In which the pond pits prattling Polonius against our Gracie, and she sings up a storm ...

The pond has been forced to put prattling Polonius on notice.

If he doesn't sharpen up, he'll either end up like the dejected David Brooks, mocked  by riff raff (though they know how to charge anyone wanting to amuse their dinner party guests) ... or the pond will have to stop treating him as Sunday meditative filler and poor person's substitute, and ignore him altogether ...

The trouble is, Polonius's monomaniacal obsession with the ABC is now rampantly out of control, and he was at it again yesterday ...

It raises all sorts of questions. If the ABC is so terrible, why does prattling Polonius turn up on it? Does he like being a quisling and a fellow traveller with these dangerous subversive leftie greenie internationalist swine?

Besides, everyone, even the pond's lurking ABC Victoria reader, knows that these days it's their ABC, with The Drum offering bizarre ethnographic experiences on a daily basis ... like the barking mad bromancer howling at the crusader moon ...or the Caterists ... or some howling member of the IPA...

It's supposed to be in the interest of balance, but the pond is inclined to believe it's to keep the ratings artificially low so the Murdochians won't get upset (fat chance of that).

Sure they seem to have broken up the comedy duo of Marr and Hendo this morning on The Insiders, but the pond suspects the producer deemed it an act of kindness to Polonius ... if he can't be put down, at least put him out of view behind the arras ...

Truth to tell, if Polonius mentions certain events from 1975 yet again, the pond is likely to scream at the senility on parade, and the endless repetition it produces...

Can't someone give the monkey a new tune to grind out?

Sheesh. Newspoll is a Murdoch lizard Oz poll. If the ABC was all over it, we'd hear the shrieks and howls all over Surry Hills, as the bunker-dwelling, koolaid sipping reptiles got agitated about the ABC stealing their thunder yet again...(unless it was snide comments about how derivative their plagiarism was).

After all, the ABC's an actual and genuine competitor, not a furtive blog dedicated to loons tucked away on a remote corner of the full to overflowing intertubes, and the reptiles hate to share their hot rocks.

This is desperate, pathetic stuff, and it didn't get any better ...

Now hang on. That comment was broadcast on ABC radio? So pedantry of the Polonius kind aside, it was published ... and in a place where the local relevance justified, but no more.

Ditto the desperate attempt to turn a suicide attempt into some jihad against Xians.

Then we cop another example of Polonius demanding that the ABC stay in lock step with the lizard Oz, at least when there's bashing of islamics to be done ...

Oh dear, and then a sign that the pond was going to have to scream, with that mention of Jon Stephens and the way that it got mentioned by the Terror and the local Gosford newspaper ...

The local Gosford newspaper! What next? The Northern Daily Leader?

With a sinking feeling, the pond knew what was coming ... why isn't everyone as obsessed with 1975 as prattling Polonius, why does everybody talk about the Catholic church and priests, and yet refuse to talk about 1975, in the way that Polonius does, with a monotonous voice and a fierce ancient mariner glare?

Oh sheesh, there it is again, Downing in 1975. A masochist would count up the number of times that Polonius has mentioned this and contrasted this with the treatment of Catholics and Anglicans, and likely be overwhelmed at the obsessive compulsive level of repetition, which at best is a sign of a lack of imagination and new material, and at worst a sign of the senility the pond can sense is rapidly approaching ...

Why doesn't Polonius get some new material, some genuinely funny comedy stylings?

Look at our Gracie ... yesterday she delivered a ripper ...

Now apart from anything else, this gave the pond a chance to recycle some old Peter Costello cartoons, and that sort of opportunity comes very rarely in these troubled times ...

Take it away Gracie, show Polonius how it's done, celebrate the rooster who is no chicken ...

This is golden stuff ... no need for the pond to make a comment, the pond could sense where it was heading, and what a mind trip that would be, and in the meantime, we could sneak in another cartoon or two...

And so to the final gobbet ...

Tremendous stuff. What hope that Polonius could match this level of imagination, inventiveness and wit?

Not everyone was as pleased as the pond, but we all know that some reviewers are picky and fussy, and lack any generosity of spirit ...

Naughty Simon, but it did give the pond a chance to run Petey boy in Hamlet pose, a reminder to Polonius that he's only good for being stabbed like a rat in the arras ...

It felt so good that the pond decided that the Gracie comments could be treated like seafood extender, and provide even more opportunities to run cartoons as interstitials. Oh sure there'd be the odd negative carping comment  in the Simon style, but think of the cartoons ...

Yes, yes, yes, and think of the memes too ...

Keep those comments flowing ...

And the pond will drop in another cartoon ...

Oh for the love of the long absent lord, please, please let him return and give the ABC what for, in a way that poor old Polonius can no longer manage ...

Yes bring him back, it's the super-obvious move ...

A nice fantasy?

Shame on you Graham.

And now, here's the pond's idea. Just spitballing mind you, brainstorming, throwing it off the top of the head, trying to create a few sparks, but how about if we brought back little Johnny too?

Think of it, what a team. The old team, back together again ...

Fact is, the pond is bored by Polonius and has an endless supply of old cartoons crying out to be recycled, including quite a few by masters Rowe and Pope.

How about it our Gracie? Surely little Johnny must return, and when the electorate goes into a frenzy and gives him a massive win, surely Malware must phone him at once and hand over the leadership ...