In which the pond celebrates prattling Polonius Q.C., S.J., and the nuclear stylings of the bromancer ...

What's remarkable about the lizard Oz this day is the way that there's nary a mention on the front page of the digital edition (or the tree killer version's front page) of Germany's decision in relation to gay marriage.

Of course it's awkward, the news that despite voting against it, Merkel allowed a conscience vote, and the bill was easily passed, because it says a huge amount about the unholy mess into which the onion muncher and his conservative brethren have plunged the Liberal party in Australia. No wonder the reptiles felt the need to hide the news ...

And so to prattling Polonius Q.C. (Querulous Coot division of the bar).

A reader had optimistically predicted that Polonius would leap to the defence of the Pellists this day, and the pond shared that optimism.

Sadly, Polonius only attempted a sideways defence in his guise as a dog, by complaining for the nth time about the treatment of a former chairman of the ABC and hippie Richard Neville (devotees can head over to the Sydney Institute for that one).

This is roughly equivalent of the pond trying to ameliorate Ned Kelly's sentencing by complaining about the way Ben Hall was celebrated as a gentleman bushranger. The two things don't hang together, though hang they did ...

Instead Polonius reminded us that he had another qualification, Polonius S. J. (Society of Jawboners), as he turned to the wrecker, sniper and white-anting undermining onion muncher as his topic for the day ...

Perhaps it's just as well that prattling Polonius Q.C., S.J., decided to recuse himself from the Pellist legal team, because he's singularly silly when it comes to the onion muncher ...

Stop right there and please allow the pond to be frank.

The pond holds no candle for Mal the copper man, but you'd have to be delusional or Polonius to think that giving the onion muncher a senior cabinet position during the last year would have satiated the onion muncher and sorted his lust for revenge ...

Malware had the example of the sociopathic behaviour of chairman Rudd to consider, and as  it turns out, Rudd was something of a lightweight up against the onion muncher.

Whether the onion muncher was inside the tent pissing out, or outside pissing in, there was always going to be a pissing contest, but one thing's certain ... inside the tent, the onion muncher would have wreaked the same sort of damage as chairman Rudd did, with the ultimate aim the same ... to do a Gollum and seize the ring ...

Oh okay, the pond knows that's a meme that's been done to death, but why not join in ...

The pond needs a joke or three because Polonius then cranks into S.J. history professor gear ...

Put it another way ...

Now the pond will shortly address the notion that the onion muncher has talent, especially when it comes to policy matters, courtesy of the bromancer, when it's clearly obvious to anyone apart from Polonius S.J. that his only talent is for destructive, childish, nattering negativity and the maintaining of the rage and hate ... in short, an antipodean form of the Donald, found wanting in government, but back again as leader of the opposition ...

But before the pond can get to the bromancer there's one last gobbet of Polonius to be endured ...

As he moves towards doddering senility, the resemblance of Polonius to a teacher condescendingly explaining the world to a primary school class grows ever more striking ...

And that last thrust at the poodle is remarkable for its inanity, as conservative Polonius pumps up the volume for Hanson and Cory ... when anyone with half an eye can see that the onion muncher doesn't give a flying fuck about defeating comrade Bill, so long as he can take down Malware ...

He's now achieved full Gollum status, and so Fairfaxians, seeking to terrify their dwindling readership by warning them that Freddy Krueger lurks under the bed, can feature him as a growling, scowling, scary monster ...

The conservatives dearly want to take down the poodle and for what? Something that even Angela Merkel managed to navigate successfully this week ...while the onion muncher clings to climate denialism, coal, homophobia and onion munching ...

And so to the bromancer taking a look at one of the onion muncher's policy proposals this week ...

Unrealistic? That's a polite way of putting sheer futtockry and perversity of a kind not pursued by the onion muncher when in power ...

Now the bromancer does his level best to pay due attention to the onion muncher's proposal, but in the end, he can't manage it, because it's just too silly ...

All the same, because the pond will be under water for a considerable period of time, it's perhaps best to arrange a few illustrations, as the pond admires in silence - run silent, run deep - the bromancer's attempts to come to terms with the onion muncher's absurd attempts to muddy the waters, in a way he never managed while in actual power  ...

And there you go. Has there ever been a better example of a tortured soul wrestling with itself?

The bromancer was extraordinarily fair, and bent over backwards to be polite to the onion muncher, tugging the forelock as much as he could, slagging off Payne, celebrating a reliance on the Donald, talking up the wonders of nuclear subs, designed to stay under water a long time so they can deliver nuclear weapons anywhere at any time .,. 

And the end result? Well a meme could have summarised the policy proposal in a much shorter way...

All this nonsense and carry on and fuss, and talk of nuclear submarines and yet not a word about Angela Merkel and the German government's recent move to legalise gay marriage ... the little booby trap that the onion muncher used to gum the works for his successor, bigotry being his favourite policy position ...

And so the Liberals get what they deserve, an onion muncher descending into the madness of fear, hate, loathing and the lust for revenge, and Malware as inept as the day he followed the onion muncher's instruction to run out the copper and destroy the NBN...

And now a word of personal explanation.

Of course last night the pond took the opportunity to watch Morning Joe and Mika break their holiday to maintain their feud with the Donald ...

Of course the pond enjoyed the Daily News' front page as it was tweeted around the world ...

Sure the news that the Donald used the National Enquirer to blackmail the Morning Joe pair is interesting ...

Of course the pond enjoyed David Rowe's cartoon this day, with more enjoyable Rowe here ...

But in the end, the pond can't. It simply can't ...