In which the pond does the ritual Caterist mass ...

They say that a pleasure delayed is a pleasure enhanced ...

Now the pond doesn't want to get all high falutin' and grand about the notion of delayed gratification ... that's best done by others ...

If anything, the pleasure of reading the Caterist has tended over time to devolve into the tedious fog of bore ...

And the points are always the same, how a tedious wretch graduated with a degree in sociology from a minor university and then drove laundry vans before heading off to work in a public broadcaster ... and so developed a chip on shoulder for life, of the kind cultivated by agitated provincials certain of their capacity to rule the world and eternally frustrated, and yet with a cunning understanding, developed over the years, of how to loot the system ... you know, by making a documentary comparing the Tyne and Sydney Harbour Bridges as a certain way to beguile and mislead the masses (all this Greg Hunted here).

No wonder the mass gets tedious and predictable, a fog of snore ...

Oh sure there's the usual chanting, and the outrage at the waste of public money, and the pond joins in the ritual outrage and feigns some kind of excitement and interest...

But by now everyone knows the ritual, as traditional as burning incense and chanting Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem ... or at least angus dei, grant us a decent government grant ...

Yes, the pond must join the Caterists in raging at the wicked waste of taxpayers' money and federal government's direct contributions to useless causes ...

By golly, it starts to mount up over the years ... and it would seem that those who received the most benefit, if benefit it is, are the Caterists, a generation that may well become known as the most notoriously hypocritical mob of bludgers doing the rounds ...

Oh but wait, it's unfair of the pond to spoil the service, and recite the lines best left to the high priest, in vigilant pursuit of public waste ...

Just don't forget to put alongside it in the bookcase, comrades, "grants awarded by the Department of Finance" as part of your would-be revolutionary reading ... remember it's better to suck on the government teat so that others might have to seek another teat on which to suck, than to suck on the teat of hard work ...

And so with the mass done, the ritual consummated, the congregation can drift off to a Rowe cartoon, with more Rowe for the faithful here ...

In which the lizard wars continue on many fronts ...

The reptiles of Oz war against climate science bubbled along nicely this day ... but yesterday the reptiles didn't forget their traditional forms of warfare ...

Crikey produced its promised piece on the war against Paul Barry, found here, and beginning ...

Naturally the reptiles couldn't resist a pre-emptive prod and a poke ...

But the reptiles are canny ... they didn't want it to seem too direct, too blatant, too obvious, and so led with an obvious alternative bit of spiteful gossip, that being a skill relished by the reptiles in adder mood ...

You see ... the caring crocodile sheds a tear ... while over at Crikey they kept on carrying on recording aspects of the war ...

And so to the latest crime discovered by the reptiles ... owning paper shares of a singularly worthless kind ...

It's a lazy, disingenuous jab, full of sly innuendo and feral ratbaggery, dressed up as jovial joking of the "running a series that favours a shareholder and attacks a competitor" kind ... but it's not the pond's business as to how Stephen Brook looks in a mirror in the morning without shattering it, because this was all a minor distraction, as today the pond was drawn away from the war to attend to its usual traditional spectre, the Caterist at the top of the opinion page...

Say what? Beneath the usual Caterist offering, Lenin's shadow looms over all of us?

Actually if the pond might be so bold, there's another shadow looming over us all ...

Never mind, the pond would do anything to be distracted from the Caterists, and brooding about the filthy Commies and dirty Lenin and wretched Marx is such an honoured and ancient Murdochian pastime, the pond jumped right in ...

Surely there's something weird about all this?

Could the weirdness have something to do with the way that friendly breakfast Foxes and Hannity and the rest of the Murdochian Fox tribe paved the way for a businessman with deep financial and business ties to Russia to waltz into the White House and seize the opportunity to create mayhem? 

Poor old Troy is still back in 1917 and the game has long moved on ...

Those stories are all the go and easily googled, but in summary, it's yes, we' re all the way with the Ruskis, thanks in no small part to the Chairman and his currying of favour with the Donald ...

But no doubt the pond is misjudging Troy, no doubt Troy will get on to all the Murdoch-inspired Ruski madness in his next bout of brooding ...

It was around the point that Troy mentioned corruption and brutality, and "uses propaganda to articulate a nationalist vision" that the pond realised Troy had been forced to type in code ...

He wanted to talk about the modern situation, but he couldn't, he was deeply constrained. He had to drop desperate hints of the "Sound familiar?" kind ... and talk of cheap populism and make sure that reference to populists on the left was balanced by mention  of populists on the right and then he could slip in "He told crowds they were being ignored, left behind and had no stake in their country's future."

Sound familiar?

Surely does ... it sounds like a slogan developed after watching a little too much Foxy television ...

What a pity that Troy couldn't get all the dots ...

"Indeed, there is much in Lenin that can be found in Putin and much in Putin that can be found in the Donald and much in the Donald that can be found in the Chairman ..."

And now for a few more Lenin and Fox-friendly cartoons ...

In which the Major stuffs his gob with Murdochian pie in the sky ...

These days the Major is a very model of blushing modesty ... with the lizards of Oz hiding his light this morning under a bushel in the media section.

The pond had to hunt and ferret and search high and low to discover the unassuming former leader and useless peacock feather ...

No doubt the Major's seminal thoughts will be dug out and highlighted as the day progresses, but really, he should be at the top of the opinion page on a Monday from the get go. 

How is it that the Oreo is given the root beer treatment, while the Major is forced to the digital wilderness to talk of humble pie growing and sharing?

Now it's ironic that the Major should moan and mutter how the left-wing media seem to have been one of the major causes of all this damned unfairness, and got his crest all agitated and alarmed ...

It was all the more problematic as Crikey, in its coverage of the Major's world, (paywall affected) had finally decided there was a need for some good news ...

And then they couldn't help themselves and ended the piece this way ...

Now we have to wait for the war against Paul Barry?

Even worse, the Major couldn't help himself and got out the tar brush to do his usual broad strokes tarring this day ...with predictably galah precision ...

Yes, the silly old bugger couldn't resist revealing himself as a silly old bugger by making a cheap jibe about the smashed avocado generation ...

And why can't he mention the conclusive findings of climate science when he comes to his coal-fired euphoria?

Well it's not as if these things haven't been pointed out by the pond more than a few times, but the Major is the Major and he'll always flap around in ever smaller circles about the way that the left have produced an unfair world ... while the Murdochians are models of fairness ...

It's a necessary form of bizarro world indoctrination and an essential prerequisite for anyone wanting to fully enjoy the surreal if they go down the rabbit hole with Alice and the Major ...

Never mind, as usual, it's all just an excuse to run a few cartoons ... with the kind of fiscally responsible, GOP bias that would likely please the Major ...

Oh heck, here's another one that should appeal to the Major.

Is there a mention of smashed avocado in those exceptions?

In which Malware enjoys a rooted beer Oreo ...

Now thanks to the lizards of Oz, there was an ironic juxtaposition with which to start the week of reptile review, but it turned out that the Oreo didn't mean that Turnbull shouldn't carry on ...

What she meant to offer, instead of a double negative, was a straw of hope, a lifeline, a chance to generate political capital ...

Could there be any surer sign that Malware's situation was terminal, and he'd landed in an irreversible dead-end?

Now it's admirable for the Oreo to suggest that Malware turn to the Donald as an unchallenged master.

This is surely the sage sort of advice that Malware desperately needs, given the way that things are going so spiffingly well in the United States ...

Perhaps we could see a Twitter-led recovery? The current bunch of tweets has all the charm and excitement of the copy on a cornflakes pack ...

And the pond does appreciate Oreo's vigorous defence of the cop show cock-up and the ROC follies.

No doubt the ABC must take much of the blame. In the pond's experience, the ABC is to blame for almost everything that's wrong in the world ...

Everything the Oreo said seemed on the number and correct weight and unassailable advice of the rich Oreo kind ... but then the pond made the unfortunate mistake of scanning the recent headlines of a genuine never give an inch Malware hater ...

By golly, who needs Comrade Bill when they've got the Bolter?

It seems the Oreo has lost her lines, or is singing from a different sheet, or has decided to leave the murmuration of starlings and fly off on her own ...

She should have been offering this Oreo insight for the day ...

... so that the thoroughly rooted Malware could have enjoyed his root beer cookie ...

Instead in defiance of the Bolter, she flaps about offering all sorts of hopes and delusions in the guise of policy advice ...

Here's a tip for the Oreo. Only navel-gazing, fluff-gathering Liberal party spear carriers of the onion-muncher cockroach kind give a toss about the reform of the NSW branch of the Liberal party ...

And urging on the religious freedom mob is going to see yet another bout of the Liberal party tearing itself apart to cater for homophobes ...

If these are the things that are going to help Malware's government regain its moral standing, then its irretrievably lost ...

Besides, there's many more interesting questions to be asked in the coming days, not least whether gorgeous George is just all bully bluster and humbug, or whether he can put the peddle to the metal and make the rubber hit the road ...

Interesting times, enough to keep Rowe in cartoons for months, with more Rowe here ...

In which the pond heads off to petulant Peta and Miranda the Devine for a Sunday fix of commentary follies ...

Though the cunning bromancer had trolled the pond into a Sunday meditation early in the day, the pond was still looking forward to the Sunday Terror's analysis of all the recent fuss ... so imagine the pond's consternation at being confronted by talk of normal motherhood - as opposed to the abnormal motherhood that's all the go these days - and musings about sweaty crotch shots ...

The pond breathed a huge sigh of relief when it clicked through, and there were all the usual suspects ...

It goes without say that it's all the fault of Barners and the Nationals ... the master chef has had nothing to do with it ...

More Moir here, and then it was straight on to petulant Peta, with some guaranteed Malware bashing certain to please ...

Oh that's hardly fair to Malware ... Malware is an expert at putting his mouth where his foot should be ...

The multinodal copper stumble bum has stumbled through any number of matters, so it's hardly surprising the High Court might take a view of the bum trying to tell it what to think ...

Indeed, indeed, Barners has been a good barrel of pork ...

It's likely he'll only have to sing the C and W blues for a short time ...

Sad to say, only two politicians emerged with any integrity from the debacle and they were the greenies who resigned up front, and were mocked by Malware for doing so ... a foolish fop, who then proceeded on to mocking of the High Court...and tried to blame it all on the hapless Solicitor General, done over by the previous occupant of that seat.

What a murky mess of political connivance.

The result? It it seems all too obvious that petulant Peta can hardly wait to return to being chief of staff for the new Liberal party leader of Her Majesty's Opposition in the new federal parliament ...

Of course we can do better, and they'll need to get in a decent supply of the humble Tasmanian brown ...

The onion muncher as the leader of the opposition, ruining any government initiative, and petulant Peta snapping away, and the country will be back on the course that has marked the past decade of politics ...

As for super and fringe benefits and all the rest? Let's hope there's a display of Centrelink compassion...

And so to the Devine for the day ...

Now speaking of desperate thugs, the Devine's hysteria suggests a hopeless case, and a good reason for a liberal dose of the essence of Devine ...

It was an unhappy situation for Cash, being forced to splash on the Devine when she might have been better of joining Barners in humming a tune ...

Never mind, it takes a singular capacity for perversity for someone to wring some sense out of what many conservative commentators - even the likes of the Bolter and little Timmie Bleagh - understood was a disaster for Malware, courtesy of a gigantic Cash cock-up.

Fortunately, when it comes to singular perversity the Devine is loaded to the gills ...

Oh yes, it was a triumph, no doubt about it, a wonderful act of defiance ...

... though some might wonder how the mess happened in the first place.

Of course it helps if you have a singular and unique understanding of the meaning of "independent" ...

Uh huh ... so the cops staged a raid for ten year old documents, when the usual requirement is to keep them for seven, and it's a naked political exercise and ... haven't we been here before, if only via the immortal Pope, with more Pope here ...

The best form of defending the indefensible is to attack somewhere else, and the Devine is an expert in the art of distraction and destruction ...

Now around this point, the pond should just pause to note that both petulant Peta and the Devine featured snaps of Cash that bore an eerie resemblance, and a level of signification worthy of a Sunday meditation ...

So much suffering, so much persecution ... (The Insiders revealed it was a Mike Bowers snap - is his next gig in Rome?)

The pond has every reason to suspect that trade unionists have been involved in many forms of cruel martyrdom over the centuries ...

And so to a final burst of the long-suffering, persecuted Devine ...

Now the pond hasn't spent much time commenting on the Devine, but that's because reader Doug turned up to make a few obvious points ...

Shrill partisan noise?

Well yes, in the end, there's no way to defend the indefensible, whether a Labor or a Liberal or an all-sorts voter. 

Cash fucked up in an unseemly way, and even if she didn't know, she clearly created an appetite for chaos in her staff ...

And for the Devine to dismiss the habit of tipping off the media for a show raid as being "run of the mill" is a shockingly shameless way of endorsing the naked politicisation of the police ...

If it's a raid to gather evidence before it can be hidden, having the media turn up and tip off the unionists isn't a good look. Where the pond disagrees with Doug is that behind closed doors the AFP wasn't too impressed ... because there's every sign that the plods knew what was going to go down, and that's why they bunged on a lavishly over-dressed, over-blown raid of an obviously humbug Hollywood theatrical kind in a quixotic quest for decade-old documents of a minor kind...

And if that's true, it's an even bigger scandal, because Cash and her staff were subverting an exercise which should have been about getting proper evidence in a proper way, not encouraging a media circus by inviting them to the show. 

The result suggests the same behind the scenes shenanigans  as what happened when Richard Nixon committed treason in relation to Vietnam in his bid to get re-elected ...

Maybe not as grand or as cruel and without any deaths of the kind produced by war criminals Nixon and Kissinger ... more just a typical fuck-up of the Malware "Godwin Gretch" kind ...

All up, even if it results in the bizarre spectacle of the pond lining up alongside petulant Peta in her eternal feud with Miranda the Devine, the times seem right for a 'shit hits the fan' summary of the week's events for Malware ...

Roll on a banking royal commission or whatever other mayhem and tomfoolery can be constructed in the few remaining weeks, as the fan hits the shit ...