In which the Major returns to help the Catholic Boys' Daily play its role in the civil war ...

The pond thought it might just start off with a fun typo - the pond is always about "the feel of the full force of 'reptiles'" -  before plunging headlong into the ongoing civil war, which is starting to warm up, thanks to the lizards of Oz, aka The Catholic Boys' Daily, doing what Catholic boys do, which is dob naughty people into the bishop ...

The digital edition had the same fear-mongering at the top of the page ...

And naturally the Oz editorialist was on hand to help raise the saucy doubts and fears to the level of panic in the streets, and the total irreversible changing of the country...

Now before proceeding the pond should just note the fiendish, diabolical work of google ...

Oh indeed, indeed, and just look at what the fiendish politically correct logarithms juxtaposed with the reptile editorial ...

Eek, Taiwan changed, the country ruined! 

The reptile prophecy come to pass ... and lo, the country could be changed, just like Taiwan ...

Indeed, indeed, what a troubling set of saucy doubts and fears, but even better news for the south as it struggles to make a go of the civil war, because ...

Yes, the Major Mitchell has returned to take strategic control, and smite or smote or whatever those unfortunates around him ...

Ah, the Major, safe to say he's never caught out ...

Strange, the pond could have sworn there were other reasons people might be sceptical about journalism, as here ...

Never mind, we should now to proceed to a classic example of "billy goat butt" syndrome ...

There, it took a while to get there - the Major is showing a tendency towards nattering "Ned" gigantism - but while it's nuanced, the "billy goat butt" syndrome emerged in that last par.

If the pond might translate for the Major: While I would vote for change, I would, billy goat, only do it with a lot of churlish and snide remarks, and with an assault on anyone who thinks I might be doing it with a generous spirit and a kindly caring for others.

In particular billy goat, I will now go on to celebrate Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu bigotry, because let's face it, why should Xians corner the market in bigotry, and besides, it's all the fault of Fairfax and the ABC, except when they sound like the Catholic Boys' daily ...

Ah yes, those bloody privileged gays - why is it that the bloody pillow biters are so ungrateful - and so to a classic "billy goat butt", though once again done as a very clever "while" ...

Yes, so what, lot's of silly things are said, and who really cares about Order of Lenin medals when it's all just a jolly lark, and eek, why is that strange man fucking his cat ...

And so it goes, and a Freudian would understand the Major's dilemma. He possibly thinks the south might have a bit of trouble making slavery as a notion stick, but dammit, how he yearns for the good old days when he rode wild and free with Qantrill's Raiders ... how he yearns to be at one with the onion muncher, instead of being trapped in the corner with those damned pesky gays ...

And speaking of a genuine raider, the pond was impressed by this particular contribution from a Kelly ...

No "billy goat butt" niceties for the Kelly ... just straight out pecking at minorities ...

Yeah verily ...

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say, “The Lord will surely separate me from his people”; and let not the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree.” For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. ...

And so to the Kelly doing the cutting ...

Hmm, this is passing strange. It would seem that the Kelly does indeed know what that acronym means ... to paraphrase: oh those screamingly funny, cross-dressing queens ... how they make me laugh ...

And now, speaking of minorities, and before the Kelly really gets into overdrive, perhaps we should pause for a little more biblical reflection ...

Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him. And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them while being entertained by screamingly funny cross-dressing queens. 

And he spake this parable unto them, saying,  What man of you (or woman if you insist on doing a Kelly), having an hundred sheep, if he (or she) lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he (or she) find it? 

And when he (or she) hath found it, he (or she) layeth it on his (or her) shoulders, rejoicing. 

And when he (she) cometh home, he (or she) calleth together his (or her) friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. 

I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one gay sinner that repenteth, and in loving union, settle down and lead a dull married life with their gay partner, or even a screamingly funny queen, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance, because they've just known forever that queens are screamingly funny.

Or some such thing, and that sets the tone and the mood for what follows ...

Apparently the course that Kelly teaches in homophobia, bigotry and persecution of minorities is a real zinger, and screamingly funny too ...

And so ends the pond's epic coverage of the civil war this day ...

With all this going on, thank the long absent lord that Rowe is to hand to keep track of that other war - so many windmills, so little time - which seems to be going very well, and with more Rowe here ...