In which there's a triptych of old faithfuls spouting away like reptile geezers ...

 

It should go without saying that Joe Rogan is a prize maroon, a doofus of the first water, but for doubters, this Salon header explains why Rogan pleads with Trump: Choose unity, not revenge.

Hey Joe, the UFC really does cause brain damage. 

Did you see the story in the Beast? Trump Demands Action Against His Enemies After Rumors of a Truth Social Selloff, “I hereby request that the people who have set off these fake rumors or statements, and who may have done so in the past, be immediately investigated by the appropriate authorities,” the president-elect wrote. (paywall)

While discussing adjacent topics, the pond is truly tired of snowflakes whining about Elon Musk, some while they're still busy XXXX'ing away. 

Stop it, or you'll go blind. Over at Slate, Nitish Pahwa explained what to do, Delete Your Account. For Real This Time. Apparently it's not that hard, though never having been a member, the pond can't swear to it:

Still doing reptile avoidance, back at the Beast came this yarn, All the Things Donald Trump Has Promised to Do on Day 1 of His New Administration, The president-elect has vowed to be a dictator, but only for 24 hours. (paywall)

The pond has only room for the headlines (there are reptiles chomping at the bit to be centre stage):

• Fire Jack Smith
• Drill, drill, drill
• Launch mass deportations
• End the Green New Deal
• End federal funding for certain schools
• Ban trans women from women’s sports

The impressive list ended with a caveat:

...The president-elect littered the campaign trail with myriad promises of what he is going to do when he gets back to the Oval Office. There was nothing unusual about that, even though many of them were either illegal or way outside his remit, even as the most powerful man on the planet.
“A lot but not all of what Trump says he wants to do on day one is going to be illegal or impractical,” Steve Vladeck, a constitutional law expert at Georgetown University Law Center, told The Washington Post. “But even the illegal stuff might go into effect for some time, and he might actually succeed in pushing the law in his direction. In his podcast interview with Joe Rogan, Trump sneered at Kamala Harris for deflecting a question about what she was planning to do on Day 1 as president.
“There’s a hundred things you can say,” he told Rogan. “Just say anything!”
So Americans should be ready for anything when Trump walks back into the West Wing. Just know he doesn’t intend to take his time settling in.

For those outside the paywall, Yahoo offered this: Here's what Trump said he'll do immediately once he becomes president. It was pretty much the same list:

• Executive order banning federal funding of gender-affirming health care
• Immigration and mass deportation of migrants
• Tariffs big and small
• ‘Drill, baby, drill’
• New sanctions on Iran
• A deal between Ukraine and Russia

That last one was wrong. Trump said he'd end the war in 24 hours, well before his inauguration, him being such a superb diplomat - why his skills resulted in the USA having an impenetrable wall across its entire southern border, and better still, all paid for by Mexico. 

The Beast has already decided to chivvy him on that one: Trump Has Already Broken First Election Promise.

Enough already, the pond has run out of avoidance tactics, even if that means not mentioning what the mango Mussolini's minions might get up to, per Media Matters, Close RFK Jr. friend whose account promoted “Jew World Order” conspiracy theory says she’s “working with” Trump’s transition team.

Are you ready to rumble Joe? 

It's time for an epic bout of lizard Oz "sanewashing" ... see how the digital edition is saturated with Trumpism this morning, showing the mutton Dutton the way forward (please don't skip to the immortal Rowe cartoon at the very end, suffer along with all those doing the hard yards) ...

The pond could only indulge in three, three shall be the number, reptiles, but this bout of "sanewashing" will leave stray readers as numb and as brain dead as a worm in RFK Jr.'s head.

As frequently happens, the pond turned to the Old Faithfuls, geezers gushing away, and who better to start the proceedings than the bromancer, even though the reptiles - ye ancient devoured cats and dogs - advised the pond it was ten minute read.

Donald Trump’s revolution will transform the world

There’s always the chance Donald Trump will make such a mess of things that his revolution is short-lived ... but he has the opportunity, if he governs well, to produce permanent change.

The pond wasn't sure what the bromancer meant. The opportunity to produce a permanent mess? If he does half of what he promises in the way of climate science denialism that's certainly true.

The bro began his work with an animated gif which featured a waving US flag, thereby bringing the lizard Oz graphics department into the new millennium. 

It came with this extravagant caption: Donald Trump has revolutionised the global power balance, enacted a fundamental realignment of American politics, radically transformed the politics of climate change and energy, cast the global centre-left into crisis, empowered conservatives globally on social issues and badly hurt Anthony Albanese’s chances of re-election.

Then the exceedingly modest bromancer cranked into gear:

But I may be understating things a bit.

Of course, there’s always the chance Trump will make such a mess of things that his revolution is short-lived. Western electorates are developing a taste for single-term governments. But Trump has the opportunity, if he governs well, to produce permanent change.

Trump has won a prodigious and unpredicted victory. He has officially won five of the seven battleground states – Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia and North Carolina – and is well ahead in the final two, Arizona and Nevada, and will win them.

Trump will have 312 electoral college votes, to Kamala Harris’s 226. Trump will win six more than Joe Biden won in 2020 and eight more than Trump himself got in 2016. Astoundingly, Trump has won the national popular vote. He had huge swings, more than 5 per cent, in safe Democrat states such as California and New York. Trump got swings in almost every state.

He is the first Republican since George W. Bush in 2004 to win the popular vote, and a majority of voters, something Bill Clinton never managed.

At this point the reptiles interrupted with a 19'44" audio embed titled How Trump came back from the dead, though the pond understands that Faux Noise at least always thought of him as being alive.

The pond didn't pause to listen, and neither did the bromancer, now well in stride:

Trump won the working class, but that’s old news. According to exit polls, Trump went within a whisker of winning Hispanics. He did win Hispanic men. Exit polls probably understate Trump’s support. It’s likely he actually won a majority of Hispanics.

That’s a revolution. Hispanics are a fast-growing demographic. Republicans have eyed them covetously for decades. Bush won 40 per cent of them. Ronald Reagan said Hispanics were natural Republicans, they just didn’t realise it yet.

The Hispanic realignment is the most dramatic outcome of this dramatic election. Their vote illustrates the limits of Democrat identity politics and the power of Trump’s issues-based campaign, as well as his ability to connect culturally with working people. Many Hispanics are solidly working class. They resemble an older style of American working class. More religious than the average American, more patriotic, with high rates of military service, socially conservative, a strong emphasis on traditional families, practical about money issues, Hispanics are indeed natural Republicans waiting to be discovered.

Of course, many Hispanics don’t fit this stereotype either. Some 65 million Americans are Hispanic and they’re very diverse. This election doesn’t indicate permanent commitment to the Republican Party. It does suggest they’re now always in play.

Trump perhaps doubled his previous support among blacks, especially black men, though exit polls give widely varying numbers.

Again the reptiles interrupted, this time with an audio visual distraction. It boasted the caption US President-elect Donald Trump has delivered a speech at Republican HQ after winning the 2024 United States election. Sky News Australia is projecting a decisive win for Mr Trump who will become the 47th President of the United States. The former president is projected to secure well over 270 electoral votes as well as the popular vote.

The bro and the pond plunged heedlessly on, "sanewashing" with yet more triumphalism:

Trump revolutionaries, and conservatives, should be careful not to misinterpret, or over-interpret, the result. Abortion as an issue didn’t work as advertised for the Democrats. Harris won a smaller percentage of female voters than Biden did four years ago. Identity politics didn’t work for Democrats.

But Trump’s campaign ran hardest and best not on culture wars but on traditional issues – cost of living, illegal immigration and rising crime.

Illegal immigration was a big issue with Hispanics. It costs money, time, effort and perseverance to migrate legally to the US. No one is reflexively more hostile to illegal immigration than immigrants who’ve come legally. That’s true in Australia, too.

So while most Americans don’t buy woke leftism and identity politics, neither is there much evidence they’re seriously conservative. In most states, pro-abortion measures have succeeded since the Supreme Court overturned the Roe v Wade ruling, which had discovered a fictional constitutional right to abortion.

Trump won on bread-and-butter issues. Being moderately socially conservative, particularly being patriotic, didn’t hurt. Trump increased the Republican vote among young people and actually won the under-30 vote in Michigan.

Republicans have also won the Senate and look likely to retain a majority in the House of Representatives. Trump will start his presidency in a strong position. Three institutions emerge from the election severely damaged. Polls now lack all credibility. The polls underestimated Trump’s national vote by about 4 per cent, a shocking gap.

Then the pond encountered one of those bizarre patented reptile interruptions:

This article contains features which are only available in the web version

Take me there

Forget it Jake, this is the web, and so on with the triumphalism:

Some polls get only 2 per cent of people willing to answer questions. No matter how you weight the answers to try to reflect the nation’s general social composition, it seems people who answer polls are just unrepresentative.

The polls showed the battleground states as desperately close. But Trump won them clearly, albeit by margins within the polls’ margin of error. Not one poll underestimated Harris. Polls are not much use if they simply declare battleground states an effective tie with a margin of error of 3 per cent, so that if either candidate wins by less than 3 per cent they can claim they were within the margin of error.

Mainstream media also emerge hugely discredited. Until Biden’s devastating debate performance, almost all of them connived in the obvious deception that Biden was cognitively fit to hold office. They were so soft in interviews with leading Democrats and so hostile to Trump and his surrogates, and their characterisation of Trump was often so absurd – fascist, Nazi, and so on – that they probably contributed to Trump’s vote.

The third institution whose credibility tanked was Hollywood and pop stars. What do Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Beyonce and Taylor Swift all have in common? They enthusiastically backed Harris. As political seers, they make good entertainers. I watch Clooney’s movies, but it has never occurred to me that he has any useful advice on politics.

How will Trump behave internationally?

That is genuinely unknowable. The first big clues will be who he appoints to his cabinet and senior advisory positions. As Mike Green of the US Studies Centre points out, three types of folks are emerging as cabinet candidates – traditional Republican politicians and policymakers, Wall Street types and Make America Great Again nuts, fanatics and grifters.

The first two – Republicans and Wall Street types – will dominate cabinet appointments. The MAGA fanatics will be part of the administration, but more likely in advisory positions. Contrary to popular myth, not all the good people in Trump’s administration fell out with him and left on bad terms.

Trump’s last secretary of state, former CIA director and congressman Mike Pompeo, was widely liked and admired by US allies. There’s a strong chance he will become defence secretary.

Being inclined to literalism, the reptiles offered a snap with this caption Former CIA Director Mike Pompeo speaks at a Trump campaign rally. Picture: AFP

On with the bromancer slavering and slobbering in wild excitement and anticipation:

Similarly, Robert O’Brien, Trump’s last national security adviser, like Pompeo, is a hawk. He’s a well-respected lawyer and international affairs professional and army veteran who served in the George W. Bush administration. He and Republican senator Bill Hagerty, a former US ambassador to Japan, are frontrunners for secretary of state.

These three represent the Trump mainstream play. They are tough-minded hawks, focused on China, impatient with US allies such as the European NATO members for not spending enough on defence, but realise Washington needs Europe to cope with China.

Vice-president-elect JD Vance, who campaigned brilliantly, famously remarked that Ukraine was in a part of the world much less important to America than other parts of the world. Like China expert Bridge Colby, Vance seems to believe the US should pivot away from Europe and the Middle East to concentrate on dealing with China. But as the US’s Asia allies attest, US weakness in Europe and the Middle East would encourage Beijing’s worst instincts.

Naturally there had to be a snap with this caption, one for childless cat ladies: Vice-president-elect JD Vance. Picture: AFP

Creepy no matter what the angle. Back to the bro, happily, neigh joyously, ready to sell Ukraine a big Trump dump:

On trade, Trump is greatly influenced by protectionists such as Peter Navarro, who went to jail for a time rather than testify to congress about Trump, and Robert Lighthizer.

The critical near-term questions about Trump policy are: Ukraine, tariffs, the Middle East, China and North Korea.

Trump wants the war between Russia and Ukraine to stop. The deal he has in mind is obvious. Russia gets to keep the Ukrainian territory it has gained and Ukraine gets to keep its nation, gets security guarantees and fighting ends.

Trump said he could end the war in one day. That’s ridiculous. That’s the side of Trump that is at times absurd. And yet he seems to have such simpatico with his supporters that they know to take him seriously but not literally. When, during the campaign, Trump met Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, he said: “I think long before I take the presidency – it’s January 20 – but long before that, I think we can work out something that’s good for both sides.”

Though a step back from ending the war in one day, even this seems extremely unrealistic. Trump considers himself the master of the deal. He would presumably say to Vladimir Putin: make this deal, which gives you a huge chunk of territory, or I’ll invite Ukraine into NATO. And he presumably says to Zelensky, make this deal or I’ll cut off aid.

In principle, it’s a bad deal, grievously unfair to Ukraine, and rewards Russia for aggression. But Ukraine truly is Biden’s failure. Biden failed to deter Putin. US deterrence was in decline everywhere under Biden. Biden also gave Ukraine only enough weapons to avoid defeat, not to pursue victory, and even now places all manner of restriction on Ukraine’s use of weapons. If America was going to encourage Ukraine to fight, it should have supplied it properly. Instead it followed a policy of multi-directional, self-defeating, strategic timidity.

The literalists offered another snap: Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky meets with Trump in New York in September. Picture: AFP

The bro stayed busy dumping on Ukraine by explaining how it had nothing to do with the mango Mussolini:

The situation has become nearly unsustainable politically. The deal Trump has in mind is unfair to Ukraine, but it’s the only plausible deal. Trump has a case at another level. Ukraine is surely of more immediate importance to Europe than to the US. The EU, plus Britain, is a bigger economy all together than the US. Even if Trump reduced or removed aid to Ukraine, there’s no reason the Europeans couldn’t supply Ukraine themselves – except that the Europeans, like most US allies, certainly including Australia, are addicted to free-riding on the Americans.

Trump himself will not want to hand Putin an unequivocal victory. But neither is it credible that he would go on endlessly paying for the war. The future here is extremely unclear.

On the Middle East, Trump will be a much stronger backer of Israel than Biden has been. But once again, he will want the wars to end sooner rather than later. The US industrial defence base is not capable of supplying both Ukraine and Israel. Trump is infinitely more likely to rebuild that base than Biden was, or Harris would have been. But that all takes time.

As the genocide proceeds apace, the reptiles offered a snap titled Trump, pictured here with Benjamin Netanyahu, will be a much stronger backer of Israel than Biden has been. Picture: AFP

So much for mug punters thinking that things might be different for Palestinians under the mango Mussolini:

Israel’s key wish is that the US would join it in bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities. Trump has made a big deal about not getting involved in wars unnecessarily. He’s most unlikely to send US forces to bomb Iran unless Iran itself attacks US forces. However, where he will help the Israelis is by applying maximum economic and sanctions pressure on Tehran. Biden tried to woo Iran and got nothing while delivering tens of billions of dollars in sanctions relief, which Iran used to fund Hamas, Hezbollah and the Houthis in Yemen.

On China, Trump is always looking for a deal with Xi Jinping. But Trump will be surrounded by China hawks; congress is full of China hawks. The two-part trade deal Trump concluded with Xi in his first term wasn’t honoured by Beijing, which didn’t buy anything like the amount of US exports it promised to.

On North Korea, Trump officials say he wants to resume his deal-making with Pyongyang’s dictator, Kim Jong-un. But Kim, while greatly flattered by Trump, is much more secure than he was a few years ago. He now has an effective military alliance with Russia, where he has sent 10,000 troops, and is a central member of the authoritarian axis with China, Russia and Iran.

The one thing Trump would want in a deal, for Kim to verifiably give up his nuclear weapons, is the one thing Kim will certainly never deliver. It’s hard to see how this ends productively.

Trump has promised so often to introduce tariffs he will have to do something in that direction. That doesn’t mean we necessarily get a universal US tariff of 10 per cent and a 60 per cent tariff on China. Trump sees tariffs as giving him three things: revenue, protection for American producers and negotiating leverage. Every nation in the world will be busy making their offers to the US to avoid its tariffs. This dynamic is already visible in the rush of world leaders to congratulate Trump.

Anthony Albanese was sensibly among this rush. If there’s any country Trump is likely to exempt from tariff punishment, it’s Australia. Trump likes Australia. More than that, the US has a huge trade surplus with us. There’s enormous two-way investment.

Trump likes Australia? Oh that's right, he's always visiting, so many trips the pond can't begin to count them, but can mention the next caption: Anthony Albanese was sensibly among the rush of world leaders to congratulate Trump. Picture: NewsWire/Martin Ollman

And that was the end of the interrupting snaps, and thank the long absent lord, close to the end of the bromancer, with this the final gobbet:

However, Australia is a complete strategic free-rider on the US, and our defence budget last year didn’t even reach the NATO minimum of 2 per cent of GDP. But we host extensive rotations of US forces and key US intelligence and communications facilities. Trump is unlikely to blow up AUKUS but the AUKUS subs are so far away Trump doesn’t have to worry about them. They won’t come up until Vance’s second term at the earliest.

Nonetheless, Trump will be an enormous challenge to the Albanese government. Trump will probably withdraw the US from the Paris climate agreement. China is continuing to build coal-fired power stations at a great rate. If the biggest greenhouse gas emitters in the world, China, and then a long way behind that the US, plus the fastest growing emitters such as India, Indonesia and much of the global south, are continuing to build their economies on fossil fuels, Australian voters will eventually ask why they have to bankrupt the economy and pay vastly inflated energy prices for a deal the big economies have no interest in. Already the costs of green policies are killing European governments.

The Greens will routinely denounce and demonise Trump. Labor’s rank-and-file membership will be inclined to do the same. West Australian Premier Roger Cook’s idiotic comment that Trump’s victory represented a “dark road” is a sign of things to come. This is intensely dangerous for Albanese. Bush was unpopular in Australia when Mark Latham criticised him. But this was disastrous for Latham, for it seemed to threaten the US alliance. The Australian people easily distinguish a president they don’t like from an alliance they love. Threaten the alliance and they’ll clobber you.

Biden and the Democrats have spent 10 years dedicated to stopping Trump, jailing Trump, stamping out MAGA, ridding America of Trump. Albanese and the Labor Party share the Biden sensibility. But at the end of that decade, Biden and the Democrats are in the trash bin of history while Trump and MAGA have never been more powerful.

Albanese will not want to end up like Biden in the age of Trump.

The pond didn't know what to say about all this guff, but was reminded of the end of the latest Marina Hyde column, which featured much forgetting:

...As for the more common Forgetters, the high-level advocates are pushing the line that the grownups are around Trump, and it’s they who will keep things on track. This feels very forgetful of them, given exactly the same thing was said last time round. Alas, the wood chipper, which they have forgotten exists, requires a constant supply of grownups.

Most significantly, in my view, senior Trump Republicans and backers are forgetting about the events of 6 January. They are forgetting what led to them, what they embodied, and how they flowed deliberately and directly from Trump himself. And they’re forgetting these were objectively terribly bad events, or at least, as objectively as any events can be in a culture in which the idea of shared reality has been lost. Back on 6 January 2021, these senior people were falling over themselves to publicly disavow Trump. Forgetting this, they spent much of this year reavowing him. This is when optimism tips over into delusion, and a reminder that betting against Trump’s unique essential nature is so forgetful as to be almost a form of madness. Their self-interest is powerful – but it is nowhere near as powerful as his.

On this basis, allow me to make one more prediction, which is that Trump’s dysfunctional relationship with power will once more lead to objectively terribly bad events, probably a lot sooner than last time. And at that point, large numbers of senior figures will wonder how on earth they ended up forgetting they’d been here before. So the biggest ones should be feeling unsettlingly exposed to risk even now, in the moment of victory. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice … I would say they know how that one goes, but they seem to have made the fatal mistake of forgetting.

Luckovich had much the same idea:

And so to Jolly Joe Hockey, slipped in before the "Ned" Everest which will see many stray readers go off to have a go at watercolours, pottery or macramé.

At least the reptiles clocked Jolly Joe at a modest four minute read:

Another imperfect leader seeks more perfect nation

Perhaps it is now time to put the personal vitriol aside because, although Donald Trump is imperfect, everyone needs him to succeed. His great strength is that he is authentic.

After the plethora of interruptions handed to the bromancer, the reptiles only blessed Jolly Joe with one snap: Donald Trump greets supporters as he arrives at Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport in October. Trump does not mask his weaknesses. In fact, he even plays them up so everyone is fully aware of what he is and what he is not. Picture: Getty Images via AFP

Then Jolly Joe, famously a student of American history, could be devoured in a python-style gulp:

The US constitution, written in 1787, set itself the goal of forming a “more perfect Union” between the former colonies that had defeated the English army during the War of Independence.

While the founding fathers sought a perfect nation, they themselves were far from it, of course.

The Jefferson Memorial on the Tidal Basin in Washington DC is a tribute to an imperfect American who through great words and deeds changed our world. Thomas Jefferson publicly opposed slavery while owning more than 600 enslaved people during his life.

In 1776 George Mason, “the forgotten founder”, wrote the Virginia Declaration of Rights that proclaimed all people to be “born equally free and independent”. It went on to state that they were entitled to “the enjoyment of life and liberty … and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety”.

Twelve years later, Mason refused to sign the first US constitution because it lacked such a guarantee. Through pressure and advocacy, Mason helped amend the US constitution with a bill of rights to include his ideas of freedom of religion and of the press. Mason too, despite his advocacy for freedom, owned slaves until his death. He also was far from perfect.

America’s imperfect leaders have helped build a nation that aspires to be its best and to be a beacon of hope for the world. Its people tolerate imperfection in its leadership provided the goal embodied in the constitution is never forgotten.

Americans, through civil war, drought, depression, foreign wars and poverty, have had to withstand the wrath of the world to deliver the opportunity for the “pursuit of happiness”.

Across the Tidal Basin sit memorials to several flawed characters. Abraham Lincoln, imperfect by his own admission, saved the Union and ended slavery. His near neighbour, George Washington, owned 317 slaves at the time of his death yet is credited as the most influential of the founders. Nearby is the memorial to Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who steered America through the 1930s Depression and changed the direction of World War II. He was to regularly invoke God without living a saintly life.

Not only were these pioneers imperfect, they were also seen as disrupters. They caused upheaval and were controversial but they made America a better place and had some influence on the world.

Bill Clinton ended his term with an approval rating of 66 per cent, the highest of any post-war president leaving office. Yet he was also the first president impeached for 130 years.

Donald Trump has been impeached twice, convicted as a felon, and bankrupt more than once. Yet he has just been elected with four million more votes than Kamala Harris on a policy platform that is entirely consistent with his first-term agenda. Perhaps it is now time to put the personal vitriol aside because, although he is imperfect, everyone needs him to succeed.

While Trump’s rhetoric makes people cringe, his great strength, when trust for political leaders everywhere is at its lowest, is that he is authentic. Trump does not mask his weaknesses. In fact, he even plays them up so everyone is fully aware of what he is and what he is not. He says what he thinks.

Trump’s abortion policies were slated to be his undoing. At times confused and uncertain, he tried to please everyone and in the end he had to be himself. As with his wife Melania, I suspect Trump is very much pro-choice, but he also promised to hand the power on abortion back to the states by appointing a Supreme Court that was likely to overturn Roe v Wade.

In 2016 and 2020 more white women voted for Trump than for Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden, respectively. In this election Harris made abortion a totemic issue for Democrats. She targeted women who previously had voted for Trump and female first-time voters. But after all the debate, Trump again won the support of more white women than his opponent.

This election proves that Americans believe they can be trusted to work out what’s best for themselves and their families. That’s what the US constitution protects. Ten states held referendums on abortion at this election. Seven voted pro-choice and, of those, four also voted for Trump, including key swing states Arizona and Nevada.

Instead, this election was decided on the prices of petrol, groceries and everyday life. It was decided on not only economic security and job security but also personal security. How many Australian travellers feel safe walking down many of America’s big-city streets at night? Try San Francisco or even parts of New York. Americans feel the same.

Trump offered solutions that he had tried before. Less tax, less regulation, more tariffs, more police, build a wall and stop 10 million illegal immigrants from arriving every four years. And by the way, before there is outrage about sending illegal immigrants out of the country after the Biden administration reversed Trump’s border policies in May last year, official figures show about 740,000 people were deported or returned to Mexico and other countries – more than any year since 2010.

While Harris’s broad coalition stretched from Liz Cheney to Bernie Sanders, it had only one unifying policy – hatred for Trump. And Americans responded: “We don’t care.”

Trump regularly uses extreme language to make a point. For many it’s intimidating and somewhat frightening. But it’s not exclusive to him. Democrats used extreme language against Trump as well. How did Harris feel about ringing someone she called a “fascist” to congratulate him on his election as president?

Trump has won more votes than any other American in history. In contrast, Harris lost an estimated 13 million votes from Biden’s high-water mark in 2020. It says something that Harris had three former US presidents – Biden, Barack Obama and Clinton – as well as most of the stars in Hollywood campaigning for her. She had unlimited money and a record number of volunteers. But Americans walked away from her.

Exit polling showed that nearly half of voters said they were financially worse off now than they were four years ago. They voted with their feet for an imperfect candidate who was authentic and proven. Most important, they wanted a better quality of life. That’s what the imperfect Mason called “the pursuit of happiness”.

Authentic? That's the best that Jolly Joe can discover as a descriptor? An authentic con artist, snake oil salesman and routine liar, as authentic as a three dollar Chinese bible hawked for sixty bucks? Or all the rest of the authentic grifts by a master grifter, too many to list here.

One thing's certain, grifter Jolly Joe, like his authentic mentor grifter, knows all about the pursuit of happiness:

And so to the "Ned" Everest and alas and alack, the reptiles clocked "Ned" at the same running time as the bromancer, a tedious beyond belief ten minute read.

Quick, run, hide or get out the needlework or the knitting:

PM must work with the great disruptor

Now that Donald Trump has been elected, Anthony Albanese now faces a vitally important test of his agility and competence.

No bromancer style waving flag gif for "Ned", just a joining of images, with the caption With Donald Trump’s election, Anthony Albanese now faces a vitally important test of his agility and competence.

Some might find the incessant stock standard illustrations a relief; some might find them an extension of hell. Some might still have Hyde's last words ringing in their ears as "Ned" sounds alarums:

Donald Trump will be the disrupter from the most powerful office on earth – he will pose serious challenges for Anthony Albanese and risks for Peter Dutton as Trump sets out remaking the global order in ways nobody but Trump himself can discern.

There is one certainty amid the uncertainty: Trump’s policies will put Australia under pressure. We need to be smart and flexible but the Prime Minister, somehow, needs to fashion a working relationship with Trump.

The bizarre idea that got currency in the US campaign that Trump would be a net plus for Australia – a notion that seemed to assume he wouldn’t do most of what he promised – will now be tested in the furnace of Trump’s personal volatility and dogmatic prejudices. John Howard tells Inquirer: “Trump is unpredictable. But even allowing for his unpredictability I think Trump will be positive in relation to the AUKUS agreement and the Quad, and he’ll maintain the US commitment to Asia. I think we should be positive.

“The relationship between Australia and America is one that transcends party differences. Trump will get advice that this is a very important relationship and I believe Anthony Albanese will work hard at it. He will have a strong domestic interest in doing so, and will want to avoid between now and the next election any media stories that they aren’t getting on.”

There is one certainty, that the reptiles will offer many visual interruptions to this stodge, not least There is one certainty amid the uncertainty: Trump’s policies will put Australia under pressure. Picture: AP

On he ploughed though the pond wasn't certain if the pond was the Ancient Mariner, or "Ned" was, as he resorted to the usual trick of filling his stodge with the thoughts of others. If little Johnny wasn't enough, there was always the liar from the Shire:

Reflecting on his success in dealing with the Trump administration, Scott Morrison told the author several years ago: “I engaged him (Trump) personally. But I didn’t just engage him. The key to my relationship with the Trump administration was deeply rooted in my relationship with (vice-president) Mike Pence and (secretary of state) Mike Pompeo.”

Malcolm Turnbull’s advice is don’t “suck up”, but this disguises the effort Turnbull made to flatter, reassure and persuade Trump. And it worked. Turnbull said when he caught up with Trump after their famous phone call clash, it was as though “I had sold him some property in Brooklyn for $20m more than it was worth and he was joking with Melania about how he had done a bad deal”.

Albanese, like Turnbull and Morrison before him, will need a strategy to deal with the Trump administration. His early phone call with Trump is positive. But Albanese will be under pressure – he comes from the opposing side of politics. That makes Trump suspicious from the outset. With Trump, Albanese needs a personal point of connection. That’s essential, but what is it? In truth, Turnbull and Morrison set a high bar of success in dealing with Trump and that means Albanese’s competence as Prime Minister suddenly faces a new test.

Naturally the liar from the Shire had to be rewarded with a snap and a caption: Trump with then-prime minister Scott Morrison at the White House in 2019. Picture: AAP

No snap for former Chairman Rudd, and no quotes either, just Richo in his absence.

Kevin Rudd as Washington ambassador will play an important role for Albanese in building these connections across the executive government and the congress. Rudd has been a tireless and impressive ambassador dealing with Democrats and Republicans, the Harris advisers and the Trump advisers, while being a catalyst in getting the AUKUS legislation through congress.

The campaign against Rudd comes from Australia, not America. To the extent it is promoted by the Coalition and its media backers it seeks to damage Labor while undermining the national interest. It needs to be called out.

Former departmental chief and ambassador to the US Dennis Richardson tells Inquirer: “There is no reason why Kevin Rudd’s position should be an issue. If you were to ask president-elect Trump and his transition team today to write down their top 200 priorities, the Australian ambassador in Washington would not be one of them. The people making Kevin Rudd an issue are putting their perceived political interest ahead of the national interest.”

Richo earned a solemn "thinker" style snap, and a grand pooh bah title: Former departmental chief and ambassador to the US Dennis Richardson. Picture: NCA NewsWire/Gary Ramage

"Ned" did his best to put a gloss on proceedings, but by now the pond had started to nod off, even as climate science got dragged into the mix, and "Ned" turned for advice to the infamous Mike Pezzullo:

As for the line that Rudd once criticised Trump, well, join the crowd, starting with a person called JD Vance, who once branded Trump a Nazi and has prospered since then.

The immediate message for Australia is to stay calm. But that probably won’t happen because Trump’s victory guarantees hysteria and false claims as politics becomes more febrile. While Albanese faces a challenge, the Opposition Leader needs to beware falling for overreach. Blaming Albanese for any effort by Trump to bully Australia won’t work with the public.

Dutton’s bigger problem is his populist conservative base within the Coalition and its media loyalists whose obsession with Trump will go into overdrive. These people want to inject Trump’s faiths into Coalition politics, starting with climate change. They will want to ditch net zero at 2050 and maybe even follow Trump out of the Paris Agreement.

It will be madness. By seeking to roll back Dutton’s repositioning towards the centre on climate policy they would re-create the Liberal divisions that helped to destroy the Turnbull and Morrison governments. Dutton can be expected to resist such a push but its existence will be a gift for Labor and the teals.

The trap in Australia’s reaction to Trump is to focus on the trivia because the stage is too big to comprehend. Trump comes to destroy the old order but it is unclear what his new order involves. At face value, it points to both economic and strategic revolutions with potentially grave consequences for Australia. Maybe the presidential office will generate restraint. Nobody knows.

In all probability Trump’s re-election constitutes a turning point in US global policy and the formal end of the post-World War II age of Pax Americana based on US global strategic leadership, the system from which Australia benefited so much. Trump campaigned as a strong leader and a peace candidate who would prevent world war III and shun foreign wars – a great image but riddled with contradictions that border on fantasy.

Former Department of Home Affairs chief Mike Pezzullo gets to the essence of the issue, telling Inquirer: “What is different today is the advent of the formidable axis of China, Russia, Iran and North Korea which presents the United States with a choice: knowing that it cannot hold the entire strategic perimeter of Eurasia without leveraging the significant military and economic resources of the European Union, Japan, India, Australia, South Korea and others”, the question becomes: will Trump commit to such an alliance-wide partnership or will he withdraw America into its citadel?

Pezzullo also earned a snap: Former Department of Home Affairs chief Mike Pezzullo. Picture: AAP

It's the pond's duty to not interrupt, and thereby minimise the trudging for those climbing the "Ned" Everest, but for those wilting at the rarefied air, why not head off to Patrick Gourley at John Menadue's site to read Mike Pezzullo: Colossus of ever-failing policy and political embarrassment.

Sure you might never come back, sure you might keep roaming and discover other gems, such as The despotism of Mike Pezzullo, also at Pearls and Irritations.

Truth to tell, they're more fun than sticking with the "Ned" Everest climb, especially as "Ned's" perennial inclination to verbosity got the better of him yet again:

Australia’s future will be largely determined by the answer to this question. Trump is going to be a history-making president because of the times. And you can be sure Trump will send mixed messages. That’s because of the differences within his team – between strategic hawks and revisionist isolationists and between advocates of free markets and government intervention.

Asked about the major risks to Australia from Trump’s ascension, Richardson says: “They are, first, what happens in Ukraine. Second, the trade tensions between the US and China, and the possible consequences for us. And third, the fact there are people in government probably horrified at Trump’s election and who would have preferred it didn’t happen. Albanese knows he has to be disciplined and I think he will be.”

The signs so far suggest Trump’s economics mean tax cuts, a lower corporate tax rate, even higher budget deficits, tariff increases of 10-20 per cent on all imports and 60 per cent on China’s imports – he calls tariffs “the most beautiful word in the dictionary” – thereby threatening deeper global protectionism and triggering trade retaliation from other nations. The net impact of these policies is to put upward pressure on inflation, possibly suggesting inflation will settle above the previous generational norm, and at face value, while the sharemarket may rejoice, this suggests a tough time for consumers – hardly consistent with Trump’s massive voting support.

The single unifying principle – if there is one – is “America first”, with Trump loving transactional deals, repudiating America’s global leadership from the previous era, targeting China in a trade and technology rivalry while suggesting Taiwan needs to pay more for US defence protection.

While a strong US economy is good news and Trump may release some animal spirits, Australia’s interest is free trade, not protection or trade conflicts initiated by Trump with our major trading partner. That’s bad news, even when Trump uses tariffs as a bargaining ploy. Australian economist Warwick McKibbin calculates US tariffs at 60 per cent will weaken China’s economic growth and diminish Australian exports to China with a growth penalty for Australia.

Albanese will face a major headache. He will be expected to use Australia’s special relations with the US to win concessions for our exports from Trump’s tariffs, as Turnbull did with steel and aluminium. That’s the test, but can Albanese meet it? Can he win from Trump what the Coalition in office won? That issue will have direct domestic consequences.

Maybe Trump will be generous to Australia. We don’t know. On security, the assumption is that Trump will support the AUKUS nuclear-powered submarine deal and defence issues arising from the alliance. His first-term alliance experiences with Australia will help in this respect.

But security experts sound a warning. Pezzullo says: “Trump will continue to extend US security to those who are prepared to do more to better defend themselves. Those who spend less on defence than the US (at least 3 per cent of GDP) will either have to lift their spending or make commensurate in-kind contributions to mutual security objectives.”

Australia still languishes at 2 per cent of GDP but our $3bn contribution to the US industrial base courtesy of AUKUS may be enough to satisfy Trump.

United States Studies Centre chief and former president adviser Mike Green says: “If there is an issue, frankly, it’s that the (Australian) government is going to come under pressure to spend more on defence.” Green says the Trump administration would want to intensify US defence deployments to Australia.

Strategic Analysis Australia director Peter Jennings tells Inquirer that Trump would “absolutely” demand Australia spend more on defence: “I think it’s a great shame that we have to have Donald Trump elected in order for us to think more seriously about our own security.”

Trump’s policy on Ukraine is vital in its own right but also for its impact on China. Trump promises to end the war in Ukraine but is obsessed about his image as a leader of strength. How does that contradiction play out? Will Russian leader Vladimir Putin co-operate?

If Trump sells out Ukraine – which seems the likely result – that will undermine effective deterrence against China. The most dangerous myth propagated by elements of the Trump team during the past year is that their policy of being soft on Putin will allow them to get tough with China. Don’t believe it. Weakness promotes weakness, not strength.

A power balance in the region against China works – as Australia knows – only with an effective alliance system. What price Trump running such an alliance model?

Albanese and Foreign Minister Penny Wong have been sensible in signalling that Labor will stand by the substance of its current policies. That’s essential.

What a chunk, how could the pond interrupt? 

The reptiles left it far too late to slip in another snap, Anthony Albanese, right, with Foreign Minister Penny Wong. Picture: AFP

Will the torture never end?

Trying to appease Trump would be folly. Yet there will be numerous risks. Albanese has lost his fellow political traveller, Joe Biden, with whom he enjoyed personal ties. Labor needed Kamala Harris to win with the prospect of being a Biden-lite president. Instead Albanese got the big beast in Trump.

Trump’s victory will trigger mass agitation from the political left in Australia. Greens leader Adam Bandt said Australia must now cancel the AUKUS agreement, suggesting a phase of Trump-induced madness. This is useful for Labor since it further discredits the Greens, but it also guarantees disruption on the left that will spill into Labor ranks.

Can Albanese keep the Labor Party sufficiently disciplined not to antagonise Trump? That’s a hard ask. For Trump, what really counts is not what people said about him in the past but what they say about him as president. Labor cannot afford indulgent anti-Trump breakouts.

Albanese said the day after the election he had demonstrated “my ability to work with world leaders”, implying no problem with Trump. But the test here is not just Albanese, it’s the Labor Party.

The reptiles did their best to break up the stodge, inserting the same audio, How Trump came back from the dead, but the pond was past caring and began to think that death near the summit might be the best option.

Hold firm, be brave, one step after another, a little more oxygen, and it will be done:

Trump is expected to withdraw from the Paris Agreement on climate change, but that won’t materially alter the global investment shift to clean energy. Indeed, Trump’s energy policies may actually mean more domestic challenges for Dutton than for Albanese.

Morrison’s former office chief John Kunkel tells Inquirer: “There are potential risks for the Coalition in Trump’s win. There is always a danger that cultural conservatives either in the party or its media backers will project a cultural realignment from the United States to Australia. We are very different countries and our policy debates differ.

“For example, it would be folly for the Coalition’s supporters to reopen old debates because of Trump and begin calling to abandon net zero at 2050 or leave the Paris Agreement. Both Scott Morrison and Peter Dutton have moved the party on from those divisive debates. There is no point having them reopened.”

Given Trump is a transactional leader, Albanese needs something to trade. What is it? Kunkel says Albanese’s focus should be on defence investments, US technology co-operation and “economic security” measures to bolster supply chains. He says: “Critical minerals provide the obvious area of focus. Australia has an important role to play in driving this work forward with concrete actions.”

Pezzullo makes the same point, telling Inquirer: “Trump is a power politician. This will be the age of power and strategic deals which will be a function of hard power calculations. Australia is well placed to make or extend mutually beneficial deals – including in relation to critical minerals, the co-production of nuclear-powered attack submarines at a faster rate, advanced military technology (such as long-range autonomous combat vehicles) and enhanced access to our geographically crucial facilities and infrastructure.”

Trump constitutes a serious challenge to Albanese’s policy nous, his political skills and the capacity of his government to innovate under pressure. You don’t get anywhere with Trump being passive. Albanese needs to offer a proactive view of the relationship and alliance that works for Trump.

The immediate approach is to stay calm and be creative. The weeks ahead will be rocky and filled with uncertainties about what Trump may do, what he may say, and what Republicans, filled with hubris, may say. The Coalition is already targeting Albanese, calculating he probably can’t relate effectively to Trump. But this situation contains risks for Dutton as well.

There are no exemptions for shocks and surprises in the new world of president Trump mark two.

Shocks and surprises? 

The pond staggered away, comfortably numb to the world. Why a dose of "Ned" was better than hitting the old noggin with a hammer as a way of taking away the pain ...

Luckily the immortal Rowe was on hand to help wash away all memories of the proceedings, providing a dinkum angle to all the "sanewashing":

As usual, it was all in the detail, with that toupée very fetching and with a most attractive in flight beverage dispenser ready to help with travel arrangements (perhaps the National Portrait Gallery could make an offer):