In which prattling Polonius unveils his strategy for helping the poor deal with climate change ...

(Above: a few Ludlam jokes for gamers to get the show on the road. Go Melbourne, and Junkee source here).


Plane spotting at Mascot and chauffeur duties led the pond to more important discoveries last night.

Now the pond has to confess shamefacedly to never having heard of Neil Breen before last night, but it seems the brave lad covers the Friday night dead beat for the vast Fairfaxian conspiracy known as 2GB, and he set scientific hearts aflutter by pronouncing climate science dead.

Stone cold dead, killed, not a pulse, not a flicker, and anyone who thought otherwise was apparently in the grip of a serious delusion ...

Naturally the Bolter was present to sagely advise that the whole point of climate science was to increase, enlarge, enhance the size of world government.

Inter alia, the pair also waxed rhapsodic about a deep love for that tough and hard man, Tony Abbott.

Now the pond has nothing against a hard man - sometimes a hard man, a firm, one might say, rigid man can be a most satisfying aspect of life - but the way that Neil Breen and the Bolter carried on about their hard man made the pond realise that the sooner the marriage laws in this country are improved, the better for all concerned. Uxoriousness should be legitimately consummated.

Of course Breen had the difficult business of building and holding the attention of punters expecting the talk to shift soon to the nags, while completely destroying climate science in a nanosecond - yes, but who's the favourite for the second race at Wilcannia - and the Bolter resolutely refused to show any interest in having a punt, revealing a prissy, spoilsport side to this man of the people ... as if a love of a decent red, Tim Storrier and a decent operatic death scene weren't clues enough that in private he's a preening ponce of the first water.

So the Bolter suggested that Breen lay off his tips on him, and given that Breen had utterly destroyed climate science in a nanosecond, that was probably for the  best.

Now some grumps might suggest that Breen is just a Friday night filler, a wannabe Steve Price, a lightweight fop in the Fordham school, an aspirational Chris Smith, with dreams of Hadders and the parrot way out of sight, and it is true that as a scientist, he sounded sometimes like he was just to the north of Fuckwit Station, but the pond was entranced, as the planes taxied back and forth on the runway, and the gigantic apartment blocks took to the air ...

Never had the pond heard such comedy stylings; never had the pond had such solid evidence for its controversial theory that the Bolter is at work at Fairfax as an undercover Kingsman, a covert agent in the vast Fairfax conspiracy designed to turn the world leftist as result of observing richly satirical and ironic comedy routines performed by right wing ratbags ...

No wonder the Murdochians are worried by this fiendish plot, given how much they invested in nurturing the Bolter, as recorded at Crikey a few months ago, and now outside the paywall in News Corp loses its shirt on Bolt's heavily subsidised career.

But enough of double agent comedy routines, because as always on a Saturday, the pond has important fish to fry with the serious side of the reptile empire, and what joy to see prattling Polonius emerge on the side of the hard man (yes Polonius also loves a hard man), and point out the importance of dinkum Aussie coal, coal, coal for the woorrrllldddd ....

Now Polonius is well known for his concern for the world's poor, and it must be said right at the start that his concern for the world's poor has absolutely nothing to do with making a decent living selling them coal so that Aussies can get some cash in the paw ... and the world can enjoy the quality of life much appreciated by the citizens of Morwell and others experiencing the delights of brown coal in beautiful Gippsland ...

Indeed, the pond is expecting a missive from Polonius shortly on the enormous benefits to the Indonesian poor of the current burn-off, quietening the fears of alarmists scribbling pieces such as Indonesia nears state of emergency as Earth's largest wildfire blazes out of control.

Why should anyone worry about modern farming practices?

But hey ho, hey nonny no, it's on to the matter of coal for the woorrrllldddd ...

Now the pond was devastated to be told recently that some can't be bothered reading these carefully curated gobbets - and indeed there are many other ways to profitably fill in the day, like picking lice from hair or cutting nails or simply gazing off into the distance -  so perhaps the pond should transcribe and decode what Polonius is on about.

It will be noted that Polonius discreetly says "It's unusual for a group of Australians to write to the leaders of foreign countries urging them to act in a manner in conflict with the expressed views of the Australian government and opposition alike."

Astute decipherers will wonder if perhaps this is a covert reference to rats in the ranks, perhaps treacherous traitors acting against the national interest, quislings and internationalists, lickspittle fellow travellers, up there - or perhaps down - with Pig Iron Bob sending pig iron off to Japan. Talk about betraying the national interest ...

Never mind, such is Polonius's love, admiration and awe for coal that it leads him to attack this most unusual group and their most unusual way of communicating with world leaders.

They must be named and shamed and mocked, as befits all quislings and fellow travellers, who dare speak out against the expressed views of the Australian government and opposition alike ... because if there are two alike peas in a pod, why then everybody should look and act like peas in a pod ...

Or be a dum or a dee Tweedle if you will ...

Oh we thought we'd throw in that delightful John Tenniel illustration for Alice because, gobbet alert, we now must turn to Polonius abusing the unusual wretches who dared to sign their unusual letter and so incurred the righteous wrath of that prattling polonial pea in a pod.

Naturally it's all the fault of Australian taxpayers:

Now for those who resolutely refuse to read these carefully curated gobbets, let it be noted that the entire reason the world suffers is because of the professional classes and tertiary education and remote, removed, alienated people who know nothing of the land, or the splendid benefits coal mining has produced for the landscape of the Hunter Valley ...

Oh indeed, if only the entire country could be improved like that ...

Now everyone may trust what prattling Polonius said ... why, after all, he's a member of the professional class, with a tertiary education and an office in the heart of Sydney's CBD, and so is eminently qualified ... and at least once a week he drives up to the Hunter Valley to marvel at its wonders and to get down and dirty in a mine, and shift some of that coal ...

Now pedants might point out that Polonius is curiously silent on how billions of people might deal with the effects and impacts of climate change ...

Oh dear, did that pond header In which prattling Polonius unveils his strategy for helping the poor deal with climate change mislead anyone?

Welcome to the world of the Murdochian click baiters.

These hapless wretches also probably forgot that between them, Neil Breen and the Bolter had already pronounced climate science as dead as the venerable dodo ... and so there was nothing for Polonius to worry about ...

And so what the world needs is dinkum Aussie coal ... and shush, everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds ... and the poor may enjoy coal, coal, coal for decades to come, thanks be unto Malware and a copper universe ... (Remember gamers it's never got better than the Commodore 64).

Meanwhile, how happy are we that Pope was on hand to join Polonius in mocking a footballer for daring to speak out. Why the popinjay is just as rude and as offensive as actors and members of the y'artz daring to speak out ...

Fancy daring to have an opinion ... or even more shocking, and anti-democratic, to express it ...

Back into your pods people, and for love of hard men everywhere and the sake of coal,  for heaven's sake, try to look like a Polonius-approved pea ... (and more Pope here, fig leaf done to approved polonial specifications).

In which the pond discovers a vast conspiracy involving Fairfax Media ...

(Above: a Rowe cartoon which might apply to many circumstances, and diverse people involved in public discourse, and more excellent Rowe here).

The pond was incredibly moved to read Hedley Thomas's first effort for the reptiles on a legal action which is going to gladden the hearts of parrot and Caterist lovers throughout the land ... talk about a win-win situation ...

It involved a phenomenon well known to lovers of Shrek:

No, not that Shrek joke:

Oh how the pond will miss him. You only get one Treasurer like that in a lifetime ...

But let us get back to the legal action, and little 'me too' doing his 'pick me, pick me' routines ...

Yes, it's the burden of Australians to suffer buzzing blowfly blowhards turn up time and again like bad pennies with their coulda, woulda, shoulda routines ...

But what fun to see Newman hitching his wagon to an entirely different wagon train, and in such a shameless way ...

So how cheeky does it get?

Please allow the pond to savour that one, to roll it around on the tongue like the Bolter sipping on a nice red (waiter, a little of your best Grange) while sobbing his heart out listening to a decent operatic murder scene:

“If someone out there is as ­affronted by Alan Jones as I have been, and if they would like to front legal action that I could take, I would be delighted to sit down and accept the support to make accountable a guy who is out of control and not doing the right thing by Australians.” 
Mr Newman said “ranting and raving” by Jones against him probably had not cost the LNP the election but he no doubt it had had an impact and made it difficult to communicate policies and messages. 
“We were answering his wild and untrue allegations. After the election, I did consider going on with a privately funded defamation action but I took advice from leaders in the field, who said that because of the cost, it was not something they could recommend,” Mr Newman said.

So the goose isn't up to it, but he wants another goose to step forward and get plucked ...

Well the pond has only one suggestion for the rambling stew man.

Go the cloud. Think cloud, bantam rooster, the way the young were once advised to think of plastics ...

The full to overflowing intertubes is full of cloud ways to pluck money from suckers in search of a way to waste their cash ... and crowd funding should surely be the next stop on the Campbell Newman caravan tour of delusion ...

Don't mention it. The advice is free, and worth what you paid for it. You're welcome, and have a nice cloud day.

Meanwhile, the cognoscenti of media ins and outs will be delighted by that reptile Oz description of 2GB ... as "the Fairfax Media-controlled flagship station".

The very radio station that presents the Bolter on a routine basis ...

Conclusion?

The Bolter is a very deep, very far left agent of Fairfax.

His deep cover, up there with a Kingsman, is designed to muddy the waters, and present such extreme, hysterical views, that he becomes a source of satire, with people mocking the far right and runts of the litter like the rambling stew man ...

What a fiendishly clever trick.

This subversive activity is being conducted in plain view of the hapless Murdochians, who don't seem to realise that their man is working tirelessly for the Fairfaxian cause ...

He is a flag presence on the flagship station.

It means that when the Bolter runs an extended rant like this in plain view of the Murdochians ...

... it's actually an extremely clever counter-denialist operation designed to have readers rolling around on the floor laughing at denialist hysteria about peak stupid ...

Well that's the pond's conspiracy theory, and as always, being a child of the Bolter and the Murdochian commentariat, the pond will stick to it through thick and thin and without once paying attention to a rational thought or a sensible counter-argument ...

Besides, the pond has further evidence and proof ...

After all, the recent grand tour is also surely an epic effort designed to accomplish exactly the same ends of mockery and satire ... (and you may find more mocking and satirical Popery here ...)

And while on papal humour and Alan Jones and climate science with the Bolter, ah how the memories surge ...

Ah, the agents of Fairfax ... the Bolter and the parrot, doing their very best to reduce everything to fit subjects for satire ...

In which the pond's committee for alarums dances from Prince Chuck joining the UN world government movement to an Orielian rant teaching all right-thinking people what to think ...

(Above: and more Pope here).

A splendid array of urgent matters has come before the pond's committee for alarums, worry and panic this Friday morning ...

First up the committee has decided to issue an urgent warning to royalists. It seems Prince Chuck has joined the UN's push for a world government ...

The Prince of Wales, for decades a campaigner for conservation and ecological causes, has emerged as a keen mediator on climate change in the lead-up to December's COP21 in Paris – the United Nations summit intended to draw up a new global climate change action plan. 
On Thursday in London he convened a high-level meeting on deforestation and climate change at Lancaster House, next door to the prince's home and office, Clarence House. 
He revealed he has accepted an invitation from French President Francois Hollande to deliver a keynote speech at the opening ceremony of COP21. He previously attended the 2009 COP talks in Copenhagen. 
"Paris will be an absolutely crucial milestone in the long overdue international effort to keep to a 2 degree world," Prince Charles told the meeting on Thursday, referring to the climate change "speed limit" set by scientists. 
The UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change found that an average temperature rise of 2 degrees by 2100 would come with increased risk of sea level rise and extreme weather events, but beyond 4 degrees the effects quickly become much more dangerous. 
The prince said a "4 degree" rise would be "impossible, I think, to adapt to". COP21 must "send an unequivocal, long-term signal to the international community, and to global markets, that the transition to a low carbon, sustainable, climate-compatible economy is firmly and irreversibly underway", Prince Charles said. 
"A 2 degree world is therefore still, just, if we stretch every sinew – by setting a proper price for carbon – within reach." (and more at Fairfax here).

No doubt royalists will flinch with fear, and what of loyal monarchist Prof Flint, scribbling in March this year how his leader passed the pub test with flying colours?

Australians will never install a government they fear will open the borders, run down our defences and incur massive debts for no apparent benefit. They will be reminded that just the interest on Labor's debt could be used to build a dozen new hospitals every year. Nor will they choose a government with ministers who believe those completely discredited IPCC computer projections. They certainly don't want to pay for that merchant bankers' dream, a CO2 trading scheme to stop the global warming which actually stopped 18 years ago. The voters will contrast Abbott with the Labor leader and most will conclude that he is above all authentic. His values and principles are those that at the heart and foundation of this nation, however unfashionable these may be among the elites. (The forward thinking prof predicting the future here and in the Spectator here, if you can be bothered, as the prescient Prof warned the wretched elites they were in for a surprise for daring to write off Tony).

Oh dear, perhaps we should postpone the knighting of Prince Chuck for a few more years ...

But speaking of The Spectator's band of intrepid, feartless brothers, the pond's committee was presented with news of another pressing issue ...

In all that joking, there was that fatal line, and right at the start: "our former colleague Nick Cater."

So the Caterists are on their own ... and Hedders will be reporting on the court action, and never mind that will distract him from reporting on Clive ...

As for "Stop the Picts", who could resist ...

But as ironic as eating an onion that this might be, there were other matters requiring urgent adjudication.

It seems that a few outraged souls had decided to question how the business of transferring government money from the public to the private sector was proceeding ...

Naturally the reptile editorialist had the right solution:

All this was excellent preparation for a most excellent rant that drew high praise from every member of the pond committee in attendance (it was noted that a few private colleges were regrettably absent):

Of course, of course, because everyone knows that neo-Marxists and the religion of Islam are in bed together ... and Saudi Arabia is no longer friends with George Bush ...

Now to be fair, the pond has to admit to not having had a second thought about Marcuse and Fanon for many a year, and it certainly never occurred to the pond that Australia might be indulging in a little post colonial adventurism by establishing its gulags in Nauru and Manus Island ... and paying handsomely for the pleasure.

Now there is, as it happens, much literature and thinking on the full to overflowing intertubes exploring the uneasy intersections of Fanon and religion, including this pdf here of a thesis which starts off with this astonishing assertion:

Naturally, we must keep in mind that Fanon himself was not Muslim, much less an Islamist, even though he operated in a Muslim country. The movement he was a part of, the Algerian Liberation Movement, for the most part did not have “Islamist” goals, unlike the contemporary Islamic militancy that we wish to examine, and so may not necessarily shed much light on certain aspects of contemporary thinking. Apart from symbolic references to religious vocabulary (i.e. jihad or mujahid) that proved helpful in waging an independence struggle, the Algerian movement against the French, unlike, say, the Libyan movement against the Italians, was devoid of the religious motivations that define contemporary Islamic militancy.

The committee paused only for a moment to fail this student, before turning back to the splendid Orelian rant:

Indeed, indeed, and it seems extremely clear what must happen.

The primary purpose of education should not be to teach students how to think, but instead should replace it with an activist education where students learn what to think.

In particular, students must learn to sing the national anthem together and promote the values that sustain a world in which gulags may be established in whatever nation state happens to be nearby and blessed with a ruling elite in urgent need of Australian cash in the paw ...

So that we are able to bequeath the bountiful legacy of western civilisation to future generations, including the right to maintain most excellent colonial adventures in countries such as Iraq and Afghanistan ...

Devotees of Orielian rants will be pleased to head off to the Orielian heartland here, where they may admire the works of this tremendously logical and coherent thinker, and where any hint of grandiosity is scrupulously expunged:

Dr Jennifer Oriel is a political scientist and public commentator featured regularly in newspapers, on radio and television. Dr Oriel’s work has featured on the syllabi of many leading universities such as Harvard University, the University of London, the University of Toronto, Amherst College, the University of Wisconsin and Columbia University. She has been cited by a broad range of organisations including the World Health Organisation, the United Nations Economic Commission of Africa, Oxfam and Wikipedia. Dr Oriel is completing a book on how Western Civilisation is the cardinal counterforce to an increasingly totalitarian world.

Finally and happily, the committee was pleased to see that First Dog had addressed the question of western values and post colonial adventurism in a recent cartoon, featuring the post colonial adventurist's return to the heart of empire, and you can find the start of this Dog cartoon here:

And please ... stop the Picts!

A meditation inspired by listening to the Bolter on the car Volksempfänger ...

(Above: and more Rowe here).

While doing a dash of plane spotting and chauffeur duties at Sydney's wonderfully dysfunctional domestic airport last night, the pond had the most excellent chance to listen to the Bolter on tabloid radio rag 2GB.

Now there is an irony there to start with, as might be garnered by reading this semi-literate report in the tabloid Daily Terror:

That was back in December 2014, and yet last night the Bolter ranted in his usual way about the dangerous leftist Fairfaxians - why The Age was even worse than the New York Times - seemingly not caring a whit or a jot how his sturdy work was being used to bolster the Fairfaxian bottom line, feeble and pathetic as it is.

In that report came this killer line:

Former 2GB and 2UE host Jason Morrison said the deal was akin to the Daily Telegraph merging with its archrival the Sydney Morning Herald, or Channel Seven and Nine joining forces.

Strange days indeed in the media world, and how lucky for the Bolter that none of his listeners seem to know or care that he is in reality a closet Fairfaxian ...

But the real fascination was listening to the Bolter as he waxed lyrical and deeply uxorious about Tony Abbott, up there with Peta Credlin on a trip to Paris (and how strange is that).

The Bolter's passion for the lad made the bromancer's efforts at the lizard Oz seem pale and tepid - the Bolter's blind desire was more akin to Cathy's love for Heathcliff, so full of emotional intensity and yearning did he sound.

Callers were quizzed about the response in London to the master's speech, and besides the usual alarums and panics, much attention was paid to how the country had lost its inspirational leader and was now in the leaden times of that useless fop Turnbull, a man without ticker or balls.

Now there's nothing wrong with a manly love of a man for another man, even if it sometimes sounded like the Bolter had an even deeper and undying regard for Abbott than Abbott's no doubt still healthy self-regard ...

But the way it was enunciated - full of paranoia and fear of splitters and deviants who might have wandered from the temple of Abbottian worship - was deeply rewarding, and so the pond immediately had to turn to the reptiles of Oz this morning for their considered opinion on the master's outing.

You see, the Bolter was mightily concerned that there might be heresy in the ranks - why even one of the Murdochians might slip up and mock the master and his London speechifying.

Luckily the reptiles toed the line for the most part, what with 'stop the boats' and 'what we need is a new war' and 'boots on the ground' clear winners, along with a new one - to be a genuine, decent Christian you need to forget Christ's inconvenient, useless teachings.

Old slogans never die, they just go to London:

Indeed, indeed, it reminded the pond of the Bolter's deep abiding love of the frank advice, and a Bolter caller who noted that all the current crop of refugees seemed to have some cash, and therefore must be economic refugees.

The pair of rogues and thieves behind the mike were a little askance - after all, the Nazis had created a genuine bunch of refugees back in the 1930s and not every Jew on the run was stone cold motherless broke - but it didn't stop the general thrust of the argument that Europe now lay in ruins, and it was all the fault of these refugee bludgers, and Europe had had nothing to do with, despite assiduously fucking over the middle east for the past couple of centuries.

Still, the pond was shattered when the reptiles at the Oz broke with the master other matters, and began to sound downright snide and catty:

Without sufficient acumen?

Is that the new way to say as thick as a plank or a piece of four be two?

Why that's shameless, shocking mockery and the pond will report the breach to the Bolter's ideological purity secret police force this very morning ...

Meanwhile, the Bolter is in fine form this morning, continuing with the idea that Europe is in ruins ...

Of course, of course, and at some point if we can only learn to keep out the dangerous Dutch, life in the antipodes will be much enhanced, but the pond wasn't attracted by a standard dose of fear mongering and doom saying, because the Bolter was also banging on about his favourite theme of climate science:

Lately, the Bolter has been exhibiting some alarming signs suggesting an ideological impurity when it comes to climate science.

Now there's general agreement on the five or six stages of denialism.

First is flat denial - there is no climate change, or in a more nuanced way, we can't tell if the climate is changing.

Then there's the second stage, where there might be a teeny weeny bit of climate change, but we can't tell if humans are involved.

The Bolter now seems to have reached the third stage, which is to say there is climate change, and humans might be involved, but it's impossible or too expensive to do anything about it, and besides, it might actually be better for us and for the world:

Of course to characterise either Turnbull or Farquhar as secret or public global warming sceptics is a woeful enlistment of the pair into the Bolter's army of desperates, who will clutch at anything to bolster their denialism.

Farquhar is a scientist, his findings open to assessment and rebuttal, and so far as the pond can tell, he's interested in the science and results, rather than joining cults of the denialist Bolter kind:

“None of the climate models show such a decrease in wind speed. It’s a paradox, which shows we haven’t thought about climate change and its impact enough yet,” says Graham. He thinks it’s possible we could end up with a warmer, wetter world, while still subject to the droughts and floods we have experienced for centuries. 
Graham is also now leading a multi-million dollar project entitled Forests for the Future: making the most of a high CO2 world, financed by the Science and Industry Endowment Fund and partnering ANU, CSIRO and the University of Western Sydney. The project will use Graham’s techniques to help identify trees that will grow faster in response to high CO2 levels. The project will he hopes lead to improved forestry production and a boost to carbon capture through forestry. (more here).

Well there hardly seems much point identifying trees that will grow faster in response to high CO2 levels, if climate change isn't happening and might have some implications for the future, but here's how the desperate Bolter twists that news into a shape that suits his warping and changing denialism:

Yes, we've now reached the stage where there is such a thing as global warming, and it seems that the Bolter has perforce had to reach that stage too.

Oh, and the good news comes with the Bolter's further finding ... if you talk to another scientist, why that endorses other said scientist's views ...

In which case, the pond, by reading the Bolter, has become an hysteric about Europe and Islam and a full blown climate change denialist ...

That said, what a pleasing sign it is that the Bolter should now be so desperate to clutch at assorted straws in the run-up to Paris, getting more contradictory and confused as he begins to acknowledge that climate change might be happening, but is now determined to shape the news in such a way that climate change is going to produce a glowing future full of healthy crops ...

Even worse, some pesky commenters have infested the Bolter's pages with snarky comments:

Nice of Andrew to publish the findings of one scientist (as he is free to do) ... Now is there any danger of Andrew publishing the findings of the hundreds of thousands of other scientists that prove this guy wrong ?? I guess that wouldn't fit in with Andrews pre determined, unqualified, climate change denying view of the world ...

Lily ... We make it simple. The majority of the warmest years in recorded history have been in the last 20 years ... Easy , wasn't it. Your "19 years" waffle is tiresome and has been disproved countless times ...

And this exchange:

Indeed, indeed...

Why you could almost fit some of these exchanges into a flurry of tweets, which reminds the pond of another Bolter obsession.

During last night's radio session - which the pond naturally enjoyed on its car Volksempfänger, though happily not in a Volkswagen - the Bolter and the loon in the chair sharing the mike with him ranted and railed about the twitterati. Oh how they hated the twitterists and their wittering ...

... which is passing rich and strange for a doofus who has made his living and his reputation out of social media, albeit of an ancient blogging kind, trading on the flurry of comments that are much like the ranting feedback that turns up on Bolter talk back radio ...

Naturally the pond was immediately entranced by the latest Twitter tag, featuring as it did the master and his London speech ...

You can find more at #TheToneCommandments, but it reminded the pond why there's still a lot to be said for mockery ... it drives inflexible ratbag monotonal characters like the Bolter into a frenzy of stupefying political correctness and on a quest for rabid ideological purity. It was hard not to flinch when he looked into the future and saw neo-Nazis and the parties of the right on the move and on the march ... as if he himself wasn't of the far right ...

Yet judging by last night's performance, the pond would go so far as to say if another Salem witch trial were to come around, the Bolter would be at the front armed with his righteous pitchfork ...

Never mind, on with the twittering memes ...

In which the pond joins Dame Slap in demanding free speech, because we can never have enough essence of vitriole Devine ...

(Above: and the full First Dog cartoon here).

Of course the pond was deeply moved by Dame Slap's deep yearning for the championing of free speech ...

The pond isn't made of stone, the pond has a heart, if you prick the pond, the pond will bleed ... and if you offer a passionate Dame Slap column, the pond will read, because we can't ever have enough hate or race-based speech, and where some might see only a few bigots, the pond yearns to see an Australia full of bigotry ...

How right of Dame Slap to mock the lovey-dovey honeymoon, even if sob, that must include the dewy eyed mooning of Paul Kelly. How right it is to call for more bigotry, not less, because let's face it, right now we need much more abuse and hate and only then can we shut down the hate preachers in the world of Murdoch inciting hate against all and sundry ...

Oops, the pond might have got that wrong. Let us read on...

Indeed, indeed, splendid stuff, and so we may yet see - thanks be unto Malcolm - the rivers of hate run wild and free.

Let us take as a sad and dismal study, the latest thoughts of the Devine, shockingly and shamefully stifled, as she valiantly struggles to say what she means, but is brutally repressed by the vicious love media ... love of course needing to be understood as hate, like the twin words on Robert Mitchum's fingers ...

Indeed, at one time, the Devine would have been able to run wild and free, hanging greenies from nearby lamp posts, but look how constrained and muted she is in her scribbling:

Of course it's not a storm in a tea cup. This is treason! Pure and simple. Treason!

Hah, see a rugger bugger joke. What would Islamics know of rugger buggery?

Where does it stop, all this treacherous traitorous treason?

Yes, soon enough they'll be stoning women in the street for adultery, as opposed to shaming them in Murdochian publications.

Let us now bleed for the Christians ...

Yep, thanks be unto Dame Slap, because that's what this nation needs. 

More hysterical fear and loathing, more demonising of Islamics, more wonderful celebrations of Christian values - take that you vile gays and feminazis - and a general increase in rabid bigotry of the fundamentalist kind ...

Oh and sorry Islamics, sad to say you've just been Devined ...

And so to the rest of that First Dog cartoon, because we can never have enough of heroic Murdochians showing us the way to the light, and to more abuse of whomever might happen to fall into their path ...

in which the pond gets on board with the new reptilian love media and celebrates dinkum Aussie coal for the world ...

(Above: David Pope completely failing to understand, and more Pope failures to understand here).


The pond came to a sudden, sickening realisation as to why its impressions are down, business is at an all-time low, and the pond is facing an existential crisis.

Everyone is in furious agreement, and that top hat has a teflon coating, and where once the pond might have mocked cries of coal, coal, coal for the woorrllddd, now it's official that there are technical and rational and logical reasons for a quietly stated "dinkum Aussie coal is the very best thing for the world" and Sporten Shorten lines up to agree and so do the reptiles and everyone is in furious agreement, thanks to the benign rhetorical oil, with tasty mustard coating, that covers the ocean and soothes the savage, foaming, turbulent waves...

Sure clever dicks like David Pope might mock; sure Lenore Taylor might scribble Malcolm Turnbull's rhetorical dance around coal reveals extent of his constraint ... but only so she can expound on the inner Malcolm, the Malcolm yearning to get out, the Malcolm chrysalis that contains the butterfly of truth:

Malcolm Turnbull needs all his rhetorical skill to bridge the gap between what he knows is true and what he has to say to appease his party. 
Asked about the future of Australian coal exports on Tuesday, Turnbull started with the familiar “energy poverty” argument. 
This line has previously starred in Peabody Energy’s global pro-coal campaign, was recited by Turnbull’s resources minister Josh Frydenberg when the government reapproved Adani’s proposed $16bn Carmichael mine and the minister explained there was a “strong moral case” for new mines and was expounded in even more black and white terms by the former prime minister Tony Abbott, who told the nation coal was “good for humanity”. 
Turnbull put it this way: “You have to remember that energy poverty is one of the big limits on global development in terms of achieving all of the development goals, alleviating hunger and promoting prosperity right around the world – energy is an absolute critical ingredient. So coal will play a big part in that.” 
But within minutes Turnbull was also explaining the facts that undermine that argument – that almost half those in “energy poverty” in India have no access to the electricity grid and that “in a remote community, or ... in a developing country where there is no electricity grid, and the alternative is generating power by burning diesel, then solar panels and some batteries ... often will be more cost-effective”.

Indeed, indeed, and so to the gnomic chrysalis:

Turnbull fully understands the massive technological change afoot in the energy sector, he understands climate science, and he is impatient for Australia to be right in the thick of the clean energy race. 
But he is constrained by the policy he has inherited and the mentality of some in his party. And so he sends signals, like saying that no energy source can have a “moral characteristic” and that Australia just has to make rational choices between the various abundant energy sources it has available. 
That sounds good. It just remains unclear whether his government can do it.

Indeed, indeed, it sounds very, very good. And if you look in a mirror, it will surely reflect back to you, and you may read into the image anything you want, and so it came about that Lenore Taylor and the reptiles of Oz were in furious agreement, and formed a united love struck media.

But how can this be? Only yesterday the reptiles were mocking the love media:

Oh how they laughed, and clapped hands with glee at the foolishness of the love media and their mad infatuation with Malware.

But see, lo and behold, how the reptiles have drunk of the kool aid today.

There's Dame Slap, still holding out hope:

And there's Adam Creighton presciently explaining why the pointless Ex-PM keeps missing the point:

But most of all there's furious agreement about coal, as the reptiles celebrated the smack down of the new chief scientist and all the other delusional fools carping on about dinkum Aussie coal being best for the world:

Naturally Brendan Pearson was out and about on the reptile pages making a decent moral point, and nothing, absolutely nothing at all to do with his position:

And speaking of furious agreement, and the love media, pompous portentous blatherer in chief Paul Kelly showed all the signs of doing a Michael Lawrence and being ... well, this being a family show, all we can say is he's love struck, and the reptiles are now the new home of the love media ...

Oh it's Turnbull this and Turnbull that, and if the pond may be so bold, let us see how the pompous one concluded his piece on the new climate coalition:

Yes, there it is, it's not "dinkum Aussie coal, coal, coal for the woorrrlllddd", it's just a terribly nice, "I say old chaps, really, in a non-ideological and business like way, it's a pragmatic and common sense dinkum Aussie coal is the right thing for the world" ...

Well to be fair, we should include the rest of the blatherer at large's adoration of Turnbull, which began this way:

Take that love media, the reptiles are the new love media, and you, you wretched chief scientist, you can take your religious-inspired obsessions and your religious-inspired visions and shove 'em where the science doesn't shine.

The portentous one has spoken and worshipped at the shrine of the supreme businessman and rationalist Malware, and all is well in spring in the garden, and a new hero in a teflon top hat stalks the land:

Yes, they're one and the same, only Turnbull is very uniquely different (thank you immortal News 24 for that vital enhancement of the English language), and it's no longer Aussie coal, coal, coal for the woorrrllld, it's simply that saying 'dinkum Aussie coal best for the world' is just a rational, non-ideological statement of fact.

To slay with patronising kindness!

And it is a moral matter, except of course it's not a moral matter.

Why, it's just like explaining how copper is more than equal to all that guff about the benefits of fibre. And dinkum Aussie coal is right for the world ...

But wait, since we're speaking of the new love media, it would be remiss of the pond not to send away those with the strength and the lack of fear with a new Barners-approved set of steak knives - eat deeply of red meat Luke and feel the force - and so we must also feature this day'[s lizard Oz editorial, with the reptile scribbler deeply love struck for big Mal ...

No mountain is high enough, no valley low enough, ain't no polluted river run off that could  match the reptile love-in:

Oh indeed, foolish haters of coal, Malware has spoken and there's a golden copper and coal future, if you don't mind mixing your metallurgies and get thee gone, foolish chief scientist and all you signatories, and please allow the reptiles to worship at the feet of big Mal and indulge their role as the new love media, while referencing their many wonderful experts of the Lomborgian kind:

Yes, there's a moral case, except there is no moral case, because coal doesn't have any feelings or opinions, and Lenore Taylor might blather about how the poor of India aren't likely to cop much new energy from Australian coal, but the reptiles know it's just a form of class warfare, and it has nothing to do with the moral imperative outlined in a business-like way by the fawning Kelly ... make as many bucks as you can while the sun shines, and to hell with the rest ... because while climate change might be real, there's an even bigger risk, and that's missing out on the chance to make big bucks while the sun wastes its energy shining ...

And meanwhile, if ever you want to experience the joys of coal and its many health benefits, spend a little time in Beijing when the smog rolls in and is trapped in the basin by the upper atmosphere ...

Foolish Chinese, fancy wanting to do something about that gift from heaven ...

And there, in a long and roundabout way, is why the pond now has nothing to do, why impressions are down, and why the good old days will never return, unless Mr Nattering Negativity, busy lecturing Britain about the joys of negativity, should happen to return ...

Even if nothing has changed, everyone is in furious agreement, with Lenore Taylor yearning for big Mal as much as the reptiles, and how is it possible to criticise the reptiles as they go about the business of upstaging the old love media by becoming the new love media?

Such a short infatuation with the nattering negativity man, so quickly replaced by the new coal man.

And so the pond is cast into the outer darkness with the cartoonists ... yes, Rowe was also making a joke about the new Turnbullian rhetoric ... and more Rowe here, water-marked and all ... but the pond must now join Oliver in seeking decent employment as a chimney sweep with Mr Gamfield, as befits the new age of coal and copper ...