In which the savvy Savva might not appear but the pudel and the bromancer provide a feast of entertainment ...

Usually on a Thursday, the pond would pause to take in a message direct from Malware's bunker, as channelled by the savvy Savva, explaining, for example, how the chance to do a university level English language test is an opportunity, rather than a reversion to the good old days of White Australia's bigoted testing ...

But the savvy Savva has disappeared from the lizard Oz, just as the shit has hit the fan. Oh Savva, why have you forsaken him?

Well after pausing for a moment to remember the loss, the pond must press on, and what a pudel feast there is this day ...

What a wealth of worries, what a series of delights for the pond, and not a Savva salivating with hope for Malware salvation in sight ...

Frankly the pond doesn't know where to begin, but it can quickly dismiss Johnsie ...

Indeed, indeed, he's a sook, a soft touch, a weak-kneed yellerbelly, a pussy, hopeless and useless, and therein lies his usefulness, but this is hardly news or a new insight. The craven Malware degutted the NBN at his master's bidding, a useful fool or a useless tool ...

No, the pond would have to get closer to the sun, and take in the wise words of petulant Peta ...

Uh huh. Around this point the pond began to think that one of its notorious William Burroughs' homages was required, with a cut-up featuring the cawing Crowe as a contrast in shade and light to petulant Peta the Credulous ...

Ah, thus far, it seems it's not on, except that it is on, or will be on in the not too distant future, once the white-anting and the sniping has worked its magic.

Back to credulous Credlin, coupled with an entirely new government and set of government policies, thanks to the lizards of Oz and the forethought and kindness of the onion muncher...

By golly, that all seems suitably luddite, referencing the Donald and many splendid forms of luddite thinking of a typically regressive onion muncher kind. 

What sayeth the cawing Crowe?

Why the pudel is as big a sook and a cry baby as his boss Malware.

How could a testosterone-laden bully of the onion munching kind resist the temptation to sink in the boot? Surely he wouldn't pretend this is all a considered and cordial matter of raising policies for meaningful consideration ...the credulous Credlin wouldn't be saying that, would she?

Ah, so it's nothing to do with the eminently loyal onion muncher, a model of probity and rectitude and with nary a sociopathic Chairman Rudd thought in his head. It's all the fault of the pudel ...

What sayeth the cawing Crowe?

So it's not going away ... it'll never go away, because the onion muncher didn't earn the sobriquet of the mad monk for nothing ...

Well in the usual way of the reptiles, the cawing Crowe also had a commentary on the situation - it being essential for the under-personned reptiles to confuse news with commentary, and so the pond turned there for further insight ...

Ah the pond knows exactly what the cawing Crowe is saying ...

Because the ship of Liberal state has been ever so steady, and with nary a worry ...

Now here the pond must pause to observe that indeed it is astonishing that a federal Liberal government should be flung into a state of fear and loathing about a stray comment in a pub, a little hissy fit of triumphalism in a hasty moment, about a policy the vast majority of Australians agree with and would be happy to see done and dusted ... unlike say, reviving English knighthoods so we could all tug the forelock to the toffs ... but that's how it goes when the mad monk is on the prowl, laden with bigotry and a thirst for revenge ...

Oh dear the pond got its old poster reference wrong ... it should have been this ...

But here's the thing. Someone might say "lordy, lordy, 'tis a nice day for a gay marriage", and next thing you know the onion muncher would be taking it as a personal insult, and the reptiles would be piling on and government would be grinding to a halt and the Bolter would be shouting that Malware must go, and it'll never ever end, until it eventually ends ... and god help all of them who sailed in that ship and handed over the helm to Comrade Bill ...

And so to the bonus for the day.

The pond is aware that there is a small band of hardened, gnarled, devoted observers of the reptiles who stay through thick and thin.

They're the ones standing by to drain the last drop of dregs from the keg, they're always willing to scoop up the last lamington or scone as the party winds down, they hang around long after the committee meeting of the East Cheam Society for Herpetological Studies is over, on the off-chance that there might be yet another reptile to admire.

And luckily there's another reptile that the pond has held back as a special treat for this band of cognoscenti and illuminati ...

Yes, the bromancer is still banging on about Gonski and Catholic education and all that.

Now we've heard it all before, the bleating and the carry-on, and there's nothing new to see, but still the devoted reptile fancier will understand that the bromancer is doing the grunt work for the onion muncher.

It's not actually about the pudel, but it's necessary business using the pudel as a springboard for yet another re-hash of barking mad tyke anger.

There will be talk of socialism, there will be dire threats and imprecations ... in short there will be rewards for the devotee of reptile behaviour ...

Is it not as the pond has promised? Rotten to the core, shocking pass, even a Yes Minister reference?

And yet in his usual over the top rhetorical way, the excessive bromancer is just warming up to a bout of Chicken Little hysteria, in which - in just a short par - the tremendously erudite bromancer solves the entirety of Australian education policy without spending a penny, or even a ha'penny ...

There's something both sublimely arrogant and deeply fuckwitted about the bromancer, and the pond deeply regrets that he didn't run at the top of the page, but instead was held back for the delectation of the elite few who have made it this far ...

And there the pond rests. That par about the Catholic education system surely rewards any devoted reptile reader ...

To celebrate Catholic education as an autonomous institution is a flourish of singular brilliance ...

Autonomous:

self-governing; independent; subject to its own laws only. pertaining to an autonomy, or a self-governing community.
having autonomy; not subject to control from outside; independent: a subsidiary that functioned as an autonomous unit. (here)

Next week, the bromancer explains why Scientology, Exclusive Brethren, Jewish, Hindu and Islamic schools should be autonomous ...

There's much more to admire in the text - the bromancer splashes verbal shit around like a dairy cow hooked up to a milking machine - but here the pond must apologise that the bromancer has taken precedence over a reptile apology.

Oh sure, they're giving the apology away for free, it's not behind the paywall, but it helps explain just why Malware, the Liberal party and the reptiles are imploding with dysfunctional incapacity...

That's about as big a fuck-up as the delusional bromancer thinking he can offer a fix-it to the education system by making the Catholics autonomous ...

And after all that, the pond feels like the cleansing power of a Rowe sorbet, and more astringently lemony Rowe can be found here ... what a closet ...