In which the pond natters with Ned and shills with Sharri ...

There's been wild excitement amongst the tree killing reptiles this day, not least amongst the scribblers at the Catholic Boys' Daily ...

One pond correspondent suggested that we wait for Gerard Henderson QC present the case for the defence tomorrow, but it's going to be a tricky affair discussing the Pellist matter, and so the pond was eager to see what nattering "Ned" QC had written ...

It sounded like a quality reptile flip, putting the cops and the courts and all the rest on trial ... presumably on the basis that it was impossible to get a fair trial in leftie Victoria ...

Or so the meretricious Merritt suggested, with a splash that trended towards contempt of court, or at least contempt of juries and contempt of system, and who knows, perhaps contempt for the entire notion of justice and western civilisation, and all the rest that the Oreos of the world bang on about endlessly ...

Of course the pond isn't in a position to pre-judge matters and will avoid any conclusions (and any suggestions of Pell's guilt in the comments section will have to be deleted, since the pond has no interest in getting the learned Victorian judges agitated).

The pond is of course aware - thanks in part to having a gay priest within the extended family - of the goings on of the frock lovers in Ballarat, not that there's anything wrong with wearing a frock in the right time and place, but the behaviour of the Pellists and their treatment of victims is different from the matters before the court.

So the pond looked to nattering "Ned" and the top of the digital page seemed to promise one of "Ned's" excruciatingly long treatises ...

But it turned out that nattering "Ned", usually notorious for bloatware, and endless scribbling, understood the need to be somewhat circumspect ... what with the rag and three federal ministers having got themselves into hot water recently ... and so he was alarmingly brisk and short-winded ...

Uh huh, but elsewhere in the reptile newspaper, the verdict was already in ...

The good thing is that this brecity cleared valuable pond space for sweet Sharri of the Terror, who has in the past few weeks, become the pond's TGIF signature tune, signalling it's time to relax with a bit of bubble headed fun ...

Pace the Terror, having Sharri in the pond house means that there's a chance to appeal to the mature gentleman reader, especially those who can't see the attraction in reading a boof-headed caller of thugby league shouting about the poodle's "outrageous performance."

No doubt the spear tackle that damaged Hadders' brain was outrageous, but the pond has no time for thugby leaguers and prefers to admire Sharri's skill wearing frocks ...

And now without further ado, it's on with the game ...

The pond is still trying to work out that last line in the first gobbet ...

Despite Pyne’s arrogance and treachery, the suggestion Turnbull’s failure to demote him would jeopardise his own position is preposterous.

Those wayward 'him's' and 'his's', and that convoluted double negative ...whatever do they mean and whoever do they apply to? Is Sharri saying the pudel and Malware are safe on first base?

Confused, the pond decided there was safety in showing snaps, so here's one of Sharri that's more than a match for that one of the onion muncher leering away in the gobbet ...

And now back to Sharri's penetrating analysis ...

What gets the pond is that Sharri is still days behind.

While she's having fun with the pudel, the onion muncher has been off suggesting we rent nuclear subs from the Yanks and never mind what a preposterous idea it was, what with the idea of delaying even more the already long delayed and useless conventional sub program, putting it off into the never never, and replacing it with a meaningless and operationally useless nuke gesture, likely to be an even bigger budgetary and logistical nightmare, and to take even longer, so we might expect subs not by 2050, but by 2070 ...

The pond won't be around for either of those delivery dates, but why don't the reptiles realise this sort of onion muncher waffle is just the mad monk trolling on the level of the Donald trolling Mika about face lifts, as a way of distracting the government from dealing with actual issues and matters of state ...

Instead they have to bung on yet another domestic ...

... because it's not actually about the subs, or even joining up with Labor on navigation exercises in the South China seas, it's just more white-anting, sniping, undermining and wrecking, and each time a minister is forced to respond, the government is made to look timid, weak, ineffectual and incompetent ... though we already know that with Abbott in charge, it was a train wreck ...

In this context, it takes singular Sharri analysis to announce that this is categorically not a contest between Turnbull and the onion muncher ...

What a sublime doofus this Sharri is ...

And after that meme now doing the rounds, it's back to some serious analysis ...

Oh wait, we all know the cause of the jealousy. It's all about repressed homoerotic need and betrayal, or is that just because the pet decided it wanted a new owner, and the old owner went into a jealous rage?

Sorry, back to some serious Sharri analysis ...

It's as if in all this navel-gazing and Sharri fluff-gathering that the spectre of Comrade Bill has gone away ...

How did that meme get in here? We're trying to be serious and wanted an awesome so great meme about Comrade Bill ...

Never mind, there's just one final satisfying gobbet left ...

Actually, it's not just Malware that's vulnerable. It's the entire Liberal party ... because if they go ahead and do a Chairman Rudd, and bring down Malware to please the onion muncher, and especially if they turn to the likes of the mutton Dutton, one of the most unattractive people in federal politics, they'll be spending at least three years in exile and maybe more ...

And if the leadership of the Liberal party can't survive a vote for equality for gay people, then that's what it deserves ...

And now thanks to Rowe, a discreet observation of the Pellist situation, with more discreet Rowe here ...

In which the pond ponders Noddy Newman and John Anderson offending the western values of relevance and intelligence ...

Of all the people the pond needs to hear from regarding the state of democracy, the least likely is that noddy from the north, can't do Campbell Newman ...

Newman’s supporters dismiss suggestions he can be dictatorial and vengeful, but acknowledge that he expects his “team” to follow his orders and example without quibble. (here back in 2011).

A minor martinet and an epic failure as a politician at  a state level, why would Newman think that he has anything to offer?

It seems that the thirst for ongoing relevance is inversely proportional to being considered something of a success as a politician, but that's not always the case.

Until the Donald came along, few thought that George W. Bush's presidency was remotely related to success, but at least Bush in retirement had the decency to toddle off and be discreet ...

Now there's nothing wrong with bad amateur paintings. The world is full of bad art and bad music, but at least if Hitler had stayed a painter, the world would have been all the better for it ...

Does the world need to hear another word from Tony Abbott, be it nuclear submarines or character references for Cardinal Pell? Tony Abbott seems to think so ...

Singular failure that he was in the top job, the embittered, irrelevant onion muncher just can't shut up, and the mainstream media can't shut up reporting whatever he's banging on about ...

And the result's a massive dose of increased irrelevance in the world. At least the pond could hang a painting on its wall, and if it bought it at a school day, it might have even provided a few badly needed textbooks for the school ...

Even some of the reptiles now think the onion muncher's a tiresome loon who should have the grace to retire or at least to shut up ...

Well yes, which brings the pond back to can't do Newman.

Once upon a time, when politicians got canned, they went away to do gardening, spend time with friends and family or returned to the private sector and made useful contributions, or accepted a government gig which required discretion in relation to political matters.

These days it seems retired, sacked or failed pollies must preach from a pulpit at the lizard Oz, and being narcissist, these contributions frequently start, Donald-style, with "I" ...with plenty more "I's" to follow ...

"Thinks" is the operative word here? "I's" is the operative word, and they poke out the pond's eyes with their operative force ...

Right from the get go - that blather about "real people power" - the pond realised it had entered a complete vacuum, more empty and desolate than the furthest reaches of space ...

Dare I say it?

Well you could just shut the fuck up and go away, and everybody would be happy, and probably a good deal wiser ...

Suddenly the pond began developing a deep affection for the paintings of George W. Bush ...

By golly, there's a real likeness there, while Noddy has all the appeal of a genuine can't do ... can't write much, can't think well, and can't seem to understand why he's a complete irrelevance ...

Now those who want to can pile on from every angle, but the pond will just settle for the abject stupidity of a man dissing the polling of a thousand people, only to go on blithely to talk of randomly picking and polling a hundred good citizens ...

And now since this is Friday and dedicated to bubble-headed boobies - in space at least no one can hear the screaming - as well as re-heated Noddy from yesterday, thanks to the reptiles the pond can now wheel in another hugely irrelevant figure ...

Followers of the reptiles will remember that Anderson had already contributed a thought bubble a week ago, celebrated in the pond here ...

It occurred to the pond that Anderson, the world and the pond would have been much better off if he'd done a Churchill and developed a good hobby as something to do in retirement ...

Not the greatest paintings in the world perhaps, but where's the harm?

Compare the mental damage done by wading through this dross ...

The moment anyone thinks an acronym like WEIRD is cute, useful, insightful and meaningful, the pond knows it's in the company of deeply weird shit ...

As for Anderson imagining he introduced many readers to Haidt, that might be true of those somewhere out beyond the black stump, but anyone with an internet connection could have been reading Tasmin Shaw's The Psychologists Take Power back in February 2016 in the NYRB and still outside the paywall for the moment ... (and don't forget the follow-up exchange here).

What earthly use does Anderson serve by using half-digested Haidt to blather on about the left yet again?

And there it is in action. The blithering idiot blathers on about the virtues of pluralism while at the same time displaying a deeply rigid mindset and a profound intolerance for anyone daring to walk down a different path, be it called progressive or leftist - the two not necessarily being the same.

The point about pluralism is that you don't blather on about the way your opponents are deeply undemocratic, or deeply unAustralian, or suchlike deeply defamatory and offensive name-calling ...

You know, back in the day, confronted with Ming the Merciless's McCarthyist desire to ban the Communist party, the Australian people decided that they didn't need to endorse that desire. That didn't mean the country had a deep desire to turn pink, it just meant that they didn't need to indulge in Chicken Little hysteria about the dangers of leftism ...

Did Anderson ever wonder whether a hobby might produce more interesting results than a war in Iraq?

Now anyone who thinks their five year old could do that is being unfair. The pond thinks it much more likely that a ten year old could manage the task ...

And speaking of ten year olds, it's time for a final gobbet  ...

The pond doesn't want to get on a high horse, but it's high time that former politicians realised that anyone saying "it's high time" are out of time and past their prime ...

There's none but witches do inhabit here; 
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence. 
She that doth call me husband, even my soul 
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister, 
Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace, 
Of such enchanting presence and discourse, 
Hath almost made me traitor to myself: 
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong, 
I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.

(here for phrase finder and Shakespeare).

And don't get the pond started on "real" action, or the next thing you know we'll be talking about unreal and surreal action.

And then there's the way that Anderson, like so many other cliche addicted munchkins, decided to trot out Uncle Joe and Adolf references while blathering on about grave concerns, and Australian taxpayers and foundation stones ...

Why not put his Godwin's Law swear jar collection of fines towards a few brushes, some oils and a canvas from a two dollar store ...?

That way the pond won't have to stop its ears against the songs of mermaids, Anderson, Newman and the onion muncher ...

And who knows we might get a painting that contributes to world peace ... or at least a a piece of irony ...

In which the pond catches up on a Donners' jihad ...

The pond wanted to start off with that list, which can be found in full, and with active links, at the Skeptic's Annotated Bible here ... the text, blessed be the Xian jihadists and devotees of the Bible, will have passing reference to what follows ...

You see, the Daily Terrorists are obsessed with Islamics ... they were at it again today, with fear, loathing and demonisation ...

That prepared the ground, tilled the soil, made the path clear for Islamophobic Xians of the dashing Donners kind ...

Now the pond will skip the Bolter, as it usually does, because the Bolter has been scribbling that Johnny one note tune about Malware since the day that Malware rolled the onion muncher, and the pond has had an overdose of Malware hate, it all being a cunning ploy to generate sympathy for the Liberal wets, as if anyone could forgive and forget the nineteenth century copper.

Instead, the pond would like to join dashing Donners in his jihad, bearing in mind that collection of quotes from the Bible ...

The pond might begin with a suggestion for an alternative Terror splash: Although the vast majority of Christians around the world and in Australia peacefully coexist, the reality is the Bible justifies war mongering on an epic scale anytime brave Xian warriors of the west feel like it ...and feel it they often do ...

By golly, She really does tell barking mad politicians to get up to all sorts of mischief, with more mischief at the Graudian here - though the pond guesses it's lucky She didn't tell GW that he was the reincarnation of Napoleon. 

But enough preliminaries, because it's time to get down to dashing Donners doing his Islamophobic Xian Crusader thing ...

Now if there's anything that irritates and pisses the pond - and possibly Galileo - off, it's the way that Xians routinely take the credit for the enlightenment and science and the scientific method, when it's a well-recorded matter of history that the church of Rome did its level best to  screw science and enervate the enlightenment and rubbish the Renaissance ...

But our Kev is frequently at the barricades pumping up the volume on the glories of Xianity ... who can forget this outing, featured in the pond, and easily googled, which began thusly 

Now it's not Donners' fault that he filed before the news about the Pellists broke this morning, so let's play fair and note where recent celebrations of the role of Catholicism in our culture have led the church ...

(here for that data).

By golly that's rough.

Now what was that nonsense Eliot scribbled about "if Xianity goes, the whole of our culture goes"?

Never mind, it's back with dashing Donners ...

Uh huh. Well the pond can play at that game, speaking as we have been of Xian fundamentalists of the war mongering kind ...

Well the pond could have shown endless images of the horrors perpetrated so a crusader could stand in front of a "mission accomplished" sign - with the mission still continuing at this very moment - but the pond would rather have a chat with Donners about superstition, witchcraft and hearsay.

This after all, is a follower of Christ and therefore a man given to actual cannibalism, since the Sunday ritual requires the eating of human flesh (not to mention the priest at least getting to sip a little human blood).

And don't get the pond started on all the miracles, the rising from the dead, the loaves and the fishes, the burning and possibly singing bush, the water into wine, and all the rest of the superstitious nonsense, a considerable amount of which was begged, borrowed or stolen from pagan beliefs and pagan festivals.

Why even at this moment in Sydney it's possible to find angry Sydney Anglicans using the example of Adam and Eve as a guide on how complimentary women should behave in the company of their masters.

But let's not worry too much about the similarities between fundamentalist Xians and Daesh when it comes to topics such as gay marriage and homosexuality, let's just keep moving along ... while trembling at the notion that Campion College is an educational model for a time when many have cast primitive camel herding superstitions aside ...

Indeed, indeed. No doubt it was all the fault of cultural-left radicals taking the long march that led to this sort of nonsense ...

Actually it seems like dashing Donners is tremendously eager to rush into that monstrous trap ...

And so it's on to the usual ritual bashing of the different, a tune that Daesh would also be pleased to play ...

Oh heck, why try to play fair, even if Donners wasn't to know, was he?

Why ever would that be?

Never mind, the comments do show that as usual dashing Donners hit his demographic target of bigots, the superstitious and the delusional ...

Well played Bev, and well played Kev for so pleasing Bev ...

And so to a few stills from the archive ...