The pond apologises to devotees of Dame Slap, but the pond simply can't go there today.
The pond is so over the Pellists, and their not being entirely surprised that there might be other victims, and wonders when the lizard Oz might devote as much time, space and energy to the victims as to shoring up the Catholic church.
Instead the pond went in search of something tediously uplifting, mind numbingly inspirational, and who better than nattering "Ned"?
Of course this involves some heroic sacrifices, none more so than an attempt to work out our pre-crisis values, as held by the reptiles …
Did it involve increasing a regressive tax, so that the poor might continue to cop it, while the rich sauntered off to Aspen to pick up another dose?
Did it involve Gra Gra pretending that the Donald suddenly had the first clue. Did Rowe have something to offer on that theme, with more Rowe here?
Sadly, none of that excitement filtered down from the ether, and instead it was just "Ned" being as dull as possible …
Naturally he began with a standard reptile swipe at climate science, because apparently that's all gone away now … and we can return to the 1950s, unaware that the planet might still be taking a view ...
Ah, so the old values we treasure are to dig in, and make sure that the poor are kept in their place … andas chief correspondent for Pravda down under, "Ned" is perfectly placed to recycle all the government's talking points to make this so...
But surely we can learn from the United States as to what is needed for the way forward?
And so to the "grow the economy" mantra, and possibly a little trickle of pee on poor legs … and two Labor legs bad, four Liberal legs good ...
At that point, the pond had no idea what "Ned" was talking about, or Chalmers for that matter.
What actually happened was that Ming the merciless stole all Labor's good ideas, and set himself up for record run, with the power rushing to his head in all sorts of bizarre ways …
Nationalise the banks? Well, if we're going to shovel heaps of cash down foreign owners, why not nationalise an airline or two? TAA was always better run than Ansett, as Ansett's demise finally showed ...
Actually the question is, can SloMo make his agenda work? After all, he's the one in power, he has the inside running, and talk of the Labor agenda is just another, not so subtle way, of stoking the fears … SloMo, in a moment of petulant vindictiveness, locked out Albo, earning reptile approval for one of their favourite tactics … and one of the great Australian values, if you happen to be rich, and determined no one will get in and loot your money bin, and instead you can dive through the filthy lucre like an Uncle Scrooge on speed …
But all that noted, it was good, uplifting, "Ned" and Team Australia values stuff, even if the pond nodded off so often …
And so to the bonus offering, the surly Adam …who yesterday hit some form of peak pique …
Today he was still grumbling and mumbling …
… but the heat seemed to go out of the truculent, grumpy one ...
Indeed, indeed, and for some strange reason the pond was reminded of a few Donald cartoons …
Priorities, priorities, but the pond sensed our Adam was off his oats, and the final gobbet was more like a sodden firecracker than the firebrand of yesterday ...
He's not sure? Now he's full of saucy doubts and fears and uncertainty? But just yesterday he was totally certain this wretched virus was unremarkable. Now it's one of the greatest pandemics?
Messaging, messaging, but who can ever work out the arcane ways of the reptile mind …
And now without Dame Slap, the pond feels like the column is a little light on, short weight, the butcher's thumb on the scale, so why not another reptile vision to finish?
Indeed, indeed, and Borowitz looked at a similar phenomenon in the US …
They still can't manage to call it a depression … some things just stick in the reptile craw and can't be dislodged ...
Indeed, indeed, returning to that 1950s moment in time after the crisis of the second world war, what a coming together there was, what harmony, provided you did what Ming told you to do …
But here's the reptile dilemma. Having fought for years against any role for government - unless it was subsidies for News Corp - how to put lipstick on the government pig, and explain that it had much work to do, except of course without the actual bureaucracy of government, or all those useless public servants who actually keep the cogs turning …
How much better a gabfest between leaders cutting to the chase, certain pariahs excluded ...
An unprecedented health and economic crisis? But what of our Adam, stoically standing up against an unremarkable virus doing bugger all damage, except perhaps to those who died?
Well there is one upside. At least we don't have the patsy, the fop, the snake oil salesman, the grand narcissist, the delusional one, supposedly in charge in the United States, along with his lackeys …the one foisted on the United States by News Corp, Fox News, and all the rest of the reprehensibles and deplorables ...
To celebrate, why not a few closing cartoons …
What a sad little triptych today: Nullius Neddy, Adam the Cratered and The Editorialist. And I'm beginning to get the thought that most of the reptiles just don't know how to react to this "pandemic".
ReplyDeleteTake old Neddy - and we all sincerely wish you would - who had this to say: "The fundamentals of Australian life are too entrenched to be swept away."
This is the testimony of a verbose, ancient reptile who clearly hasn't caught up with the idea that Australia has legalised abortion (in one or two states where it was still illegal), legalised euthanasia (in a couple of states and more to come), legalised homosexuality (in all states) and legalised same sex marriage (in all states). But still, none of those formerly illegal things ever had even the remotest connection with "the fundamentals of Australian life", did they.
But then it's been a long time since Gough legalised 'no fault' divorce so it's easy for an oldie like Ned to forget what was and wasn't "fundamentals".
But what about Adam ? Suddenly nothing much to say and that little said badly. However, we can consider this: "The spending and revenue measures [to counter the pandemic effects] amount to 10.6 per cent of GDP .... double Canada's, more than triple Britain's."
Wau, that means Australia is 'spending' 10.6% of $1.38 trillion = $146 Billion(US = Au$226 billion) on 25.5 million (approx) citizens plus possibly 1-2 million temporary visa holders unless we let them starve instead.
Canada is spending 5% of $1.73 Trillion = $86.5 billion (Au$134 billion) on 37.6 million citizens
The UK is spending 3.5% of $2.83 trillion = $99 billion (Au$153.4 billion) on 66.6 million citizens.
So yeah, I guess we are cosseting ourselves compared to those two free market capitalist exemplars and I'm sure the economic gods will exact their price. But then, as Adam pridefully declares: "With relatively good public finances, we can better afford it."
But how can we possibly have "relatively good public finances" when Rudd and the Gang of Four stole all our surplus for school halls and pink batts ?
Oh, it's a mystery, alright.
But The Editorialist has it sorted: "Post-pandemic, Mr Morrison, Josh Frydenberg and their state and territory cunteroarts will have no choice but to be bold and reformist in encouraging economic growth and pruning government spending."
Yep, austerity here we come.
As usual with reptiles, even when the statement is strictly true, it may omit some context that you need to fully understand the situation.
Delete"A key reason Australia has so far budgeted more for its coronavirus response is that it has committed to funding the JobKeeper program, and higher levels of support through the welfare system, for six months, whereas other countries have budgeted for shorter periods. The US has funded its wage subsidy program so far for 8 weeks, and New Zealand, Canada, and the UK for 3 months.
It is likely that many of these countries will need to extend their programs, and so spend significantly more"
https://blog.grattan.edu.au/2020/04/covid-19-australias-fiscal-response-is-now-among-the-biggest-in-the-world/
Neddie's values are probably valid among the chino-wearers at the IPA but are all but invisible in the community.
Maybe people should care, but seriously, when was the last time someone wanted to discuss free trade. They just want cheap stuff, they don't care how it gets here or what we send back.
Sovereignty? They just want to stick it to those damned furriners.
Border security? See soveriegnty.
Ned also kicks off with that Murdoch trope that a new problem replaces an old problem. Au contraire Neddie - they just accumulate. In this case the medical crisis will trigger an ongoing economic crisis to add to the list. If we get snapback it will be like the one where a steel cable snaps.
Ned: "Frydenburg "told the ABC", Andrews "in her ABC interview"... What would they do without our ABC?
ReplyDeleteCreighton: "borrowing financed by the government's central banks". It may eventually dawn on Adam that if banks can create money, they can cancel it in just a few keystrokes, and who would complain?
Hi Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteWhilst I can completely understand your aversion to Pell and the Pellists I have to say that my gob was well and truly smacked when I read this exchange between Bolt and Pell yesterday;
“Does the ABC’s role in your persecution concern you?” Bolt asked.
“Yes it does,” Pell replied. “Because, I mean, it’s partly financed by Catholic taxes.”
The Catholic Church pays taxes! Who knew!
DiddyWrote
I don't reckon that the Catholic Church gets a rebate on any GST it pays when buying its Sunday wine and wafers. So I imagine it, and all those other religious lots, pay taxes on about the same basis as us old pensioners.
DeleteI always wondered whether Catholic priests et al paid income tax, though, or whether that was classified as 'taxing religion' too.
Putting all that aside, it's interesting that some folk think tax is a payment for services. Presumably, if no taxes were paid, no preferential treatment would be expected?
DeleteTaxation of the Church is complicated, but see https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/its-time-for-the-churches-to-start-paying-tax/news-story/2a96bc23043ffbbbb0327b64f8350802
DeleteInteresting article, thanks Joe, but I don't imagine anything will happen on the religious taxation front while Morrison is PM.
DeleteBut it did state that "Church exemptions include: income tax, GST, FBT, payroll tax, council rates, state government taxes, land tax, and local government taxes." Fine, but I'd be interested to see an account of how the GST exemption works: when a Church representative buys something, do they have to produce some kind of identification so that shops reduce the purchase price by removing the GST component at the point of sale or does the Church keep a documented record of its purchases and then claim a tax refund at financial year end ? And does this apply to just any purchase made by a cleric or only to official Church purchases or what ?