In which the reptiles assure the pond the big one is coming ...

Somewhere along the line in the pond's mind, the big kahuna transferred its meaning of sorcerer, magician, wizard and diviner to the event itself …

The big kahuna came to mean the big one, the war to end war, as war has done so often …

Never mind, the lizard Oz is full of prophets, seers, and such like, helping fill the void with FUD, and can anyone be a better kahuna that the one that yearns for, calls for the big kahuna?

The big one, armageddon, apocalypse, end times, annihilation, the catastrophic cataclysm that will produce decimation and devastation … and it's "just around the corner."

Mmm, that's just a tad vague. Are we to expect the end with an autumn/spring onslaught, or perhaps by Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or by Christmas, or can we hang on until next Easter?

Naturally the pond was compelled …

Ah, strange rumblings, and not just in Aztlan …

Dear sweet long absent lord, no wonder Hunter ended it all …

But as the pond progressed through Roger's version of the apocalypse, what was striking was how short the piece was, and how the goal posts shifted from the third world war to a pretty ugly show, old chap …

Was it only a couple of months ago that it was all going to erupt in North Korea? Now it seems it's going to be Iran, unless everyone adopts Roger's realpolitik solution, and the quicker the better ...

Well at least we now have a timeline … surely by end of summer the big kahuna will be with us, and the pond will be able to thank the lizard Oz for channeling The Times and making the prophesy available outside the paywall … even as it scribbles, the pond has turned survivalist and is arranging the stashing of a huge supply of bottled water in the back yard, and bringing in a machine gun (in discreet parts of course) so the zombies can be kept from the stash …

But then the pond paused, and wondered if something even deeper in the British psyche, deeper even than Brexit or Boris, had set Roger off, and fortunately again The Times came to the rescue ...

The last of the Corgis gone, gone where we all go, no wonder the Brits and the pond were feeling gloomy …

It's surely pretty much the end of everything, the end of the Corgis heralds the end of the Queen, and the arrival of Prince Chuck, and that pretty much spells doom … but we must do our duty until the big kahuna calls us to the Folau rapture ...

Dearie me, what an unhappy way to start the day … why do the reptiles insist on spreading British fatalism and depression into the wider world? Why do they break the paywall so?

There was the pond ready to bounce into the day, and now we must prepare for the big one by Xmas.

Perhaps next time the pond can move on to something more positive, such as the bromancer wailing and gnashing his teeth, and the reptiles worrying about coal and Folau … because in the meantime, all the pond is left with are dire thoughts and lost hope …