in which the pond contends that a prattling Polonius is better than having a pet python in the house ...

The pond briefly woke up at four a.m. this morning, and briefly wondered what the prattling Polonius theme for the day would be ...

The pond immediately realised ... it would be schools, schools, schools ...

The reptiles are in a state of uproar, and naturally, by dwelling in the same glass tank, the preternatural prattling Polonius would sense the agitation, as reptiles are wont to do ...

The pond's son once kept a python, and it was extremely sensitive to vibrations, as well as warmth ... it was also somewhat derelict in its toilet habits and could be guaranteed to wander around knocking things off shelves, but that's another story ...

Now the pond realises herpetology isn't for everyone - some people have a morbid fear of snakes - but there's nothing like watching a python devour the dead rat of the day ...

And in other parts of the digital page, there were other dead rat devourers at work, including the urbane Urban and the noble nattering "Ned" ...

Oh too clever by half, only in Australia, or perhaps only in Britain too ...

But today isn't the day for nattering "Ned" blathering at interminable, tedious length, because the pond's mind had turned to thoughts of Polonius, and had imagined Polonius pacing back and forth in his deeply inner city 'leet eerie, agitated at the threat to the Catholic school system and planning a most cunning column ...

Surely having a prattling Polonius in the house is better than having a python as a rat catcher?

Better than jumping, cavorting sheep, these dreams of Polonius helped produce a few more hours of relaxing sleep ...

Now, being loyal to its favourite reptile, the pond has gotsa to know ... how did Polonius join the Catholic Boys' Daily backlash?

Right there, the pond had to interrupt Polonius, if only so a few ancient McCrae cartoons could be introduced as evidence ...

Now of course the pond realises that prattling Polonius didn't really mean, in any historically accurate sense, that Malcolm Turnbull presides over the first Coalition government to experience instability while in government.

After all the assassination of Tony Abbott while in government was an exercise in stability, just as the demise of John Gorton was a perfect example of stability at work while in high office ... and as for big-hearted Billy McMahon, has there ever been a more stable PM?

No, what prattling Polonius meant was metaphorical, its real meaning Malcolm Turnbull presides over the first Coalition government to experience Polonial disdain and agitation and white-anting and sniping and undermining while in government.

Let us sally forth and maintain the rage ...

At first the pond thought it might have all been the fault of Fairfax and the ABC - they bear so much responsibility for anything and everything - but this time it's Malware who must shoulder the blame for ruining things:

Indeed, indeed, that mention of Don Chipp reminded the pond of other times when the Coalition government experienced perfect stability while in government ...

But enough of historical stability in all its many Polonial forms, because late in that last gobbet the pond noticed an alarming thing ... the old prattler fondly quoting David Marr ... because the lad has suddenly turned empirical and constrained?

This is a direct result of lingering too long at the ABC and sitting on a couch with Marr doing The Insiders ...

What a charming odd old couple they make, a real Matthau and Lemon, and while Marr doesn't quite work as Matthau, purse-lipped Polonius surely makes a good Lemon ...

Of course all this talk of One Nation is really a proxy. It's a simple matter wherever One Nation turns up to insert Polonius and then it all begins to make sense ... it's Polonius who is disaffected and threatening to take his vote away, so long as Malware keeps on with his obsessive desire to treat the Catholic school system the same way that all other schools are funded. That's not fairness, that's bloody bigotry ...

And if One Nation isn't a good enough metaphor, why then Cory will certainly do ...

Hang on, "It could win a seat in South Australia at the next half Senate election, taking its senators to two". 

What on earth does that mean?

Oh never mind, what Polonius is really saying is that the Catholics are on the move and Polonius is moving with them, and next thing you know, there might be a new coalition of fundamentalist pork barrelling Xians coalescing around all that's weird and wonderful in politics, and where would that leave Malware?

This outrageous overturning of the tradition of the pork barrel is exactly what prattling Polonius and the Catholic Boys' Daily don't need right now,  and so we must turn to a history lecture to remind Malware how things have been done, how fair dibbs perks have been distributed over time before all the other buggers joined in and started to loot and rort the system...

Come on down, Ming the Merciless, do it for the original rorters ...

Oh glorious days, what a tremendous flowering ... small fundamentalist schools teaching creationism and evolution denialism (with bonus climate science denialism), Islamic schools banning music and putting girls in their right place, Scientological schools organising education on the principles of L. Ron Hubbard ...

But here the pond must pause to admire the cunning of Polonius. It's all dressed up as seemingly objective advice to Malware, with stern history lessons ... thoughtfully littered with points that urgently suggest the need for better educational standards and a return of history to the core curriculum ...

Not for a moment would you guess that all this talk of 'beware the Cory' and 'beware the redhead' is really just top dressing for the real meaning ... beware Polonius and the Catholics ... they invented the rort, and they demand that it continue ...

Meanwhile, from what the pond has observed, no one else outside the Catholic Boys' Daily and the Catholic Church is paying much attention to the fuss. 

The Catholic hegemony and its ability to induce a fit of political pandering has lost a lot of its muscle since the grand days of the 1950s and B. A. Santamaria and the DLP ...

No doubt it will be an epic fight, and on the upside, both Malware and the rampaging Catholics will be damaged as the rent seekers are forced to emerge from the shadows and do battle for the spoils.

The trouble is, these rent seekers are now damaged goods which is perhaps why Malware has had a sudden stiffening of the spine ...

The pond can't quite work out why, but perhaps a few old Rowe cartoons (fresher Rowe here) might help provide a few clues, a few hints ...