In which the pond hoped to join Major Mitchell on an Order of Lenin medal hunt but ended up wailing in a karaoke bar ...

The reptiles are in a right old flap this day with a 54/46 split, and Malware telling the High Court what it should find, and dissembling on a daily basis about the Kiwi in his midst - what happens when Malware leaves the country and Barners takes charge? Will we go to war to reclaim NZ as an Australian state so that finally Barners can claim the All Blacks as dinkum Oz winners in the game he loves? Oi oi ...

And the shock and horror of Malware's creation continues to hit home ... though credit where credit is due, the cheerleading of the Murdochians helped produce this total copper-clad fuck-up ...

Naturally at times of stress like these the pond seeks to relax by going on an Order of Lenin medal hunt with Major Mitchell, but it turns out that this day, we're off to a karaoke bar where the competition will feature much wailing and poignant renditions of that popular song "I'm all out of market share, I want you to come back and carry me home, away from these long lonely nights of declining circulation and revenue ..."

Yes, it's another Major Mitchell hissy fit, because who needs a diversity of voices when the gramophone needle can stay in the same crack all day ...

Oh poor pitiful them, but the pond is known to harbour grudges and by golly, the attempts to fuck-up broadband in Australia - an activity in which the reptiles of Oz were front and centre, with the interests of Foxtel deemed to be more important than the country's digital future - leaves the pond with a sour taste in its mouth ...

It wasn't Keating that missed the boat on a wired world, it was the reptiles, and as for those Major Mitchell crocodile tears about Fairfax ... well, what else could the pond do, but read on ...

Indeed, indeed. The pond knew it would be all the fault of the ABC, and as for that dreadful Andrew Probyn, he should know his place.

That sort of highly charged political commentary is best left to a member of the reptile press working for an American press baron ...

And remember if the cawing Crowe doesn't satisfy, the reptiles can always wheel out the bouffant Shanahan to write a news story - if you call writing up a poll news - and then comment on it, all in the same breath ...

Oh it's too rich, as it always is when the Major Mitchell gets into navel-gazing and fluff-gathering and "oh pitiful us" mode ...

And there you have it.

Let a thousand voices contend? Not on the reptile beat. At heart they've always been oligopolists with a strong desire to be monopolists, and the notion that anyone outside their limited field of view might be given a leg-up is anathema ...

Tax Google and Facebook and hand the money over to News Corp and the job is done and the fix is in ...

Such naked self-interest deserves a medal and luckily the pond has one standing by ...

And so to the story that really got the pond agitated, and which upset others so much that they emailed it to the pond (please don't bother sending emails to the pond, we never reply, this was a private email):

Now this tale needs no further re-telling. 

The fibre to the node delivery system, courtesy Malware, is fucked, a crock that will take much consumer money to repair, and the notion that the NBN could turn a profit and so be taken off books, rather than be seen as vital infrastructure for the coming century, courtesy Stephen "let's have a gigantic internet filter" Conroy, helped fuck the way the NBN has gone about its useless, offensive business.

It will take decades to recover from the damage done by this inept roll-out, but what really irritates the pond is the way the reptiles, having encouraged the disaster from day one, are now showing their Janus side, and claiming that they're highlighting the problems...

But they were part of the problem, and this is the result ...

The pond has recently experienced this blame-game, with Telstra keen to blame the NBN for everything, even before the NBN actually landed in the pond's street ... and with a modem that had nothing to do with the NBN (to the point where the pond felt like raising the issue of the way gambling had produced profound corruption in Indian cricket).

By the purest of ironies,  people are discovering what Malware has wrought, and this disaster is now rolling out in urban centres, at precisely the time the government is depending for its survival on a Kiwi posing as a Tamworthian, and Malware is telling the High Court what it must find so he can survive a little longer ...

And now the Major Mitchell wails about the suffering of News Corp? Please allow the pond to cry a river ...

And so to a cartoon, which allows the pond to draw attention to the entrepreneurial Moir, post-Fairfax trying to get a new business model going via Twitter here ...