In which prattling Polonius steals the Monday slot ...

The pond was moved to a deep, inexpressible sorrow to see Polonius's prattle elevated to top of the digital page late yesterday … partly because the invisible time slot might see the message go unheeded, and partly because Polonius embraced the onion muncher with a compassion long lost by the likes of the uncaring, unheeding bromancer …

First a little background. Things have come to a pretty pass when an agrarian socialist sends out warnings of socialist tendencies …

Oh Bazza wash out your nationalist mouth for saying such a naughty word, for saying such a bad thing about the Coal Lovers' Forum …

Now there's little doubt that Bazza is an agrarian socialist rocket scientist, with his astute observation that any club that is designed to undermine Malware is a club he wouldn't be a member of …perhaps suddenly aware, pace  Barners, that we are all playing games here, and the reptiles' relentless reporting on dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, is indeed a way to undermine Malware …

Indeed, indeed, it's a fine point, but a state owned coal-fired power station is certainly not socialist … at least not in the land of agrarian socialism … whereas an acquisition of assets would be a form of national socialism, which is to say Nazi, which is to say, the onion muncher is Adolf Hitler down under …

Godwin's Law swear jar, stay open just for Bazza ...

And before that classic rustic comedy, up there with Steele Rudd, the onion muncher himself had to issue a denial ...

Now on the basis of just these two stories from the weekend, it might be said that Malware's government is in something of a shambles, with the white-anting, sniping, undermining and wrecking in fine form, and the likes of Bazza suggesting that some are a couple of bricks short of being able to finish the outhouse … 

What better way to frame and introduce Polonius's moving plea to bring back the onion muncher?

And naturally, being Polonius, there's also a history lesson ...

Oh dear, the pond began to nod off … reading Polonius can sometimes resemble reading the dullest genealogical passages of Genesis or the Chronicles … you know, Billy begat Billy and he begat the head prefect and then the devious, sheet-soiled fallen angel was sent off to the United States, and then a new chosen one begat a whole new line of glory, praise be his revered little name ...

Oh indeed, indeed, it's no way to treat an onion muncher, no way at all, and he with so much more to give, so many more new policies to initiate … like the forcible acquisition of a power station, or perhaps a whole new line of government financed power stations, and a love of dinkum clean Oz coal so rich and yearning that Romeo himself would hang his head in shame at his lack of passion …

And so to Polonius's pious plea. 

Yes, let all the recent ruckus be water under the bridge, let everyone extract knives from backs, let all be forgiven and forgotten, it's the natural Liberal party way …

No one will notice all the blood in the water, people will dance in the street with joy at the reunion and the blessed aura of harmony, and good old Bazza will be vastly relieved that the national socialists are back in the fold, and can proceed to renovate Canberra in line with Albert Speer's under-appreciated designs for Berlin…

Or else … please note the cudgel coyly hidden behind Polonius's back as he lurks in the arras …you see, it's not impossible for Malware still to be taken down ...

Yes, he could help out the tykes, that would please Polonius no end, and he could fund a coal-fired power station, that would please the onion muncher and national socialists throughout the land, and best of all, he could bring back the onion muncher and put him in cabinet, no less, because that will certainly guarantee peace and harmony in the run-up to the next election …

Then a sudden paranoia gripped the pond. With all this peace and harmony, what would happen to the classic back catalogue of Rowe cartoons? Would they be banished to the storeroom, or perhaps used to ignite the first lump of coal in the new government owned, clean and proud, dinkum Oz coal-fired power station, oi, oi, oi? All the more needed as the climate turns wayward and bush fires strike in April ...

The pond felt the need to make sure the precious Rowes remained out and about, though truth to tell, you can find these and many more here … which is a relief, because as any national socialist ful now, after any reading of Polonius, a cleansing of the palate is always recommended …

Dear sweet long absent lord how the pond loves that last cartoon. What a perfect union of Polonial piety and the return of the messiah, no longer a naughty boy …