In which the pond spends its Friday with scribbling Sharri ...

Usually the pond saves the Pope for last, but this splendid papal encyclical, drawing attention as it does to yet another example of naked corruption, greed, and boondoggling of the rampant kind, was too irresistible ...  it simply had to go to the head of the queue, though as always, there's more papery to be found here ...

Meanwhile, on a Friday, the pond has developed quite a sweet tooth for the thoughts of scribbling Sharri. These are always likely to produce a little eye candy for gentlemen readers without taste or discernment, but with a cultivated sense of the riches that Murdochian tabloids can offer ...

This doesn't necessarily offer the level of irony and rich humour to be found in a ScoMo story ...

Terribly disappointing? Well it's terribly disappointing that the Treasurer can only contemplate the situation by suggesting to televisual viewers that he lives on another planet, perhaps adjacent to Planet Janet ...

The onion muncher is, of course, a natural born liar. He lied in opposition, he lied in government, and now as head of opposition business he's lying again ... in a richly wrecking, sniping and undermining way ...

It's a common enough trait amongst Xian politicians (and secular ones too), but the pond loves the way that his colleagues must tap dance around the truth and sound terribly disappointed that the termite is doing what termites must do ... without mentioning that the termite is a natural born liar.

What to do, given that pest exterminators are so useless and expensive? Well that's where the likes of Sharri and some of the other reptiles come in handy ...

While Hadders is apparently shocked to discover that agrarian socialists exist - the dear old boofhead devotee of thugby league is routinely off with the pixies - it's up to Sharri to help Malware right the ship of state and slap a bit of tar over the termite-riddled planking ...

Strange, that google should sense that Sharri and the Devine go so well together, but speaking of witches, it's on with the Sharri business of the day ...

What to say? Right from the get go, the pond was confronted with the startling sight of the coffin nail flogger, the oscillating fan and nattering "Ned" in earnest discussion, anxious to bring the warring parties together ... perhaps renew their marriage vows, or at least sort their differences ...

And then there was Sharri's fraught re-telling of Malware's sleepless, anxious night, spent worrying about little Johnny. Frankly between the pond, you and the gate post, it almost reduced the pond to tears ...

Now around this point, the pond can hear the sounds of lamentations from gentlemen readers. Where's the promised page 3 pic?

Well the pond is certain that the reptiles have reformed, realised their errors and changed their ways. There will be no bimbo-like presentations this day, instead we must cop gobbets of serious, thoughtful, insightful Sharri ....

We keed, we keed.

It's an old Colbert routine, but the pond was only joking ...

Of course the indiscriminate tabloid male reader will be offered a Terror treat ...

Leather or vinyl? How dare you ask, please, focus on the wrap up to that tragic and moving story of Malware deeply empathetic with little Johnny, confronted by an ebullient Kevin Rudd, ready to sweep straight into office ...

The sand of the desert is sodden red- 
Red with the wreck of the Liberal square that broke
Red with that dreaded ebullient socialist red
All the bells were ringing, the night they drove little Johnny down
The gatling's jammed and the colonel dead, 
And the regiment blind with dust and smoke. 
The river of ruddied death has brimmed its banks, 
In November '07 we were hungry, just barely alive,
And Bennelong's far and a Foxtel boondoggle an honourable name, 
But the voices of Malware and Sharri rally the ranks- 
"Play up! Play up! And play the game!"
You too might score a boondoggle ...

Or some such thing. No doubt Sir Henry Newbolt is rolling in his grave, but as all bets are off, the pond feels comfortable adding to the gentleman reader's tabloid pleasure ...

And now it's on with the gobbets and with a bit of lucky there'll be another visual treat soon ...

Say what? Malware is thinking of resigning?

Surely that's a stop the presses front page? Why it quite swept that visual treat from the pond's mind.

Oh wait, it's just Sharri offering a deeply fascinating psychological insight ...

And so to another visual illustration, this one of the Malware in prayerful pose ...

Phew, what a relief that Sharri can certify that indeed Malware is to the right of Attila the Hun, and that the country is in the best of hands ...

Look at the Attila at work, and marvel at his deeds, and simper and swoon with Sharri ...

Oh sure those a few duds, and never you mind mentioning the NBN, or climate science, and what about those wretched young folk, with their inner-city 'leet Surry Hills ways, completely incapable of understanding the suburbs - unlike Sharri - and without families, mortgages and ideas - unlike Sharri - and obsessed with Twitter, unlike Sharri ....

What we need is a new gravitas and seemliness in reporting, in the Sharri style ...

So sweet, and so to the final gobbet, and a stern warning to anyone who heads off to Sharri's twitter feed so that they can see the nation is at war ...

Yes there'll be armed fighting in the street, pitched battles, the Marvel and fascist mind-set at play... and all thanks to Attila the Hun, with sweet Sharri as its cheeleader-in-chief ...

Deliverable messages while condescending to suburban folk as a bunch of shoe hunting, food shovelling cretins?

Yep, that's our simpleton Sharri at work, and some of the Terror's wretched readers decided to embark on a food fight with her ...

Oh the onion muncher's tribe is an unforgiving lot, but lets hope that 30 mill cash in the paw continues to buy a lot of positive coverage ...

And so to another Moir, with more Moir here ...