In which nattering "Ned" reveals the reptile business plan ...

Before perversely beginning the day's perverse entertainment - no mention of Sean Spicer will be made - the pond would like to celebrate the ongoing war between the Bolter, the reptiles of the lizard Oz, fundamentalist Anglicans and Julia Baird ...

You see, last night, while never mentioning the reptiles and their ongoing war on the ABC - how it irritates them to be ignored - Baird had an EXCLUSIVE with the Anglican primate of Australia, Archbishop Philip Freier on The Drum.

Having spent Doolittle time with the Higgins earlier in the day, it was one of the few times that the pond has been delighted to watch The Drum.

Now Freier is of the Melbourne school, where they talk the equality talk and walk the equality walk by appointing female bishops, and is civilised in the Melbourne way, and is the sort of Xian with whom the pond can have an entirely amiable and civilised conversation. Freier was completely open to talking of domestic violence within and without the church, offering an apology and soothing words, even cannily quoting an Aboriginal minister's words of apology.

It was a canny move, and Baird herself talked of listening to her minister this weekend, which suggests she shares the delusions of her god-bothering, handsomely capitalistic and Sydney real estate acquiring brother. 

But we all have our delusions, the pond included, and whatever their dress sense, anyone willing to talk of the patriarchy and the need to step outside the world of fundamentalist bigotry - exemplified by the angry Sydney Anglicans dedication to male headship and complimentary women - brings good cheer to the pond. After all, who wants to live in a world dominated by Daesh or angry Sydney Anglicans? If it weren't for the weather, Melbourne would be the go ...

Freier took a couple of shots at the complimentary women routine, and the fundamentalist dressed in to the show in the form of David Ould largely kept his head down, because it was simply too preposterous to sound too fundamentalist and blather on about Eve and complimentary women, when talking of male dominance and the domestic abuse of women ...

Anyone wanting to see the show can find it on iView here ... but it left hapless Ean Higgins' latest reptile contribution to the war against the ABC looking a little dated and out of touch. 

Come on reptile Higgins, another piece please ... how about one explaining how Freier is the ugly face of Australian Anglicanism ...

And so to the day's perverse entertainment, which perversely follows the reptile business model. 

Now to emphasise the perversity of the choice, the pond notes it could have succumbed to some obvious Dame Slap trolling ...

It was as if the reptiles wanted to use Dame Slap as a potent argument for male headship and the benefits of complimentary women ...

And there was the bromancer playing a balancing tune, though very Johnny one-note because he's been banging on this way like a flapping Tamworth dunny door for days ...

So loyal to the onion muncher...

The pond could also have gone the oscillating fan, cheering on Malware as he bravely battles the onion muncher by swerving as hard to the mutton Dutton right as his top hat will allow ...

There was prattling Polonius too, out and about on parade in his Saturday best, and yet the pond joined in the reptile business plan, because nattering "Ned" was at the top of the digital opinion page ...

Now the way the plan works is this ... 

Nattering "Ned" drones on until readers become insensible, and the reptiles can safely pick their pockets and the moola mounts up. In the case of the pond, unsuspecting readers click on, and confronted by a morass of tedium, hastily click another page and so the clicks mount up ...

The procedure is exemplified by the google splash, which reproduces a term to be found in the "Neddy" header ...

ESOC? 

Are we talking European Space Operations Centre, the Empirical Studies of Conflict Project, the 2017 European Stroke Organisation Conference in Prague, the ESOC patch for gamers, ESOC Australasia, which boasts of having the only patented technology for exchanging diesel engine fluids in a safe, cost effective and clean process, or some other wondrous acronym to be found in the dictionary here ...

Now the pond will admit it's a minor mystery, and the bigger ones to follow are more intriguing ... why does nattering "Ned" exist, why do the reptiles continue to publish him? 

Adepts who contemplate these questions arrive at nirvana and exquisite understanding much quicker than adepts devoted to fluff gathering, as the existential ennui of life becomes clear ...

Okay, the pond was deliberately misleading with all that high falutin' talk of existential nirvana. 

Right from the get go, it's clear that nattering "Ned's" appeal is as a first class comedian. Who else could deliver a straight faced line about Malware governing from the centre of politics while promoting the mutton Dutton to a super ministry, a comedy routine beloved by cartoonists ...

Some faint-hearted types will want to rush off immediately for more Rowe here,  but those who get it will now want to scour nattering "Ned" for the next comedy punch line. No iron pyrite here ...

Oh okay, the pond didn't play fair. The pond didn't warn stray innocent readers that nattering "Ned" is inclined to be prolix and make prattling Polonius sound like a gnomic haiku ...

By this point, anyone who foolishly returned from Rowe will be scuttling off to Moir here ... but your diehard punter and reptile lover will keep searching for more of that iron pyrites ...

Now it might seem cruel of the pond to confess that in the end there's nothing to see ... and punters will rush out on to Sydney roads to see what else they can find ...

They might discover more Wilcox cartoons here, which celebrate more startling Malware moves to the centre ...

Only the hardiest will return for the last nattering "Ned" gobbet ...

And there you have it, the reptile and the pond business plan made clear, in simple, if interminable, English ...

But at least the pond has saved a Pope cartoon for the end, with more papal fun here ...