Each Tuesday brings tears of joy and a kind of enlightenment to the pond, thanks to the Caterists ...
The pond immediately knew the Caterist was right. All this talk of a 'fair' education is completely correct.
After all, what, in an existential sense, does 'fair' mean, when it can only be used with inverted commas around it?
Remember, it's 'fair' dibs, 'fair' go, and 'fair' suck of the sauce bottle and 'fair' fucking go umpire...
Remember, it's 'fair' dibs, 'fair' go, and 'fair' suck of the sauce bottle and 'fair' fucking go umpire...
Of course the pond knows that throwing money at schools doesn't work. When the pond was getting up at 4 am to work in coal mine as canaries collapsed around it, the pond realised that the last thing needed was sordid money ... about the only use for it is if anyone happens to be a keen swimmer ...
Besides, everyone knows what really works. Throwing cash in the paw by way of taxpayer grants to the Cateristis ... and bearing that in mind, we must now plunge into the Caterist pool ...
All this is excellent stuff, but even better the pond is pleased to report that the Caterist research centre school for cash in paw is safe for another year ...
Yep, the Department of Finance finally got around to publishing their latest grant news here, and the Caterists were second from the top in the new list ...
Now let there be no talk of the Caterists being given largesse ...
They're doing it tough, and in the spirit of Anzac self-sacrifice, they've taken a mighty haircut to show these young 'uns how it's done ...
By the pond's reckoning, they've dropped $17,169, and let's not forget the ten cents they kicked in ...
Oh, they're willing to do a rounding while lurking on struggle street and tucking in the stomach and sniffing the oily rag and munching on a week-old lettuce leaf.
Oh, they're willing to do a rounding while lurking on struggle street and tucking in the stomach and sniffing the oily rag and munching on a week-old lettuce leaf.
You see, young 'uns, that's how it's done.
And the first person that suggests the amount of grant has something to do with the quality of Caterist output will be taken out and shot.
Why, the dear lad would do it for nothing, such is his concern to remedy the woes of education and society ...
Meanwhile, all those petulant older young 'uns are moaning and whining, as if an extra 3k was more than spit on a griddle in hell, when the Caterists have selflessly dropped almost $20k!
Oh harden the fuck up young 'uns ... remember, you might think life's tough, but if you misbehave, the reptiles will send Dame Groan to give you a good kicking ...
That'd be right. It's all the fault of the students, so let them pay ...let them all reflect and blame themselves and some day they too might get to write a column for the lizards of Oz recalling how they did it tough, but that diet of razor blades and light bulbs taught them the ways of the world ...
But enough of educating the young at modest expense, the pond must get back to the self-sacrificing Caterists for a final flurry ...
Indeed, indeed.
It is of course totally impossible for a benevolent state to compensate for the lottery of birth and iron out society's bumps. The pond waits to see if a child from some flyblown Research Centre will feature in the alleged successes of Department of Finance cash in the paw taxpayer grant funding ...
But dammit, shouldn't we try?
The limp excuse from the tired reptiles of Oz hacks that this is not a cash in the paw taxpayer grant but “an investment in human capital” cannot go unchallenged, not least because of the indecency of its inhuman rhetoric.
These, after all, are living, breathing, consuming, red and white blood cell Research Centre people we’re talking about, not robots, based in Canberra and suffering, oh the endless suffering of these humans with human needs ...
Let the cash in the paw flow free ... let humble school students gawp in admiration ...
You see kiddies, when you grow up, you too can score grants so that you can sagely explain how money isn't the solution to anything ... unless you want to go for an early morning dip ...
Now there were many comments in the lizard Oz noting how right and just the Caterists were ...no doubt all worthy taxpayers only too pleased to finance the Caterists by offering up a slice of their taxes, and then doubling down by paying to read the lizard Oz ...
The pond knew they could offer enlightenment, but it didn't come with this ...
Oh Ross, he's deep into the kool aid...
But happily enlightenment came in this exchange ...
The Caterists as North Koreans preaching respect and discipline while getting funding to pump out propaganda? Could it be?
Oh scrub it, the real enlightenment came with the usual Pope this day, and more enlightening papal missives here ...
"rejected twice by the voters"... um, Nick, Abbott pledged not to touch Gonski so did voters instinctively realise he was lying?
ReplyDeleteDP. Remember Cater got his 3rd class 'Ology degree from Exeter Uni at a time when there were no student fees. The UK Government paid it all and even gave students a grant to help with living expenses!
ReplyDeleteHe's a doozy isn't he?
Many people with already fortunate lives think of improving education outcomes as moving their little darling's ATAR from 99.25 to 99.5. They completely miss the point of Gonski's recommendations, which aimed to improve overall outcomes by moving the lower part of the distribution.
ReplyDeleteMuch like the Dog Botherer's work, the Caterist never seems to feel burdened by interviewing / quoting experts within the subject they write about.
ReplyDeleteThey rear some report or story, then regurgitate to fit their ideological view of the world. perhaps an education expert could provide some context around comparing today's results against historical figures or spending and outcomes.
But Cater would justify it in that like those slippery climate scientists, they'd saying anything to maintain their addictions to government research funds...
Like Kenny's regular theme that we must publicly debate Islam in order to tackle terrorism. Even though our security agencies say the exact opposite.
The world is full of self-imagined experts in Education, Anony.
DeleteAs a matter of interest, that other major stream of tests 'TIMSS' (Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study) shows Australia improving marginally from 1995 to 2015 - the overall score increased from 495 to 517. So what are we to think: TIMSS results show an improvement (about 4.4%) but PISA says we've gotten worse. Which one to believe ? Of course, TIMSS is only maths and science, no reading stuff, but Cater's quoted PISA results show us down in all three: reading, maths, science.
On the other hand, Singapore's TIMSS results in the same period were great: from 590 in 1995 (way ahead of us even back then) to 618 in 2015. Looks like all the world's mathematicians and scientists will come from Singapore in the future (for comparison, the USA went from 518 to only 539 in the same 1995 to 2015 interval).
But maybe we should also note this, as conveyed by Stephen Dinham (Professor of Education at Melbourne University):
"When we consider the emerging Asian 'PISA powerhouses', a number of things become apparent. The first is that, in the main they are not nations at all, but cities, city states and in the case of South Korea, arguably half a country. They are also predominantly authoritarian in their governance, have a tradition of rote learning, cramming and testing and all have placed a major premium on improving their PISA rankings. On that measure, they have been successful."
[ http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-04/buckingham-pisa-panic/5133364 ]
So there we have it.
PS: NZ went from an overall score of 469 in 1995 to 491 in 2015. The NZedders still haven't got up to where we were in 1995 - things must be really bad in free-market capitalist/libertarian societies that don't have a Gonski.
[ See: http://research.acer.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1000&context=timss_2015 ]