Wednesday, July 26, 2017

In which the pond assesses the Wednesday form of the hot contenders, with the Devine essence of darkness leading the field ...

The pond was deeply indebted at reader VC bringing it up to speed on the Kenny contest being conducted by Mike Carlton via Twitter, here ...

That link led the pond to a few recent examples ...

Now the pond appreciates the measured, temperate way in which Carlton judges the Devine. Frankly, the pond finds it hard to be so restrained, but it was also delighted to see Carlton judge the latest Oreo as a steam of unreadable poo ...

Talk about an exciting weekly contest. No wonder devoted reptile followers want to splash a little loose cash on likely winners ...

Now the pond modestly suggests it has some form in terms of reptile observation, and for those anxious to have a flutter on who might win the weekly Kenny, here's a few tips.

The Oreo - always a sound investment. The odds will be short, but equally the chance of a win will be high. There are few reptiles who can regularly supply sheer lunacy at the level of an Oreo shout, as might be expected from one of the ten brightest minds in the known and unknown academic universe ...

Miranda the Devine - another good investment. But she does raise difficulties for the pond's pretensions about being a form guide, because the pond refused to run her last outing, so full of racist bile and bigotry was it. That assault on Black Lives Matter is best approached through Media Watch's Exploiting tragedy for column inches. Still, it explains why the Devine is a chance at winning every time she runs, though punters relying on her might well lose their soul, and certainly their sanity.

Dame Slap - up there with the two top female contenders, and a firm favourite, well worth the gamble. Anyone who can solemnly propose that the UN is using climate science to introduce world government must be considered a serious contender ...

Carolyn Marcus - a try-hard wannabe dropkick loser. She desperately wants to have the gravitas and form of the queen bitches, but doesn't have much of a clue. Only worth a punt if given a television make-over.

Turning to the men, it seems entirely wrong to allow the Bolter to enter. He should be retired to stud, but if he does race, there are few who can top his regular racism and capacity for vile and ignorant abuse. Again the pond fails as a form guide because it would rather feature a cockatoo screeching in a cage than turn to the Bolter.

The dog botherer himself is another top notch contender, but could the Kenny decently compete in a competition named after himself? Surely after his triumph in Iraq and his comb-over of the middle east, he should head to stud or to Valhalla ...

The bromancer ... mercurial, and intermittent. Some days he howls at the moon in the way that will see a punter score bigly, other days he attempts to sound vaguely human. He doesn't succeed, but the attempt always feels a little poignant and it takes him out of contention. A good risky bet for those who like longish odds.

Nattering "Ned" - a tremendous stayer, for anyone wanting to bet on an ultra-marathon. Sure he's a dull plodder, but when all the young 'uns have dropped by the wayside, Cliff Young and nattering "Ned" will still be pounding away ...

Prattling Polonius - like Ned, better at events involving pedantry and hysterically historical howlers. If the week's Kenny award is for getting it wrong, punters should risk a shekel on senility winning ...

The Oz editorialist - too often overlooked, but as the reptile at the heart of the madness, frequently produces an award-winning burst of form. The Daily Terror editorialist is also a strong contender, though the real competition here is between the Currish Snail, the Terror and the HUN for the most absurd front page (the NT News is frequently disqualified for trying too hard, so be careful with betting on this one).

Now there are many other contenders - the pond has studiously overlooked Mad Dog Latham because of the stench involved and the risk to taxi-driver arms, or Johnsie or others who left the Labor party because they found Genghis Khan too leftist.

Others will want to celebrate Dashing Donners and the many others who grace the pond's pages celebrating Judeo-Christian western civilisation in its many splendid war-mongering forms...

A few other tips because there are many ambitious reptiles anxious to compete for the Kenny.

Today no doubt there are a few anxious punters expecting the commentariat to line up and demand that Canavan must go.

What was right and proper for the Greens must also be right and proper for Canavan, and his protestations of ignorance simply don't cut it up against the simple requirement of the Constitution to be informed about citizenship status ...

Oh dear, all the pond can suggest is that anyone innocent enough to think that the reptiles would be in a rage about Canavan should remember it's wise to gamble in moderation, and perhaps not at all ... though anyone who bet that the story would produce a trifecta of mindless reptile tree killer front pages would have scored bigly ...

Mamma mindless Mia!

And what about rank outsiders like the fast-racing Klan, given to writing specious tosh in this age of Malware's actual NBN? Is there a story about how Malware should now own his very own crappy NBN?

Again the pond fails as a form guide. The Klans man might well have produced a fatal stroke if the pond had bothered to read his story ...

But here we must distinguish between the routine absurdity of life at News Corp and the valiant hacks serving their time in the trenches maintaining faux outrage, which can, like a storm on Jupiter, run for years, or decades ...

This sort of distraction shouldn't lead the expert punter away from the genuine professionals, some of whom turn up on a Wednesday and as noted, are always willing to mine, in the manner of zealots and bigots, tragedy for the sake of cheap political point-scoring ...

This is as contemptible a routine as the Devine managed in relation to Black Lives Matter, but for once the pond decided to go there ...

This is of course deflecting, dissembling nonsense. 

Anyone who looks at Media Watch's splash on the subject here will see that the program, and anybody who watched it, will know exactly what the Devine wrote's there, as bold as brass and as dumb and as thick, in the splash ...

Well yes and columnists don't let the facts get in the way of returning to the well to score exactly the same cheap political shots ...

Now Media Watch has already gone over all this ...

But it's important for punters wanting to assess form to understand how barking mad zealots and bigots can return to their vomit like a crazed dog caught out in the noonday Tamworth sun ... they'll do anything to score a Kenny, and the Devine frequently does ...

Um, was that the European regulatory framework which reportedly banned the flammable cladding?

The point of course is this, as noted by Media Watch, when considering the Devine as a Kenny contender:

But if the Devine has already done it once, why not do it again? 

Why not keep trading on a tragedy to push a set of nasty, cheap, tasteless political shots?

It's despicable, but that's the entire aim of contenders for a Kenny. The lower they go, the hotter they get ...

And now, please allow the pond to remind punters of the inspiration for the award, the Kenny himself, known affectionately at the pond as the dog botherer because of his intimate love of hounds. 

As well as helping reform and improve the middle east by warfare, the dog botherer is one of the world's top climate scientists ...

Crikey  provided this form guide on his scientific abilities in How denialists Kenny and Bolt royally screwed up reporting of climate paper.

An excerpt for a piece luckily outside the Crikey paywall ...

Follow the link to get the example, but it's a reminder of the way that all the galahs - the Devine, the Bolter, the dog botherer and the reptiles of Oz - flock together as expert climate scientists ...

And so to a final pond tip. Forget sticking pins, don't bother with magic balls ...

Punters wanting a whiff of inspiration while trying to pick a Kenny winner should splash on a little parfume to stimulate the senses ...

Alternatively punters could swear off gambling and reptiles altogether, or perhaps try a different parfume, thanks to Rowe, with more sweet-smelling Rowe here ...


  1. Crikey: "Funnily enough, the fact sheet completely contradicts what Kenny and Bolt reported."

    Funnily enough, Life (the universe and everything) has, does and will contradict everything that Kenny and Bolt have, do and will report. But then, that doesn't seem to matter much, does it.

  2. Truth is not part of their diet.

  3. I think Miranda should immediately head off to Italy with Matt Canavan to sort out all this climate and citizenship shit, tout-suite. Tones might be useful as a fire safety back up unit.

    I can recommend the comments of soil scientist Jackie, about 3/4 down the coms.section.

    And this gave me a good laugh. Cheers.

  4. Hmmm!
    Cheers DP.

  5. I don't bet, but apparently it's not a good idea to bet on the Melbourne Cup as there are just too many good horses in the one race.

    You are better off betting on a race like back in the day at Fairfax where there is a clear favourite such as Paul Sheehan.

    But honestly look at that field:
    The Oreo
    Miranda the Devine
    Dame Slap
    Carolyn Marcus
    the Bolter
    The dog botherer
    The bromancer
    Nattering "Ned"
    Prattling Polonius
    The Oz editorialist
    The Daily Terror editorialist
    Mad Dog Latham because
    Dashing Donners

    And I believe DP even missed a couple of red hot goers:
    Moorice (am very surprised he was overlooked)
    Timeay Blair
    Rita Panahi
    All the Akkers
    Rowan Dean

    What a dominant stable News Corp has? No other media organisation could come close.

    It probably illustrates the toxic affect one company can have on a society to have so many loons under their banner. Honestly where would any of them get a job in the media if not with Rupert?

    1. Good question, Anony (it's Caroline Marcus btw) and there's a few more that could be added among the 'occasionals' - eg Tim 'Freedom Boi' Wilson and even, if your lieu de cafe provides free-to-read copies of the Herald-Sun (Melbourne), Jeff Kennett. And 'Beautiful' Daisy Cousens too, though there doesn't seem to have been much in the way of sightings of her of late.

      However, I have to pose my most earnestly asked question once again: who (apart from DP and us) actually reads these tykes ?

  6. Disappointed that the Million Billion Credlin Woman, the petacredlin, didn't make the cut. (A 'credlin' is defined as either 'a pointlessly executed keystroke' or 'a small, but not small enough, quantity of hot air'.)

    Her efforts in trying to return Australia's most high-profile recent political feather duster, Tony Abbott, to rooster status have been truly prodigious. A complete waste of time and effort, it's true, but prodigious.

  7. DP, I know the pond has no truck with fact-bombing the reptile farm, but one aspect missing from the Kenny-Bolt climate "gotcha" is a real bit of "and then the universe hit me in the face with a fistful of irony"...

    The models are running hot (in the short term) against tropospheric temperatures - ie temperatures derived from satellite readings. The two satellite datasets are UAH (University of Alabama Huntsville) and RSS (Remote Sensing Systems), which was essentially set up to cross-check UAH's work. Over the years several flaws have been found and corrected in the satellite datasets, but the fact that they still track lower than ground-based measurements leaves a suspicion that there may still be some uncorrected flaws.

    Shortly after Santer et al came out, Carl Mears, the director of RSS, announced that a previously undetected flaw in compensating for satellite orbital drift had been identified, a fix developed, and the entire dataset (38 years of data) recalculated. The result was that the trend in the RSS dataset is much closer to surface measurements (and much closer to them than it is to UAH, which it used to be very similar to). RSS is not identical to the surface measurements, but you wouldn't expect that, given that its tropospheric, not surface.

    But the point is this change means:
    1. UAH is now an obvious outlier, and confidence in other datasets is mutually reinforced.
    2. The models Santer refers to track closely with the recalibrated RSS results. There are still differences, but they are small, and while Santer is probably correct that some of the forcing inputs could be improved, any correction would actually be very small.

    This story came to rest on the Santer "admits"/KennyBolt "lied", but there is a point beyond "he said, she said". Science improves, and as it does, KennyBolt's "arguments" - lies or not - vanish faster than sea ice in the arctic summer.

    But a bit more on topic - while he's too green yet to be a contender, I reckon the young colt Caleb Ewen is one day going to be to the Kenny what Black Caviar was to Group 1 sprint racing. Except for the spite of La Divina, he really has all the best qualities of most of the current contenders; just needs a bit more work to bring it all together.

    1. D'oh! Caleb Ewen is a fine Australian cyclist - I've been watching the Tour de France more than the Herpetarium lately. I meant Caleb Bond, of course.


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