Monday, May 22, 2017

In which the pond's Monday F8 is to eat a delicious Oreo ...

It was probably the most bizarre and nauseous spectacle the pond has witnessed in years ...

No, not the need to put a Roger Stone tweet at the top of the page, though that's weird enough. And not the Donald's most recent kowtowing speech denying human rights and embracing sectarian warfare ...

It was the thought that The Fate of the Furious had been the biggest global opening in cinema history ...

Now some will suggest it was the Korean hard-coded subs that turned the pond off, but at least they allowed the pond to do a quick course in learning Korean ...

As for the rest, it was a bit like Roger Stone looking at the Donald ...though at least Charlize Theron is still making a living. It's tough for the older woman in Hollywood, but perhaps playing a silly incompetent OT villainess is the way forward ...

Back to Roger. As everyone knows, Roger is a hard-core mainstream leftie, one of those deviants in the liberal press making life hard for the Donald ... and most tragic of all, the lizard Oz's top of the digital opinion page columnist, the mighty Oreo ...

Yes, if anyone exemplified the fate of the furious, it's the Oreo ...

How to tackle this weirdness? The way Joe Morgenstern did?

Dissing “The Fate of the Furious” is like criticizing the tide. (“High as it may have been in its latest iteration, the tide failed to lift my boat, and, not incidentally, seemed oversalted.”) This eighth iteration of the series that began with “The Fast and the Furious” in 2001 will earn zillions of dollars during the first nanoseconds of its global opening this weekend, so who am I to call it soulless, graceless, witless, incoherent—even for the franchise—and, not incidentally, brain-numbingly long at 136 minutes?

Dissing the Oreo is like howling at the moon. Paranoid, witless, and not incidentally, brain-numbingly short, because even the Oreo struggles to fill in the screen time when given the job of defending the Donald ...

Now discussing the Oreo with any seriousness - Trump as an Xian, Fox as even-handed, and so on and so forth, - is a bit like trying to do a serious critique of F8.

Where to start? It's simply impossible, and not really worth the effort to achieve the impossible dream... it so much to ask for dialogue that doesn’t make you roll your eyes throughout “F8”? Or, you know, a story that adds up? (here).

Is it so much to ask for an Oreo column that doesn't make your eyes roll throughout? Or a logic that adds up?

Of course it's too much to ask ...that's like wondering at the way a frozen submarine gets into the action. Meanwhile, the action has become incoherent, largely past the point of enjoyability. (here).

Meanwhile, the Oreo has become incoherent ...

Clearly that's where the parallel between critical studies of F8 and the Oreo breaks down. There's no way the Oreo cruises past the point of enjoyability.

There's nothing like excess, and this day the Oreo is in triple double down excess mode ...

Sadly, the flavoursome Oreo is over almost as quickly as it began, unlike the two plus hours of F8.

As paranoid conspiracy theories go, this is almost as good as the out of control robot cars that run rampant through F8.

All the pond could do was think of the waste - either the waste of the crunched metal, or the wasted hours of computer time cobbling together the CGIs ...

Some might think the same about the waste involved in contemplating the Oreo ...

Talk about futility and other animals ... all that was left was the chance to run a Tom Tomorrow cartoon, with the latest Monday offering soon to turn up here ...


  1. Strewth ! Yesterday's Dogbother was pretty crazy, but today The Oreole's Dervish whirls make Kenny look almost comprehendible by comparison.

    Especially the bit about Fox's majority (52%) negativity on Trump being "even handed" - I can't recall that any other reptile has ever come up with anything as patently 'fake news' as that.

    1. Indeed GB, it's a new Reptile low - or high. Just what is the Oreo smoking?

      Donald Trump - Christian defender of Western Civilisation! He wouldn't know what a "civilisation" of any sort was if it bit him on his fat orange arse.

      At the risk of having to make a hefty contribution to the Godwin Swear Jar, I wonder if the Oreo would consider all that bad coverage Hitler received was proof of media bias?

    2. The pond will stump up for your swear jar fine Anon ... sometimes the provocation gets too much ...

  2. The Oreo killed satire.

    She huffed and puffed and frothed and flecked and she BLEEEWWW its house in!

    In all honesty, they should change her mugshot to show her wearing an eye-patch. The left eye, of course.

    I mean I'll put my cards on the table: I'm genuinely concerned that American voters will perceive Trump as being torn down by the political establishment.

    Despite the very real possibility that Trump has violated the US Constitution and is simply not fit for office, some of the spin placed by sections of the media on trivial or ambiguous events is ludicrous and, at times, hypocritical. The 'curtsy' is just one such example of ludicrous spin being placed on an ambiguous event.

    This could have formed the basis for a thought provoking piece about the all-too-close relationship (in my humble view) between media outlets and political parties and the affect this has on the presentation of news.

    But no.

    Instead the Oreo - and the Oz's editors (or should that be 'editors', in these Trumpian times?) - serves up hyperventilating, hyperbolic utterly unbalanced garbage that would be better placed on the Breitbart homepage.

    And that, perhaps, is the real answer. Of course, this is not to say that the Oz isn't 'even-handed' or has no financial interest in the opinions it chooses to publish.

    I mean, perish the thought! The magnanimous chairman runs the paper at a loss for a reason!

    1. Really Anon, you're sailing close to the wind comparing the reptiles of Oz and the Oreo to a left leaning organisation like Breitbart. Wash out your mouth, and spend all day watching Alex Jones, or in lieu,

  3. You must have a will of iron to read that Oreo stuff. Who is this really aimed at? Is she just like those generals applauding Kim Jong-Un (the chairman might be watching) or does she really believe - - - - nah, surely not


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