Tuesday, March 28, 2017

In which the pond checks out the reptile narrative, thanks to Lloydie and Moorice ...


Media Watch returned to the safe ground of giving Lloydie a good mocking, starting with his bold claim about being fearless ...

Every so often the pond wonders why Lloydie exists and how he manages to live with himself, but the reptile thumb gives a clue ...


Well you know what they say about butterflies in the Amazon producing a cyclone on the other side of the world ...



It's the usual theory of rogues, charlatans and thieves that a little not-for-profit work elsewhere will excuse the shameless, grubby, for-profit work being done at home ...

The question is, is it fair to slag off good old Lloydie for being a one-sided git, and a positive danger to the country and the world, and to complain about his conspicuously fearful absence from reporting on recent stories about coral bleaching?

Well yes, because as Media Watch notes - the show is available here - during the first round of reports, Lloydie took to the battlefield with ceaseless reporting ...




And good old Lloydie tilted at windmills and jousted with Media Watch when it questioned his reporting...


That show, which dug up Lloydie's reliance on Jim Steele, science teacher at Everett Middle School and Wallenberg High School - anything to keep the debate going - can still be found here ...

The current show noted that Lloydie had cited the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority in his defence first time around ... "which of course is the authority behind all this year's warnings" - and ended with a note that the reptiles of Oz had declined to respond or explain the lack of coverage by them and Lloydie ... so "... our guess is it just doesn't fit their narrative."

But that implies there is a narrative.

What on earth could that narrative be?

Well as the pond anxiously waits for the injured Lloydie to reply, to lash back, marvellous Moorice has stepped up this day to explain and confirm the reptile narrative ...



The pond has been here many times before, and is frequently honoured and delighted that one of the world's greatest climate scientists should become a decorative ornament on its pages ...



Now as usual with Moorice, it's worthwhile having a few facts at the ready to supplement his astonishing and immaculate science. 

It is, for example, exceptionally pleasing to note that as a result of rising CO2, the planet will get better and better in every way, and will be able to feed more people than ever, and we need spare not a thought for any other minor consequences ... such as ocean acidification, rising seas, more variable weather, melting ice caps, droughts, and so on and so forth ...

All this is mere desiderata compared to Moorice's grand vision of a giving planet ...

As for the matter of Hazelwood, we should mourn the loss of brown coal, and cluck at these idle statistics ...


That was back in September 2016 in The Conversation here, and the pond does apologise for introducing something closer to reality, because we have much more Moorice to get through, and much more data to misrepresent, distort and malign ...


And there, in a nutshell, is the reptile of Oz's narrative, distilled and laid bare by eminent climate scientist Moorice ...

Climate denialism, replete with climate science conspiracy thinking, full blooded, full throated, rip roaring, nostril snorting, as loud and as subtle as a Harley exhaust pipe.

A grand spouting of the usual nonsense and tripe, as if Moorice and the reptiles alone had the science and the understanding ... though the pond is disappointed to note that there is still no resolution to the question of whether it's a United Nations world government conspiracy or a Chinese government world government conspiracy ...

And that's the company Lloydie travels with, supports, and provides comfort to ...

How a gesture in Peru is designed to fix this level of malignant fuckwittery is beyond the pond ...

Let's hope that Lloydie avoids looking into mirrors and or at paintings of himself ...



The consciousness of degradation? That's not a bad alternative narrative ...




In which the pond suffers from a return of Tourette Syndrome, induced by a condition known as copper Caterism, for which grants are the only known cure ...


These days the lizard Oz frequently saunters beyond the valley of the caricature. 

A large cyclone is bearing down on Queensland, putting thousands in peril. So what do the reptiles lead with as a story? Safety fears at Christian charities ...oh, and look over there on the right, there's a cyclone ...

And on the digital pages there's more of the usual obsessions ...


And then came further confirmation that the reptiles would breathlessly report on the onion muncher with an EXCLUSIVE if he farted or wiped the snot from his nose ...


Did they bother reporting any other minor back bencher's opinion?

Why do you ask?

And there were other things, the usual Islamic hysteria, and a SPECIAL INVESTIGATION which simply reported on the result of all the fucking useless fucking hysteria by the Murdochian reptiles in relation to the NBN over recent years, which has seen a vast amount of fucking useless money spent on useless fucking copper ...


You fucking useless luddites, take the fucking credit for all you've accomplished with your celebration of hybrids and your downgrading of fibre to preserve an antiquated future for Foxtel ... 

You helped dud Australia. At least person up and take responsibility ...

But before the pond has an anxiety attack about the return of its Tourette Syndrome, it's time for a relaxing canter through this week's Caterist contribution ...



It conforms to that fantastic genre, "things we cannot afford", which the pond noticed was in full flower when it googled the Caterist text ...


And so on and on, about the things we cannot afford. 

And so to the Caterist, whom the pond can only manage to afford by googling ...


Indeed, indeed. Might the pond lower its expectations of what citizens, the Caterists, the reptiles of Oz and the Menzies RC  might reasonably expect from government?

Like cash in the paw grants in aid? In aid of what? Bloody blathering Caterists?


Talk about an impediment to growth ...

What's the bet that the Caterist will next rub the pond's nose in the disgrace that is the NBN, the result of much Murdochian campaigning to reduce the notion of fibre to rubble?


The NBN? Remember this from the Caterists back in 2013, hailed by the likes of the Bolter as visionary?


Actually it's called building infrastructure. It's not an unusual activity for government, as the roads and the wires outside the pond's house routinely remind the pond, and as it recalls when it turns on a tap or flushes a fucking toilet ...

Of course every so often, the government does fuck it up, and that's why the tooth fairy does keep coming back each year, giving out gifts to bludgers ...


Yes, that's bloody good evidence of the tooth fairy returning each year to drop a handsome coin under the Caterist's bedside glass of water ...

As for the rest, somehow the pond has built to peak irritation point with the useless bloody reptiles this day...  probably arising from that talk of NBN speed when it seems all that was needed was just to drop a bloody cable in the basement. 

Welcome to the reptile idea of the futurist NBN ...


And so to the final Caterist gobbet


We should start by cutting statins, or slashing government services?

How about we start with this useless, mindless bloody waste of public money?


Fuck all the rent-seekers, and the government grant blood suckers and the Caterist leeches living off the public teat, and while the pond's in full Tourette flight, fuck the reptiles for enabling, facilitating, condoning and applauding the degutting of the NBN ... and fuck their cheek for now mounting a special investigation in all they helped bring about ...

Well there's a few things that are still in the teapot that the pond can save on ... given that it's banished all Murdochian product from the house - yes, everything has once again gone and the pond is Murdoch skinny ...

Any company advertising on a Murdochian website might be a good starting point ...

It's moments like these that the pond needs a little medical assistance, and being allergic to statins, it's time to gulp down a relieving Rowe, with more Rowe guaranteed to provide relief available here ...



Monday, March 27, 2017

In which the pond blogs about the Major Mitchell of Oz, because what else can an unreliable blogger do?



The pond likes to think of its time with the Major Mitchell as a psychotherapy session, with the Major lying on a couch, and letting it all hang out ...

Of course this is a rich vein of humour for The New Yorker, remembering that it's put together in New York, and anyone with half a dime has a shrink ...


The Major Mitchell has many sources of grief and mental agitation, including but not limited to, social media of all kinds, twitter, blogging, and the market failure of the reptile Oz under his watch ...

But this is hardly surprising. Many creatures experience guilt ...


And so to today's session, where the usual obsessions, and grief, and pain, and the howl, the cry, at the sky, the heavens and the whole damn thing, will come tumbling out ...


It's all there, of course. The agitation about hipsters and smart young things, and being a fusty old fogey ... and naturally there's the standard outrage at the Fairfaxians and the way the world has gone to hell in a handbasket, and it's all their fault, this shameless, shocking dereliction of standards...

Now this might not be the most appropriate time to mention the Major Mitchell's own editorial standards, but the pond usually does it while the patient is lying helpless on the couch  ...


There's more here, and anyone who likes can have a field day googling up the story, which turns up in predictable places such as Media Watch ...


Again there's more to be found by following the link ... and much more by googling, that fiendish tool of the devil, but it's not so much the nakedness of the error, as the resolute refusal to apologise, and the returning every so often to the ashes to fan the flames back to life that gets to the pond ...


...but the pond must return to its next gobbet to couch-stricken Major Mitchell ... struggling in the grip of a deep sense of irrelevance ... or perhaps struggling with memory loss, which at least has the charm of helping scribblers over the lump of hypocrisy and the mote in the eyd...



Now there are many ironies here, not the least that the editor of a populist tabloid rag in the deep north should turn sanctimonious and righteous about the mob and the sheep and the populists ... while at the very same time, the reptiles of Oz crusade in the most bizarre way on assorted furphies, including but not limited to 18C ...

There is, in the phrasing above, a deep sense of elitism and condescension in the Major Mitchell, not least the notion that the Major Mitchell and his fellow reptiles are just the chaps to inform an electorate and to lead them out of the wilderness ...


Never mind, GOP elephant, we just have to spend a little more time in the Major Mitchell session ... and catch a final burst of bitterness about bloggers and tweeters ...


Did somebody mention the Donald?

Actually, the pond has found that, if it wants to get from point A to point B, a bus ticket, or at least an Opal card, is much handier than a Shakespeare play ...

That's not an argument about utilitarianism and language, that's just a question of whether you want to catch a bus, or you want to sound like a fucking idiot by offering the driver a copy of Hamlet ...


Don't get the pond wrong. We luvs our Shakespeare, we just can't see how comparing Bill to a bus ticket makes a remotely useful point.

No doubt the Major Mitchell is the sort of futtock who stands at the bus stop making life miserable with those who had the sense to get themselves some kind of ticket ...

As for the notion that a wide variety of media sources is good for the mental diet, the pond can say, with some certainty, that paying attention to the reptiles of Oz has resulted in a significant loss of IQ, of balance, and of perspective ...

No amount of alternative sources can make up for the bizarre, the rabid, the paranoid, and the fetid festering ideas that come with the kool aid served by the lizard Oz water cooler ...

It's easy to end up thinking everyone is a stooge of Russia, and a lickspittle lackey of the dictator Putin, and worse, a never-ending tweeter of nonsense and stupidity ...

But that brings the pond to a point the Major Mitchell might like to consider if he wants to go Order of Lenin hunting these days ...

Has he thought of checking out this tweeting Ruski lover and the lickspittles who fawn over him?


Ah yes, the only thing that's been enhanced by reading the Major Mitchell and the other reptiles is the pond's sense of the wondrous ironies that abound in the world ...


And speaking of fictional, unbelievable, tosspot characters, here's where the Major Mitchell's tweeting Ruski lover hangs out with the Murdochians of the world ...



The Major Mitchell rails at tweeters, while the Murdochians elsewhere hail the Ruski-loving tweeting chief?

Well that's worth a David Rowe cartoon, remembering that many more Rowe cartoons can be found here ...




In which the pond indulges in its special Monday Oreo treat ...




The pond rarely pays attention to Fairfax these days - keeping on touch with the reptiles of Oz is a full-time, richly rewarding hobby, and that's enough for the pond ...

And it's true that in the great sweep of life, polls come and polls go, and no-one's much the wiser - and if anyone wants the news of this one, it's easy enough to find, with only the headline of any real interest.

But the problem with a life immersed in playing with the reptiles of Oz is the way all connection with reality and other worlds is quickly lost ...

Now many reasons might be advanced for Malware's current precarious state - let us assume that this poll is as good and as relevant as any recently devised by Newspoll - including company tax cuts for companies which notoriously already pay too little tax, or policy initiatives designed to please the reptiles and no one else ...



Still with the coal, as if spending a billion to keep the brown coal burner open wasn't enough ...

It might be simply that, as with Julia Gillard, Malware could talk himself blue, but nobody would notice, pay attention or care ...

The reptiles of late have spent an inordinate amount of time coddling Malware and cooing about him taking his first baby steps, with Savva leading the way.

Yet this is where all their redemptive efforts have led them ... to a reality check with another poll.

The pond thinks that the reptiles of Oz should take a reasonable amount of credit for this predicament.

The unrelenting, unceasing blather about 18C led Malware to waste a week on changing the wording, yet without any likelihood of being able to get the changes through the Senate, thereby establishing yet again that he is, in his most common guise, an impotent eunuch, governing at the behest of others ...

Outside the reptile bubble bath, nobody much cares about 18C.

The pond recently noted a rare agreement with the man who ruined Tamworth:

"This is an issue, it is an issue but I'll be frank, it lives in the extremities of the bell curve. Where do you meet those people [who care about 18C]? At party meetings, they are absolutely blessed people and they are terribly politically involved and they have an intense interest in some of the minutiae of debate. They come into your office to rant and rave about it, all four of them." (Fairfax here).

Sure enough, one of the four of them turned up today in the lizard Oz, ready to do it all over again at tedious length ...


Of course for the pond, it's the delight in the repetition that appeals. It's like watching a parrot repeat over and over "who's a pretty parrot?" while doing a jig and a dance ...

Any child will understand the appeal of watching a ranter and a raver do their energetic mindless thing ...


And so it's on with the bunny, banging and clashing away ...


 

Now there's no point in engaging with this intoxicating level of gibberish.

Who but the Oreo could produce the quaint notion of "secular faith"?

Who but the Oreo could blather on about "formal equality", as opposed to informal equality, or perhaps formal inequality, or perhaps informal inequality ...

What's compelling is the rich, fruity vein of paranoia, resentment and anger that's laced through the text ...

Who else but the Oreo could talk of 'intense dislike' followed immediately by the creating of hostility? The Oreo is a relentless, hysterical anger machine ...

And of course when Malware picks up on this sort of rhetoric and attempts to run with it, the result's an uncomfortable sense that he's just a sock puppet blowing in the wind ...



More Letch here, as Oreo gets on with the tedious business of blathering about 18C  all over again... no wonder Barners sighs deeply into his dinkum Tamworth beer ...


Once more there's the fruity paranoia.

And there it comes again, that talk of "formal equality".

Yet in all this gushing and carry-on, where was the Oreo inhibited? How was the Oreo cut short? Was the entire column written under the yoke of the threat of political persecution?

Did anyone get agitated about the Oreo rabbiting on in energetic bunny style about totalitarianism?

Well the pond might get agitated by the meta-musings about "meta-regulators" and sundry other abuses of the English language, but in reality, the sheer tiresomeness of the obsession guarantees this endless campaign only appeals to reptile lovers ... obsessed with the notion of political correctness gone mad ...


Well there's more Wilcox here, and the pond hesitantly suggests that the reason that Malware is in such deep trouble is that he should have wasted his time and energy on pandering to the reptiles for no particular benefit, either to country or to himself ...

On the other hand, as any child knows, hyped up on a generous, hearty mix of flour, sugar and fat, there's nothing like a diet of hysterical Oreos to create a hyper-kinetic sense of energy ... until the fatigue and the nausea sets in ... and then the need to collapse into a deep sleep becomes an overwhelming desire ...

Here you go Malware, have a special treat ... have an Oreo on the pond and see where it gets you ...

Oh dear, could the pond endure years listening to comrade Bill?

Well played, paranoid verging on the psychotic, foolish reptiles ...now in so deep that it would be as tedious to return as to go o'er ...