Thank the long absent lord the reptiles have decided to keep Polonius prattling away safely behind the paywall about things dear to his heart … the wicked ABC and how the Catholic church has unjustly suffered from charges of child abuse, because everyone was doing it … so why pick on the tykes for harming the tykes?
Instead, what better way to start off the hot debate of the week than with a ripper Rowe - and anyone wanting to cross the Andes by frog will find more ripping Rowe yarns here …
Now some have decided that the way forward is to abuse the onion muncher, as Guy Rundle did in Crikey, here for those who can get inside the paywall …
The pond doesn't like to cap Crikey, they have enough survival problems as it is, but here's a taster ...
... the question raised by recent events is: what is Tony Abbott faithful to? One answer, I suspect, in the wake of the Monash Forum fiasco is that beyond all concrete and particular beliefs, Tony Abbott is devoted to the beau idéal of failure. Failure has been his political muse for decades, coming to the fore once he gained power. Failure, in politics, is a form of secular martyrdom. Success? That would mean administration and governance, mingling your soul with the muck of the world. Failure preserves the soul’s integrity.
No one who is not seeking failure would start a political ginger group without sounding out the family of the man it is named after. This is not simply incompetence; it is a form of self-sabotage of the sort Abbott has displayed since he won the premiership in 2013. Since he was executed by an exasperated party room, failure has become pretty much the sole focus of Tony Abbott’s activity. He has created an entirely new thing, Beckettian Westminster politics: fail often, fail better, fail again. His collected stuff-ups should be gathered in a single volume, as a sequel to Battlelines.
Will the Monash Forum fiasco finally finish the right-wing fantasy that Abbott could ride back to the Liberal leadership, as the paladin of Christian civilisation? Abbott has been a would-be Pope Julius II, Savonarola, De Maistre, a Guy Crouchback, latterly an Iago, of which Australian politics has no shortage. But now one has to raid popular culture for a register: he is Gareth/Dwight Schrute from The Office, the awkward, perpetual work-around man, fantasising secret missions in the reserve army that will not have him.
Rundle goes much too far, calling the onion muncher ...
... a joke, a gargoyle hanging among the buttresses of the backbenches, a jester whose outsize features are redolent of Mr Punch.
This is terribly unfair to Mr Punch, a gregarious and jolly old soul, while all the onion muncher can do is try to flog green ties …
You see, Mr Rundle? Take it back, for decency's and Mr Punch's sake …
Meanwhile, the reptiles are busy setting the table in assorted ways for the grand feast that is to take place on Monday …
Attention was being paid to the honoured guest …
Is there any doubt that there's a war going on? And is there any doubting Rundle's diagnosis that the onion muncher has now reached full blown narcissist stage?
As always, the reptiles faithfully paid attention ...
It sounded a bit worrying, with the civil war in full swing … but the reptiles are also having a civil war.
The oscillating fan was particularly troubled and turned his fury on the onion muncher … anyone unaware that this is an epic haul are here invited to put up their hand and excuse themselves because they urgently need to check how the red backs are doing in the outside dunny …
Truly delusional? Them's harsh words, especially when it applies to the truly delusional reptiles - the dog botherer and Dame Groan amongst them - who danced with glee at the thought of the coal lovers' Malware-hating, onion munching forum … (the pond can't bear to mention the general's name)
Harebrained? That's a harsh word for the dog botherer and Dame Groan and sundry others, but okay the pond will go with it ...
Vultures and hyenas? What, we can't call them reptiles any more?
And for good measure, the oscillating fan did another shorter piece, all about preparations for the 30th loss … though the pond thinks the simpler solution would be for the reptiles to tweak the result. Not an outright win, or even a draw, that would be too obvious, but perhaps claw back a couple of points so that the tide could be seen to be turning …
Would it be so hard, or so wrong, given the many lies that Fox News has peddled in support of the Donald?
Well that's reassuring. He's clearly a manly man and there's nothing more rewarding than being compared to Julia Gillard or former chairman Rudd … even if a comparison to Billy McMahon, John Gorton and Harold Holt might have made the case for winning more forcefully...
Frankly propping up Malware by comparing him to Gillard or Rudd seems like a losing strategy, and the reptiles must have realised it because they sent Brad out to do some vox pops with your average died-in-the wool Liberal voter, always the best way to get a fair and balanced view of things ...
The pond shed tears at the sense of hope, and the willing of Malware to succeed, and the end to political paralysis, in much the same way as he put an end to the NBN for the next twenty years ...
Tired of undermining?
Well the pond is fair and balanced even if talking to a bunch of Liberal voters doesn't quite do it … so the pond felt compelled to take note of dissidents in the reptile camp ...
Oh dear. It seems some in the reptile camp share the pond's contempt for Malware and his smarmy dithering ways ...
It seems a week since the pond started out on this journey. What did Guy Rundle say?
So it's Götterdämmerung in Gunghalin, but safe in Robertson, and better than former chairman Rudd and Julia Gillard, though crushing defeat and obliteration is over the horizon, and the alternative might well be Gollum wanting his precioussss back …
Oh yes, the pond is aware of the meme that's done, is doing, and will keep on doing the rounds …
Oh yes, the pond is aware of the meme that's done, is doing, and will keep on doing the rounds …
And now to return to Jack, delivering the coup de grâce ...
Choose your lyrics:
Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' an onion muncher
By a crystal blue Lake Burley Griffin stream
But I can't be late for the reptiles
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days
When you wish your poll was already made
It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my poll-free fun day
My "I don't have to run for PM again" day
It's just another manic Monday ...
Or ...
Gets switched to overload
And nobody's gonna go to parliament house today
He's going to make them stay at home
And Malware doesn't understand it
He always said they were as good as gold
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be told ...
Oh, oh, oh tell me why
I don't like Mondays
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
He wants to shoot
The whole day down…
Luckily Cathy Wilcox seems to have summarised the events and the choices to hand with a few cartoons, and more summarising Wilcox in a better gallery format here …
The Oscillator: "...why Turnbull is building Snowy 2.0."
ReplyDeleteBecause it's his ego polishing grand memorial for after his successful reign as Australia's only genuinely intellectual PM. Sheesh, does The Oscillo understand anything ?
Still Oscing: "...he [Turnbull] isn't travelling as badly as Julia Gillard was at the same point in time."
No, indeed not PvO, indeed not. But you see, Julia is a woman (that's a 'female' to you) who had been subjected to continual hazing and trolling based on that simple fact. And by Abbott particularly, but by a plethora of 'conservatives' including a vast array of MSM. That's the major difference, you see, sonny Pete, and yet Julia survived - albeit in a minority government - and still holds the record for the highest average rate of passing legislative outputs per sitting day* (and she never had control of either House)..
Now note that: Julia's achievement in government was way better than Abbott's and is still markedly better than Turnbull's.
* https://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2013/jun/28/australia-productive-prime-minister