Tuesday, May 16, 2017

In which the pond indulges in its Tuesday ritual, spending time amongst the smug, complacent Caterists ...



The pond was out and about on the road when it was swept back to times and places and loon clothing it had long forgotten ... thanks to a stray word by Mark Colvin in his conversations with Richard Fidler (the first part is here,  the second part with the mention of loon clothing here).

Between mods and rockers, the pond was a mod, but could never go full hippie. As for Colvin, plenty has been said about his contribution, and no more can be said here, except that these days the pond isn't as compelled by PM as it once was. 

What was frequently absent in the fond memories and tributes was a reminder of the sexiness of voice. Colvin could make a complete disaster listenable thanks to his voice. 

The pond is a sucker for a voice. Forget the clothes, forget the face, forget the muscles. It's the voice that enchants. The pond once listened to John Chance and James Dibble entranced, but it's not just the male voice. Some found Peta Collins dry, the pond was infatuated. These days Jeremy Fernandez has a beguiling voice, though the pond wishes he'd stay behind the desk ...

But enough of pleasure, because Tuesday sees a ritual unfold at the pond as ancient as a pair of loon pants, or perhaps a loon blazer ... or an invitation to winter with the loons...

Now as soon as the pond saw the header, it knew what would follow. A self-satisfied, smug, 'I'm all right Jack' jerk and drop kick would intrude and ruin the pond's reveries about voice ...and instead the pond would end up with Dickins, gruel, and Gradgrind ...

Sure enough, there's nothing like a visual cliché to get the Caterist going ...

This is of course a classic Caterist prompt - the pond frequently goes dry on its lines - for the pond to remember that the Caterist runs a cash in the paw, bleed the taxpayer dry by way of federal government grant routine that leaves the pond, let alone millennials, with the nagging suspicion it's being systematically short-changed.

To the tune of nigh on a million dollars in the last few years, with this year taken care of very nicely thank you very much ...

The pond likes the full length version - all that bureaucratic guff and nonsense about the purpose of the "grant in aid", window dressing of the first water - kept firmly in mind when reading the Caterist.

It's the sheer cheek, the unmitigated gall, the shameless brazenness, more front than Myers, more obvious than a prostitute in William street, that should be remembered ...

Well yes, youff, let's not talk about house prices. And let's not talk about the fine art of cash in the paw. And let's not talk about the way it's now set up from the get go for you to be in debt for life ...

It's the insufferable smugness that gets the pond every time, as if the Caterist himself had ever sat in a cold and muddy trench facing a barrage of German artillery. In fact, the pond hasn't noticed the Caterists lining up to serve in Afghanistan and get a taste of lead along with a little sand in the face ...

And where did the rickets reference come from?

Why is it that middling to old handsomely taken care of farts revert to Colonel Blimp caricatures ... the Four Yorkshiremen sketch first aired in 1967 and still the Caterists are doing the routine?

That sketch doesn't quite explain why there's a growing cynicism and fatalism surfacing amongst the young.

Reading the Caterist is what really cranks up a sense of despair and desolation ...

Ah fucketty fuck, there's a man hauling down nigh on a quarter of a million a year in cash in the paw federal taxpayer grants talking about complacency driving us back into debt.

Is it possible to conjure up anything or anyone more self-satisfied, smug and richly complacent? Oh and his voice has the drone and tone of chalk on a blackboard ...

And so to the papal advice of the day, with more Pope here ...


  1. Yes Dorothy the ABC have given away with voice training for their presenters.
    I have said before and will say again this weak little pip squeak would not last a day in the trenches. And it would seem Turnbull will send of other peoples children to war only to return with PTSD and possible suicide as an older brother after the Korean war. Where was the help from the Menzies government to a family that was shattered by the results of war not only to too lose a brother but earlier lose a father in the middle east from shrapnel wounds.
    There is so much that could be said about how the lose of relatives in war is so devastating to families and the fragmentation that results from dealing with lose.

  2. "growth figures with a four in front of them". Cater is clearly one of those who say often, you know what I mean, because "growth figures with a four in front of them" is meaningless - if growth is 4.5%, "growth figures with a four in front of them" is 44.5% which is ??? Cater probably uses 'north' to mean 'more than', not realising that to us, Australia is at the top of all maps and so North is at the bottom - the English call these upside-down maps - Ha! (End of pedant's rant.)

    1. In other words Joe, Cater's a fuckwit.

  3. I dunno about that, Anony: from where I stand neither can he fuck, nor is he a wit.

  4. Great post Ms.Parker. A bit cruel though,leading with the Colvin interview and then assaulting us with the parasitic mind worm that is the Caterist.
    Mark Colvin, truly the exemplar, shows what a vile, opinionated piece of shit Cater really is. Simply a tool that never got it, and never will. Rickets and trenches! Fucking hilarious!
    Like yourself DP, Mark Colvin appeared to have tempered his cynicism with a good dose of humour......and lets face it,the crap that assaults the modern media world,day in,day out, has no other antidote.
    I'm now going for a rummage through the shed of boxes.Somewhere in there is a pair of lime green velvet loon pants and a 1930's tan, knitted english gentleman's vest with leather insert front. The horror!
    A little bit of prescience from Rowan Atkinson, as the writing was on the wall around 1979/80.

    1. Rowan Atkinson doing the Donald in 1980? That such a thing should be ... just as it's difficult to imagine a vest with leather insert front!!

    2. :)....Apologies DP. Perhaps leather paneled front would make it more imaginable. I only scraped through high school with a coercive 51% for Math and English, on condition that I not return. The Brothers could be so considerate and persuasive in the true christian tradition. Cheers.


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