In which the pond must deal with England and France, even if that means dealing with the bromancer, the Ughmann and nattering "Ned" ...

 

The pond took time out to watch the other Sky as the British election results unfolded, and as usual there were some satisfying sights, helped along by the usual serves of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, Count Binface and others.

Even the NY Times was beguiled ...(paywall)

There was some great entertainment ... and tragedy too, with the Moggie done down ... wither the Moggster now? Is this the end of the pond's favourite form of drawling catty politics, lost in a sea of baked beans?

 

Once again Liz was - very late in the day and very late to the announcement - beaten by the lettuce, and poor Rish! had to endure pretty feeble photo bombs ...

Sensible people will be off reading Marina Hyde's Sunak axed, the cast eviscerated: at last, it's the Tories' season finale ... or the usual cracking Crace with Rishi Sunak departs with a brief nod to his achievements - mostly imagined.

It's the pond's dire duty to make no sense of it at all by turning to the reptiles down under, reliable sources of misinformation ... and who better than that unfailing misinterpreter of UK politics, the always unreliable bromancer ...

Naturally all the reptiles paid attention to one of their own kind, the braying Farage, though in the end thanks to the first past the post system Reform ended up with only 5 seats, one better than the Greens ...

Inevitably the bromancer was devastated by the devastatingly one-sided result ...

Sorry, no need to take you there - so far as the pond can tell, this is the web version, available on the web - but inevitably the bromancer would start frothing and foaming about the socialists, and Jeremy, and with a snap to go on with the bubble and squeak...

At some point it was also inevitable that the bromancer would turn to Boris the buffoon, though his intervention late in the game was surely Rish! at his silliest - what with Boris ignoring him and ranting on about himself - and that meant the bromancer was awestruck ...

There was a snap of Boris the buffoon to go with the unsurprising bromancer ...

The bromancer's pandering to Boris and Brexit - chief sources of Tory woes - is well known. Just look at the openings to these two now ancient pieces ...

Terribly silly really, and let's not forget Brexit, and that graphic...

And so on and on, and the bromancer is completely clueless, but the pond's esteemed correspondents already knew that, and nothing has changed in today's outing ...

That the bromancer should type that says a lot about how unspeakably silly he is ... and now to get a few of the reptile videos and illustrations out of the way ...

None of them had the entertainment value to be found elsewhere ...look at this line up ...

Visit North York? Sure thing ...

Never mind, the bromancer is doing his best to deal with his loss ...

It would be remiss of the pond to trot out reminders of the stunning achievements of the governments of the onion muncher, Malware and the liar from the Shire ... best get on with it because there's a lot more to endure ... and as soon as the bromancer starts blathering about complex and structural reasons, readers might begin to wonder if he'd had legal training, or whether it was just the lizard Oz hive mind back on parade ...

Ah, the Rwanda folly, not so much a plan as a way of helping Africa by sending cash south, but the pond must keep going ..

Dear sweet long absent lord, only the bromancer could drag a war criminal into the discussion as a way of telling us we must all harden the fuck up and bomb Cambodia ...

Back to Boris yet again? As if everyone hadn't long ago tired of the buffoon ... but at least it's short final gobbet time ...

Actually, no need to calm down - the bromancer is at his best when indulging in undiluted hysteria - and there's no need to get serious. How can you stay serious reading the bromancer?

Nope, it's time for a celebratory cartoon ...

Speaking of France, as the bromancer was doing, the Ughmann was also out and about this day ... and the only interest here is how soon he can blame it all on climate change ...

Well that's the header and the lead snap out of the way, time for what the reptiles insist is a five minute read, perhaps because it's like being in a Nathan's hot dog contest, and forcing the sausage trimmings down gets challenging ...

There was a snap to break up the flow ...

... and then it was time to drag climate science and climate change into the yarn ...

Here the Ughmann fails to make the obvious connection. The planet is well down the path to being comprehensively stuffed ... but we've been there before with the Ughmann and so to the final gobbet ...

Or we could just bung on world war III ... unity in warfare, with Vlad the sociopath and Orbán and the like showing where diversity will get you ...

And at this point, the pond must head into turf best reserved for hardened herpetologists, especially as this day nattering "Ned" is in full bigoted Islamophobic mood, and at great length too ...

Please don't ask why the pond persists with the "Ned" Everest of natter. 

It's simply because it's there. You might as well ask why "Ned" studiously avoids, on every occasion, mentioning the role that Faux Noise and his Murdochian overlords played in the rise of the mango Mussolini ... 

On with the Chicken Little routine yet again...

Oh FFS, talk of a genocide and a two state solution is an attack on the Australian way of life? And the unwritten rule of multiculturalism is just to shut up and stay out of sight?

Only in "Ned" land, and accompanied by a set of snaps to disguise the sense of ennui and tedium ...

You can bet your bottom dollar, and likely your top one too, that "Ned" won't mention the DLP or the travails of the country in the 1950s and beyond, thanks to outrageous Catholic political fundamentalism ...

Cf again the DLP and tykes and the Faux Noise promotion of the Trumpian wave, happening even now, when the threat is naked and obvious...

Sorry, you simply can't expect "Ned" to deal with the reality of the Faux Noise hive mind, nor the role his masters play in it ... all you can expect are the Chicken Little routines ...

Of course Bannon and Faux Noise had a bit of a falling out last year, but Faux Noise have been helping make a mess of things for a long time, per WaPo (paywall) ...

Yippie, a creationist just a few steps away from the Presidency.

Sorry, each time the pond takes a little time out to revive sordid memories,  the "Ned" Everest climb gets longer ... and then suddenly it becomes clear why "Ned" is getting agitated about Bannon ...

The pond can't begin to deal with the irony of "Ned" bleating about populism, when the rank opportunism and naked greed of the Murdochian Frankenstein suddenly realises it's lost control of the monster they created, and now it's the fault of identity politics, the "woke" they made money out of berating for decades?

But then self-awareness and insight and understanding have never been a feature of the reptile hive mind ... and around this time "Ned" let loose with blather about populist backlash, seemingly forgetting the populist backlash he'd offered in relation to Muslims way back in base camp of the climb ... you know, how voting Catholic was great, but voting to end a genocide was a dire threat to multiculturalism ...

At this point, the pond began begging for the water torture to end - the bromancer has done the Poms - but luckily the pond did a quick count, and there were just two gobbets to go ...

When you get "Ned" quoting Suella - the Cruella of UK politics - with seeming approval, welcome to the more columns of angst, gloom, and completely unaware introspection, together with the odd bit of Islamic bashing ... 

Thank the long absent lord the lettuce had taken down Liz so "Ned" couldn't go there, and thanks also that this was the last of it this day...

Has the fully atheist pond gone full Islam, or is it divisive and populist to suggest that ending a genocide and recognising Palestinian suffering might be a good thing?

No wonder the pond has become dangerously radicalised ... but will take pleasure where it's to be found and never mind the snakes ...