Saturday, April 21, 2018

In which Shanners files a final upbeat report on Prince Chuck's Commonwealth ...

The pond is still getting over the shock of agreeing with prattling Polonius. 

By Sunday, the pond might be up to coping, but right at the moment, the pond wants to take the time to congratulate the bouffant one for his intrepid service to empire - and the alarmed Poms, fast closing on Brexit - with his reporting on the Commonwealth …

Shanners diligently filed report after report from the mother country, and with Flinty alarmingly absent, it was left to the lizards of Oz to present more photos of Malware and the crown than the pond had thought humanly possible.

News of the crowned republic, or if you will the republican monarchy, and its ongoing triumphs, are an important reminder of Malware's consistency of purpose … and so for the last time perhaps, at least in terms of this trip, Shanners filed a final upbeat report celebrating the way that Malware and his team had triumphed, and Prince Chuck would rule the Commonwealth …

At last his mum had given him a decent sort of job.

Naturally there were wild celebrations. 

Look, there he is, Malware himself, chatting to the Queen, perhaps boldly explaining his ardent republican thinking, and congratulating her good self for getting Chuck off welfare …one less worry for the Keenans of the world.

Say what? 

The pond should perhaps have read Shanners before talking idly of an upbeat report celebrating Prince Chuck…

All that doom and gloom culminating with talk of the country apparently having an acting PM. 

Well at least it gave Micallef something to joke about …though the pond insists that a paper cup does have a personality.

Meanwhile, does Shanners realise there are modern treatments for terminal depression? The triumph of pleasing the Queen and getting Prince Chuck in the Commonwealth gig is barely mentioned by our intrepid adventurer. Won't that set things right?

The way Shanners scribbles, Malware's situation sounds alarmingly familiar, and predictable. The junket's over, the champagne bottle is empty …

Usually at this point the pond would embark on a rant about the NBN, but the pond has learned how to deal with the daily drop-outs. Copy and paste the work for online applications with a time out, and in the case where no time out applies (as with blogger), just sit tight, and within fifteen minutes or so, things will reconnect and all is well with the world …much like, the pond supposes, when the kerosene wick went out at the bottom of the fridge. There was plenty of time to clean the wick up and get it going again before the food started to go off.

Ah, to live in the twenty first century, but where were we?

Oh, back with the crowned republic, and its ardent supporter …

Never mind, it takes singular skill to fuck up so many things so comprehensively, so what other news did Shanners bring back home?

What? The mother country announced three new diplomatic posts and yet the gloomy Shanners predicts there's still no joy, and we owe it all to Malware's clumsy attempts at diplomacy?

Who could ever have guessed?

And there was the pond thinking that all would be well with a revitalised Commonwealth, under the vital, energetic and dynamic leadership of Prince Chuck, and the perfidious Chinese and comrade Bill would be soundly trounced by our PM, a man renowned for his consistency and diligence of purpose …

Better light the wick in the fridge again Clem…food might go off otherwise ...

Luckily, Bell and Rowson were also on hand to report on events, and there's more of the pair on view at the Graudian here


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