In which the pond ranges from Prince Chuck to truffling rural scientists ...

Forget the banks, where's Flinty?

What are the Speccie mob doing? The pond's Friday keeps being ruined ...

There's front page news on Prince Chuck on the front page of the lizard Oz, and Flinty has deserted his post …

While Malware roams abroad and Barners is mortified and naive, the bouffant one is on a junket abroad and sending missives back to the colonials from the mother country …

Look, there's the Republican Malware junketing at the palace, and now to induce a nostalgic tear in the colonials can we have a shot of Ming the Merciless loving her out of the corner of his eye ...

Strange there's so little of Prince Chuck in the saga, and a lot of the Queen, but no doubt Chuck will turn up at the very end triumphant ...

Thank the long absent lord for that, because on his previous missive the bouffant one had the solemn duty of reporting on the work of Australia's devoted Republican abroad ...

There's something particularly poignant about Malware's almost infinite capacity to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or to say the wrong thing ...

"I can tell you we have as a government decided not to have a royal commission, we made the decision a long time ago, not because we don't believe there is nothing going on in terms of problems with the banks, it is because we want to take action right now and we are," Mr Turnbull told Channel Seven's Sunrise program.

...Mr Turnbull refused to detail cabinet discussions and said: "A royal commission would simply be an inquiry, take a long time, cost a lot of money and make some recommendations, which would no doubt be to do precisely what we are already doing." (Fairfax here).

Now all the pond needs is a report home to the colonials that proud Republican Malware supports the monarch of the United Kingdom, and Prince Chuck ...

Thank you bouffant one, that's more than enough on that, and now the pond can't believe what it's doing, but it must turn to another front page issue haunting the reptiles this day, if only because of its reflexive qualities …

First there was the oscillating fan, still rabbiting on about the matter of Folau, and obviously desperate ideas to fill his column inches ...

The oscillating fan is appalled that anyone should be asked to be respectful on social media, which is a vast relief to the pond, because being denied the right to call him a fuckwit would make life barely worth living ...

But what set the oscillating fan off?

Uh huh, it seems that noting that talk of people going to hell might not be helpful is in itself disrespectful, in an ironical sort of way ...

Naturally ScoMo felt the need to chip in, what with him being a practising Xian and knowing that gays are certain to go to hell … unlike the banks, because where's the harm in what they're doing? It's certainly not as bad or as harmful or as wicked and evil as people loving each other ...

And there's the rub. This whole farce, this whole hysteria, is about the re-signing of a single ratbag fundamentalist Xian …as if the entire bum-sniffing game would collapse if he went elsewhere ...

And so to the saga as it played out in today's lizard Oz …

Ye ancient cats of the Egyptian kind, now it needs crisis management experts?

What earthly crisis could produce this sort of catastrophist thinking? Don't tell the pond, let it guess, it involves the reptiles of Oz ...

How does it look on the front page of The Australian?

Like a single column on the right hand side in a rag that they have to give away in airports and still can't find that many takers …

For the long absent lord's sake, will someone just get a grip …why don't they just tell the sponsors to shut up, in the name of free speech for all?

The pond wishes it could announce a boycott of Taylors Wines, as is its right, or its refusal to attend rugby union games, but as the game it last attended was at UNE too many years ago to recall, and all it can remember was the sight of rural scientists truffling like pigs in the mud for a whiff of bum and leather, it's likely a pond boycott wouldn't do much good …

Instead, here's a shout-out to the fundamentalist Xian and a reminder of the fun you're missing, with a cover of the original Kinks tune …(might require watching on YouTube)