In which the Oreo declares war and all must now fight for the reptile empire ...

The pond was scandalised on the weekend. The Harris store at Broadway had knocked Oreos down to under a buck and they were thin Oreos at that ...

Talk about a five and dime approach ...

... to a crackerjack crackerbarrel philosopher ...

Okay, the pond will admit it just wanted to provide a little visual distraction before continuing the tour of rabid reptiles deep in the rhetoric of war-mongering from the comfort of a key board ...armchair warriors armed with white feathers.

After the pond's recent mega jumbo pack of seething reptile fear and loathing, it seemed impossible to add another morsel, but that was to reckon without the Oreo ...

To add to the ironic riches for the day, the Major Mitchell was also featured ...

But that's a treat for later. Put facts before outraged hysteria and deplore social media? Only in Major Mitchell la la land, which apparently sees the Major refuse to nibble on an Oreo ...

And no the pond has to announce with proper and seemly gravity that the Oreo has declared war ...

The pond was reminded of other great moments in history, and other great statesmen, though no match for the mighty Oreo ...

Oh how he struggled, oh how he hoped ...

And now it is the pond's grave duty to report the formal declaration ...

At 12.00 a.m. the Oreo had broadcast to the nation the following statement announcing that a state of war existed between the Oreo, the reptile empire and the world Islamic government: 29th May, 2017. 
 "This morning the Oreo Ambassador in Surry Hills handed the world Islamic government a final Note stating that, unless the Oreo heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from the world, a state of war would exist between them. 
The Oreo regrets to have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently the Oreo and the reptiles are at war with Islamics everywhere  You can imagine what a bitter blow it is to the Oreo that all her long struggle to win peace has failed. Yet the Oreo cannot believe that there is anything more or anything different that Oreo could have done and that would have been more successful. 
Up to the very last it would have been quite possible to have arranged a peaceful and honourable settlement between Oreos and Islamics, but the Islamics would not have it. They had evidently made up their minds to attack Oreos whatever happened, and although they now say they put forward reasonable proposals which were rejected by the Oreos, that is not a true statement. 
The proposals were never shown to the Oreos, nor to other reptiles, and, although they were announced in an Islamic broadcast, the Islamics did not wait to hear comments on them, but ordered their troops to cross the Oreo frontier and attack the baristas of Surry Hills. Their action shows convincingly that there is no chance of expecting that these people will ever give up their practice of using force to gain their will and their coffee. They can only be stopped by force...

Oh dear, once again the pond has muddled its history in a brave bid to provide a distraction of the Chamberlain kind here, but now the pond must press on ...

Please, just do the math to see how badly outnumbered the Oreos are, as they prepare for valiant battle ...

Being truly alarmed, the pond votes for conscription. Fortunately the only ones who can be trusted in a conscripted army are devoted Oreos, so the Oreo offer to be the first in the queue was an inspiration to the pond ...

An army of Oreos, much more trustworthy than tricky, concealing intelligence services, deceitfully hiding the true state of the jihadist threat, so that the valiant Oreos might be defeated in glorious battle...

Waiter, please tip the Wahhabists $110 billion in plain sight, if you please, and allow the pond to keep on reading ...

The pond's conclusion?

The Oreo is now so mired deep in barking mad paranoid delusion that howling at the moon will no longer suffice ...the warrior must take to the battlefield. It is the pond's confident hope and expectation that the next news of Oreo will filter back from Syria where she conducts a mighty jihad...

Meanwhile, the West hoped never to utter those words again? Remind the pond what's happening in Afghanistan right now? Remind the pond what happened in Iraq and is currently going down in Syria?

Please explain ... or at least explain why anyone would actually buy a copy of The Australian, and thereby encourage this sort of rhetorical madness, this fundamentalist cry for jihad ...let her pay her own way to the front line ...

Fortunately, speaking of Hanson as the Oreo did, this gives the pond a chance to run a cleansing sorbet of Hanson cartoons, thanks - the Major Mitchell will be pleased to know - to social media ...