In which the pond discovers the onion muncher makes no difference, and neither does the dog botherer, except perhaps in Iraq, and the result's a Twittering frenzy of Tweets ...

Thanks to the reptiles, the pond is deep into conspiracy theories ...

...and the most obvious conspiracy these days involves the reptiles celebrating the onion muncher so often that there can only be one explanation ... it's so that they can tear down Malware ...

There they were, last night putting the onion muncher at the top of the digital page blathering on in his usual climate denialist way, with three journalists credited as being on the case, as if there was no actual news to report...

Then this morning, the pre-sell having been done, the full pitch was on view ...

That digital top of the page happily brought together the two chief contributions the onion muncher has made to the Australian political landscape ... the fucked attitude to SSM and a comprehensively fucked energy policy, if it's remembered that all the current settings were putting in place during his short time as one of the worst PMs ever to grace the federal sphere ...

The onion muncher was also front and centre of the tree killer edition, with yet another narcissist bit of attention-seeking, fully rewarded by the pandering reptiles ...

And if that wasn't enough onion muncher mania, the man himself was featured doing the nattering negativity he does best of all ...

Anyone who goggled it would have noted that there was nothing new in this bout of nattering negativity ... the reptiles have been blathering about green dreamers for yonks ...

Back in February it was Dame Slap rabbiting on, but that's the way it goes with the hive mind and the buzzing of the bees ...

Perversely the pond took away a deeper problem ... is it possible to discover a photo of the onion muncher for use in a lizard Oz splash that doesn't make him look either wickedly evil, sinister or a vacuous idiot?

The pond will have to leave that challenge open, because the onion muncher's vacuity and hypocrisy called ...

What a fuckwitted foolish fop he is, and all the more so because in all that the only mention of the Abbott government is the way he abolished the carbon tax, with apparently no capacity to recall the way he crowed about the way that energy bills would come down by five hundred dollars until the twelfth of never, or perhaps next Xmas, or more likely, never at all ...

Now it's not the pond's place to point out the monstrous hypocrisy or the demonstrable stupidity ... others have done that and it's water off the nattering negative duck's back ...

The pond would rather just run a cartoon ...

... and get through the sanctimonious hypocrisy as quickly as it can ...

Of course it's not just in the area of energy that the onion muncher's roosters are coming home to roost ...

... which is as good an excuse as any to do a pivot, a segue, a throw to the dog botherer ...

What's appealing here is the grudging nature of the piece, the singular lack of generosity, the spite behind the superficial, surface giving ...

But the dog botherer is part of the pond's beat, and it's been some considerable time since we dropped in on the fraud, who purports to be in favour, but in the manner of many reptiles, spends most of his time emulating the onion muncher and indulging in an epic bout of nattering negativity ...

For some peculiar, perverse reason, the pond felt the need of a distraction, perhaps mixing questions of love and energy...

There, that's better, there's nothing like a singalong as a cure, and so to the last of the dog botherer, trying to be more grudging than Oscar the grouch ...

It occurred to the pond yet again that the dog botherer gave all the indications of being a pathologically unhappy man ... perhaps it's something to do with being a minor war criminal and having helped fuck an entire country, and produce a state of turmoil in the middle east which continues to this day ...

Now that was a set of 'reforms' that was practically significant, but symbolically far from beneficial ...

But instead of wondering, the pond settled for a Scottie joke, featuring a man walking into a bar, ordering a bowl of parritch and telling a goodie ...

And so to news of Newtown, and for the stayers, that promised Twittering frenzy of Tweets ...

It begins with a manly man surrounded by adoring men being adored by the manly man ...

And then it's followed by a photo of a manly man being adored and listened to by manly men in Newtown ... click to enlarge if you like, contrast has been enhanced for manly men counting ...

It sent the Twitterati off. 

Anyone wanting all the bits that move, can head to the actual tweet here, but such was the Newtownian fun - it's near Camperdown, don't ya know - that the pond went on a tweet binge until it got too tired to carry on ...

And so on and on and on... what a much loved manly man, how he'll be missed when he's gone ... what's that, how soon will the fucker be gone? Who knows, but what fun while he stays, just to prove that dinosaurs were less tone deaf ...

In which the pond embarks on an epic journey of nattering negativity with choleric Dame Slap, the Devine and the Terror editorialist ...

It goes without saying that the pond thought it wrote this blog, so it probably already has, and any stray reader who thinks they've already read it, don't worry, you probably already have.

The pond, you, we, me, he, she, they, are all in the grip of future mindpower, or perhaps the sheer repetition produced by a love of the reptiles.

It kicks in each day, as we trudge over the same old ground, with just the occasional fresh variation ...

Speaking of those variations, the reptiles were naturally outraged at the assault on freedom of speech revealed in this reptile report...

Sorry, you'll need the mindpower necessary to produce the sound of crickets chirping in the digital ether ...

As the official home of the "no" vote, even those at the lizard Oz who claim to be voting "yes" will naturally produce odious unpleasant carping sounds ...

And then there are the seriously delusional, who must be presented in the best possible light ...

Indeed, indeed, and in other EXCLUSIVES an  enormous crowd turned up at the Donald's inauguration, as certified recently by Colbert at the Emmys to the consternation of the crowd.

The silly old bugger shouting at clouds produced a couple of exceptional lines ...

"A man and a man and a woman and a woman can have a similar relationship, but it's different," he said. "A black man and a white man are equal, but they're clearly different. A black man will never be a white man and vice versa." (here).

As fuckwitted remarks go, it's right up there, and is another reminder of why the pond never watches their ABC, and is always late to the party, just like the reptiles blathering on EXCLUSIVELY about HHHUUUGGGEE support like a delusional down under Donald ...

But wait, all this has just been an elaborate courtship dance, a way of beguiling the unwary into an exhausting, never-ending waltz with reptile despair ...

You see, this day, Dame Slap, the Devine and the Terror editorialist have lost their mindpower and are in the grip of a serious choleric condition. They think they've already said it, and they probably have, but they must, perforce, say it again ...

Please allow the pond to start first with Dame Slap ...

Indeed, indeed, what we need to do is match the twentieth century, which managed a couple of world wars and a holocaust ...

Of course in the pond's day, it was routine to be stopped in Peel street in Tamworth so that some silly old fart of the Roger Corbett kind could get in the way, and subject the pond to an endless harangue which without fail began "now in my day blacks were black and whites were white, and ..."

And for pinko perverts, maestro, please cue Dame Slap wandering Surry Hills as if she was in Peel street ...

Now never no mind the contradiction between deploring socialism and the boon of government-mandated vaccinations (the pond grew up in the days when polio was still a possibility).

What we have here is an even bigger disease of the intestines and the mind ...

Confronted with this sort of carry-on, back in the pond's day, the pond would have reverted to Robert Burton's The Anatomy of Melancholy, which can be Greg Hunted at Project Gutenberg here, and diagnosed a choleric condition, which invariably results in terminal confusion and contradiction ...

But speaking of infestations of the intestines, it's back to Dame Slap ...

Indeed, indeed, and if John Howard, currently doing his best to sound like an Islamic fundamentalist for the "no" case, is the man to talk of cultural McCarthyism and if Dame Slap is an example of liberalism in action, then the world is seriously fucked, or at least in urgent need of Burtonian analysis ...

But lo, see how easy it is to reach the final Dame Slap gobbet ...

Actually, if the pond might be so bold, each day it reads the lizards of Oz, it's reminded that going backwards each day is one of the singular reptile achievements of our time ... and with a bit of luck, thanks to Dame Slap wanting to MAGA, we might yet produce a third world war ...

Speaking of backward travellers, intestines and mindpower, could there be anyone more backward than the Devine?

Yep, the Devine is also suffering from the same choleric condition ... but in one astonishing little burst suggests she's not a wowser ...

Now there's a laugh ... because at the same time she's sticking a "no" sign at the top of her routinely Catholic fundamentalist bigoted column ...

As this is an epic journey, the pond would just like to diverge a little, off to the NY Times to find the Devine's mindpower soul mates at work in Turkey ...

Turkey’s education system, which has long provided a secular education to religious and secular students alike, has come under scrutiny by the government following the attempted coup on July 15, 2016, culminating in the firing of more than 33,000 teachers and the closing of scores of schools. At the same time, the ruling Islamic-inspired Justice and Development Party has significantly increased the number of religious schools, known as imam hatip schools, and promoted Mr. Erdogan’s professed goal of raising a “pious generation” of Turks. 
Following the new changes, evolutionary concepts like natural selection will be removed from the high school curriculum, along with any mention of Darwin, the English naturalist whose theory has become a mainstay of biology classes around the world. The education minister, Ismet Yilmaz, has praised the overhaul of the country’s curriculum as a necessary corrective that emphasizes a values-based education. Evolutionary biology, he had insisted, is too difficult for high schoolers to grasp and will be taught instead at the university level. 
Moreover, Mr. Erdogan’s supporters note that debates over the teaching of evolution are hardly unique to Turkey, and have raged in other countries, including the United States. The theory of evolution is rejected by both Christian and Muslim creationists alike, who credit God with creating the planet and its creatures. Many religious conservatives in Turkey dismiss evolution as a reckless and unproven theory.

Yes, they vote "no" in Turkey ...

In 2010, then former state minister for family affairs, Selma Aliye Kavaf told Turkish newspaper Hurriyet, "homosexuality is a biological disorder, a disease ... something that needs to be treated." In 2013, Erdogan described homosexuality as a "sexual preference" that was incompatible with the "culture of Islam" in Turkey.

And so to the Devine ...

It takes some epic hubris to lecture others about seeing people as literally evil, given the way that the Catholic church routinely consigns sinners and gays to an eternity of hellfire, but that's the Devine for you ... right up there with the Turks ...

The pond isn't certain if choler is catching, but the Devine is full of it ...

The pond has no idea why anyone would want to indulge in a "whose got the biggest dick, or terrorist problem?", but there's the Devine for you ... joining with the Islamic fundamentalists in the matter of gay marriage, and then wondering about the Islamic fundamentalist mindset ...

Because, it goes without saying, Catholic fundamentalists are generally as fuckwitted as the average Islamic fundamentalist ...

At the end of it all, the pond felt the need for a cleansing cartoon from an alternative Pope, with more papal encyclicals here ...

That's better, but the pond isn't finished, because in medieval times, what was required was a triptych or a trinity of choler, and luckily the Terror editorialist has recently produced just the thing for a final howl of pain ...

Fuck, they never get tired of it, do they, the demonising and the casting of stones and the creation of enemies and the generating of fear and the harden the fuck up crap as if they were playing a gunnery sergeant in a Kubrick movie...

It's a nauseating maelstrom of malice, or as good old Burton might say, a wicked mix of melancholy and coleric ...

The biggest burden young people face? Why some of their parents might actually work for Chairman Rupert ... and think of the social disadvantages that might produce ...

My dad is a garbage collector.

Well that's a socially occupation and never mind the smell ...

My mum is a proctologist.

Well never mind the smell, she probably helps a lot of people deep in illness ...

My parent writes negative columns each week for the Murdochian press.

Oh you poor child, you're doomed, doomed ... truly, deeply, fucked and socially irredeemable and probably deep in the grip of a choler of the intestines ...

And now in celebration of Roger Corbett, back where the pond started this epic journey ...