In which the pond does a grand tour of the great conspiracy to produce sympathy for Malware and his team ...

Today is a cautionary tale of what happens when the reptiles can't look away ... as with the Donald and North Korea, so the reptiles are transfixed by the domestic drama of the crazed onion muncher, and other defectors, traitors and wreckers ...

When googling up the savvy Savva, speaking with insider authority, it became clear how long the compelled fascination has been going on this year ...

There's only a few months to Xmas (have you got your presents yet?) but the onion muncher's been tagged a wrecker for the first six months, and still the media can't look away.

Indeed, these days, google organises its images to produce a selection of all that's salient in relation to the onion muncher ...

Sweet long absent Jesus, tear out the pond's eyes, but each time a savvy Savva scribbles furiously about his wrecking ways, the onion muncher's narcissism is rewarded ... and what to make of contributions like this?

So much for sweet Sharri's delusional attempt to shaft comrade Bill yesterday in the Terror.

And so to Savva ...

Now the pond can't muster a single argument in support of the onion muncher, a genuinely vile sniper, wrecker and underminer, but at the same time, it has no time for the man who saw copper as the solution. 

The pond has long maintained that the onion muncher is actually a pawn, a patsy, in a vast conspiracy to induce sympathy for Malware, a notable failure at almost everything he touches, with the sympathy designed to flow simply because he's not as maliciously and as stupidly incompetent as the onion muncher ...

Given the savvy Savva's access to Malware's thinking, we may at least conclude that the cringeworthy, full of himself, silly poodle is in deep disgrace in Malware's bunker ... but throwing the poodle under the bus just confirms the pond's sense of a deep conspiracy. 

Only now have they realised that the poodle is an offensive wanker?

But wait, there's much more. There's no point in being transfixed and compelled by ructions without indulging in the same sort of marathon war of attrition, fear and loathing as is currently being mounted by the onion muncher.

This will involve a little re-heated Devine, but ever since it acquired its magic science oven the pond has taken to reheating leftovers - well except for pizza, helped by not using cheese in the making, because there's nothing like the crisp taste of fridge-chilled chilli and garlic to add a little zest to a leftover snack...

Yesterday the Devine was in full cry about the Bolter and the rest of the baying hounds who lurk in Murdoch la la land ...

That wondrous line that Malware is "conservative enough" was just the beginning of a wondrous piece which both affirmed the importance of talking about the onion muncher and confirmed to the pond that the conspiracy to generate sympathy for Malware was well under way ...

50% off for a joke shot of the onion muncher standing next to a 'little zak's academy' sign?

Well the Terrorists also supplied a photo of Craig Laundy, but the pond skipped it - after all, why seek out the identity of the real author of the Devine piece?

Oh heck, it was irresistible, and meanwhile on with the Devine wrecker channelling Craig and moaning and whining about the wrecker ...

Indeed, indeed. It's not true to say Malware's government is Labor Lite, unless the intention is to defame the Labor party. 

It is true to say it's Copper Heavy with monstrous stupidity and ineffable incompetence, though why the reptiles decided to feature this glum snap of a loser, in a column purporting to support his government, must remain a mystery ...

Conservative enough?

That's the new slogan? We're on the road together, even if it's the road to nowhere much, but somewhere ...

Vintage John Howard?

It's apparent that writing up Malware is strange territory for the Devine, and she struggles to discover anything positive to say. 

Near enough is good enough and conservative enough, so what's the bet that soon enough we'll be harking back to Ming the Merciless ...

Marvellous stuff. While the Bolter and the others at the Terror, the HUN and the spittle-laden ranters at Fox heavy Sky shout against the sophisticates, the inner city 'leets, the worldly and the hipster class, suddenly the Devine is contrasting these optimistic globalists with the Murdochian tribe of sullen, truculent, resentful, bigoted, dropkick, low rent losers ...

How did it go down with the Devine's demographic?

There were many other comments along the same lines. There were a few in favour, in the minority, but the Terror's readership, many of whom sound sullen and resentful and disaffected, found it very hard to like the Devine's new kool-aid flavour ...

Turning this propaganda machine is like turning the Titanic as the iceberg and the Bolter loom ...

But wait there's even more ... because when there's a train wreck, there's much to see, and last night, the reptiles ran another story which showed how they were incapable of looking away ...

This had been swept from the headlines by next morning, but the pond thought it delightful ... as on and on it went, brooding about a man who certainly didn't intend to be difficult... in much the same way that the iceberg was just minding its business when the Titanic got in the way ...

Everybody started talking about the onion muncher, including irrelevances like Nick X. Why he should have felt compelled to join in the chorus must remain a mystery, but join in he did ...

It's a measure of just how pathetic the reptiles are these days, dancing around the truth with talk of huge pains and pains in the backside.

Nick X said that the onion muncher was a huge pain in the arse, but they just couldn't bring themselves to repeat it ... even though the onion muncher has been a huge pain in the arse since the day he punched the wall at Sydney University ...

That inability to speak Australian didn't stop the reptiles from rehearsing and recycling more tales from the onion muncher saga ...

They even dragged in ScoMo, the only rough equivalent being the cat dragging in a dead rat with wings, or a common dead rat, or a smelly mouse, and dismissing it as a "background smell" ...

By the end of all this, the conspiracy to produce sympathy for Malware and his team was in full swing, and the disingenuous, dissembling Sukkar was given the last word

Not particularly exciting? The pond has trudged from Savva through the Devine, past Nick X and ScoMo and Sukkar,  and sundry other excited reptiles and pollies, only to be told there's nothing exciting going on here?

And so to a piece which the pond refused to recycle, which is to say that notorious story in the Terror yesterday which made the front page, a piece of lame-brained science fiction of the most pathetic kind ...

The pond received complaints about its failure to cover it, but it was simply too silly for words.

It was, in effect, simpleton Sharri at her stupidest, and it's impossible to imagine anything more stupid than that...

But feeling deep remorse - a bit like the remorse the poodle must feel each day for being such a pudel - the least the pond can do is draw attention to Amanda Meade's follow-up piece in the Graudian ...

There's more here, though the notion of not selling the tree-killer was put in the form of a question here, and with much good-hearted joking by everybody about whether the Terror and the Murdochians and newspapers will still be killing trees in 2019, if simpleton Sharri is the sort of 50% off product that they're selling ...

It confirmed the pond in its righteous refusal to pander to silly Sharri. The only reason to know about that scribbling by Sharri was to enjoy the jokes that followed ...

If the reptiles keep going like this, it won't be just the pond that quickly hurries past the scene of the accident ...

For example, if this phrase doesn't produce an instantaneous, monstrous belly laugh, the pond has no idea what will ...

Written by the paper's national political editor ...

That such a thing should be ...

And so to a man who is consciously funny, and like much of the world, unable to look away from the Donald, a much bigger and better wrecker than the onion muncher could ever aspire to become ... with more Rowe hacking out of the rough with a niblick here ...