Just look at the start of this week … there was the Major, railing about Julia Gillard …
For fuck's sake, they never give it a rest, do they? It's like all that raging against Hillary Clinton, as a way of avoiding the Donald's latest lie …and meanwhile, the mutton Dutton quietly goes about his business ...
And look at this quartet …
Yes, there was distilled essence of Oreo, while Bjorn was explaining how if we learn to swim, only some of us will sink, and the Caterist was standing tall with Corey …
Sadly, these days the pond rarely remembers the Caterist exists, except when the odd story pops up in places such as Mumbrella …
Phew, he'll need to scribble a few more columns to pay for that lot … and what do you know, this very day there came a capper to that Caterist vendetta … and in the lizard Oz of all places …
Meanwhile, pure Angus beef was a constant headache during the week … with the reptiles much agitated …
Poor Shanners was in a frenzy, and the blue print featuring many wild links indicated just how much reptile digital ink had been wasted on prime Angus beef …even if a little bone-headed ...
To be fair, it gave the cartoonists as well as the pond some sublime joy …
Well there's more Rowe here, as always, and just to be fair the pond should probably finish off the rest of that Shanners piece …
That said, by week's end another disaster had overtaken pure Angus beef, and sent the likes of nattering "Ned" into a frenzy …
Enough already, the humour's too rich, though the pond should note it brought out the very best in the oscillating fan …
What else in this survey of the reptile week?
Well Moorice turned out to be a big bank man, as well as a big coal dude, and he delegated his climate duties to the venerable Sexton, sounding like the dog botherer on his day off…
Strange, once upon a time, the pond used to hang on every word Moorice scribbled, but sticking with him through Westpac seemed like an undiluted waste of time … just as the pond couldn't be bothered with Dame Groan …
Okay boomer … but perhaps it's because the pond is just too tired of all the reptile winning …
Oh yes, the United States is winning bigly …
But where, you might ask, if you could muster up a flying fuck, is the usual lengthy reptile harangue that the pond features to put some prime Angus beef on the weekly bone?
Well for that we must return to Monday, when the dog botherer was fucking the planet in his usual way, given top billing over Bjorn explaining how if we all just learned to swim, the new beach at Marrickville Metro would bring the pond much pleasure…
Such a strange, crazed, repetitious zealot … if only he'd stuck to fucking dogs, or perhaps Iraq …
The pond thought for a nanosecond of doing something about the dog botherer piece on Monday, but knew that the dog botherer would turn up again like a bad reptile penny, and sure enough, this day he came again …
This time the pond knew it had to do its duty, bunker down, and do some dog fucking …
Yes, of course, there's more than a hint of Freud in that opener: "They simply will not learn. They refuse to admit error, concede defeat …"
Perhaps they spend too much time with the dog botherer, arguing as he does over a "what if?" that can never be proven, or disproven …
Only a sublime fuckwit, or the pond, would waste a moment dwelling on Malware, the man who fucked the NBN, but that's how it goes when you're a weirdly wired dog botherer … and after that, it only got weirder ...
It's really weird - it makes the pond feel strangely wired - to see the dog botherer in the grip of his own essence of truth.
The truth is incontrovertible? But week after week, the dog botherer proves that scientists don't have a clue, while a hack zealot journalist knows it all ...
Where will it all end? Why, next minute the DB might start ranting about the fluoride in the water supply, and leftist attempts to get hold of his essential bodily fluids … and so the pond felt the need to hose him down, and Rowe supplied a suggestion regarding the methodology …
But enough of the pond wrangling in another Rowe, it's on to the whining and the moaning, as if SloMo hadn't actually won the election …
Yes, it always comes back to the climate and the dog botherer's zealotry … as if nothing else is being noticed anywhere else in the world …
As for our very own prime Angus beef …
Well, the world probably won't miss another climate denialist turning up to pretend he cares … but at least the whole saga also entertained the infallible Pope …
Meanwhile, Crikey had an explanation of why the dog botherer felt about prime Angus beef the way he did …
You'll need to get behind the paywall to get all those active links, but what joy to be reminded that as well as fucking the planet, the dog botherer didn't just help fuck Iraq, he helped fuck Malware …
Oh okay, and now he's still rambling on, and the pond should pay attention …
Actually what we seem to be seeing is winner's bitterness, and winner's incessant whining and howling …
Oh for fuck's sake, and letting banks off the hook reeks of what? Don't worry, the pond knows the answer … essence of parfume Moorice …and what a reek that is ...
But perhaps the pond should reserve more of nattering "Ned" wringing hands and announcing the end of the world by Xmas for later, because there's a final gobbet of dog botherer to go ...
Of course if you're a climate denialist, you might think it doesn't matter … but some do, and some care … and some see the comical side of things …
And as for Sky News, the Murdochian conspiracy, Fox and Friends, and the craziness about in the air and abroad …
Finally, the pond can't resist a coda, and for this the pond has to briefly abandon the reptiles, and head off elsewhere for the report, but rest assured, it involved the reptiles', and so the pond's dearest friends, and it reminded the pond once again why the onion muncher still stayed top of the pile, even though he was an irrelevant dingbat … you see, he'd turn up at the drop of a hat for a vampire's picnic if there was a camera nearby ...
Talk about a trio of ratbags … yearning for the good old days when you could call a poofter a poofter, and no one would take a fence or a gate … and everyone knew that speaking of fuckwitted tykes was just a form of endearment and a jolly jape amongst chums …
Before the final gobbet, the pond feels the need to jump to some spoiler comments …
Yes, it was just a publicity stunt … that's what bigotry about blacks needs, and Donners is sublimely archaic and anachronistic ...
But, billy goat, butt, we should remember what great fun it was to talk of fuckwitted tykes …
Catholic dog
Sitting on a log
Eating maggots
Out of a frog ...
Oh how the pond remembers returning home from school and wondering why the proddie dogs were so mean and cruel … but enough, already, it seems that if writing a history of the 1950s, we must make sure to fling words about in as cruel a fashion as possible …
And now this, time for a final bout of tykes talking offensive twaddle …
Only seventy people turned up? Here's hoping that's how many copies of the book sell, and that one day someone will toss a rare copy into the local street library so that the pond can remove it, and fumigate it …
And now speaking of Catholicism, here's a final few thoughts from the infallible Pope …sorry, no link, there's a paywall ...
