Sunday, May 01, 2016

Day 41, and a late update on the Bolter Devine meow factor ...



The Weekend Parrot runs with the Terrorists ...

And the Bolter runs with Peta ...


Discipline!

Whip them into shape!



And as for that other dreadful woman featured by the Terrorists, and so featured in the pond earlier in the day with a meow?

Why she can now be cast out into the outer rings of hell ...

It will be fondly remembered that Dante devised the sixth circle for Heresy and Heretics ... such as Epicureans who say the soul dies with the body ... and women who play the gender card.

The sort of women who routinely offend teh Donald ...

Vile, wretched women of the Devine kind ...


Who is this strange woman? You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful Terrorist columnist, this is not my beautiful unified house of Murdoch, but reptiles scratching and clawing and tearing at each other in the monstrous dark ...



Strange that the Bolter didn't find the time to tackle the Devine over her filthy, vile calumny ...

“Tough to write,” tweeted Murdoch on January 28 last year, the day after I wrote a column urging Abbott to replace Credlin to save himself, “but if he won’t replace top aide Peta Credlin she must do her patriotic duty and resign.” 
Conservative criticism of the Abbott government by that stage included Peter Costello, John Roskam, Tim Wilson, Dennis Shanahan, Greg Sheridan, Janet Albrechtsen, Alan Jones, Chris Kenny and even Bolt, who went further than anyone to call Abbott’s gonging of Prince Philip “so damaging that it could be fatal”. 

Would you prefer a serving of Lincoln or Mark with your heresy?





Day 41, and the Terrorists move the delcon party to a backyard barbie ...


The pond is outraged. How did First Dog get such an excellent service? How can the pond sign up?

The Optus The, and if you have 30 minutes to spare, check out the First Dog cartoon here.

Never mind, the pond is as wildly excited as it is outraged.

For too long the pond has just been coasting along, recycling easy copper jokes and wild-eyed tales of subs in the shape of croissants.

The Terrorists did their best to revive the pond's spirits by introducing Mark Latham, but this day came most excellent and heart-warming news ...  talk about hitting the jackpot ...


Yes, the drinker - Maiden voyage in the dock, thanks to a reader - got down to it with the shaker and the fixer, and blessed the pond with an in-depth probing interview that transfixed the entire full to overflowing intertubes ...



Look at the splash:


You do the delcon math!

Now in lieu of an actual column - first tell the punters what you're going to do, get around to doing it later - the drinker's penetrating insights stirred the pond to rapture ...



Next week? It's the dance of the seven veils? Okay, first question, are we winning the picture war?

Are there enough photos of Peta to attract the clicks? Or is that the chicks? Or the blokes?


The picture war! And the rest was of a similar 'strangle me before I get too deep into the shallow water' kind ...


Talk about a great promotional interview, insightful, pungent, witty, provocative ...

Ah the backyard barbecue ...


And thank the long absent lord she didn't rule out a return by the real leader of the opposition ...

But the pond is aware that sensitive souls will be asking what of the Devine? Where does this leave the Devine?

Well sadly, the Devine seems to have suffered a blow and a bit of a demotion ... lurking alongside a penetrating piece on hair crimes ...


Haircuts, stars ...

About the only thing to note about the Devine's column was the way it roused a late night owl to indignation ...


Sheesh Pete, don't hold back like that, tell the Devine what you really think ...

Oh and there was this poignant note at the end of the Devine piece, mysterious, yet evocative, which the Devine cannily turned into an extra blog posting ...

Hmmm, new star meet fading, ageing old star ... meoowww ....


Did the Devine just refer to herself and Niki Savva as chicks? Has she gone full hipster?

But what fun to see the delcon wars continue apace ... and to see that the Terrorists have done their patriotic duty by Peta ... and hired her.

But how poignant it was to be reminded of Paul Sheehan's existence. And what of Akker Dakker?

The pond rushed off to check, but in true delcon style, yesterday he was still raging about the subs and the French...

Ten Anzac frigates of German design were built at the yard in the 1990s, with production technology support from Germany, to a fixed price, with about 80 per cent Australian (and New Zealand) content to German standards of productivity and quality — arguably the most successful naval project in Australian history. It would seem that the German bidders offered much the same deal on the planned submarines: a fixed price, efficient digitalised shipbuilding controls, about 70 per cent of Australian content and German quality and productivity levels. The Japanese were so eager to enter the weapons export business, they would have agreed to meet anything that the others had offered. Perhaps the only thing that can be said in favour of the ­arrangement with the French is that at least some decision has actually been made. Labor was paralysed for years, the Abbott-Turnbull government pushed for a ­resolution. What can be said is that the French know how to milk Australian politics better than most Australian politicians. The idle but expensive ­desalination plants we bought from the French are now joined by their submarines as testimony to their diplomatic skill at extracting taxpayers’ money from Australian politicians.


Sad to say, the fulminating Akker Dakker has been given a low profile of late. Another fading, ageing star ...

His column attracted one comment; his blog no comments at all. Well, you know how hard it is to get the Terrorists to moderate on a weekend... and just try getting a Sunday coffee from them without talk of loadings.

Sad to say, Akker Dakker isn't the Billy Bunter of yore. Yaroops, garooar, and the fat owl clearly doesn't generate the clicks ...

In fact the pond only ran Colonel Blimp so we could feature this trailer ...

 

The pond's really looking forward to the full movie.

And now it seems that the trend is to provide a soup├žon at the end of a piece, and it has to be said that this pond outing - thanks be unto the drinker and Peta - is already full of astonishing substance, and so is ripe for a soup├žon ...


Oh noes, internet meme, did Barners really say that in his best 'kill the dogs', hundred dollar lamb roast voice?

Tony Windsor seems to think he did, as per a piece in The Land here:

Those who have read my book Windsor’s Way will be aware of comments made by Mr Joyce after the 2013 election where he says: 'You know, Tony, until you had decided not to run I had the money for the Armidale Hospital as well as funding for the Legume to Woodenbong road.’ 
He then went on to explain that the removal of funding had been ordered by the Prime Minister’s office. As soon as the seat could be taken for granted attention to local issues ceased. 
These behaviour patterns have been going on for years and perhaps country people should learn that the only seats that get any attention are those where real competition prevails. 
We can see this scenario being played out in the seat of Indi at present. 
Loyalty in politics is not rewarded but taken advantage of to such a degree that those seats are ignored. 
Country people are particularly vulnerable and we see constant examples where the Nationals in particular are drinking their blood. 
The inland rail is a classic example - announced 15 years ago by John Anderson but nothing has happened other than dragging it past consecutive elections. 
And still the faithful thank them for doing nothing - blind faith.

PM's office? Drinking their blood?

Hang on, hang on, is Tony saying that the Peta chick is a vampire? Is that why the Terrorists have hired her?



Never mind, it's just another meditative Sunday and now the pond has to spend thirty minutes getting somewhere, anywhere ... that drizzle's telling the pond it's the right day for a barbie (and to see the full First Dog cartoon, follow the link above).





Saturday, April 30, 2016

Day 40, and never mind the Chinese being alienated, it's the Japanese alienated too ...


(Above: and more Rowe here).

The pond knows it should pay attention to the Mutton Dutton but truth to tell, it would get the pond in such a state of agitation and stress that it's better to move on to other things.

And fortunately the bromancer has come up with a ripping beneath the sea story of woe and pain this day ...


Yes, it's the saga of the sous-marin subs, and the pond simply can't get enough of it.


Now it will be remembered that Australia has just offended the Chinese by refusing to approve the latest land grab. 

But this is clearly just window dressing to hide the way that the devious Malware has pandered to the bullying Chinese by favouring the French in sous-marin matters ...


The pond was mortified. There seems to be only one solution. Despite his claims that he was over the hill, just another elder statesman trying to help the Bolter attract attention to his new TV show, the wall punching onion eater must be brought back at once. 

Let's face it, we can't go on without the mad monk, because a friend of Japan is a friend of Abbott, and a friend of Abbott is a friend of Japan, and let no Malware interloper ruin this deep bonding. Or if they do, they must deeply pause for most serious reflection.

Now the rest is a very long read, and the pond has already established at nauseating length the contradictions embedded in the bromancer's assorted positions ...

Let us start with a flashback. Iris in please, maestro ...


Ah yes, the good old days ...


But back to the present and the yearning for the onion muncher ...


And now Malware, via ScoMo, has refused to sell off the farm to the devious Chinese! Would it be possible to find clearer evidence of an international conspiracy of the first water?

And then it occurred to the pond that it could indeed get worse. 

We could have the bromancer roaming around Japan talking up his man love for the onion eater to the dangerous 'leets ...

A soulmate! A brother in a band of brothers ...


It goes without saying that the pond was shocked to the core. Not the WSJ! Why it's likely that Fox News was also agitated and upset ... oh how the legacy of a wonderful onion eater has been so cruelly trashed. 

The pond hopes everyone passed quickly over the bromancer's own saucy doubts and fears and the epic stupidity of the wall puncher's behaviour in making a captain's pick giving the gig to Japan without a nanosecond's thought about the processes or the consequences ... yet another benighted knighting as it were ...


And indeed, there's the kicker. Unless Australia dumps Malware and brings back the onion eater, all will be lost!

Never mind that he started the fuck-up, a fuck-up graphically recorded by the bromancer in his own saucy doubts and fears words ...

Nope, now there's now more mischief to be made talking up the discord with Japan.


The lesson? The bromancer and the onion muncher will do their level best to keep on fucking with the minds of the Japanese. 

Now these perceptions may be unfair, but they are widespread. This whole sorry messed-up episode started with the wall puncher - even the bromancer at one point thought he'd mucked it up - but now there's more mischief to be made ... and don't be fooled for a minute by the onion muncher's denials on the Bolter's show into thinking that none of this matters. We might be in the third act, and Hamlet might be dithering, but there's still at least two acts to go ...

So it matters deeply, especially to the onion muncher and the bromancer ...

Never mind, here's a couple more cartoons in lieu of a commentary (more Rowe as above, and more Moir here)... and lo, behold Malcolm Abbott ... (with forced video)






Day 40 - is it day 40 already - can 50 be just around the corner - and the pond surveys the mood of the reptiles this day ...

(Above: and more Popery here).

At last the pond's idea of a VFT linking Newtown to Woollahra is coming to fruition. Provided we use copper for the tracks, the pond can see itself zooming over to Bondi Beach for a coffee and a surf. As for that defamatory portrait of the pond looking at its watch in a cloud of cobwebs, the pond warns Pope he's on very thin ice. The pond never wears a watch ... that way disappointment would be continually confirmed ...

Sorry advocates of the Hornsby to Penrith line, wait your turn. As for advocates of the Bedford Park to Largs Bay, and Dandenong to Footscray lines, you do realise there's no need to visit any of these suburbs at any time?

But sotto voce, there are serious matters to discuss this day, as the reptiles turn their thoughts to the future.

The reptile efforts can be divided into the three broad camps this day. There's the utterly predictable ...


... well yes, it's to the undying shame of clap happy Mark Scott that he never gave prattling Polonius his own show ...and yet he's such an exemplary talent, so full of dry wit, such an engaging personality for the cameras, and surely for discerning viewers, who would be hypnotically entranced by seeing him in full flowering flight ... much as the pond remembers being beguiled by BA Santamaria. Now there was a towering televisual talent.

Then there's the reptiles in team coaching mode ... how to mould the base, disreputable clay of the Turnbull government and get them back into power ...


The oscillating fan is particularly excited by the prospect of Mark Textor returning to do his thing, and indeed, so is the pond. 


Indeed, indeed, about time. Where else, how else, would we get such exciting thoughts as these?



The pond's well into the unofficially official campaign and the boredom factor is high. Forty days and it's still officially unofficial even as we go about the official business of the campaign.

As for the dog botherer, he's in half-time mode. The much-loved Manly - Collingwood if you will - football team is in trouble, but the coach is at hand, and all that's needed is someone ready and willing to take the ball up the guts. None of this fiddle faddle on the edges! Up the guts!


Frankly there wasn't a dry eye at the pond after reading the dog botherer's exhortations and anyone wanting the full coaching manual can just google the text. Feel the onion eater, be the onion eater ...the more they whinge, the more they squeal, the more Malware can be certain he's channeling Abbott.

But then there was a third camp, the doubters and the worriers and the agitators and the provocateurs ...



The controversy even attracted the reptile editorialist:


Now the pond was shocked.

If we can't sell off the farm, what's the point? Does this mean Barners and the agrarian socialists have won and soon enough we'll be paying a hundred dollars for a lamb roast?


Heck, what's one or two per cent of the country? The pond has long advocated a lease back deal with the Chinese which would see us sell off the entire country, make everyone millionaires in the process, and then lease it back at a peppercorn rate ... talk about sorting out the debt, and avoiding paying taxes, as any decent multinational like News Corp is wont to do ...

Yes, the rest of the reptile editorial was more of the usual same, with a bit of alarmist fear and hysteria and paranoia thrown in for good measure ...


Indeed, indeed ... and if the GOP goes with teh Donald - the ultimate fruition and flowering of conservative and tea party endeavours - we'll all want to join News Corp and Malware in setting up international accounts and companies on remote islands ...


Okay, okay, it isn't Moorice, but the pond can only hope for one Moorice a week.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Day 39, and everything's rooned said Moorice ...


Ah that's better, nothing like starting the day with a Pope and a horse's head in the bed, and you can do the same by bookmarking Pope's gallery here ...

Friday's usually a slow day for the pond, as the reptiles slumber on their hot rocks and the pond begins wrapping up the week, getting ready for the big weekend edition, and the soon to follow budget.

Oh sure, there's Tony Abbott yammering away in the background, drawing attention to himself yet again - it's all about moi, moi, moi - but the pond would usually try a little filler, such as  John Boehner's bon mot about Ted Cruz: "Lucifer in the flesh. I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life."  (gather more moss here).

But this Friday is momentous because there are some days when a giant gets down from his position as a world famous climate scientist and proud, preeminent holder of the premiere prominent position on the pond's banner, to walk in disguise amongst ordinary men, drinking milk and upholding ordinary decent picket fence values with a voice that freezes the blood of the wicked:


(And more Wilson McCoy at his very own web page here).

Yes, drum roll maestro, trumpet blast, and perhaps a burst of the mighty organ Richard Georg Strauss, if you please, let it linger a little before it dies away completely, because today the pond is graced by the presence of the mighty Moorice ...


Now the pond knows what a few cynics might be thinking. 

In this day and age, as Liberal and Labor state governments do deals with developers and conspire to pack the rats into the big cities in towering apartment blocks, talk of white picket fences is beyond the valley of the delusional... unless you count the pickets for the balcony on the penthouse floor, dressed in as a post-modernist, post-ironic, reflexive gesture.

But that's our Moorice, and that's why the pond always listens with deep awe and respect to what maestro Moorice has to say. And what joy that sometimes he leaves aside his position as the world's greatest climate scientist to sort out all the social evils that beset ordinary folk ...


Ah, the pond realises it was wrong to use that Phantom metaphor. Sure, Moorice moves amongst the ordinary folk, shouting imprecations and dire warnings, but doesn't this evoke his mind set better?


By golly, they're everywhere, these leftist cards, flying through the air, rooning everything, just as Hanrahan and Moorice say ...

Let us continue with the attack of the cards ...


What a cathartic cleansing, what an heroic shouting at clouds. Now feminists and leftists, please line up for your punishment ...


Oh indeed, indeed ... ow ow ...

Truly, the pond rarely gets great days like these, and especially on a Friday. The pond owes the reptiles and Moorice a deep debt of gratitude.

What's more, the pond rarely gets a chance to run one of the most venerable memes on the full to overflowing intertubes with absolute righteousness, fairness and a sense of truth and insight ... and yes, poetic justice ...




Meanwhile, over there in the real world, what's that the pond sees? Why it's a Rowe cartoon, portraying a fine exponent of the art of the picket fence (and more Rowe here).