In which the pond owes much to the Sparrow for its memories of "Ned" and the bromancer and the crispy bacon we had before the wars ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pond woke up late, inclined to be lazy, and inclined to be depressed. 

In the pond's defence, living in Gladys's gold standard state, and having the study of reptiles as a hobby is both a form of monstrous stupidity, and a condition known as being a glutton for punishment, and so depression is more an ongoing condition than an occasional mood flutter.

The pond offers this explanation by way of the William Burroughs cut and paste procedure adopted herein (there will be no attempt to shoot an apple).

It's lazy, and it owes much to ancient pioneering herpetological studies by Jeff Sparrow, but this is a time for reflection, and the chirpy Sparrow provides much to reflect on ... so let us begin with the first gobbet of bromancer ...

 

 

Now willy nilly, let us travel back in time to the records of the pioneering Sparrow ... with a piece that ran at the ABC here on 25th May 2011, under the header One pundit's deadly war: from Afghanistan to Vietnam ...

 

 

 2011.

That was written in 2011. 

You must already have caught the pond's drift, as we return to the bromancer in 2021 ... 

 

Uh huh ...

Usually the pond would pause at regular intervals to catch breath and make a few comments. Instead it will offer another serve of 2011 Sparrow (not the tastiest of birds, but one inclined to feather- and pundit-plucking):

 

 

 

Remarkable!? In 2011! 

Of course we are in a stage well known to the pond ...

 

 

 

Way past promotion or continued publication of the incompetent, that's for sure ...

Actually over the years the pond has collected quite a few T-shirts and has even been known to promenade down King street wearing one ... but that's just a distant dream, a fading memory, as we live in gold standard Gladys's world where the likes of the dog botherer dream of lockdowns failing completely ...

The pond digresses, we have many more yards to go, so back to the here and bromancer now ...

 

 

Yes, even in a time of tragedy and despair, the bromancer has the time to slip in a plug for a book, but the pond can't do a number on that ... instead it must return to the Sparrow flitting about in 2011 ...

 

 

 

Oh indeed, indeed, has anyone got an irony T-shirt handy? No? Then it's back to the present ...

 

 

 

 

Shouldn't that be the whole bromancer fiasco?

 

Now in its cut and paste, the pond omitted a little of the Sparrow, but that wily, flitting bird ended this way ...

 

 

 

Note again that date.

 

And here the pond must also note poor Sparrow's almost risible innocence when it comes to the study of reptiles.

 

Fancy expecting some sign of decency. Fancy expecting some sense of shame. The entire point of being a shameless bromancer is to just carry on blathering endlessly, and if one day, it's necessary to argue that we cut the egg at the big end, and the next at the small, why that's what bromancers are for ...

 

And so on we go, without any sense of memory, decency, shame or self-awareness at momentous folly ...

 

At this point the pond's Sparrow strategy cuts out for the moment.

After reaching the point of "resign sir, have you no sense of decency, have you no sense of shame", the Sparrow has served his purpose, and the pond must trudge on alone to the bitter conclusion, with two gobbets to go ...

 

 

So the bromancer, scribbling for the lizard Oz in his own way, has failed utterly. But will he show a sense of shame, a sense of decency? Will he resign? Of course not, he'll just deliver this final gobbet ...

 

 

You know, once upon a time, the pond was brought up on the Pottery Barn rule, which is to say, "you break it, you bought it", or "you break it, you buy it",  but in the world of reptile punditry, that rule is simply seen by the reptiles as being inapplicable to them ...

They might cheer on the fucking of a country, and then dismiss it out of hand as a lost cause, and where are the consequences? Oh they might shed a tear for the human misery currently congested around Kabul airport, but we all know about crocodile tears ...

As for that book about Xians, at some time the pond might do a whole Rundle rumble on the nonsense ...

 It's over at Crikey, but behind the paywall, and for the moment, the pond must be content with just an opening and closing gobbet ...

 

 Oh it's rich, no doubt about it, and so to that final gobbet the pond mentioned...

Off to confession with him?

The pond would prefer resignation. You see confession is one of those easy ways out, a cunning feature in Catholicism 1.0:

 

 

You see? Confess and then go out and sin some more. Heck, write another column for the lizard Oz, or shamelessly promote a book amidst the horror of a war you cheered on ...

Speaking of Murdochian smash and grab merchants, nattering "Ned" was also out and about this day ...

 

 

 

 

 

This is another long trip through reptile hell, and so the pond will revert to another Sparrow, at least for an early part of the journey ... 

 

 

Okay, that's when the reptiles slip in a flurry of links, knowing that many readers will want to get out of there, and the pond usually takes its first break ... but instead of a Kit-Kat, how about a serve of Sparrow from Crikey ... this time outside the paywall ...

 

 

 

Note the date, back in September 2009 this time.

2009!

It might seem perverse to start with Akker Dakker, the Billy Bunter of News Corp pundits, what with him being a consummate clown ... but please, just get past the next "Ned" gobbet, and you can see where this is heading ...

 

Here we go, another serve of Sparrow, and this time with "Ned" ...

 

It almost brought a nostalgic tear to the eye of the pond.

For those who came in late to the story, the pond started as the Michael Duffy files. Reading the Duffster used to send the pond into a rage, and the partner suggested that instead of making life difficult around the house, why not a weekly blog to vent?

At the time setting up a blog was as common as Facebook is now sordid and ugly and pathetic, and so the pond started, and someone made an actual comment agreeing with the pond about the Duffster - thankfully the Duffster is now long gone from punditry to lead a useful life - and so here we are ... trapped in reptile hell with pompous, pontificating "Ned" ...

 

Okay, okay, the pond did try to find that "Ned" piece about John Howard and deputy sheriffs but came up with a blank, though it did only spend a nanosecond looking ... but it did find on Trove a 2004 speech where Afghanistan is mentioned in passing, and there was this ...

This means we cannot let the impression develop that we are merely a regional agent for the US or a deputy sheriff. One of the Howard Government’s worst mistakes was to give currency to the notion. It is not only a liability within Asia but unacceptable within Australia. It will not be easy for Australia to intensify its counter-terrorism agenda within the region yet simultaneously offer military support for the US global war on terrorism outside the region. This constitutes a new long-term challenge for our US alliance.

And that reminded the pond of "Ned's" epic work, with its shameless title ... and without a hint of self-reflection ...

 

The march of patriots? More like the march of Murdochians and scoundrels seeking refuge in patriotism, and is it any wonder the pond joined the march of cynics...

Speaking of damage and reliability, Sparrow in Crikey reverted to the he likes of the Bolter and the bromancer, and the pond has no difficulty doing the same in the middle of "Ned's" natter ...

 

And so back to "Ned", and of all the people to quote, he had to select the deputy sheriff himself? Come on down, little Johnny because what we need right now is politicians without memory, and without a sense of guilt or shame ...

Well the pond is now in so deep that to return would be as tedious as to go o'er, so a last gobbet from the chirping Sparrow ...

 

The pond lately has tended to cry, though it hopes the tears don't make it through the keyboard and turn screens sodden with moisture ... because now we must farewell the Sparrow and his ancient observations, and strike out on our own for the rest of the journey ...

With the Sparrow gone, it was at about this point that the pond realised that there was no plug for "Ned's" podcast, which is to say "Ned" boring people shitless or to new outrage by reading his own words ...

Instead the reptiles offered a snap ...

 

The pond likes to observe the way the reptiles put things together. 

Instead of a desolate "Ned" podcast, a snap of a desolate landscape.

Desolation, as if to make "Ned's" words and alleged insights somehow less desolate ...

Oh at last a game the pond can play. Please, pick the pond. The pond is sure to guess the three benchmark points. 

How about the lizard Oz and all its pundits being fucked in the head, and entirely useless, and their scribbling over the decades a burden on humanity?

How about the lizard Oz pundits just fronting up, and saying 'you know what, I realise I've been a complete loon, but I discovered a sense of shame and decency, and have resigned forthwith'?

Or what about drawing the firm conclusion that a study of reptiles can only lead to madness and sorrow?

What's that, the pond got it entirely wrong? And here are "Ned's" three benchmark points, because that's what you do when you're a pompous ass, you sound like some loon putting together a Powerpoint presentation with "benchmark points" ... and speaking of loons, whatever happened to this loon?

 

 

But speaking of misleading benchmarks, here we go ...

It needs to be exercised? Haven't we done enough exercising from the comfort of the armchair?

Never mind, the pond has reached a point of exhaustion where all that can be done is to end by turning to an infallible Pope for guidance and inspiration ...