In which the pond pokes a stick at the dog botherer and the oscillating fan ...

The pond remembers the times in Tamworth when idle, naughty boys would get a stick and act out the cliche of poking at a nest of bull ants …

The pond could never see the point, provocation as a form of entertainment, but in these Syrian "mission accomplished" times, why not try to lower the temperature by putting two reptiles in the ring, and watching as they chin wag and talk around the point, bull ant pundits on Valium as it were …

It isn't a traditional Sunday meditation, but could the dog botherer please step into the ring to get the feuding and the fussing going?

The topic is poll-driven punditry and ironical references to pundits punditing on punditry is encouraged ...

Hmm, the dog botherer opens strongly, ravaging the enormous stupidity of the newspaper that publishes him, with its obsessive poll-watching, not that he's trying to downplaying the value of efficacy of Newspoll, it's just superficial and leads to wafer-thin analysis of a kind regularly featured in the lizard Oz … and in the commentary offered by Malware …

It'll be hard for the oscillating fan to match that opening flourish ...

Hmm, that's actually a sterling effort, exactly the sort of superficial poll-watching that leads to wafer-thin analysis of a kind regularly featured in the lizard Oz, and the early deployment of the "onion muncher" gambit marks a strategic gamble that might just pay off…

In his own wafer-thin analysis, the dog botherer will eventually have to deal with the onion muncher and petulant Peta, aware that the oscillating fan has already managed to drag Barners and former Chairman Rudd into the game … but watch how this skilled operative dives in the deep end with referentialism that is laser fast and millimetres deep … (can digital media and tweeting be far behind?)

 

Ah, the nattering "Ned" ploy, an attempt to transform wafer-thin analysis of who did what to whom into a battle for the soul, up there with a heady dose of Manichaeism …

And let us not overlook that reflexive fluff-gathering burst at the start wherein the dog botherer obsesses about the poll-obssessed media/political class, while scribbling furiously about the impact of the last Newspoll, in a way that can only be described as millimetre-deep. This sort of meta level of self-awareness offers so many levels of irony that the gormless opinion-poll driven pundit might have already won ...

With seismical and historical dimensionality now in the game, can the oscillating fan get his act together and muster sufficient gravitas for his next throw of the dice?

Hmm, the judges can't have been impressed with that outing. More talk of the former chairman, more blather about the onion muncher, a little detour into Johnny and John Hewson, and Petie boy, but there's not a hint of introspection, self-awareness, navel-gazing, or multiple levels of irony …

The pond feels certain that if the dog botherer maintains the rage at himself and his fellow reptiles for constantly scribbling about the polls, while scribbling about the polls, he'll canter home …

A classic opening: a pundit mocking pundits, and a deploying of "transaction", one of the favourite terms deployed by pundits …

And note the skilled way that this pundit slips in a reminder of that China-driven hoax that has led to energy and climate dilemmas … though the judges were a little off-put at his failure to make clear that the least worst option he's talking about, the one that offers the best hope of recovery, the one that needs to be backed with conviction and unanimity, is dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …

Still, it was a strong pundit-driven closer, and the oscillating fan was already struggling. Can he retrieve the situation with some close marking and hard rucking that's routinely demanded in the digital media age?

The judges were no doubt pleased to see the oscillating fan ravage his fellow pundits for watching news channels. 

As an old Sky News man, blossoming afresh on The Drum, and always watching 24 hour news channels as a way of making sure he had a distorted view on things, it was a valiant attempt to match the dog botherer in reflexive self-awareness of the fluff-gathering kind …and being a digital media man helped amplify the impact ...

Ah but the dog botherer had that covered in spades, the pundit returned home to do even more punditry and help people waste their lives on a Sunday …

It was a close run thing, but in the end the pond finds it hard to quibble with the judges' decision - when it comes to wankery dressed out with faux irony and a comical lack of self-awareness, the dog botherer remains in a digital media class all on his own …

And so to a closing cartoon, with more treasured artefacts from Cathy Wilcox here …