Now that the pond and the lizards of Oz have your click-baiting, trolling attention, let's get into the weirdness …
Hmm, the pond is famous for its ability to crush sponges in the kitchen sink, speaks ad hoc Latin fluently, is a little bit rusty on Aramaic and blames Mel for that, and has an extreme revulsion at the sight of a cross, for some strange reason thinking that crucifixion is a tad barbaric, though admittedly not as problematic as eating human flesh and drinking human blood on a regular basis on a Sunday …
So that's where journalism has landed in Britain and in The Times, and by extension, in the reptiles as they run tid-bits from their Pom kissing cousins, in search of click bait, while curiously maintaining a strident pay-wall ...
Not to worry, it's all the fault of social media … and by the way the reptiles dragged this one out of the closet again, as an attempt to lure punters to their own brand of social media ...
Luckily the pond had already been there and done that, though it's a fair bet that the exorcist story will teach the Daily Mail a thing or two before sacking a journo or three …
Is it any wonder that the Catholic Boys' Daily flinched a little before summoning up the courage to run a story describing their complete irrelevance?
There's a lot more, but the pond must remain true to label. It promised a Chuck watch and so a Chuck watch it must be …
Now it's true that the pond could have done another episode in the long-running children's series Josh and the Onion Muncher and might still do so, but the reptiles have been in a state of deep anxiety about the vampiric Chuck devouring the throne and the Commonwealth, and have been using their mobile phones to call home about the state of monarchical exorcisms …
The coverage of the vampire crisis has been helped along by the reptiles having sent Shanners the bouffant one to London to send back urgent, though thankfully brief, missives …
The bouffant one's communications are littered with paranoia and yearning for the days of the 1950s ...
The pond wiped a tear from its eye as it thought of cracker night and days of empire …
Lordy lordy, somehow even Malware, partner and bub landed in the missives ...
The bouffant one was astonishingly inventive as he turned the soil to discover new angles for his yarns of Commonwealth love ...
The pond stood solid, as they did back in 1915 …
Was there no end to this stream of Shanner stories?
Huzzah, as news came by telegraph that valiant Prince Chuck will win the day ...
So it was in Manly in 1864 …
… and so it will continue, though with the crackers in safe hands …
But what's all the paranoia and special reporting all about?
Who really gives a flying fuck about the Commonwealth these days?
It turns out that the Poms are melting down in the face of Brexit, and are worried about the world and their place in it, and so courtesy of the reptiles, we're not just copping stories about Catholic exorcists fixing up Muslims, there's epic tales of how the Commonwealth will help fix the ailing Poms … because it's better than nothing, or better than some things ...
Poor Poms, and poor Melanie given the job of defending Chuck, the monarchy, the relevant Commonwealth and the whole damn thing.
What's the best she can do?
Well it's to explain how the Commonwealth is better than the UN, which is a bit like explaining why only one broken leg is better than two, or how one lung might be more useful than none …yes, the Poms think nothing of dragging suffering Syrians into a story of how the Commonwealth is tremendously fit for purpose ...
Tragic and pathetic stuff. A few token suspensions which did diddly-squat, featuring a bunch of minor counties having irrelevant tiffs …and as for dictatorial powers, there was Pakistan, still a mess, heading up to the Gold Coast, and having a fine old time …though to be fair, the ultimate mess made of Pakistan and India must be credited to the dear old Poms ...
By golly Brexit must really be getting to the Poms … they really are a desperately pathetic and needy bunch these days ...
Just listen to yourself Melanie, just listen and think for a nanosecond. "The Commonwealth is probably as good as it gets."
As good as it gets? It was a terrible movie …
… and if "as good as it gets" is as good as it gets when it comes to the Commonwealth, or Britain adrift in a post-Brexit world, then you lot a truly lost sheep somewhere up in the back paddock.
Sad to say, the Commonwealth is sublimely irrelevant, a good excuse for a sporting carnival, because Australia can win lots of medals, but mainly an excuse for jokes when anyone tries to crank up the nostalgia machine and so a Barbra Streisand and sing of memories…
If the best you've got is silly old Prince Chuck, Melanie, you're always going to look like stodge in search of a porridge …
Why not just tend to the citizens who turned up in Britain, only to face deportation and an instruction to "put on an accent" …. why not offer more than feeble apologies, which are as useless as thoughts and prayers?
Why not just tend to the citizens who turned up in Britain, only to face deportation and an instruction to "put on an accent" …. why not offer more than feeble apologies, which are as useless as thoughts and prayers?
The truth is, the colonies have drifted away, and down under we've stepped up in class.
These days Australia is hacked by the very best people, no matter what obstacles are put in their way …
These days Australia is hacked by the very best people, no matter what obstacles are put in their way …
See how Rowe tells the real story of the day, with more Rowe here …
I note there was a minor kerfuffle at the Commonwealth games about whether the Rwandan beach volleyball team should wear black armbands to mark the 24th anniversary of the genocide of the Tutsis, which was partly a reaction to the assassination of dictator Juvenal Habyarimana. Habyarimana committed obvious electoral fraud to remain in power, winning three "elections" by 98.99%, 99.97% and 99.98%.
ReplyDeleteOnce Paul Kagame led an invasion which deposed the government, things have been much better. Kagame did a Xi Jinping in 2015, overturning the two term limit. And why not? Kagame's obviously free and fair elections have secured him majorities of 95%, 93% and 98.8% (despite his party being intrinsically unpopular with 85% of the population) - nothing like Habyarimana's electoral fraud, oh dear me no, just tremendously popular. Rwanda is now a one party dictatorship (again), with a large and growing number of human rights abuses, not counting Kagame's sponsorship of the Congolese civil wars which killed a couple of million people.
Despite having no connection with Britain, Rwanda applied to join the Commonwealth of Nations in 2009, which responsible countries like Australia thought was a jolly good thing. And what a good job the Commonwealth did with Uganda, Sierra Leone, Mozambique and other troubled states.
Sorry, Melanie, I interrupted. What were you saying again?