The pond couldn't walk around it ... the pond just had to know ... would the dog botherer and Dame Slap trot out that old ploy, that clever conspiracy, to get the pond feeling sorry for Malware, confronted as he routinely is by assaults from right wing loons ...
It seemed likely. It might even help explain why it seems that Dame Slap has been forced to crank up her workload, so that now she appears not just on a Wednesday, but also a Saturday ... this is how to grow the GNP - gross national pissing on Malware - in a mighty 100% leap, but sadly it means that the pond's workload has also increased ... and sadly this means that many noble reptile warriors must fall by the wayside.
Please allow the pond a moment to honour a few of the ignored who perforce had to fall by the wayside ...
Ah, that hole will just have to stay in Henry's bucket.
On the upside, those who searched for the dog botherer were given an offer they simply couldn't refuse ...
On the upside, those who searched for the dog botherer were given an offer they simply couldn't refuse ...
Oops, not that one, this one ...
... though conditions apply, apparently the most onerous condition being that someone has to be silly enough to want to read the dog botherer and pay for the pleasure ...
It's hard for the pond to put its finger on the precise moment when it became unfashionable in the past couple of decades to be a minor war criminal and participate in the wreaking of havoc on the country of Iraq ...
Doubtless it is now fashionable to eschew the label, and perhaps prefer titles like war monger or hawk ... that way it fits neatly into other bits of the baggage, like climate denialist, SSM bigot, a total lack of compassion, or any of the other bits and pieces that goes with being an all-round reactionary luddite ...
This then allows simplistic, simpleton divisions, carving the world up in a 1 and 0, left and right, good and evil manner ...
Others might line up with the government when it comes to delivering basic services like roads, traffic lights, garbage disposal, electricity, gas and water, and wondering whether the planet might be totally fucked by climate change, yet at the same time, blessed with opposable thumbs, wonder and worry about the nanny state la la land beloved by conservatives and Liberals, who've been at it since the days they loved to censor everything that moved ...
Others might line up with the government when it comes to delivering basic services like roads, traffic lights, garbage disposal, electricity, gas and water, and wondering whether the planet might be totally fucked by climate change, yet at the same time, blessed with opposable thumbs, wonder and worry about the nanny state la la land beloved by conservatives and Liberals, who've been at it since the days they loved to censor everything that moved ...
Oh wait, the pond doesn't know how that libertarian cartoon made it into the pond, not when we've got the mindless simplifications of the dog botherer to read ... because in a world where there's only hammers and nails, the dog botherer makes a particularly blunt and fatuous hammer ...
Oh yes, Abbott the leftist centrist, there's something to see ...
Yes, pick up the sword, the dog botherer is on the move. Watch out citizens of Iraq ...
Uh huh after all that, it comes back down to the same old climate denialist rag, with the usual motivations ... dinkum Aussie coal, oi, oi, oi ...
Back on the van, dog botherer ...
Back on the van, dog botherer ...
And so to yet another bonus offer, for those who have the strength and the stomach, and want to get to the top of the reptile world ...
No, not that one, this one ...
Talk about a nightmare vision ... it seems you too can get Dame Slap on your tablet on a Wednesday and a Saturday, though conditions apply ... if you go blind, for example, you can't sue Samsung or the reptiles ...
Oh we keed, we keed ... and besides, it'll just be the same as reading the dog botherer, only a little bit different ...
Well there's another difference, and it seems to be this ... Dame Slap seems to be aiming for nattering "Ned's" status as "columnist of unendurable Saturday length" ...
See how she starts out at a fast clip, then watch entranced, or fixated, at the way it turns into something of a marathon or a triathlon ...
Now the pond has already been there before this day, in company with prattling Polonius, but the thing about the reptiles is that once they imbibe the kool aid in the water cooler, they all begin to do a decitof lapwings, a dissimulation of birds, a murmuration of starlings ... and it all starts going in one ear of the pond and out the other ...
Even worse, the pond hasn't laid in a decent aggregation of supplies for the journey. The cartoons at hand aren't strictly relevant ... though perhaps something could be made of the relationship to joining the Liberal party and joining the army ... with a clash by night more likely, it seems, if in the vicinity of the onion muncher, his minions, the dog botherer, or Dame Slap ...
Okay, that's enough Leunig, didn't he go a bit funny about immunisation?
It's time to get back to Dame Slap, apparently the only certain and reliable guide as to what it means to be truly, genuinely liberal ...
... if being Liberal means living on planet Janet or torturing schoolchildren in the land above the Faraway Tree or thinking that climate science is just an excuse for the United Nations to introduce world government by Christmas ...
It's time to get back to Dame Slap, apparently the only certain and reliable guide as to what it means to be truly, genuinely liberal ...
... if being Liberal means living on planet Janet or torturing schoolchildren in the land above the Faraway Tree or thinking that climate science is just an excuse for the United Nations to introduce world government by Christmas ...
Now don't get the pond wrong. It isn't inclined to pedantry ... and it has already suggested several times that Trove provides a goodly number of examples of Ming the Merciless flinging about notions of "progressive" way back when, at a time when the word didn't have the negative connotations larded on to it by the barking mad right howling at the moon.
It might well be that Malware extracted a sentence from Ming the Merciless in 1944 (ABC it here) ...
Menzies said at the time? So Malware and Dame Slap say, but dammit, didn't Ming the Merciless scribble ...
Menzies said at the time? So Malware and Dame Slap say, but dammit, didn't Ming the Merciless scribble ...
... in "Afternoon Light", published in 1967 ...
Well that's what it says on the Liberal website here, but then Liberals are notoriously tossers who don't give a toss about history ...
... unless Ming the Merciless wrote Afternoon Light in 1944 ... that could be it ...
And with that distraction out of the way, it's time for more Dame Slap bashing of that wet jelly called Malware in a bid to rouse the pond's sympathy for the old jellyback ...
Indeed, indeed, talk about the many great policies to flow from the world of expert hard right technologists ...
And so to a final gobbet which will serve to underscore just how deeply delusion runs in the likes of the dog botherer and Dame Slap ...
It's the classic break-up story, isn't it?
Abbott reacts to his dumping with cold fury, an unrelenting thirst for revenge, much sniping, wrecking and undermining, and the hard right enthusiastically join in because they're bad losers and spoilsports, and suddenly it's all Malware's fault that the Liberal party is breaking up and that loons like Cory have headed off to la la land ...
The onion muncher and his team, the chorus of Murdochians, have been doing all this for an unendurably endlessly long time ... for just as Fox and the Murdochians have ruined American politics, so the reptiles of Oz and the other Murdochians helped put into power one of the most ruinous, negative, confrontational and policy clueless politicians ever to become PM ...and suddenly it's Malware who's breaking up the Liberal party ...
"The onion muncher and his team, the chorus of Murdochians, have been doing all this for an unendurably endlessly long time ... for just as Fox and the Murdochians have ruined American politics, so the reptiles of Oz and the other Murdochians helped put into power one of the most ruinous, negative, confrontational and policy clueless politicians ever to become PM ...and suddenly it's Malware who's breaking up the Liberal party ..."
ReplyDeleteNever truer words spoken Dorothy, and when all the pet shop boys and girls come to see the fruits of their labour....again, there will be tears aplenty and much more rewriting of history....again, and much desperate photo-shopping, no doubt.
My eldest is doing VCE, and has a couple of quite relentless teachers who break down everything she writes in English ruthlessly. They essentially have no truck at all with wasted words, hopelessly vague expressions and concepts.
ReplyDeleteAs they seem reasonably smart and well balanced folks, one assumes they've no idea what a Chris Kenny is, but gosh I thrill to the notion of what how good teacher would take to his published works. The first paragraph today doesn't have a single fact, or concept that one could relate to journalism at any level.
It's astonishing.
Ned did same last weekend in the same section. Opened with a paragraph devoid of meaning, reality or relevance to modern life, then drilled down until the word count went "bing" and it could be submitted for a wage. No-one would ever connect with it, remember it. Like dust on the wind.
Rinse. Repeat.
Weep my poor broadsheet culture. For who will save you?