In which the pond dallies with the Caterists yet again, and discovers the delight of unreal grants ...

The pond loves its reptile ironies, which is why it was splendid to see the reptiles put climate denialist Gary Johns up above the Caterists, who in turn were offering an ironic splash about "whistling an old tune."

Could there be an older tune than the "coal, coal, coal" tune beloved of the reptile commentariat? It's possibly older than Greensleeves ...

And then of course the Caterists offered their own irony, though it took the google splash to see it ...

There, you see it: "real workers."

These, it should be understood, are distinct from "unreal workers", though perhaps as we explore the Caterist offering, with the pond's Noh love of ritual, we might arrive at some understanding of "unreal workers":

For some reason, such is the nature of rituals, this put the pond in mind of certain texts ...

Ah summer government grants, Caterist dreams ...

But let's not get too reflective, because we must keep searching for unreal workers ...

And there it came, the first chance, the idle talk of undermining the government's attempts to pull back spending ...

As per the pond's established rituals, it was time to contemplate wasteful spending ...

For some reason in the summer delirium, another poem came to mind ...

And so to the final gobbet, and the discovery of the unreal worker ...

Oh the irony was rich and redolent, summer grasses, water's sound, and the constituency for which the government provides a living ... unless of course, you call it working, the arduous business of preparing applications for government grants, and the banking thereof and then the spending, oh the pleasures of the spending ... on very important things ...

The cash in the paw brigade, the grant bludgers, the ne'er do wells that hold out their paws, the unreal workers riding on the backs of real workers ... in short, the arsegroppers ...

Yes, here's what the government does in its make-work schemes to provide a facade, a sense of usefulness and purpose, a conjuring up of apparently meaningful contributions to society ...

Roundtables, seminars, useless websites, dissemination of government propaganda, articles and publications to the glory of the Liberal party, general expenses, activities noted, yadda yadda ...

This is the work of the unreal worker, struggling to make sense of the world for real workers ...

Why do they bother, why is it done? Well there another fable comes into play ... 

It's in the Caterist nature ...

And, it goes without saying in this day of poems, frogs, summer grasses, the Menzies Research Centre and cash in the paw grants from the Department of Finance, the only point, the only meaning, is the exquisite irony ... 

And so the Noh ritual is once more done and dusted ... and no one's much the wiser, except for the obvious truth ... make hay while you can, and all the better if you can make hay by getting the government to hand over some of its hay to you ...

In which the pond matches Latham's ten points with an even more optimistic outsiders' manifesto ...

That story at the WaPo under the header Trump asked for a 'Muslim ban,' Giuliani says - and ordered a commission to do it 'legally' ...

Those little hoppy toads that popped out of the mushroom reminded the pond of many discussions with "feel the burn" supporters who repeatedly told the pond that anyone would be better than that dreadful woman, that terrible Clinton ... 

Well, welcome to their world ... and feel the burn ...

The pond wouldn't mind if it was just the United States likely to go up in flames ... but it's likely going to be the whole planet ...

And so to another hoppy toad of the kind routinely expected at the Terror ...

Now there's an important thing to note about this sort of dross - down there in the bottom corner it carries the mark of Satan, the equivalent of the lizard Oz gold brick ...

Premium?

Shit by any other name is still shit ... and smells as sweetly ... 

Even calling it premium quality shit doesn't help it get out of jail ...

So what to do?

Well the first step is to abuse the porous paywall so that the content can be perused for free ...

This might result in a little revenue by way of clicks, but the good news is that if it's only clicks, the business model is doomed.

Still, some might even flinch at a click ...

Now at some point there will come this rising question. 

Why am I reading and paying attention to a taxi-driver arm-breaking psychotic whose chief contribution to literature was by way of a deeply disturbed Twitter account, and who also managed to set the Labor party back for years? 

A reminder, a small sample ...

Then further into the reading, another question might arise? 

What to do, what to do?

Now around this point, talk of policy substance from a man prone to verbal diarrhoea might simply induce a hollow laugh ... but please allow the pond to join in the substantive policy debate as to how we might move forward ...

Well it wouldn't usually take the pond 10 points to make the point, but hey nonny no, on we go, here's the pond's best effort at a ten point manifesto for Australia's future ...

In terms of savings, the pond's first proposal is to cut all expenditure on Murdoch publications of any kind.

Tired of reading obsessive dross about Harriet Wran?

Don't buy the Terror ...

Don't encourage it in any way, and if you see it in someone else's hands, curl the lips and note it with a supercilious inner city 'leet sneer, along the lines 'you do know they prepare that shit in an inner Sydney city bunker, a bit like the Führerbunker that housed Adolf in his last days?'

Tired of seeing this sort of nonsense ironically juxtaposed on the lizard Oz?

Want an end to the lizard Oz social engineering programs that see its obsessions jump to the top of the page?

Over the obsession with 18C and PC culture and the 'muzzling of free speech', when in reality the Lathams of the world can put out a stream of toilet humour and then be proudly published by the Terror?

Don't buy the lizard Oz ...

Want to democratise the Murdochians?

Why not just demolish them?

Insanely bored by the constant reptile desire to break the ABC - an exercise already well advanced - so that they can publish constant hymns to the Catholic education system, or run other absurd stories?

Don't buy the Currish Snail ...

Of course things quickly start to get repetitive with all the usual sanctimonious, righteous blather about political correctness ...

So the pond might just branch out a little. Thought about cable cutting?

Though it's just as handy to get them to supply the service to you at vast expense, and get them to pay you to take it, so that they can boast of increased market penetration, while running a business model sure to fail ...

Want to end the era of big Murdoch?

Well the pond should just throw in a few other rags, if we want to end the era of big Murdoch.

Yes, there's no reason to buy the HUN, home of the Bolter, in any circumstance, and any Adelaide reader who protests that it's a one newspaper town and what to do, might the pond just suggest that the age of tree killer editions should now be long gone from the world ...

If you can't find something to read or watch on the full to overflowing intertubes, you're not trying

There are plenty of guides to suspect material which should be dropped from the reading list...

Tired of wasteful domestic spending on Murdoch crap?

Here's another tip, if you want to make big cuts on wasteful Murdochian movie expenditure. If aware that a movie has come from a certain source ...

... then pirate it. It's best to have a proxy and if you're worried about ethical matters, feel free to pay for any movie product not financed by Murdochians ...

Want to slash News Corp, especially tree killer editions that keep blathering on about coal?

Well yes, any step taken to slashing local Murdochians is a help, but why limit ambitions?

When it comes to climate denialism, coal and the like, the Murdochians pose a serious threat to the planet, and now the Donald is going to enact that threat.

It's always good to think globally ...

Worried about the way that the Catholic Boys' Daily ritually promotes the destruction of public schooling?

Well education is vital ... if we're not to end up as dumb as Mark Latham and the Terrorists ...

Of course it's hard to make boycotts stick. People forget, there's a constant need for education and a reminder of past injustices ...

History should play a role in any school curriculum ...

The truth?

They wouldn't know the truth if Russian prostitutes pissed it on them in a golden shower ...

But won't a war on the Murdochians produce poverty for a select bunch of elite journalists?

Them's the breaks,  because in that last gobbet, it's possible to notice the grandiose, psychotic sweep of the Napoleonic, or better Stalinist, hand, whereby people are moved, things are shut down, buildings abolished, while the peacock struts about talking of his vision ...

Blacks are shuttled about, the poor are displaced, and taxi-drivers get their arms broken ...

This from a man who thinks breaking an arm is a significant achievement ...

And speaking of corrosive influence, and machine media and paid lobbyists for Murdoch, this is just a humble starter...

Hopefully the pond will someday be able to publish this sort of headline ...

Of course you can always keep on buying Murdoch, paying money to a company which supports a Lathamite scribbler with your hard-won cash ...

The pond is all in favour of free choice, and the right of people to decide ... and if this is what you want, feel free to take it ...

On a good day, when he's on his meds and off the twitter, that sort of noon day rambling attempt to do a Donald might come out this way ..

Well yes, speaking of outer suburban and regional interests, what better way forward than to shut down the Surry Hills bunker?

Might it be relocated to Tamworth?

Barners would be ever so pleased.

Meanwhile, the pond can think of dozens of other outlets that, free or subscriber, are more deserving of support ...

And here's hoping that the likes of David Rowe will not want for a crust, with more Rowe here ...

In which it wouldn't be Monday without a succulent slice of an Oreo waffle ...

The pond is frantic. 

Reports of dashing Donners turning up on the ABC and in the HUN; and the Donald in full, magnificent flight - has the world seen such a bird outside North Korea, China and Russia since the 1930s? Will Berlusconi now admit he was a mere novice? Will these glorious days never end?

Soon enough, possibly, and well before the rapture ...

And yet attention must be paid, and not just salesmen, but to the reptiles of Oz and to the valiant Oreo, overshadowed, but still ready to stump up for the lizard Oz ...

Meanwhile, people keep sending the pond jokes about American Carnage ...

It is of course no joke. 

They're determined to kill off public radio and television, along with locking down the country and putting medical treatment out of the reach of your average mug American punter who voted for an early shuffle off to the grave ...

Lluckily the start of the routine is currently outside The New Yorker paywall here ...

But none of that's going to get the washing done, or even a piece of waffle by the Oreo, which, it has to be said, is moronic even by her low standards ...

Oh there's just time for a few more Donald jokes, surely ...

Oh indeed, indeed, he and the Oreo are one ...

And how's that running gag about life in public radio going?

Well that's enough conscious humour, time to get back to the strident Oreo ...

Now look, it's time for a little confession here.

Around the kitchen table, the pond is known as the hanging judge. Anyone who comes into contact with the pond knows that they don't want the pond on the jury ... well unless it was the OJ jury where the prosecution and the LA cops botched a case which should have been a shoo-in. 

He was guilty, guilty as hell, but you have to prove it without relying on racist cops and bungled forensics ...

As usual, justice is a little more complicated - and some of the finest minds in the land are hired to prove it, week in, week out, than is allowed for by these sensational taste treats ...

You see, the pond has a secret vice, a sordid love it has never dared to speak to the world.

Every so often, it likes to sit down and watch 48 Hours ...

Recently it caught up with the latest on the Bernie Tiede the mortician case ... you can watch it on CBS here (maybe you need to spoof it to see it outside the US, maybe not).

The useless Richard Linklater made a movie about it which fudged the killing, and what Bernie did with all the moola ... (don't get the pond started on the gormless Linklater.)

Now you can rely on the pond for empathy for the victim ... being shot in the back four times and stuffed in a freezer is no way to go ... and Bernie could have walked away if he'd wanted to ... and if the pond had had a chance to put in its two cents ...

But then being a victim can swing both ways, as evidenced by a recent pond link to The New Yorker telling what it was like to be one of the Angola 3 ... outside the paywall here ...

Justice is a curious beast and a curious thing. Everyone would no doubt like to take back the decision in relation to the Bourke Street mall matter and the resulting criminal acts of the mass killer, who should now be locked up for a very long time ...

But the minute the pond heard the news, it thought mental issues and possibly ice, and there's a good case that anyone addicted to ice shouldn't be let out but should be locked away for a cure, while people with mental issues should be provided with medical treatment, rather than allowed to wander the streets (where they turn up at the local 7-Eleven wielding an axe or taking out an innocent teacher standing just down the road from the pond waiting for a bus).

But that would require money, and expenditure which the Oreos of the world routinely foreswear, pointing to budget deficits and grave fiscal issues, and never mind that the rich keep making out like bandits.

So instead they offer what the Donald offers, which is to lock people up and throw away the key, or lock the borders and keep them out ... solutions which never work in the simplistic, simpleton way that they're proposed.

No doubt the Oreo thought that was a killer couple of last lines, about delivering justice in the court rooms and leaving therapy to the therapists ...

But here's the thing. If only it were so simple. If only things were black and white, a binary 1 and 0. If only the private prison business didn't make a fortune out of crime ...

But even that business has to face an end game ...

Unless it's proposed that all criminals be locked up for ever behind bars, at some time, they will be let out - even the Bernies of the world, up for parole at age 70 - and at that point, it deeply concerns the pond that they come out with some sense of what it's like to be rehabilitated, and to be able to play some useful role ...

Call it therapy if you like, call it something else, just don't call it stupid like an Oreo ...

Some will never make that cut, but to have a horde of angry, violent people who were profoundly alienated by their jail time sent back out on the streets - while carefree private prisons made out like bandits -bwould likely see the streets here turn into the sort of streets that they have in the United States...

You know, American Carnage ...

How did that joke end up?

Thanks Donald, thanks for American justice and thanks for American Carnage ... and the angry people we've seen these last few days, madder than hell, will likely have many, many unforeseen consequences ...

Did you ever think about therapy for those anger management issues?

Have you ever thought about munching into a couple of soothing brand new Oreo lines?

It won't sort things out baby, but resorting to waffle might quieten things down a bit ... before we score the next big crunch of American Carnage ...