalition, what with the fluffing of the feathers, and the hissy fits, and the name calling, and the cat yowling, and the cat calling, mrrraaowwww, and the foot stamping, and the cheek slapping, and there's the Billistas getting away scott free.

Naturally the handwringing bouffant one has to be deeply sympathetic to Abbott's plight and feel the necessity of pointing out the misunderstandings about Liberal party backbenchers. Many of them remain deeply homophobic and deeply attached to their long-standing policies confirming and supporting their homophobia:

Gay marriage from an Abbott government? You'd be better off herding cats, and damned if you'll get any sense or help out of a herd of reptiles ...

Of course, as is their duty, the reptiles also provided some light relief today, because, as everyone knows, today is Prattling Polonius day, and we can always rely on Polonius to be still blathering on about an issue which reached its nadir with reptile Sherri Markson grave robbing to discover the opinions of Jonathan Shier:

Yes, the horse is well and truly dead, but they go on flogging it, and today it's the prattler's turn, arriving late to the scene like an ambulance that had only just discovered its siren:

Sweet long absent lord. If they really had a decent left liberal group think, they'd have blackballed the tedious old fart, known as Polonius to his adoring fans only, years ago ... but instead he keeps on popping up and droning on, like a gathering of cane toads or the roar of a locust plague, thereby helping the pond not to waste its time watching the commentariat talk to each other on 24 ...

But it's the weekend and the pond has suffered enough with its attempts at cat and reptile herding - as has anyone else who made it this far - so let's have a little real humour instead, thanks to First Dog, and as always find more of the good-hearted Doggie - git along lit'le dawgie, the pond loves ya, all the way to the moon and a crispy News Corp - at the Graudian here.

A photo montage ... because sometimes words can't get the job done ...

Friday, July 03, 2015

In which the pond indulges in a few sugar-flavoured Tony's kisses to get the day off to a good start ...

(Above: and more Rowe here).

Truly every day at the pond is a trip into bizarro land, and it doesn't get any more bizarre than this outing, which the reptiles at the lizard Oz bizarrely deemed an EXCLUSIVE:

Shier, Shier, Shier? Mmm, the name rings a bell, from somewhere back in the dim distant past.

Oh that's right, he's the man who did more than any other to single-handedly attempt to wreck the ABC:

It is 12 months since the ABC board removed Jonathan Shier as managing director. His 19 months at the helm were among the most traumatic in the broadcaster's 70-year history. Hardly a week went by without some new crisis. 
There were restructuring and redundancies. Executives came and went and department heads were expected to come up with lists of expendable people. Senior staff threw in the towel when forced to re-apply for their jobs or after rows that left the walls shaking. Shier once called in the federal police over a leaked memo. 
Independent producers said the organisation had become impossible to deal with; even if they got an idea up through the labyrinthine commissioning structure, they would face draconian copyright and distribution deals. "Contracts ended up being the size of a phonebook," one recalls. 
ABC funding, after more than a decade of cuts, was stretched to breaking point, a situation worsened by the millions spent on redundancies and new hirings. In April 2001, a rally organised by Friends of the ABC and the Community and Public Sector Union drew about 11,000 people. 
Things reached a climax on October 31, when board members decided Shier's position was untenable. When the news broke, staff said they could not stop smiling. Some are smiling still. 
"Is it only 10 months? It seems longer," says one senior figure when approached for this story. "It's like some distant nightmare."
Those who outlasted Shier feel they qualify for some sort of medal. "We survived a period where, at any point, it would have been so much easier to walk away," says one. "Many good people did walk away." (The pond had good friends who went down in those troubled times, and lest we forget, After the storm).

And now the reptiles have dragged him out of the vault to give him a platform. That's not so much journalism as grave robbing, or perhaps an exercise in Frankenstein science, but credit to reptile Sharri Markson, she knows how to pick total losers and dropkicks for a few thought bubbles about the issues of the day...

Meanwhile, there's been a feast of other bizarro thinking, most ably demonstrated by Eric Abetz, talking of Pandora's box and polygamy and polyamory - and, let's add, people marrying their poodles - and worrying about the Asians and what they might think, and indeed the pond is looking forward to the introduction of a little Korean-style dog-eating - don't forget the BBQ sauce - because it seems we must do what Asians do ...

Speaking of that, they wouldn't eat the poodle, would they?
Oh that'd be too cruel, but what an exemplary example of the banishment mentality that rules the Liberal roost as they go about the business of chanting two gay legs bad, four heterosexual legs only in the club of life.

Now it might be wrong of the pond to enjoy the current fuss - after all, there are real people out there for whom marriage is meaningful and they didn't grow up in the days when feminists warned the world that marriage was an oppressive, repressive trap.

But still it was a wondrous sight to see it suddenly begin to dawn on Tony Abbott's sister that indeed her brother wasn't for changing, and hell would freeze over before he changed his mind or in any way assisted in bringing forward a movement towards gay marriage.

The hapless possum had previously asserted confidently that there'd be a vote in the second half of the year and soon enough gay marriage would follow, but she reckoned without the deep, fixed inflexibility of her brother, representing as he does all that's the best in fundamentalist, homophobic, bigoted and hysterical intransigence.

Abbott's got where he is by never giving an inch, and never giving a fig for anything that once would have passed for liberal, and he's not about to change.

So there she is now, and the tone has changed:

Well you can give Fairfax a click, if you like, to read Abbott's sister Christine Forster challenges him to allow conscience vote (with bonus forced video) but the nub of it was the sister sounding forlorn:

"The cross-party private member's bill needs to be listed for debate in the parliament, which would in turn trigger discussion within the party room. If that doesn't happen it's my view the issue needs to be raised for debate in the party room," she said.
"This is something that as a party we need to define – and hopefully redefine it – our position on, that marriage is an issue on which members can exercise their consciences."

But in the same story there was more talk of banishment for anyone who spoke out of turn - isn't it remarkable how the government has taken on a medieval tone, and isn't it even more remarkable how the conservative fundamentalists sound exactly like fundamentalist Islamics when it comes to the matter of homosexuality?

All the few rational people left in the party could do was froth and foam:

Mr Abbott's comments angered some Liberal MPs, who pointed out that he had pledged to have a party room debate on the matter in this term of government. 
"If he learned anything from February, the party room is not a play thing for the Prime Minister," one Liberal MP said. 
"I think he would look like a liar if he didn't [allow a debate to go ahead]" and that the Liberal Party would look "ridiculous" if it did not back a free vote.

Look a liar? That's supposed to give him a chill of fear and hairs standing on his back?

The man is a liar, a copious full-blooded professional liar who told many, many porkies to get into power, and has since expended much energy telling many, many more as a way of staying in power.

It's a measure of how pathetic the wets are that they'd think saying Abbott would look a liar would leave a mark on Abbott's cheek, like a duelling scar. 

It's a measure of Abbott's cunning that some thought his moderate tone was more than a disguise for his stern inflexibility, and his hard, hard heart, and his rat cunning.

As always, the pond turns to the reptiles for the surest guide, and luckily the bouffant one was to hand:

Now in that ineffable, inimitable way that the reptiles routinely manage, this sounds like praise for Abbott.

The pond suggests you could construct your own headlines, at risk of a Godwin's Law fine.

You know, like Hitler consistent on Jews, or Stalin consistent on kulaks and Crimean Tatars, or Mao consistent on starving peasants, or Turkey consistent on Armenians.

But do go on bouffant one and rhapsodise about the consistency:

You see how exemplary propaganda is done? Why the man's little short of a great humanitarian statesman, even though it sometimes leads the  bouffant one into extraneous, contradictory and confused nonsense.

Here's a man doing his best to pour cold water on a legislative initiative, but who shines and gleams as the bouffant one polishes his status as a parliamentarian who prefers legislators to deal with legislative matters ...

But the bouffant one really won the pond's heart with his final analogy:

Leaders need to know that you go home from the dance “with the one that brung you” no matter how nice you are to the others at the dance.

Which is as tidy a way as any to avoid mentioning that the ones that Abbott dances with are the fundamentalist homophobes out there, standing alongside the Islamic fundamentalist agenda on gay rights ...

Never mind, it's the end of the week, and the pond was entranced by the fuss over lollies. In the old days, it was a tradition to head off to the corner store on a Sunday after mass, and buy an assortment of lollies from the jars, and then fight fiercely for a proper share with siblings, and then store them and ostentatiously bring out a treasured favourite and ostentatiously eat said lolly in front of the greedy guts who'd already scoffed their lot.

The store's long gone in Tamworth - what a heartbreak town it is - and the siblings scattered, but the pond was entranced to learn that this tradition can continue, thanks to First Dog on the Moon.

Already the pond has put aside a few treasured favourites - no doubt they'll come in handy - and you can select your own favourites by heading off to the Graudian here.

The pond always loved milk bottles, but look at the fabulous new range:

And best of all, given the current curmudgeonly news of the day:

Thursday, July 02, 2015

In which the pond has a gay old time with Erica, Moorice and other fine feathered fowls ... yes, some reptiles had feathers

(Above: Rowe in memory of lost friends enjoying a holiday, eh GD? Here no envy, no envy here, but more glorious Rowe here).

The pond occasionally feels a tad bitter about its chosen path, heading down into the reptile swamp each day to recover a few glittering ironies ...

... while over in the United States, the likes of Jon Stewart can dance and clap hands with glee at the thought of the retirement gift Donald Trump has given him.

And look at the fun that Larry Wilmore has bringing on a bully to explain why the United States needs Chris Christie as President.

It's just not fair, the pond's all out of loons this size and it just wants its share (what about me, there's a little Dottie waiting at the counter of a corner shop, knocked to the ground, pushed around, yadda yadda, until Nollish nausea sets in on the Moving Pictures).

All the same, the pond will settle for the irony that Tony Abbott could become the PM at the helm when gay marriage is introduced into Australia.

It's not likely of course. Such is Abbott's homophobia that he'll fight it tooth and claw, but even the reptiles know that a recalcitrant, fearful Abbott is a story:

And naturally the Fairfaxians have made a meal of it:

And what better way to get proceedings started than by dragging a moth-eared old bigot out of the cupboard, and allow him to rabbit on at great, unendurable length about activist judges and blaming the media, as you can read if you have the strength to dive deep into the murk in The fight for same-sex marriage in Australia is far from over.

Actually the wording of the splash gave the game away:

An institution worth protecting because those deviant gays are going to ruin everything. The whiff of a prime carcass full of bigotry reminded the pond of that great internet meme:

If you actually get deep into the mire of Abetz hate, you'll find him praising Justice Antonin Scalia of being of sound mind, and so on and so forth, a reminder that the illiberals in charge of the poorly described Liberal party can sometimes match it with Donald Trump ...

Meanwhile, the reptiles are in top form, still brooding about the ABC, a never ending saga of navel gazing and fluff gathering.

And by golly there's some prime fluff to be found because Moorice isn't just amongst the world's greatest climate scientists, he knows everything about everything, and it was inevitable that, in the cause of duty, the pond would plunge into the heart of darkness once more.

Now for the faint-hearted, the weak-kneed and the lily-livered, the pond can summarise Moorice's arguments much more succinctly. Abolish the ABC and give the remnants to Chairman Rupert...

But if you're up to climbing Everest, you won't see it stated quite so baldly, so here we go, here we go:

The doddering old goose probably doesn't understand that people use Facebook to point friends and colleagues to sources of news, often to be found in the mainstream media, and that YouTube features clips from conventional media, frequently pointed to via Facebook.

In fact the senile old clown is probably more at home in a club sipping on a decent port, luxuriating in the creaking of leather chairs than getting down with 4chan, which admittedly is more reliable than the Murdochian empire, but onwards we must go, back to the future of Joe Lyons and 1978:

And you see, there's the rub. The rabid ideological posturing of the Murdochian reptiles receives resounding approval from Moorice:

It is this clash between the requirements of the ABC’s statutory obligations and the deep impulse of contemporary journalists to change the world that makes coexistence virtually unworkable. We should forget balancing left and right. It’s too late for that. In the same way management can no longer separate journalism from advocacy. The genie is out of the bottle and, for all practical purposes, impossible to put back. 

And so the propaganda machine can proceed on, unimpeded. And then?

A case can be argued that governments should be held to account and a public broadcaster, free from commercial constraints, is best placed to do it. This view is naive. While the ABC defiantly plays the “independent” card, the government of the day controls the purse strings. When the operating costs are north of $1 billion a year and growing, it is legitimate for any government to question whether taxpayers are getting value for money, particularly for output that is replicated broadly in the private market. It is a difficult case for the broadcaster to win.

Don't you love it? The output is replicated broadly in the private market ... because the Murdochians really do make a wonderful Four Corners and so does the FTA crowd ... and they just love to show documentaries too ...

But then you knew all this already, and the real import of Morry's scribblings. Stop funding the ABC and give the corpse to comrade Rupert.

There'll be a lot more of this in the next year, in a bid to cow and de-gut the ABC, even more than its current status as a quivering, wobbly jelly, but bring it on. If Abbott really did try to deliver the final blow to the ABC, instead of death by a thousand cuts, what an uproar there would be ...

Meanwhile, given Morry's celebration of the full to overflowing intertubes, the pond, as a lover of delicious ironies, couldn't help but also read today's stern reptile editorial, warning of the dangers of ... the intertubes ...

Much of it is just standard reptile gloating at the Fairfaxians, but the pond loved that bit about the vile claims and patent untruths being hurled around on blogs ...

Quoth the editorialist: And now, we're standing by to present you with Morry's latest insights into climate science ... with a stiff chaser of Bjorn Lomborg and Gary Johns and Dame Slap and  ...

Truth to tell, it's impossible for a legion of bloggers, Roman empire size, to have corrupted and ruined the truth in the way managed each day by Rupert's reptile minions ...

And so to a little redeeming sanity and David Pope, but first you need to cop a little visual reminder:

And as always, more Pope here:

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

You might want someone to send in the clowns, but don't worry, they're here ...

It was irresistible of course. Sometimes you just have to go with the distracting meme of the week, and play to the crowd.

Of course many great statesmen have shown their human side in the past. Look at this fine moment caught by the Dane Harald Engman:

Dammit, is there a worse law than Godwin's?

Of course the comedy routine is also a clever device to distract from assorted issues doing the rounds.
Today, for example, the pond celebrates, along with the Graudian, the establishment of a truly censored state of affairs, so that no one in the know may talk of the gulags but we now may talk of border forces repelling aliens. And you thought that Hitler joke was a joke:

Well you can read Time to tell the truth before I'm gagged: Australia's detention centres ruin lives, or Detention centre staff speak out in defiance of new asylum secrecy laws, but what's the odds in these hysterical, fear mongering days that any of the clowns in charge will take note or care?

Meanwhile, to do a pivot, things aren't going quite to plan for the coal, coal, coal man.

Oh dear. Adani's Carmichael Mine is unbankable says Queensland Treasury.

Never mind, as is the pond's duty, we have reptile commentariat chattering class columnists to fry, and there's the usual wealth of choices, but today we're wildly excited by a guest speaker who rarely appears on these pages.  Check out these treats:

Oh dear, it's just Dame Slap doing over Bill in a 'by the numbers' number, and James Allan still rabbiting on about the ABC, maintaining the rage, the shock and the horror.

Well the pond has a special treat in store in relation to the ABC, and it's not James Allan, so come on down Gary Johns, warn us about the dangerous, deviant greenies:

Shocking, outrageous. And a feminist too! Won't someone think of the children? These greenies are pretty tricky, and fancy giving a rat's arse about inequality, racism and sexism! Why these are the virtues by which Gary Johns lives, and where's the harm in that? You, the pesky black in the back of the class, settle down at once, or you'll be evicted ...

What's that you say, toots, you sweet little chick you, you doll? 

Surely inequality, racism and sexism are of interest to children who experience same.

Oh why don't you take a powder and lie down you hysterical woman and let's get it on with Johnsie wonsie ...

Indeed, indeed. Poor Lomborg. Run out of town by a posse with not the first clue about how climate change, if it's really happening, is a minor thing of no interest at all, if it actually happens, and all this talk of renewable energy is nonsense when what we want is dense energy, as dense as Gary Johns himself.

But what's even more disturbing is the news that came last night that China had been taken over by rampaging greenies.

It's all here at the Beeb, in China climate change plan unveiled,  and the Fairfaxians also gave it a splash in Global warming: China intensifies carbon reduction and reaffirms 2030 emissions target.

Please, parents, join with the pond in getting your child to send a letter to the relevant minister. It could read something like this:

Dear Julie Bishop, whenever I'm consternated, I click my heels and land in the pages of the reptilian Oz, which is weirder than Arizona, and thanks to Gary Johns and Bjorn Lomborg and all the rest of them I become alarmed at deviant greenie propaganda which is, it seems, part of the Chinese communist government's UN agenda to take over the world. I am only an average student, which is perhaps explained by my parents actually subscribing to the Oz, and so I beg you to save the world from these warmists and their cunning propaganda ways.

Whew, with that out of the way, the pond is ready for the treat of the day.

Now weaklings and fops will at this point fall by the wayside and that's fair enough. The pond only visits the chattering class kool aid swilling commentariat to maintain a mental toughness and a thick hide.

Who wants to wade through a fine example of what can only be construed as a kind of madness, obsessive compulsive behaviour and harping over and over in a way which suggests a mentally unbalanced mind, with strong hints of delusional thinking? Up there with Donald Trump, and now it seems Chris Christie ...

You see, once the reptiles sink their teeth into something, they can't let it go, and today Oz's editorial is a fine, top notch, first class example of not being able to let go.

By the way, did you know the condition was first diagnosed or at least recorded in 1518, when 'harping on' was shortened from 'harping on the same string', meaning to play the same note over and over? Dictionary it here.

Oh sweet Jaysus, a noun used as a verb? Is that what the reptiles can do to an innocent mind?

Oh enough with the delaying tactics, and here's the challenge. In a psychotic rant worthy of a Manson as much as a Murdochian, please explain, dear student, how eventually you may get from mad Mullahs at the ABC to Triggs, climate change and Tim Flannery.

Impossible, you say, it can't be done. But let's take a close look at the inner workings of the reptile mind, and see how easily they achieve this astonishing feat.

First we must wade through endless ranting about the ABC:

I know, I know, it's worrisome isn't it, the reptiles talking about groupthink at work, when there can't be a finer example of group thinking doing the rounds than the Murdochians. And I know that some more sensitive flowers will have wilted and left the scene, but see how skilled the reptiles are, because even at this early stage in the rant we have the bitter and partisan Paul Bongiorno and Fran Kelly and RN acting as a front for the Green Left Weekly.

Now whenever the pond hears Bongiorno he sounds quite cheerful, amused and jolly, but there's the whole point when you're a delusional paranoid, because cheerful is just a snide step away from being bitter.

And at this point, some will see greenies jumping out of the trees to scare them and make off with the children.

Gary Johns' worst nightmare, no thanks to you May Gibbs. Ever since childhood he's been very afraid.

But back to the Oz editorialist, because unbelievably there's more:

Post modernism, and perhaps with a tinge of post ironic thinking! And that wicked witch, Bob Brown's bitch, whining and moaning about misogyny, when everyone knows that she's a wicked bitch witch.

And now, trumpets please, sound the alarums, because the reptiles will demonstrate how easily, when ranting, it is to move on to a rant against the world or at least many sundry objects of fear and loathing:

Yes, children, because secrecy is good, and two years in jail talking about the gulags is well deserved, and no we're not journalists, we're state propagandists, Murdochian sub-contractors to the Abbott government, North Korean style, and by the way did we mention that horror, that wicked witch Gillian Triggs?

Oh well played ranting reptiles, now surely you can work in Tim Flannery? Easy peasy ...

Well played, reptiles of Oz, and an elephant stamp to anyone who actually made it to this point.

Now perhaps you could get your young 'uns to take a look at the whole thing, and explain to them that this is what an unbalanced, unhinged mind looks like in an advanced state of delusional thinking ...

Before they think of sending off a letter to the editor, please point out it only encourages paranoid reptile thinking.

You might also point out to them The Australian's current circulation ... putting the best skew on it, the readership is around 334,000 week days and falling, and about the same on the weekend if you average it out over the two days (if you believe Roy Morgan here), and physical circulation is pitiful, in a population currently going past 23 million, which perhaps explains why the reptiles now plaster airports with throwaway copies.

It also happens that the much more benign and low rent tabloidy site is the Murdochian main presence online (here). That site is much more likely to present stories on climate science, and without the skew of a shouting commentariat or a barking mad editorial revealing the barking mad attitudes of the current editorial team, while the Oz is nowhere in sight.

But in a post-modernist way you can explain to your young 'uns the joys of post-ironic comedy, with all the talk of the reptiles connecting with reality and the mainstream a cosmic hoot, as if the lizard Oz was somehow in touch with the zeitgeist and the mainstream and the collective wisdom.

And there's your reward, and theirs. Pure, sublime, irrepressible comedy and mirth.

It comes from hanging around with clowns ...

Show us Mr Moir, and more Moir here: