In which the reptiles "Ned" and Troy point to a vast, sinister conspiracy ...

The pond is maintaining its royal theme for Sunday, and thought it might drop this lengthy piece in late on a Sunday arvo for queenly specialists, featuring as it does the expert nattering "Ted" and his consort, Troy of the Bramstons ...

Now the pond is delighted that the reptiles are absolutely certain that what they say is absolutely true but the pond seems to remember that some documentation remains missing in action, so how can they be certain?

After all, he did love his frocks and his fancy gear, and relished a good conspiracy ...

Never mind, let the reptiles wend their way along the river bed, putting out sundry fires along the way ...

Ah, the missing correspondence. 

So there is some documentation still missing? And yet the reptiles seem absolutely certain, in the same way a drunk might cheer on a winning horse ...

But no, back to hosing down the stables ...

Well there's no doubt that there's a bone of contention there … it's not as clear-cut as the sighting of a guilt-stricken drunk on race day trying to forget what he'd done ...

But surely nobody can be definite, or certain, until all the documentation is uncovered, laid bare, revealed for all to see …

Strangely, the reptile seers seem certain of everything ...

It's not the pond's position to confidently assert anything, given the way Hocking confidently asserts and the reptiles confidently assert she's wrong, except to perhaps confidently assert that it might be handy to have all the documentation in place before being over-confident about anything … except perhaps booing a drunken, guilt-stricken man who was certainly involved in a conspiracy, the only question being the nature and number of the conspirators in on the game ...

… though we already have a fair idea of a few of those who went to and fro in and out the back door as they engaged in the conspiracy …

Well yes, perhaps there's a balance of evidence, but can we say that the balance can be balanced if not all the documentation is to hand? 

It's not as if it's just a matter of having another angle on a guilt-stricken drunk parading his betrayal at a horse race ...

The more the reptiles carry on, the more the pond wonders if there might be fire behind the smoke, or at least whether there's another glass in the whiskey bottle of forgetfulness ...

Uh huh, but look at the shrewd, sharp way the conspirator sums her up with a penetrating look.

Might she in time join him in a conspiracy?

Who knows? The pond only asks, in the manner of a lizard Oz or Fox News journalist. A question only raises saucy doubts and fears, and hints at trouble, without the need to explain what the trouble might be.

It's likely the question wouldn't be asked ... if all the documentation was to hand.

With a flourish, the matter might be easily resolved, and the reptiles might be justified in their certainty… or maybe not. Who knows? 

Doing nothing is proof? Does that mean a nod and a wink is doing nothing?

After all, there's plenty of evidence this pair were on speaking terms ...

And so to a matter which made the pond wonder even more, wondering with some certainty how these blithering idiots could be so certain.

You see, there is some interesting correspondence still under lock and key, and likely to remain so for a very long time ...

The pond's view is that not having the letters exchanged between Kerr and Buckingham Palace to hand is a bit like not having the text of the Treaty of Versailles to hand when discussing the problems contained within it as a way of settling the first world war …

Why are the letters under such strict lock and key and for such a very long time? If everything is innocent and hunky dory, then where's the harm in letting it out now? If the conspiratorial, currish Kerr was only writing to inform Her Majesty about the state of the weather in Canberra, or perhaps that he loved her from the moment he saw her passing by, then let it all come out. After all, he wouldn't be the only politician infatuated with her passing figure and form … rather he'd be as one with the immortal Ming the merciless.

Every line that the reptiles scribbled denouncing Hocking slide into sublime irrelevance confronted with this reality. At least she tried to get hold of the documents, which is way better than the reptiles confidently asserting there's nothing here, so why not just look away, perhaps over there …

The way it works in the post-truth age is that if you lock things up and keep them out of sight, conspiracy theories will flourish, and everything that nattering "Ned" and Troy of the Bramptons made the pond think that  there was most likely a major conspiracy, its form and shape locked away behind closed doors, and that these wretched palace pawns were doing their best to facilitate the cover-up. 

Before the pond started reading, it really didn't give a toss and it didn't think much of the conspiracy theories.

Now the pond isn't so sure. Now the dissembling "Ned" and the evasive Troy make the pond think they're  - it's always 'they' isn't it, at the heart of conspiracies - hiding the correspondence for some sinister reason, and "Ned" and Troy calling for its release is just another ploy … because they can do it without it making the slightest jot or whit of difference, and certainly without the time and trouble and expense of heading off to court. The letters will remain locked up so that they can confidently assert Hocking is wrong, confidence in the knowledge that anything in the letters will stay out of sight and out of mind.

Release the letters, release them now, or if you will, Russia, please find the emails, or if all else fails, lock her up, lock her up …

Look at the guilt, look at the smug defiance in the Queen's man ...

It's not as if we haven't seen treason and conspiracies around the royals before …