Sunday, July 22, 2018

In which the dog botherer and prattling Polonius do a double bunger act ...


The pond would like to do a big shout-out to JJ, who in the birthday celebrations, tipped the pond off to a Firefox add-on …

It took the pond a little while to get around to it, but it worked a treat, and as he or she noted, it can be found here ….

The pond recommends it to anyone suffering reptile withdrawal symptoms ...

The pond is spiritually a nerd, and is constantly amazed by the skills of nerds and the abilities of nerds as they go about their cyber warfare, though it has to be said that intellectually the pond has the nerdish skill sets of a bar of soap …

Nonetheless, thanks to JJ - instead of the pond's usual tricks to gain access, the dog botherer piece below came via his or her advice …though the pond couldn't resist dropping in on the lizard Oz twitter feed to begin proceedings…


The pond knew at once the sign of the Lobbecke meant that the dog botherer had been granted cult status … though the pond had to guess that it was the master, because there didn't seem to be an authenticating signature, and there was no machine at hand to check the patina ...


Indeed, indeed, and many can now play soccer, though this can lead to tears at the lizard Oz …


Hmm, and it seems white men can't do hoops or play NFL or NRL… though it rather does explain the bromancer story featured yesterday ...


It seems Europe and the Donald are the problem - remind the pond where the USA finished in the World Cup? - and African soccer players are the answer …

But enough of the deeply Freudian fears of feeble white men, it's back to the joyous dog botherer ...


The pond has to hand it to the dog botherer. As a denialist given to lying endlessly about climate science from a position of remarkable scientific ignorance and with an astonishing lack of qualifications, the dog botherer deserves unstinting praise from the pond for being up there with the Donald in his capacity and ability at lying … though the pond feels compelled to note that his feigned optimism is a tad hard to take, as his usual level of snark and bile is more on a par with The Mocker and such like forms of nattering negativity ...


The tears of joy he sheds for his children? There must have been some kind of reconciliation …


What to say? … "He's been known to argue for stubborn, sightless inaction on climate change"?


Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose to use a French soccer term ...

And now because the pond is finding it hard letting go and likes its double bunters, or even just a bunch of ordinary crackers …



…the pond simply couldn't let the weekend go without dropping in on prattling Polonius.

It has to be said that inane repetition, rather like crackers going off in a Chinese New Year celebration is Polonius's chief strength, and what do you know, he's bunging on about the ABC yet again …

If the pond had a penny for every time Polonius has bemoaned the way the ABC refuses to give the brave inner city 'leet lad a gig as an authentic right-wing presenter (dressed up as concern for others who've missed out), the pond would have almost as many billions as the Donald, or at least be deeply in hock to the Russians as much as he  clearly is, and so inclined to behave erratically according to the whims of the puppet master ...



Now the pond deeply sympathises with Polonius about their ABC, and there is clearly a solution to hand.

He and his wife must immediately boycott the ABC. No more appearances on The Insiders, The Drum, and such like, which can be seen as implicit, quisling, forelock-tugging support for the current management and their insidious, hideous practices.

It might take some time for the ABC management to come to its collective senses, but it will surely be worth it in the long run, and the pond senses that ABC viewers will be right behind Polonius in his endless boycott …

Polonius will still be able to rail at the ABC from the comfort of his reptile eerie, and everyone at the ABC will wail at their loss … in much the same way as in winter the pond deeply misses the sounds of mosquitoes droning in its ear ...



Indeed, indeed, what the ABC needs is Polonial types willing to wear proper climate science-denying caps on their heads …


Phew, lucky that's a good excuse for a few more cartoons …








Saturday, July 21, 2018

A reptile double bunger with "Ned" and the bromancer ...

The pond knew it was going to be hard …

Sneaking down to gaze at the herpetarium only once a day? Such a loss, such an absence.

It reminded the pond of the days when it attempted to diet. A good day cutting back would be immediately followed by a binge feast, rampant indulgence, a frenzy of ice-cream …

The pond knew the weekend was going to be the hardest … how to pick a favourite reptile, how to choose which sorbet out of a vast array of treats …


And there was more down the page in the opinion section, but seniority had to be respected. 

Nattering "Ned" moaning about an existential crisis - compounding the rich comedy - was like a serve of Neapolitan ice-cream …harlequins on the three-flavoured move …



Oh dear, they're trolling "Ned" …and perhaps that's why "Ned" no longer looks in the mirror, but instead gathers fluff from the navel …



It's as if chairman Rupert can't be mentioned or honoured for the works and deeds performed by his minions …

In much the same way, if we're talking about mismanagement of globalisation, can honourable mentions be made of the British, French, Dutch, Spanish and Portuguese empires for a couple of centuries?

Never mind, the pond is on an ice-cream junket, and will have it all ...


At this point, the pond has to interrupt, to explain why it decided it must also have the junketing bromancer sit at the table for the feast.

Some wretched men love a cat fight, but the pond's favourite sport is to throw a couple of reptiles into the ring and let them go at it …

This requires remembering what "Ned's" just written, so that it might, in due course, be compared to the bromancer's furiously shameless scribbling ...


Oh please miss, pick the pond, pick the pond. The pond can make sense of what's going on, and even offer one of the worst symptoms of the disease …

The Murdochians! They're the ones that cheered on Breixt and the Donald … and no amount of hand-wringing from "Ned" can hide the record, though in these post-Orwellian times many try to do so …

The pond was thinking the other day how deeply, truly conservative it had become.

The pond accepts the benefits (along with the limitations) of free trade, worries about the bizarre notion that governments can run by credit card in the style of the Donald, thinks there are sensible benefits to immigration (not least the people who collect the pond's garbage because damned if Anglos dedicated to western civilisation will do it), and now thinks George Will quite sensible, never mind the days the pond mocked him for his attitude to jeans …

Now the seemingly aphasic "Ned" seems to be making a pitch to true conservatives ...


Um, how about "the damage Rupert Murdoch and Fox News has done and is doing to domestic US politics is deep and most likely terminal… and Australia cannot escape what the baleful Murdochians have helped wrought …or wreaked ... or whatever ..."

Still there's only one slice of the vanilla ice-cream to go ...


Well the pond has done its bit of boldness by trying to cut back on the reptile diet but golly it's hard to give up on the cartoons ...



And of course the moment Bell here makes reference to Gillray, the pond must head off here ...


And so to the junketing bromancer, showing the true face of the Murdochians ...


Note well the demonisation of Europe, the excuses laid out for the Donald, and all the rest of the usual bromancer nonsense.

That's the trouble with overloading on ice-cream … bulimia sets in and the urge to vomit grows strong, and the pond must race off for a cartoon ...


Dammit, and Rowson would have to reference another master ...



Yes, between the perfidious French and Donald Trump, the choice it seems, is between paying off a Playboy bunny and actual art …

And there's another aspect of the pond's conservatism laid bare. It still much prefers the Europeans to the Donald and Vlad the impaler … though these days it seems for many reptiles the reverse is true ...

Anyone who could dismiss the Donald as a disaster zone is surely a fuckwit of the first water, and no doubt is also a lover of demagogue serial liar populist Boris ...


Around this time in the engorgement, the pond realised it was just eating for the sake of eating. It was a mental as well as a physical disorder, and all that could be done was plunge on until the last lick was finger-caressed from the tub … though if there's a mention of "elite", the pond will be likely to open its ice-cream saturated lips to the sky and scream ...


And there are two levels of delusion: (a) that Australia might possibly be an effective replacement for Europe in the life of Britain and (b) that Australia has that much to gain from displacing Europe, while the Donald's burgeoning trade war threatens to demolish the world trade order …

And so to the last gobbet and the real scandal ...


A journalist is a participant in the Australia UK Leadership Forum?

Put it another way, a member of the media 'leet headed off to Britain as part of the nob 'leets, and then had the gigantic cheek, the enormous fucking gall to scribble about 'leets?

A forum of the 'leets that Ciobo described here this way …

The Turnbull Government welcomes the Brexit White Paper that confirms a free trade agreement with Australia remains a priority for the UK. Australia has been preparing for negotiations through the Trade Working Group established in September 2016. 
In London I will attend the inaugural Australia-UK Leadership Forum, which will bring together leaders from government, business, academia and the arts, to deepen the relationship between our countries. The Forum aims to enable greater cooperation and sharing of ideas to address economic challenges, with a particular focus on trade, investment and productivity.

Yes, the bromancer went on a junket to attend a forum with a political purpose and then wrote that column, and all that was in it, and got around to mentioning the forum in the last line ...

Shameless …

Actually beyond the valley of the deeply shameless 'leets.

What to do?

The pond thought of throwing away all the ice-cream and never mind the expense, but decided that it should just gorge on cartoons, with more Rowe for the gorging here




Friday, July 20, 2018

Goodbye to some of that ...


The pond started blogging ten years ago, on 20th July 2008. It was a Sunday, and the pond went into a brooding fit because Michael Duffy had scribbled some nonsense about evangelicals ...ironical really, as the pond woke this morning to Andrew West attempting to get evangelical Xian Mike Pompeo to disavow fundamentalist, human rights abusing Saudi Arabia, and after a brief evasion, copping an interview termination notice …

Stupidity and hypocrisy never ends, but ten years is a long, long time to wallow in it…


… and now the pond is cutting back on its reptile addiction, back to a single post each day in the morning.

Aquarium owners will know the feeling if they've ever woken up one morning to find the tank full of fish floating belly up … do they re-stock, or do they embark on a useful, meaningful life?

When the pond started, it had some regrets about trolling the Duffster, but he went on to a better life out of the spotlight, and in a way, the pond became the victim … as the pond's mind has long been overgrown with useless reptile trivia and arcana …


And for what? Usually lavish doses of hysteria and alarmism about all the wrong and irrelevant things…


Of course there will be losses and regrets, but for those who've wondered how the pond keeps accessing the reptiles, here's a few tricks.

First the old trick of clearing cache, googling up a story and clicking on it still works for some. 

For reasons that puzzle the pond, the reptiles insist on allowing access to prattling Polonius this way, presumably because he's generally a waste of space and with no meaningful value to the brand.

Second with cache cleared, if a tweet is brought up to full page by clicking at the head of it, a further couple of clicks will usually result in a link to the text. Of course this only produces stories the reptiles have tweeted about, and the reptiles are useless at social media.

Third, if a story really appeals, there's always this site, which will deliver a de-cluttered version because the reptile paywall isn't as hard as it pretends to be. All that's needed is the piece's address, from www to end of letters and numbers, cut and pasted and hey presto …

The pond regarded this as unsporting, and had hoped that its campaign, in lieu of bankruptcy, might produce a harder paywall of The Times/WSJ kind, but the hapless locals still want to be part of a conversation …

The pond makes no guarantee how long any of these tricks will last, and doesn't really much care.

Hopefully the SEO mob at the lizard Oz will address the tricks, introduce a really hard paywall, and produce an appropriately apartheid digital experience which will result in the reptiles being isolated from the world.

Cutting back will mean sacrifices, but the pond gave up the Devine and Akker Dakker some time ago, and what a blissful sense of relief that produced … 

The pond realises the gravity of giving up a hobby … there will be some dreadful choices to make …


Today for example, there was the Tudge, determined to return Australia to the days of the language tests and the attitudes of the white Australia policy …



And how sad it is to leave behind Bjorn and the Oz editorialist … not ...


Yes, there's something to be said for selectively culling the stupid …


And so to the pond's one dining experience for the day, and the pond is very pleased that our Henry, 'hole in the bucket' Ergas, is the guest at the pond's birthday party …much better than any kind of celebratory card ...

  

Our Henry showed all the class breeding that qualifies a reptile for the pond's once a day slot …

First he's been blessed by the Lobbecke of the day, an infallible sign of very unique* status (*licensed from ABC24) … and was promoted to top of the rotating digital reptile slot ...


Even better, our Henry has at last gone the full Donald …


Indeed, indeed, so what better solution than to get into bed with Vlad the impaler?


Useless fools need willing tools, and our Henry is very willing ...


And there you go … roll that Henry-ism around on your tongue …

Vladimir Putin's message has the ring of truth … 

Godwin's Law prevented the pond from imagining our Henry celebrating Il Duce for making the trains run on time.

The pond always suspected Fox News and the lizards of Oz aspiring to full Pravda status, and our Henry shows how it might be done ...


The pond always thought our Henry was a little strange, and getting stranger as time passed, but this howl at the moon, this full-blown display of rampant Trumpism was a wonderful birthday gift for the pond, and surely full justification for the pond weeding out the detritus so that only the brightest jewels might glint in the morning light …

Of course there will be other dilemmas in this weeding and culling. 

What do do when the infallible Pope returns, to joust with the infallible Rowe for attention?

Luckily the infallible Pope continues on holiday, so the dilemma can be put off for another day … and luckily the infallible Rowe, as always more here, offers a tidy little thought for our Henry …


And that is that for our Henry and his Tzar wars, and now the pond can go off and do useful things for the day … with best wishes for those who also have useful things to do. Up against reading the reptiles, a snooze is better than as good as it gets ...