In which only Dame Slap offers a little distraction from Vlad the impaler, nattering "Ned" and the bromancer ...

 

 

Grim days for Ukraine, and grim days for the lizard Oz, and so grim days for the pond. 

When a loonatic Russian dictator struts the stage, the loons at the lizard Oz seem surprisingly normal, and there's nothing the pond can do to avoid the saga ...

Sure,  in the tree killer edition, the reptiles still found a way to take Clive's cash in the claw ...

 

 

 

 

And yes, there was a mild irony in the reptiles favouring a tank motif, what with the bromancer having repeatedly assured the pond that tanks were yesterday's technology ...

 

 

But the reality is that the pond doesn't have much time for tin pot dictators who like to roam about on horseback showing off his nipples. 

Sure, he might be the same height as Napoleon and 5'7" isn't all that short and the pond shouldn't conform to short people stereotypes (with their funny little voices that go cheep cheep in funny little vehicles going beep beep), but any sign of a Napoleon complex is a turn off ...

So all the pond can do is report the bromancer and nattering "Ned", as even the war on coal is pushed down the reptile pages ...

There's something odd about that story ... you can't wish coal away, but if you find an extra billion, maybe you can?

Never mind, on with the bromancer attempting to impale Vlad the impaler with a sanctions stake to the heart, when a silver bullet might be a better option ...

 

So that's how the reptiles tackle Vlad the impaler? A terrible pun to start with, making light of his deeds, and then throw in a couple of click bait videos?

 

 

No wonder the bromancer sounds like he's lost his nerve and has thrown in the towel ... and all that's left at the end is not a bang, but the whimper of yet another click bait video ...

 

 

 

A strong reaction? You mean a joke about putting on the Ritz?

Meanwhile, on another planet, Uefa is humming and hawing about whether to strip Russia of the Champions League final. They can't even give up a bloody football match ...

Well if the reptiles are going to do comedy in a crisis, it's time for a break, and instead of a kit-kat how about an immortal Rowe, with more Rowe here ...

 

 

 

 

Ah, that's better than putting on the Ritz, there's always the hope embedded in an after dinner mint, and now perhaps nattering "Ned" could jawbone Vlad the impaler into submission?

 

 

The pond only went with "Ned" because of a curious aspect to the reptile presentation, seeing as how the pond was already on the full to overflowing vast intertubes ...

 

 

Open the web version? But the pond was already on the web. The pond clicked, as advised - whenever the pond sees a button, the pond has a baby-like desire to press it - and nothing seemed to happen, so the pond pressed on with "Ned" ... none the wiser as to why the reptiles should offer a chance for a web user to go on to the web ...

 

Of course in all this it would be remiss to mention to "Ned" all the comfort that has been given to Vlad the impaler by the likes of Cucker Tarlson and Faux Noise and all the rest of the News Corp US pack... especially with the Cucker being such a stellar member of the US reptile pack ...

 

 

 

It's too tedious to go there, and too tedious to remind the reptiles that the full to overflowing intertubes flow around the world, and that what News Corp gets up to in the USA shouldn't pass unnoticed in New Corp down under ...

Never mind, for those interested, the Cucker is only a click away, while the pond gets to finishing off "Ned",  also replete with a carefully neutered click bait video ...

 

Sorry, Europe and the United States have already been humbled, and the likes of Cucker Tarlson and the mango Mussolini have long been infatuated by the authoritarian dictator, and it's all a bit late now ... and still the Chairman and his son play the long game with a dangerous dictator, much as the Daily Mail did in the days of Adolf ...

Dispirited, the pond turned to a reliable reptile for a little uplift ... and luckily this was Dame Slap day ...

Ah that's more like the reptile spirit, and it reminded the pond of other reptile campaigns, as noted in Pedestrian TV here ...

What a potty mouth Ben McLeay was back in January 2018 ...

 

 

 

18C? Hmmn, hold that thought Ben, it might come in handy as we press on through Dame Slap's whining and moaning, which began to strike the pond as sounding terribly woke ...

 

Suddenly Dame Slap has a problem with the Convoy to Canberra, that gaggle of loons celebrated by assorted fellow reptile columnists, with urgent pleas that they be understood and given a little room?

And now here's Dame Slap suddenly gone all woke? It was almost too much for the pond to bear, or even bare, and luckily the reptiles decided to break the Slappian spell at that point with a click bait video showing a suffering Christ pose ...

 

 

 

 

As always, the pond defanged the click bait video,  but it did remind the pond of the position taken by supplicants ...

 

The posture is often referred to as the orans position, which is Latin for “one who is praying.” This was a common way of praying in the ancient world, not reserved to Christianity. In fact, most pagans prayed in the same way and pagan deities were visually represented standing or sitting in the orans position.
Colin B. Donovan gives an excellent explanation of how this posture became associated with prayer.
Consider what we do when we plead with someone. We might put our arms out in front of us as if reaching for the person and say “I beg you, help me.” This seems to be a natural human gesture coming from deep within us — like kneeling to adore or to express sorrow. Now, turn that reach heavenwards and you have the orans position.
With the advent of Christianity, the orans position received additional symbolism, connecting it to the crucifixion. Therefore when Christians prayed, they were offering up their supplication to God, imitating Jesus’ outstretched arms on the cross.

Now there's a by-way for reptile devotees, but meanwhile, it's back to Dame Slap going fully woke ...

 

How fully woke will Dame Slap go? Well it's not just calling in the fuzz to wage war on junk, it's the full bloody 18C.

Yes, Ben, eat humble pie, suddenly Dame Slap is on board with 18C-style provisions ... and at this point, the pond adopted the orans position and sough some supplicatory relief ...

 

Well, she didn't really go full 18C, but still, the way it was mentioned seemed bizarre, until Dame Slap remembered herself, came to her reptile senses, and avoided salivating, activist judges... and who can blame her, when the next salivating judge you might find is a Dyson Heydon, with reptiles salivating all over him ...

As for her final solution, it reminded the pond of a Monty Python piety ...

Dame Slap: Well, it's nothing very special. Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations...

Oh okay, it's the coalition government, we can't end there ..

...And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded, video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats. Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight. 

That's more like it ... that'll sell copies of the lizard Oz ...

Meanwhile, how are we going with clear moral judgments and the shaming of bullies in the coalition government?

Probably as well as we're going with the carve-up celebrated by the infallible Pope this day ...

 

 

 

That's a very good likeness ... though more of a front-on shot, than a profile, as dictators and movie stars prefer ...

 

 

 

 

 

And so as always to honor the original, in a wiki of its own here ...