Tuesday, October 27, 2020

In which the pond goes on a reptile diet, with the Allan key and a Switzering ...

 

 

From a glut to a famine.

Yesterday the pond went on a reptile binge, gorging on the lizard Oz's best and brightest, and ending up feeling as full as a goog.

Today? The pond has slimmed right down and gone on a strict diet. 

Just look at the offerings. There's Dame Groan, moaning and whining in her usual way, and asking "who cares?" and the pond suddenly realised it didn't care, didn't care at all, no, not really, not a skerrick of interest, especially with Dame Groan apparently the only one to care ...

Did the pond care about sanitary pads in Wales? Not really. The pond might have perked up at a Boris story, but no doubt John Crace at the Graudian will crank into gear and all will be well ...

As for the reptiles trying to cope with comrade Dan, the pond was reminded of the data comparing the situation in May in France and Victoria (potential for dire looking grim) with the current situation in France (truly dire) and the current situation in Victoria (relief), and thought the immortal Rowe offered all that needed to be said on the topic, with Rowe always adding more to the conversation here ...

 

 


 

Hmm, a dash of champers in the tent, wot wot?

And then the pond got to the commentary section, where all that's great at the lizard Oz usually resides, and what a dismal bunch presented themselves, a second eleven, with selection of even a single reptile for the pond team a difficult choice...

 



 

 

They tossed up hack Fergo to have a go at comrade Dan? And there was the bouffant one, up the bum of SloMo as usual, celebrating his ability to act ruthlessly, and never mind his indifference to an actual body designed to investigate such matters rather than ad hoc, knee jerk reactions of a populist kind? Outrage is how we do policy these days? How the Donald's baleful influence turns up everywhere ...

And what was this wretched Tracey """ Burton doing, carrying on with some woke nonsense about ageism? Everyone knows, thanks to Killer Creighton, that the reptiles' preferred strategy is to kill off old folk so that the young and the economy might thrive. Now they're going to fill gaps in the care sector, instead of carking it?

And speaking of workers, what's with the Workman trying to make a comedy out of trademarking the Canberra bubble ?

Sheesh it was dire, and the one genuine, certified loon - from Queensland of course - turned out to be an epic waste of time.

The opening was ominous with the Allan key using the first person ...

 

 

Oh it was too much, way too much. All those "I's" and "my's" and a photo of himself below a photo of himself, and preening and posturing and boasting how he knew his way around the game ... 

Even the dumbest reptiles know that's not how you enter the fray ... you have to purport a little modesty, a little servility, a oneness with suburban minds, a harmony with Penrith, suffering because of those dreadful Victorians ...

Even worse, what followed was an academic storm in a tea cup ...



 

What? Couldn't do a little TG bashing? Went to Jimbo to have a good cry? Wasted a few tissues on those damned uncaring students? And that's it, that's supposed to be the pond's feed for the day?

And then the pond made a solemn oath. If Allan opened his next gobbet with "take the Peter Ridd case ...", the pond would run screaming from the room ...


 

That's it? That's the best Allan can do by way of a reptile litany? 

Why on a good day, a Dame Slap could jump from the suffering of Queensland academics to the Riddster to a whole world of grievances, slights, whines and complaints ... 

Even worse, the Allan key ruined the bolt by making a nakedly false claim. 

The Riddster hasn't been silenced, he turns up in the lizard Oz from time to time boasting proudly that he's an "independent scientist", because you know, other scientists are so dependent ... 

Oh but it's hard to give up a comfortable university gig, and discover life in the real world, and find out that pissing inside the tent on a decent stipend was much more fun ...

And as for the tiresome Allan, moaning and whining about campus life, there he is as large as life, on view in the lizard Oz, whining away, but not like a Dame Groan on steroids ... no, like he couldn't even be fucked doing a decent litany, a prerequisite for any member of the reptile commentariat.

Why didn't he even mention the injustice done to the Pellists and the current conspiracy? What about the suffering of QAnon believers? And so on and so forth ...

And then the pond remembered its promise to run screaming from the room. 

A cursory look at the lizard Oz editorialist, and the pond decided that a promise made should be a promise kept ... but then lo, the reptiles decided to toss the pond another bone, a Switzer of a bone ...

 

 

It's true that Switzer is one of the reasons the pond stopped listening to RN. Who knew which dark alley he might turn up in ready, to blather on about Biden's radical agenda, while doing a billy goat butt of this kind: It’s true that Biden, a Senate veteran from 1973 to 2009 before becoming Barack Obama’s vice-president, is instinctively a pragmatic centre-left politician with no firm convictions. Not for him the “democratic socialism” of the party activists.

But there's sure to be a radical agenda somewhere ...and our Switzer is just the RN man to find it ...

Never mind, all things considered, it was a chance to run a few cartoons ... and for the pond to ease off the diet, and fatten up just a little ...

 




Yes, that'd help the pond get through a Switzering and a video in the guise of a screen cap ...



 
 
 
Yes, yes, and what about the cartoon shortage that we might encounter?
 
 
 
 



 
Oh the radical agenda, oh the FDR, what next, we might beat the depression and Hitler?


 
 
 
Eek, he's wearing a mask. The pond will need two cartoons to get over the shock ... 







 
And so to a final reminder of why the pond should avoid RN, and stick with Polonius chattering on about the way that the ABC doesn't have enough decent conservatives on staff, and instead must settle for a dullard Switzering every so often ... who'd have thought that anyone could make the bromancer sound like a rocket scientist of enjoyable lunacy?
 



 

Yes, keep on blathering, keep on Switzering, and you might get your dream of four more years of the Donald. Four more years, or maybe eight, or perhaps twelve ...  and then what a supply of cartoons the pond will have ...

It was time to run screaming from the room, pausing only to grab an infallible Pope on the way ...

 

 


 


 

12 comments:

  1. I don’t know whether anyone else is peurile enough, as I am, to play the reptile-baiting game of so-are-you. Pick an appropriate reptile headline and insert relevant Murdoch outlet name where target of hatred and vitriol is. ‘Murdoch fiscal ship listing, but who cares?’ See? Harmless amusement. Works especially well with Sky Noose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "And so's yer old man" ?

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    2. The projection is so strong in the reptiles that I expect one of them to crack some day soon and admit that Rupert made them do it.

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    3. Ah, but according to some hints in the web, Roopie has lost faith in the Donald, so he may actually be making them abandon him. Hasn't worked real good with the Bromancer so far, but then the young in mind always seem to place their teenybop crushes above all else.

      Delete
  2. They cannot help themselves, can they? The Garrick Professor - as he asserted in his personal introduction (they DO love titles) rapidly disabuses us of any quaint idea that 'the Law' as we experience might be the distillation of centuries of wisdom, and testing against cases, to deliver something readily accepted by we diverse citizens of Girtby. No - there must be a distinctly 'right-of-centre' legal academic interpretation, to be promulgated with the awesome authority of - not one of yer ordinary professors - but a Garrick Professor.

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    Replies
    1. With "Garrick professors" such as he to lay down the (originalist) law, then I kinda suspect the "long slow march" is seriously behind schedule.

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    2. Well, the Garrick Professor is one up on the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz who only has a diploma.

      But yes, the test of utility tends to get overlooked in these sort of rambles. Over in the engineering and medical faculties, for instance, the failure of bridges to remain standing or the steady accumulation of bodies cannot so easily be dismissed a merely leftist interpretations of the facts.

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    3. The ‘Garrick’ for whom the chair is named, qualified as a lawyer in 1860, through the old system of being apprenticed to an existing firm of lawyers in Sydney. The University of Sydney did not involve itself in teaching law until around 1890.

      Later, he occupied several parliamentary seats in Queensland. After being appointed to the Legislative Council in 1869, he went to - London. He arranged various subsequent appointments by the colonial government that pretty much maintained him in London, where he died in 1907.

      The ‘chair’ was endowed in his daughter’s will of 1916, which provided £10 000, or near enough $1 000 000 of today’s money, to the university, to establish a named chair in law, or medicine.

      The incumbent seems to follow the original Garrick’s precedent; apparently taking every possible opportunity for sabbaticals somewhere other than Queensland; or even Australia. One point on which their careers differ is that the original Garrick did practice quite extensively as a lawyer in colonial Queensland.

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    4. Only £10 000 ? Musta ran through that fairly quick and it's been 104 years since the bequest. So who finances the Garrick Professorship these days or is it just a name without other benefits ?

      But "going to England" (note, 'England', not 'Britain') has been a long standing desire amongst Aussies of all kinds for a very long time.

      Note the lyrics:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RexO65pfmXQ

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    5. Or you might prefer this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yXinPYK-Jk

      Delete
  3. Love the Swizzler headline about 'radical agenda'. Doesn't make any real attempt to demonstrate much of an agenda at all. Let the gas industry die of it's own accord, be a bit less shit than the GOP on most issues and that's it.

    What he does say is that some people 'think' it's a radical agenda. So it really boils down to how many dumb people decide to vote. Not much different to Oz really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, Biden's 'radical agenda' is out. But we do get this about Trump: "...his economic boom of low unemployment and rising wages has come to an abrupt end."

      Of course the economy wasn't "his" (ie Trump's); as with most such things it was really just a matter of 'being there when it happened'. Despite the apparent beliefs of sundry of his worshipful fellowship, Trump's tax cuts etc had no real effect on the economy which was just continuing on in the post GFC pattern that began in Obama's time.

      Trump's "base", like the vast majority of homo saps saps, just has no real grasp of the nature of 'cause and effect' - post hoc ergo propter hoc is about all they can manage.

      Delete

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