Tuesday, December 06, 2016

In which the pond either the pond or "the Optus the" must leave the scene ...




Fellow Australians, if you see this, it means that the pond has been murdered ...

Or the pond has murdered Optus ...

However it plays out, there will be blood, there must be blood.

One way or another there is death in the air, and the pond is making substantial alterations to the way it connects to the world of Malware's Queen Victoria-approved copper narrowband ...

Speaking of which ...


Yes, the surprising thing is that only 801 people thought it was terrible ... how on earth did it manage to garner one and a half stars from 1,040 reviews?

By golly it's heart warming to realise how many tolerant, kind, benign people there are still in the world in these Trumpian times.

This is possibly the last time that the pond will be able to make its inexcusable "The Optus The" joke - say it like Sideshow Bob in fluent German and you'll understand ...


On the other hand, the pond might be stepping into another ocean of hellfire.

Who knows, but the pond will be unwired tomorrow, and perhaps the day after that, and then, the long absent lord willing, it will return to have the pleasure of the company of the reptiles of Oz ...

Well some of them. Hopefully it's farewell to this cute dinosaur ...



In which the pond spends time with the cash in the paw Caterists, if only to honour its banner ...


The pond trudged off to the Caterists this day more out of a sense of duty than of hope, but then perked up at the way that google is now helping the reptiles by talking of 'top stories'...


Yes, the Carterist is a "top story" ... and a creationist one at that, and surely the Caterist is a top expert on the dangers of chutzpah and an economy funded by taxes ...


All the same,  the pond knew that, for all the roundtables and seminars organised, and the development of websites to disseminate information and articles, and for all the research, the Caterists probably didn't have much of use to say about the hapless croweaters ...

The pond once lived in that lotus land, and always waved to the great aunts on the verandah, near where the wisteria grew, and you didn't have to be there for long and hear the chatter about eastern staters to realise that vast swathes of the land, especially above Goyder's Line  weren't much good for anything except mining or turning into a waste uranium dump so that they might be blighted and ruined for a humble 250,000 years ...and that should climate science predictions come to pass, it's going to be hard working the Eyre peninsula and it might get a bit tricky with the supply of tuna too.

Adelaide's pretty much not on the path to anywhere ... of course if you're coming from South Africa or Perth, you might care to consider a stopover, or you might just keep going to Melbourne ... and if in Melbourne, you might prefer just to head off to Perth, or go straight to South Africa ...

It doesn't even have the charm of Christchurch, as a way to catching a glimpse of the great walri migration that makes the Antarctic waters such a spectacular sight for expert climate scientists of the Hunt kind ...

Take away white goods and car manufacturing, throw in subs thanks to the mighty poodle,  and manufacturing and the Playford vision is a little worn ...

You're left with great wine and people dropping in to see salt ruin the Coorong and the Murray as a business model ...

The pond still loves the joint - a recent visit by a close one confirmed that life is still as cheap as chips, even if there's the genteel smell of rustication and decay in the air ... but at least light rail is on the move and the hipster living is easy, and there is, after all, more to life than being a bludger living off taxpayer cash in the paw in a research centre in Canberra.

Now there's an easy solution. Why not have a proliferation of research centres in Adelaide, or at least a multifunction polis? Sorry croweaters, just look at the resulting spray of blather you're likely to cop ...


Well so much for Keynes, but it should be noted that there's ordinary humble delusional, and then there's mega-Caterist delusional ...

It takes an almost infinite capacity for stupidity not to mention the obvious elephant in the room at the time of the BHP matter ... which is to say subdued commodity prices ....


That story with working links here,  but even acknowledging the reality shouldn't obscure the way one mine will never fix South Australia's deep structural problems.

Nor will blaming the government - the main reason most people in SA have any sort of job is thanks to the government, in the Japanese/Chinese style of hiring people to pretend the joint is a hub of activity.

And who - except a Caterist living high off the hog of taxpayer grants - could argue with that?

Soon enough it will be on to the matter of power, though by the pond's reckoning recent substantial blackouts in Queensland and Victoria haven't managed to generate the same amount of blather.. 


Well thank the long absent lord the federal government still keeps priming the Keynesian pump and so keeps the Caterists in business ...

Talk about a classic example of churn, since there doesn't seem any other reason for the phenomenon ...



Of course three fifths of the result is ideology and two fifths is stupidity, or on a bad day, the proportions are reversed, but at least the desiccated Canberra job market is kept safe for Caterists ...

It seems the country can at least create jobs in the Menzies research centre, though not with prudent spending of revenue ...

Follow not what is typed, croweaters, but what is lived!

What a tiresome loon he is, how fitting that he should enjoy his reign at the head of the page ...

And so to David Rowe alerting the pond by way of twitter here, that he has done a magazine cover, and more covers for the magazine here ...



In which the pond turns down eighty bucks to offer the Terrorists an arm-breaking tip or two ...


Dear Terrorists, the pond is here to help.

The pond is always here to help.

No, not dimwit Dick, finding yet another way to wave the flag and carry on like a chook in a thunderstorm and flog his shamelessly imitative rip-off foods, and dress them up as an heroic battle against internationalist capitalism ...


The pond is standing by for Dick Smith's Ozefacelook ...

No, the pond is responding to your urgent plea for help and for diligent workers to tend the coalface ...


$80?

Do you have a fruit-picking job going?

Surry Hills?

Is there an iron-clad guarantee that the pond won't run into a bearded and tatted Surry Hills hipster peddling decent coffee? The pond has heard that the streets of Surry Hills are haunted by the dangerous 'leets that threaten to ruin the world ...

Now the pond did enjoy some of the fun of of the juxtapositions on offer, with that eighty bucks nestling up against Gina ...


Oh cry a river for the long suffering execs... so the pond has decided to offer its help for free.

Such magnanimity doesn't come along every day of the week, but heck, the pond has some knowledge and awareness of the logarithms that rule our daily online life, and its clear that the click-bait model isn't working for you, seeing as how there's so many other forums for click bait lovers available around the world ...

Let's begin with the basics ...


Now there's a problem from the get go.

While you, the pond and the lamp post might enjoy the Terror's rabid fixation on Clover Moore, no one outside Surry Hills gives much of a flying fuck, so offering to charge for the pleasure of reading yet another contribution to the Terror's ongoing obsession is a tad suspect as a business model.

As for that story about taxpayer millions funding greenie moaners, the pond deeply appreciates the Terrorist willingness to slag off the onion muncher ... after all has there ever been a bigger rorting of taxpayers in the guise of a greenie program? Or such enormous moaning, sighing and wailing?


But you see, dear Terrorists, the pond had already looked at that story of the arch eco-activist rorting taxpayers, and then moaning about it when the rorting got the chop, here at the ABC ...

As for charging for it?

Now at least you didn't attempt to charge for that story of Malware being at a new low, but has it ever occurred to you that one of the problems people might have experiencing the Daily Terror website is paying good money for shit stories about things no one outside the Surry Hills' Terrorist clique cares much about?

Please allow the pond to turn to the featured columns of the day, both of which carry a request for cash in the Terrorist paw ...



Can we get that attempt to give blondes a really bad name out of the way quickly?

The pond has already done and dusted as many jokes as it can manage about 'enemies of democracy' and frankly a routine about temperamental toddlers by an actual temperamental toddler has all the damp appeal of a sodden, smelly nappy ...

And really, if the pond wanted to spend money on Mark Latham, it would be to get him to do something useful, like break a Sydney taxi-driver's arm ... especially when they try to take the long way round to the airport ...

You see, here's the thing. The pond has a fair suspicion that Latham will, in due course, start rabbiting on about Fairfax, another failing, flailing online organisation, as if anyone, young or old, cares about an internecine war so hoary and aged, it now belongs in a museum with Dean Swift's epic satire of big and little endian egg openers ...


Okay, first tip. If the pond wanted a superficial, short, simplistic video from the WSJ, why it would just, at the click of a mouse, head off to the WSJ.

Second, having just urged people to help out by heading into Surry Hills, it's a bit rich for the taxi-driver-arm-breaker to have a go at Fairfax on the basis of "Fairfax's Inner-Sydney Morning Herald", while scribbling for Murdoch's Inner-Surry Hills Daily Terror ...

Now the pond understands that Latham is a deeply angry man, angry about feminists and Rosie Batty and leftists, always angry with the leftists, angry at the world for him being such a notable dud and failure, and he has been doing this anger routine, like a clown at the circus, for the Terrorists for yonks ...


Strange, no mention of Surry Hills in that rant, but there was a spiffing illustration designed to delight the female readership ...


Never mind, let's get back to the latest outing, a venting of the spleen seemingly designed to prove that Latham can match Miranda the Devine at essence of bile ...


Now here's the thing Terrorists.

The pond doesn't mind yours and the arm-breaker's fixation on the Herald, but pay for the pleasure?

There was one line in particular that stood out like dog's balls ...you know, the one about the Herald blaming Trump's triumph on working people pottering around on social media.

Actually, the Herald was just picking up on a story that had romped around the United States ... you know, in much the same way as you can find videos of the WSJ on the WSJ site ... 

Wired was writing back on 15th November about how it wasn't fake news that won it, but it was still Facebook wot did it ... and the fake news furore was featured in WaPo on November 24 with an honourable mention of the role of the Ruskies in the flood of fake news ... and then there was CNN getting agitated only a few days ago here ...

Those examples could be multiplied by the hundreds ... the tragedy, you see, dear Terrorists, is that somehow the arm-breaker thinks that Fairfax is still a meaningful frontline enemy ...

Of course there are a few other things in that rant - like a click-baiting Terror site berating Fairfax for their click-baiting ways, or the arm-breaker talking about a privileged, wealthy, self-entitled woman, as if that's meaningful and powerful abuse up against, a privileged, wealthy, self-entitled billionaire man ...

But this advice is getting longer and longer  the more we talk about ultimate Terrorist arrogance, expecting everywoman punters to pay for this sort of shit ...

Now how long before another Terrorist and Latham bĂȘte noire makes the cut ...yes, it's the ABC's turn.

 

But there were a lot of pundits who got it wrong, and at least The Insiders cracked a few egg jokes about getting it wrong, even if Cassidy ducked the egg ...

You wouldn't find the Bolter getting out an egg, despite his Media Watch award winning efforts ...(how pleasing to see that the arm-breaker won the Phoenix award) ...


But in the end, dear Terrorists, who cares?

Who cares about the Bolter, who cares about Latham, who cares about the Terror's ceaseless war with the ABC and the Fairfaxians?

And now you want to spend eighty bucks a pop to find out who cares about Clover, life, pain, Terror tedium, daily ennui and the whole damn thing?

After all, it's understandable in a newspaper that has made a career out of false reporting and false news that an arm-breaker like Latham shouldn't care much about the fake news that tours the world ..


That should have been headed 'new breed of fuck-upped factual errors', per Media Watch here ... and how poignant was it then to return to the arm-breaker for a final burst of anger and rage about fake news...


So here's a tip Terrorists. 

Why do you expect people to pay for Mark Latham having yet another go at Fairfax, and the ABC? Would you expect them to fork out for a fluff-gathering expedition or a navel-gazing competition, or even worse, a comparison of sphincter sizes and functions?

It must really irritate you that news.com.au, with its anodyne, climate science endorsing coverage is making out like a click bait bandit ... oh yes, and back in September, Mumbrella was reporting that the Sydney Morning Herald  had displaced the ABC to take second position, here ...

The Terror's place in the top ten?



Strange, the Terror didn't seem to be mentioned.

Is talking to a few punters at 80 bucks the pop dodging the 'leets in Surry Hills hipster central going to do it for you?

Good luck with that, and good luck with selling Mark Latham, a man who failed as leader of the Labor party, and now fails as he flails, up against the online competition available at the drop of a bit of cruelty to a mouse ....click, click, and they're gone, with a tiny squeak of the mouse ...

All the pond can think to suggest is that you hire a decent cartoonist, and put him outside the paywall, and pray ... because the pond will always link to papal infallibility to be found in this Pope here ...





Monday, December 05, 2016

In which the pond enjoys a Bleagh moment, and quality time with the bromancer and the Oreo ...



This being Oreo day, the pond had other things on its mind than little Timmie Bleagh, but it was mightily impressed with the graphic the Terrorists had arranged for the blogger bear with little brain.

Of course anyone in this post-truth Trumpian world can play the bumper sticker game with the brainless bear ...

   



But please allow the pond to get right to the Bleagh point, his wonderful example of truthiness ...

Surely little Timmie has perfected the art of dissembling apologist and craven lickspittle kowtower in the Trumpian new order ...


Now let's not argue the logic.

It seems Trump is forgiven because he's an equal opportunity offender who will offend anyone at the drop of a hat.

Who have you got? Give him half a mo and he'll offend them. He's thoroughly offensive ... and suggesting that Ted Cruz's dad was part of the Kennedy assassination conspiracy is just part of his quest for for truth ...

Besides, he didn't even know the disease he was mocking, so that makes it a certainty the arm-flailing was just a jolly joke amongst chums

What a dim-witted dipstick the Bleagh is ... is there something in the Bleagh name or genes that sees hare-brained adventures like the war in Iraq unfold?

Never mind,  the Washington Post ran a fact check of this sort of Bleagh nonsense - though the mere mention of Ann Coulter as the leader of the defence team, and her characterisation as 'conservative columnist,' when really only barking mad feral ratbag should be appropriate,  indicate that little Timmie is dancing on bullshit, as well as trampling on the truth.

For those who can be bothered, head off to Donald Trump's revisionist history of mocking a disabled reporter , with video link, etc, with the Donald copping this at the end of the story ...


Sadly they play it tame in the United States. Please excuse the pond if it hands out its own "four fuckwits" award to little Timmie Bleagh for his revisionist effort ...


And now before the pond gets to the Oreo delight, another little aperitif ... thanks to the bromancer ...




Yes, it's more of the Donald adulation ...


Yes, harden the fuck up China, can't you take a little joke?


And now to wrap it all up with the bromancer ...


Indeed, indeed, who wouldn't be on the side of the head of government inclined to vigilante slaughter.

Strange fruit, as the song says, and surely in the American style.

As for Petraeus, why not offer a job to a man who'll have to clear it with his probation officer as to whether it's okay for him to take the job ... David Petraeus's Probation Officer Would Have To Give Him Permission to Travel as Secretary of State ...

His crime?

From the same story ...

In 2015, Petraeus pled guilty to a misdemeanor charge of mishandling information, which he shared with his mistress ...

Yes, he should have put it all on a private server ...

Oh it's rich, it's so very rich ... so very 'lock her up rich'. Please Donald, might the pond have another ...


And now, as we all know, a pleasure delayed is a pleasure doubled when finally consummated ... and so it's Oreo time ...



Marchons, marchons, qu'un sang impur abreuve nos sillons!

Please, accept no substitutes ...


Vivre l'original ...



And now on with the marchons, marchons, qu'un san impur abreuve nos sillons!



Indeed, indeed, would you like a mocking Donald with that?


And so to the final gobbet of pure, distilled, essence of Oreo goodness ...


Indeed, indeed. Why the onion muncher is still a hot contender ...


... though it has to be said that all the same, the pond is shocked, shocked to its core.

The onion muncher and the pasty Hastie high at the top of the Xmas list?

What about that esteemed politician from the far north? (and more Wilcox here ...)