In which the pond finally has to cover the reptile coverage ...

The pond was briefly cheered up by the sight of a biblical reference in the current campaign. 

Could it at last become something interesting, with prophets of doom hurling injunctions at each other from the holy word of imaginary friends?

Of course the pond is a stickler for the KJV, but it tends to be a bit cryptic at times ...

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him

The pond felt that perhaps the NIV version would make the text a little plainer for youffs not interested in the language of King James' time:

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Ouch, hypocrites yelling at the unseen?

Never mind, the pond always likes to do a Tony Perkins and think of Mother …

Meanwhile, the pond wilted, as the reptiles refused to obey the pond's injunction for ABTE columns …

Instead of anything but the election, it was all about the election, and here the reptiles were faced with an extreme difficulty, a tricky dilemma, arising from the unfair judgement of a minority of inner suburban latte sipping 'leets who, somehow, for some strange reason, had been invited into the 7 studio to render a verdict on the debate.

As a result, the reptiles had to use all sorts of dodges, wheezes and subterfuges, and the pond was forced into covering the reptile coverage - not having been mad enough or sufficiently in dotage to actually sit down and watch the wretched thing.

Elsewhere at Nine it was a matter of a statement of the obvious, by the cawing Crowe, a refugee from reptile la la land …

  

Hmm, seems a simple enough announcement of the result, but it must have plunged the reptiles into an agony of confusion and concern. 

How to tilt the result, how to skew it so their man was at least a respectable player? Could they do a Tommy and show that being deaf, dumb and blind was no problem when playing pinball, and seeing how far the tilt could go ...

Well played reptiles, that's how it's done. Berate comrade Bill over climate science, "priceless", and have nattering "Ned" sagely advise that neither leader won by a knockout or on points, and bring on the bouffant one to advise that Bill Shorten won the silly, romantic heart in a girlie way, while the speaker in tongues and strutter in public to imaginary friends won the hard-headed school of deep intellectual debate …

Even the "straight" coverage couldn't quite do a cawing Crowe …

You see, comrade Bill won, but neither could land a knock-out blow, so he didn't really win, did he? 

The reptiles were disappointed … there was no blood ...

There must be blood, there will be blood …

Eli Sunday: Now beg for the blood! 
Plainview: [sotto voce] Please, give me the blood, Eli. Let me get out of here. 
Plainview: [aloud] Give me the blood, Lord, and let me get away!

Meanwhile, the rest of the rag went about its daily business, ravaging and trashing comrade Bill, from the front page of the tree killer edition to a raging parrot to Dame Groan …

  

The pond particularly loved Dame Groan's response, giving that the parrot was only offering his usual squawking …

Claims short of veracity? Why not a simple liar, liar, pants on fire?

Yes, you've never had it so good, your working conditions are far better than you believe, and you can trust an expert accustomed to hauling in a cool $357k from her reptile overlords … such a wondrous sum that Dane Griab had the time to offer a second column, or perhaps in the interests of veracity, the reptiles simply re-branded it ...

Wouldn't you love $357k a year for punditry and devotion to the SloMo cause?

Meanwhile, the reptiles were conjuring a nightmare. What if the youff took to the streets and miseducated and ill-informed as they are, ignored the reptiles and the people shouting at them to get off the lawn?

Oh it's on, a generational biff, and there will be blood …

Curiously, in all this, there was one story that went missing from the lizard Oz digital front page at time of writing, though the pond searched for it high and low …

Ah well, wouldn't want to get in the road of preferences from rogues, ratbags and rich, bloated Titanic Clive … remember the days when the reptiles couldn't get enough of savaging Clive and his follies? Long gone, long gone …

Poor old Hedders … all that work on Clive, and for what? Why, so the reptiles might tug the forelock, along with SloMo ...

And now enough of the teasing, it's on with the reptile verdicts …with the reptiles posed in a way that suggests either authority, or a tendency to pompous portentousness ...

Indeed, indeed, what would the audience know up against Simon? Though for some strange reason, Simon was deprived of a still showing he was a serious player, a reptile expert, while hapless Troy and carping Caroline, still yearning for blows and blood, also went without a snap ...

It was, in the end, an astonishing feat of legerdemain …no clear winner, no winner at all, except that SloMo won the fight on substance, and SloMo came from behind …

Naturally the pond wanted more, and so it dived into nattering "Ned's" full version …

Now it's 'everyone a winner'?! Everyone;s a winner, baby, that's the truth ...

But what do the reptiles always say about pampering privileged children, and giving them false expectations that they will always come first in this vale of tears?

Okay, it was a difficult brief, but doesn't nattering "Ned" do well, as he pampers SloMo ...

Make of that what you will.

Comrade Bill's a frontrunner, who kept his nerve, but has more to lose, though it seemed to the pond that the reptiles had more to lose and were miffed … and so had to do a bizarre dance of equivocation, and is there any better equivocator than the bouffant one?

'Harped'? Hmm, not quite the word the pond would have used. Perhaps 'focused'? Perhaps 'concentrated on'? But 'harped'? Talking persistently and tediously on a particular topic? Though hast harped my fear aright!

The pond knew it had done the right thing by not watching, especially when the reptiles threw in another photo for benefit of the bouffant one's piece …

It so filled the pond with nausea, that the pond had to reach for an infallible Pope cartoon, and swallow it immediately, with more papal cures on offer here …

The pond felt immediately restored … the one who lost his seat on the job, and the onion muncher in beta testing before finally the kraken is unleashed … and better yet, there was only one gobbet left in the pond's coverage of the reptile coverage …

Hmm, if the pond were to judge the reptile coverage - and why not, it can be as one-eyed a referee as the reptiles - the reptiles sounded a little glum, and couldn't come to terms with what might have been a fairly straightforward story …

As for the pond, what can it do but renew its call for some genuine reptile loonacy of the "anything but the election" kind … because fatigue has already set in, what with the reptiles spinning like the pond's wired washing machine … a condition analysed by the astute Rowe, with more Rowe analysis here …

In which the pond breaks the ABTE mode, but for a good cause - the onion muncher and the Caterists ...

While the pond is in ABTE mode, there are always exceptions to the rule, and anything to do with the onion muncher's valiant crusade, his noble warrior fight - might there be a knighthood at the end of it? - will always find a home at the pond ...

What an exquisite framing of the question, though the question might be whether people want to vote for a climate denialist, gay marriage wrecking, sniping, undermining and otherwise hideously negative politician.

Which is why that header attracted the pond's interest, mentioning as it does "liberal-hating activists."

Whatever happened to caps in the world of the lizards of Oz? Shouldn't that have at least read "Liberal-hating activists"? It being obvious that the very last thing one might call the onion muncher is "liberal" and even "conservative" is stretching the friendship for such a toxic chap.

The mood of paranoia and persecution complex was right, and the pond was keen to follow this form of Fitzy down the "Liberal" garden path ...

Oh please, is this Fitzy purporting to be a prof of history and politics, and yet seeks to undermine the onion muncher's gold-standard ability to wreck, snipe and undermine?

And then came this ripper.

What's "hard right" about that?

The pond often wonders when old people go kinda funny, and Fitzy is about as good an example as any, with his mealy-mouthed, wondrous celebration of the onion muncher as so soft and cuddly, the pond thought he might have been writing about a kitten lost in Warringah … and yet amazingly he hadn't finished, and it was time to sink the hatchet into the onion muncher's mortal enemy, the deviant Steggall ...

Say what? The onion muncher knows he's vulnerable? But the vision, the dream, good old Fitzy just presented is of a harmoniser, a unifier, a uniter, a man with the soft, gentle purr of a mildly conservative kitten … apparently now safely neutered and defanged, because he can't imagine doing a real day job ... and what do you know, such is his plight and his desperation, after 25 years, he's suddenly discovered some money for his electorate ...

Emeritus professor? So that's what they call snake oil salesmen, shills and hacks on parade these days …

And speaking of shills and hacks, because Fitzy turned in such a lightweight effort, the pond decided it needed to make room for an old favourite, ignored in recent times ...

A bit of ABC bashing!

How the pond missed it, how pleased it is that some reptile traditions endure, especially when it's carried on by a cash in the paw man, a man always willing to score some funding from the Department of Finance so he can deplore government-funded broadcasters.

And yet where's the beef? If the ABC is doing lacklustre programming at election time, surely that's what the reptiles wanted, surely the reptile campaign to degut and/or castrate the ABC has been a major success …

Take the pond's own viewing habits as an example. If the ABC replaces Barrie Cassidy with Michael Rowland on The Insiders, as has been rumoured, the pond will dance with joy. Yet another ABC show the pond won't have to bother watching …

But enough digressions, has everyone got their baseball bat so we can join the cash-in-the-paw Caterist?

It goes without saying that the Caterist is being his usual one-eyed cheerleader and forelock tugger for SloMo and the current government, and any notion of impartiality is as silly as the notion that he has the first clue about the movement of flood waters in quarries.

But that's what the pond loves about the Caterist. He stands by always ready to prove that bias and prejudice is a science rather than an art when practised by a skilled Caterist, always ready to look at the world through the prism of his own government cash-in-the-paw values …

And now to evidence that in reality, and for some strange reason, the Caterist is a keen consumer of ABC radio ...

Indeed, indeed, though it's a tad lucky that the ABC never called on the expert opinion of the Caterist in the matter of flood waters in quarries, and that was left to the parrot and 2GB and others in the syndicate …think of the mess that might have produced.

Never mind, it's a nostalgic wander through the world of a man who is generally clueless, except when it comes to picking up cash crumbs from the Department of Finance table ...

Such a useless doofus. Such a mindless stick-in-the-mud. So mired in the past. Such silly blather about ratings, as if all the FTA ratings generally hadn't taken a bit of a pounding …

Come gather 'round Caterists
Wherever you roam 
And admit that the mobile phones 
Around you have grown 
And accept it that soon 
You'll be drenched to the bone with podcasts and streaming. 
If your time to you 
Is worth savin' 
Then you better start swimming' 
And messaging and driving with phone in hand while you roam
Or you'll sink like a stone 
For the broadcast times they are a-changin'…

Or some such. The pond could have done the whole Dylan song, but that would have meant covering the Watergate scandal, and since the Caterist is apparently clueless, it might have been better to refer him to Barnaby Joyce and Watergate: the water buybacks scandal explained.

And how about this one, at the Nine papers?

...She only re-emerged late last week, but says she will never identify herself publicly, nor her Deep Throat – not even to me. She believes Taylor to be extremely sensitive to his connection to the Cayman Islands, noting how in 2013, a mere letter to the editor to the Goulburn Post that asserted among other things that “Angus Taylor had an investment company registered in the Cayman Islands” was met with such a strong Taylor reaction that the paper followed up a couple of days later with a formal apology saying the letter about his “personal financial affairs” was incorrect, and should not have been run. Taylor has always maintained he had no financial interest in EAA or EAI. 
Salt also asserts – and has sent me screen shots – showing that Taylor’s wife Louise Clegg has been discussed on Wikipedia forums for trying to change her husband’s entry on his Wikipedia entry. She also sent screen shots showing that someone, not Clegg, did succeed in removing a reference to Eastern Australia Agriculture, just weeks before the $79 million transaction went through. When The Project asked Taylor last week if he was still a part of EAI, he responded with a very terse “No”, and declined to say why it was set up in the Cayman Islands. 
Whatever else, it really is beyond doubt that Taylor regards his own involvement in the whole affair as very sensitive. In 2016 when Aoife Champion, the ALP candidate standing against him in Hume for both that year’s election and this one, referenced at an event Taylor’s involvement with Cayman Islands-registered EAI and water licences, she received a strong phone call the next day from a Taylor staff member who threatened defamation action if it was not removed from the video hosted on the event’s Facebook page.

Angus is up to his neck in it, and the pond wonders at what point some of the family connections - say the ones involving his brother - become a matter for media inquiry …

Sorry, that's what happens when the pond reads the Caterist. He's such a mind-numbing forelock tugger, so partial and prejudiced, that the pond always goes looking for distractions.

Luckily, this is the last gobbet ...

So says a reptile, a jittery voice, palm extended for Department of Finance cash therein, utterly lacking self-awareness, sublimely uninterested in what happens to public money, unless it's to be spent on him, jumping at ABC shadows, fixated on the material - always with the cash in the paw - and utterly and completely irrelevant to everyone except reptiles at the lizard Oz wanting to know about defamation actions regarding the movement of flood waters in quarries …

Well after that long drive down the irrelevant road to nowhere, time for an irrelevant cartoon …

In which the pond goes into ABTE mode thanks to the Major and the Oreo ...

The pond was anxious to begin the week in ABTE mode - anything but the election - and what joy that the Major was on hand to help, with some thoughtless reptile sloganeering, and a valiant effort to polarise the debate about Christianity and Islam even more …

As usual in lizard Oz bizarro world, whenever a reptile summary suggests one thing, be sure that the perverse reptile will wander off in another … but as a spoiler, might the pond just note how disappointing and predictable the opening unsigned graphic is, how mindless and meaningless, as it juxtaposes a way to make a phone call with other apps … how did Skype get into the mix? What next? Reptile podcasts? (And speaking of podcasts, the pond hopes everyone has heard This American Life on Alex Jones and conspiracy theories … it helps explain the world of reptile la la land in a trice, and can be found under Beware the Jabberwock).

And now, for those who insist on sticking with the Major ...

Actually, if the pond might be so bold, the lizard Oz long ago developed a theme: how could it most effectively display its complete intolerance for deviants of the Islamic kind, and anybody who might have an unkind word about Xianity …

At the time, the far right wing Murdochian media was wallowing in an "attack the infidels" debate, arguing that the Islamics should just like it or lump it, and never mind the failures of the 1% to share their wealth … just blame it all on the Islamics, and bring the Donald to power, skew the taxation system even more, and all would be well …

And now to jump the shark and nuke the fridge with the Major ...

It's a long way back in the gobbet, but did anyone notice that line about "the most despicable act of violence since World War II"?

The pond can think of any number of despicable acts of violence that knock 7/11 off its perch, which is not to diminish it, but simply to note that it was the Major that introduced the comparative voice …

Why, there's the Vietnam war, the most despicable and useless act of violence in the 1960s, long after the second world war. And how about the Russians in Afghanistan, another despicable and extended act of violence, and at the same time, completely futile and an abject failure? 

And if despicable acts of war aren't your thing, how about the Rwandan genocide in 1994? According to assorted data, an estimated 800,000 to 1 million Tutsis and some moderate Hutus were slaughtered, though some estimates range as high as 2 million (here).

If Colbert were to get out his calculator, he could probably help with the Major's western-centric calculations. One dead American surely equals at 10,000 dead Rwandans, and that's how it easily becomes "the most despicable act of violence since World War II".

Of course this sort of dispute highlights the inability of the Major and increasingly far right reptiles to handle complex discussions, when simplistic, mindless, almost moronic rhetorical devices are deployed, without a nanosecond's thought as to what is being scribbled …

And now, inevitably, it's back to the Folau matter … even though, as a result of his behaviour in the matter of the Order of Lenin medal, the Major himself should be facing a stiff sentence in purgatory … if not an eternity in hellfire … since being a serial liar and dissembler is one of those crimes that attract the attention of imaginary friends ...

Again if the pond might be so bold, the notion that nobody mentions homosexuals being tossed off buildings by fundamentalist Islamics is such a blatant lie that the Major certainly deserves a stint in purgatory.

There's no moral equivalence here, there's no get out of jail excuse for Folau, preaching exactly the same fundamentalist tripe and bigotry as that preached by Islamic fundamentalists. If anything, it only makes it worse … because his words are the sort of incitement that was used to toss homosexuals off cliffs in Sydney not so long ago, or see youths patrol beats so that they could bash poofters to death.

And that other excuse, that Folau is stating what most people have believe to be true for most of the last two millennia, and therefore somehow how it isn't homophobic and intolerant, but rather the natural order of things, is even more irritating. The bible can be used for many purposes, but one of the favourite uses made of it by fundamentalists is the preaching of hate, fear and loathing, of the different and the other.

And so all the fundamentalism to be found in Islam, the stonings to death, the acceptance of slavery, and so on and so forth, and often for petty matters, can be found in the old Testament, as might be expected of Abrahamic faiths that share many traditions, including bigotry, hate and homophobia.

And yet, though all this known, and within the pond's lifetime, gays were sent to jail or chemically castrated, or cast out as distilled essence of social evil, somehow it's the fault of social media ...

Ah fucketty fuck, did the Major just blame feminists and black women? … though he didn't dare say "black" and instead in his mealy-mouthed, hypocritical way, he led with "women of colour".

Well it's probably because he wanted to illustrate the point that the Major's social theory lacks subtlety of thought and historical depth … as he meanders off down the Crusader bypath to distract attention from what he just said … and next drags in the Chinese ...

Say what?

"Our own Mabo decision is based on the High Court's findings about the intent of British colonial administrators to protect the interests of our first inhabitants."

What the fuck does that mean?

British colonial administrators landed here with the notion of terra nullius. And protecting the interests? How about turning a blind eye?

I have myself heard a man, educated, and a large proprietor of sheep and cattle, maintain that there was no more harm in shooting a native, than in shooting a wild dog. I have heard it maintained by others that it is the course of Providence, that blacks should disappear before the white, and the sooner the process was carried out the better, for all parties. I fear such opinions prevail to a great extent. Very recently in the presence of two clergymen, a man of education narrated, as a good thing, that he had been one of a party who had pursued the blacks, in consequence of cattle being rushed by them, and that he was sure that they shot upwards of a hundred. When expostulated with, he maintained that there was nothing wrong in it, that it was preposterous to suppose they had souls. In this opinion he was joined by another educated person present. Bishop Polding, 1845 (here).

They never face up to anything, these reptiles, do they? There's always the dissembling, and sometimes the outright lying or the Orwellian distortions.

Forget purgatory, off to imaginary hellfire for the Major so that instead the pond might dally with the Oreo …

Yes, you won't find this Oreo thinking or acting like your average celebratory Oreo …

Instead it's even more Folau … and a completely absurd exaggeration, as a dispute between an employer and an employee is suddenly taken as putting the bible on trial, and perhaps might even involve the entirety of Western Civilisation … all of it leavened by that special brand of paranoia and fear-mongering for which the Oreo is famous, and has seen her celebrated in assorted universities around the world ...

Um actually the point here is that Folau made a deal with his employer not to go down that path again, and even made an offer …

But he didn't walk away from his contract immediately, did he, because the righteous are generally righteous only up to the point of cash in the paw, and never mind the camel and the eye of the needle.

Not to worry, you can't stop the Oreo from getting paranoid and hysterical and dragging in everything - though sadly she does fail to mention workers quoting the kitchen sink - so that she might arrive at the highest level of persecution complex, whereby Christians become the PC establishment's highest prey… which no doubt explains why the Donald and his adoring acolyte Mike Pence are right at this moment busy persecuting Xians in their usual way, and fawning all over gays, black women and such like …

Such are the reptile fears and phobias, the pond couldn't help reading this reptile story, as a supplement to the Oreo's fear and loathing, as another sign of the suffering of the favourite prey ...

The only two names explicitly mentioned in the story? Pell and Phillip Adams …

Come back when you've got a really story Fergo, because that one was truly pathetic …

If you're going to whip up a conspiracy, a few names beyond a convicted pedophile and an alleged atheist socialist with a thin millionaire skin would help ...

And so back to the Oreo, who really does know how to lather up a persecutory storm ...

Say what?

"Big business is Big Brother"? 

The Oreo has gone full Marxist!? Is it any wonder that the pond has trouble keeping up. One minute business is good and right and proper, the next minute business has plunged the pond into an Orwellian nightmare from which it will never wake …

And now for a full embrace of poofter-bashing and a deep love of homophobic bigotry, and much wailing and tears and ashes ...

Creeping Christophobia?

Is the Oreo making a play to score an entry in rational wiki here?

Christophobia is the irrational fear or hatred of Christianity or Christians. While Christophobia is a real thing, it is usually used as a snarl word by some Christians with a persecution complex and (at most) only a passing familiarity with reality. There's probably a good overlap with the people who claim there's a liberal bias in the media. For whatever reason, the term hasn't really caught on well as more verbose alternatives such as "anti-Christian bias."

Snarl word? Check. The Oreo is full of snarls.

Persecution complex? Check.

Only a passing familiarity with reality? Check.

Overlap with people who claim there's a liberal bias in the media? Check.

The only noticeable omission? People who see business as Orwellian … hmm, that wiki could do with an update …

Overlap with people who see business as Orwellian? Check.

And so to the pond's confession of its own phobia … graphically illustrated by the Rowe of the day, with more graphic Rowe here …

In which a host of pond stars - prattling Polonius, the onion muncher and the dog botherer - dazzle the stars with their luminosity ...

The pond just wants to explain one more time why Dame Slap - blathering on about the form of feminism she wants other fools to follow - that somehow she's found in the new season of GOT - is not a place where the pond is prepared to go.

Might as well blather on about the precepts and philosophies to be learned from Liam Neeson's Cold Pursuit, a film which whimsically heralds its death count with a frame featuring a cross and a nickname (yes, after recent art house experiences, the pond had to suffer an aged Liam).

That's just a genre film; GOT is a fantasy, and so is Lord of the Rings and the Harry Potter mumbo jumbo, and about all that we might learn from Dame Slap's devotion to GOT is that perhaps it reveals why she was a sucker for Lord Monckton's theory of the United Nations using climate science to establish a world government. She loves a fantasy.

In her own way, she's clever enough to write a column in the required lizard Oz style, but at the same time, she routinely manages to be deeply, profoundly stupid, and as it involves GOT - the types that haunt the water cooler at offices, scaring sensible people away from quenching their thirst - it's a very specific kind of madness.

No, the pond refuses to descend into that whirlpool of utter loonacy; instead it prefers to hover at the edge, while prattling Polonius howls at the moon like a grey-bearded loon and produces one of his more exceptional rants …

You see? From the get go, Polonius doesn't disappoint.

Fear of the mob is one of the features of aristocrats around the world. How Polonius must have been thrilled when at night by flashlight, he devoured in bed Baroness Emma Orczy's The Scarlet Pimpernel, and aristocrats being saved from the mob and the guillotine … pr perhaps he preferred Rafael Sabatini's Scaramouche and the immortal line "He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."

Sadly, after a reading of Polonius, readers realise he was born without the gift of laughter, and tend to come away thinking that if the world was mad, Polonius helped make it so ...

Yes, it's going to be a litany of complaints, of whining and moaning, and the pond was immediately torn.

This very morning the reptiles had handed over the front page to the Oscillating Fan and his  predictions about the onion muncher, and the OF had been blessed by the sacred cartoon cult of Lobbecke ...

What to do, oh what to do? Lobbecke has spoken, or more strictly speaking, drawn, and the pond is drawn towards the cult light.

And then the pond thought why not have them both, why not have Polonius ranting, and the OF predicting? Why not do a cut and paste and fling them together in a way that shed neither much heat nor any light?

And so it was the turn of the OF to speak of reactionaries, as if Polonius hadn't been enough ...

She's independent?

All the pond learned from that overture is that the OF doesn't bother to read his fellow reptiles, who have for months been explaining how Steggall is just a puppet for a deep state conspiracy, and such yarns were still to be found at the top of the digital page this day …

Opponents say? Don't worry, that's just the reptiles hearing voices in their heads ...

But the pond thought its strategy was working.

It could turn, with equanimity, back to Polonius, still howling at the moon as he compiled his litany of complaints, and like all the reptiles, faithfully tipping his lid and tugging his forelock to Robert Thomson. Well you don't get to be a classy courtier and stay in a juicy position in the royal court, unless you pay homage to the king ...

The pond loves the double think emanating from the mob that mounts the outrage and hysteria fomented by Fox News …

It takes considerable skill to pass on dire warnings of a mob mentality, while Fox's kissing cousins are daily giving free reign to a mob mentality in support of a demagogue…

The pond was also pleased that Polonius, always a late arriver, had returned to the Folau scene. It gave the pond a chance to remind Polonius that he too, as a follower of that Holy Roman Whore of Babylon church, was destined to an eternity of hellfire, unless he arranged for a change of churches and went all fundamentalist evangelical.

Take him away, outraged mob, and send him to the hellfire he has so richly earned …

And with that damnation, it was time to return to the OF, and worry about the fate of the mad monk, who was also, if Folau's interpretation of the bible is to be believed, destined to an eternity of hellfire - though when you think of all the lies and corrupt behaviour of the onion muncher, perhaps there's only a need to revert to the ten commandments, and note that confession and redemption is a peculiarly Catholic conception, and perhaps not reliable, not even with penance, or a chance to land in purgatory thanks to a goodly spend on indulgences ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, that tirade verges on heresy.

The onion muncher as luddite reactionary, and maybe somebody should do something about climate science? The pond knew it would have to call on the dog botherer to rebut such gibberish, but in the meantime, it returned to Polonius, still prattling away and compiling his list of complaints ...

Ah, the pond was wondering when the Catholic church would intrude into the discussion, with Polonius seemingly unaware that his support for that wretched Roman whore of Babylon will ensure his time in the afterlife in an eternity of hellfire. Don't ask the pond, just check on the sources of Folau's simpleton theology …

...Folau criticised pastors who accept money for spreading God’s word and also took aim at people who go to church but don’t read the Bible thoroughly to see what God says about certain matters. 

“The problem with a lot of people today is they don’t read the word, they go to church on Sunday, listen to what the pastor says, and that’s it,” Folau said. “They don’t go back home to check for what the word of God says.” 

Folau said it was wrong to hold up Jesus’ mother Mary as an idol worthy of worship, as the Catholic Church does, and called on people to evaluate whether they’re making the mistake of idolising unnecessary things like money or material possessions, which they worship more than God. 

“What does the Catholic Church do? They create an image of Mary and Jesus and totally go against what God’s word is,” Folau said. “This is what I’m talking about, the difference between man’s doctrine and tradition verses God’s word. (more at news.com.au here)

Yes, Mary devotees, skewed Jesus cultists and theological illiterates like Polonius and the onion muncher are destined to an eternity of hellfire for getting it wrong, but meanwhile, the oscillating fan was wrapping up his coverage of the secular, striving ambition of the onion muncher … as he desperately tries to avoid having to get another job, and attempt to do a decent day's work - no easy assignment, given his training and inclination in being a reflexive, reactionary, negative dullard, whose main skill has always been in wrecking, undermining and sniping ...

Indeed, indeed, and the answer to that question is one of the few things that keeps the pond interested in the forthcoming federal election. But now the last word must go to the aristocratic Polonius, still finding a way, Mary-idolator that he is, to work the Catholic church and the Pellists into the discussion ...

Intolerance? As usual Polonius ends with a zinger, because it's hard to imagine anyone more intolerant of people and lifestyles different from his own than the prattler. He's at his worst in his media column on a Friday, sniping away in a cruel and intolerant manner at anything that moves, frequently making errors and acting the fool, but this weekend effort is just as intolerant in its own way.

Anyone Polonius doesn't like gets lumped into a mob, and once anonymised, labelled a bunch of sans culottes … here, have a Polonial cartoon ...

And so to the dog botherer.

The pond wondered whether it should have gone on and on with the DB - we've heard it all before a zillion times - and it's no more edifying now than back when it began.

Think of it as a kind of Dame Slap GOT - if you make it to the end of the episode, you've proven yourself as a battle-hardened feminist (or if a male, you've been ensnared by the skilful Amazonian powers of the Dame Slaps of the world - sorry about that).

Now the pond knows it's a challenge and a stretch ...

… and so the pond wondered if the odd cartoon inserted between gobbets might help the dog botherer go down a little easier …

Yes, that about sums up the experience, and so to doing a little lapping, and naturally at the top of the page is that notorious reactionary, out of touch with his electorate and completely useless when it comes to doing anything practical for Warringah these past 25 years … and with that smirk that will endure for all the ages, or at least until the flushing of the toilet ...

As expected, there's absolutely nothing to see here, and so another cartoon is urgently needed …

Now the pond said it wouldn't have much to say about the dog botherer, but the pond would like to preface this gobbet - spoiler alert - by pointing out an arrogant, condescending prick the dog botherer is, in his usual way veering off from climate science to talk of Coffin Bay oysters, burning red gum, Range Rovers, and the rest of the shit Pious Reactionary Pricks - no, the pond isn't talking about Prius's - of the dog botherer kind trot out whenever they want to have a discussion of actual climate science

Of course all this blather puts the dog botherer in the company of the anti-vaxxer, Kenyan birth certificate believing Donald, which is no surprise, but does excuse another cartoon turning up …

In the dog botherer's case, he'll scribble some crazy shit, and anybody sensible will usually just ignore him. But not the pond, it's the one assigned to stare up at the bats in the belfry ...

There's a fundamental absurdity at work whenever the pond reads the dog botherer, who has had to abandon his straightforward climate denialism for a slightly more varied brand. 

So the onion muncher signed up for Paris, which was good, but the US bailed from Paris, and did better at emissions, which was good, so we shouldn't have signed up for Paris in onion muncher style, which was bad, but would have done better reducing emissions on our own, except of course we haven't, which in its own way is good, because what's the point of doing anything about reducing emissions, because climate science is a hoax and a fraud … just ask aspiring Liberal senators in Queensland …

Reading this sort of verbal gymnastics reminds the pond of the many ways the bar can be lowered …

Well the good news for weary travellers is that there are only two gobbets to go; the bad news is that the penultimate one is full of the usual dog botherer blather ...

A complex and nuanced phenomenon? 

So that's what all the blather about oysters and cars was doing … complex and nuanced and subtle … like a poke in the eye with a climate denialist stick …

Well there are others who share the dog botherer's subtle, nuanced arguments for doing nothing, because what's wrong with self-immolation …

And so at last to the final gobbet ...

None of the above is an argument for doing nothing? And yet there are good arguments for doing nothing, because who cares if the planet burns ...

You condescending prick, you didn't spend a nanosecond on a plan for doing something, or anything … you just did your usual rant, for which you must have a shortcut on the keyboard, designed to jumble the denialist blather into new patterns, but never into new insights, or the slightest hint of self-awareness …

Be honest in your horseshit denialism, be straightforward, proud and true. Those little retreats, "Australia needs to play a role", just shows off your transparent hypocrisy and remarkable stupidity.

Well, the pond apologises, it probably shouldn't have gone there, especially on a meditative Sunday beset spent assigning assorted people who don't share the pond's beliefs to an eternity of imaginary hellfire.

The only consolation is that the dog botherer is likely to join Polonius, the onion muncher and others in this eternity of hellfire, should Folau's imaginary friend have had the Christian love and forgiveness to design such a a hellfire. 

For the pond, hell is here on earth, joining with Sartre in noting that hell is other people scribbling furiously for Murdochian rags, while the inner sanctum standing to the right of Satan is reserved for those who read their works … 

And now, in compensation, a few final cartoons ...