In which it's a busy day for the reptiles in Surry Hills la la land, and so the pond seeks assorted distractions ...

 

 

 

The pond thought it helpful to start the day with a reminder from CNN via the Daily Beast that the Murdochians are quite happy to peddle bad advice which kills their readers and viewers, but takes care of in-house matters.

Why does this matter? Well yet another day at what is turning from a reptile to an ant's nest, and the reptiles have resorted to dragging moth-eaten old Mark Day out of retirement to run defence ...

 

 

 

The long absent lord bless his coal-speckled soul, there never has been a Murdoch Mark Day hasn't known how to suck up to ...

But enough of that for the moment, because the pond sees that Killer Creighton has been out and about this day, harping on a theme that has much troubled the Faux Noise crowd of late ... and the pond was looking for a distraction, away from the virus and the vaccine, gold standard Gladys's lockdown and the Afghan situation ...

 

 

 

 

Speaking of confusion and stupidity, it goes without saying that Killer knows that it's wrong to confuse race with ethnicity, nationality or religion, right? 

 

He'd never start off with the peculiar notion that the English, Irish, Scottish and Spanish constitute assorted races, would he?

 

You don't have to wade through a wiki to realise that in the heyday of categorization by race, as late as when the pond was studying anthropology, nobody was peddling that nonsense, even if of late given a boost by meaningless DNA categorization ...

 

 

 

Ah, the politics of race has undergone a tectonic shift. Oh for the good old days when blacks knew their place, and might bend a knee to massa Creighton ...

 

Self-identified racial categories have consequences? What, like starting off a piece with blather about Spanish, Irish, English and Scottish races?

Sure he eventually gets around to correcting himself, but meanwhile, it can be said that Killer has proven that race is an issue kept very much alive by a vast array of Murdochian journalists, who thrive on it ...

What might the Killer have profitably taken a look at? Skin colour bigotry, the real meaning of race as a construct ... but that would have meant taking a different tack than that of a complacent, self-satisfied white Murdochian journalist ...

 

 

Of course Killer would select aggrieved Arabs. It would have been far too close to the bone to select aggrieved Jews ... even if we're all Semites in one way or another. Here pay for another DNA profile, just for luck and silliness ...

But at least Killer wasn't at work in the killing fields and the pond had been distracted, but then a moment with Crikey reminded the pond of the ongoing work of sundry reptiles ...

 

 

 

Ah the good old dog botherer, always a source of fun ...

Well the pond couldn't stand the thought of dealing with moth-eaten old Mark Day. Think of all the fumigation needed, and the pond has never liked the smell of moth-balls, though the pond's grandmother was a great believer in the power of naphthalene, which might also help explain her devotion to 4711 cologne ...

But it thought it should head at least one reptile moan and whine, even if it's a reptile nonentity, one far removed from the pantheon of immortal sucks and lickspittles ... a mere humble toiler in the trade of big and small lies and reptile distortions ...

 

 

 

 

 

Slammed for bias and lack of balance?

 

But, billy goat, butt, who is doing the slamming? The pond looked around, and the mob doing the slamming were mostly Murdochians. Perhaps they could round up a few loons to join in the sense of shock and outrage that someone might dare to look at News Corp and its malicious, destructive, malevolent works and deeds?

 

That headline should probably have read "Murdoch's mob slams the ABC for attacking Murdoch's  mob" ... but billy goat, do crank into gear ... 

 

You have to be crafty and with an ambition to join the greats to punch in via the keyboard that line that there was no attempt by senior figures at Fox News to influence the coverage of the presidential election.

On that basis alone, the nonentity should be given a rise in pay grade. He might not yet stand aside the likes of the dog botherer, but credit for trying. Hopefully he can manage a few more in his final gobbet ...

 

Oh the pond takes it all back. Our crafty Murdochian managed to drag in barking mad Nicolle Flint - is there something in the genes of the name harking back to pirate times that sees the Flinty ones so weird? Just a Killer observation on race theory - and silly old Sarah Henderson, doing what coalition comrades have done since the show began ...

As for the concern about Fox ratings, there were any number of stories at the time about the bleeding obvious, easily googled for those so inclined ...though not with the help of the links in this screen cap ...

 

Yes, didn't that send a shiver down the spine of the Chairman, and as deluded night follows day in Fox land, a severe lurch to the right followed ... reinvigorating the big lie and all the rest of the crap that has since gone down.

But please, allow the pond to be fair. The craven lickspittle did his duty ... and he should be honoured and recognised for his tireless work down News Corp coal mine ...

 

 

Well played, a lifetime pounding the beat, and viola, suddenly, a media editor destined to do battle with the fiendish ABC beast, more deadly and dangerous to hunt than the fabulous Snark ...

"The rest of my speech" (he explained to his men)
   "You shall hear when I've leisure to speak it.
But the ABC is at hand, let me tell you again!
   'Tis your glorious duty to seek it!

"To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care;
   To pursue it with forks and hope;
To threaten its life with a railway-share, or a trimming of government funding;
   To charm it with smiles and soap!

"For the ABC's a peculiar creature, that won't
   Be caught in a commonplace way.
Do all that you know, and try all that you don't:
   Not a chance must be wasted to-day!

"For England and Killer Creighton expects—I forbear to proceed:
   'Tis a maxim tremendous, but trite:
And you'd best be unpacking the things that you need
   To rig yourselves out for the fight." (the full hunting here).

And so to a few burdensome duties, the first being Dame Slap ...

 

 

 

 

You know, right at the moment, NSW is in a lockdown thanks to gold standard Gladys, and her noble efforts saw the virus turn up in Victoria, the ACT and even NZ ... so who gets to have his snap at the Dame Slap supper?

Why comrade Dan of course, it's all his fault ... look at him leering and sneering, while gold standard Gladys preaches hope and freedumb, soonish, so that we can really see what a virus in the wild looks like ...

Of course Dame Slap's own inspiration owes much to the likes of Texas and Florida governors ...

 

 

 

Yes indeed, how dare anyone talk against gold standard Gladys. Right now she's in the middle of a glorious triumph ... why, even the infallible Pope is on board ...

 

Sorry, the pond always struggles to make it through Dame Slap these days, and needs the odd interruption ... especially as she tries to confect a political war ... and how better to win that war than ignoring gold standard Gladys, and return to the glory days of reptiles ranting about the evils of comrade Dan ... and never no mind that Victoria wouldn't be in its current situation, except for sterling Gladys ...

Or what happens if 80 per cent vaccination rates are reached, and Dame Slap forgot to note beloved Sweden or perhaps mention Israel?

 

Living with the virus sensibly? Of course it's just a reptile typo. The pond is sure that Dame Slap meant dying with the virus sensibly ... it's the reptile way, and the more successful a state has been at suppression, the more it draws reptile resentment and wrath.  The more the dying has worked, Florida and Texas style, the more pleased the land of the reptiles ...

How much better to watch Sky News after dark and learn about the delights of hydroxy and Ivermectin with a parrot and a former furniture salesman ...

And so to the final pond duty for the day ...

 

 

 

"Ned" is as usual deeply anxious about SloMo, while the pond is deeply anxious about "Ned" reading his text so that all might hear his sonorous voice ... will the reptiles feature nattering "Ned's" notorious player of doom in the piece?

 

 

Alas and alack, "Ned"was as dreary and as dull as the pond feared ... so for a break, did you hear the one about the boofhead from Britain who's going to fix the trade situation?

 

And that came with this Crikey illustration ...

 

Naturally the pond couldn't resist following up on gorgeous George ... so very much missed ...

 

 (Update: for another distraction, please allow the pond to draw attention to the wonderful musings of Marina Hyde here ... inter alia ...

...He certainly has plenty of new colleagues. An awful lot of people seem to do unpaid work to promote UK trade, which can occasionally make one wonder quite why, particularly in the case of those who aren’t even UK citizens. Only last September, the former Australian prime minister Tony Abbott was appointed as an unpaid adviser to the board of trade, with his achievements in the role as yet obscure. Still, I assume the unpaid speech and conference and trade mission circuit has its consolations.
As for what is in it for Lord Botham, we can only speculate in the case of such a self-effacing character. In the old days one would of course have encouraged anything – anything – that kept him out of the commentary box. But now he has retired from sounding sulky and dull in some of the world’s most enviable cricketing destinations, perhaps he requires what is often called – particularly in the case of men of his age and drive – an “outlet”.
Forgive me if all these questions have already been addressed by Lord Botham, perhaps in something posted to one of his social media outlets. I stopped following him suddenly on Twitter some years ago, after seeing something nasty in the woodshed. The work of hackers, Botham explained. Like anyone who saw it, I have no wish to revisit the snapshot, though naturally it revisits me unbidden with horrible frequency. It is with me now as I type this, pushing my thoughts back yet again to that great question of the age: why do hackers so often go to all the trouble of gaining access to a man’s account, simply to post a single photo of a penis?
As with most people who remember how great this country used to be, it’s the hackers’ lack of ambition I can’t stand. There’s just no self-belief. Hackers with a sense of self-worth would have used control of Botham’s account to start a war with Pakistan – cricketing or otherwise – or at least to use the identity details unlocked to embezzle money in one way or another. Instead, we got yet another view of yet more male genitalia. If he ever wanted a side-job, I do think Botham might consider working to raise the ambition of social media hackers, who seem to lack enterprising spirit and could do with being taken under the wing of a respected trade envoy.)

Ah that's better, the pond is ready to return to "Ned", but with rising anxiety, because there's still no sign of the reptiles' notorious patented "Ned" player ...

 

 

 

Speaking of an explosive political situation successfully ignored ...

 

 

Not to worry, we'll be opening up soon, the man who lays on hands to heal and speaks in tongues to imaginary friends is in control, and "Ned" is on hand to help ...

The pond had only one tremor of alarm. Whenever "Ned" starts a gobbet with something like "there are three problems", the pond knows the number shall be three, and "Ned" won't rest until he chases all his three-ish hares down the rabbit hole ...

 

 

So each state is in a different situation and would make its own decisions, and this is addressing federation and an alleged national plan exactly how? Don't expect an answer, or strangely, even a sign of the notorious patented reptile  "Ned" player in "Ned's" final, thankfully short, burst ...

 

 

Good luck with that ...given Delta, it won't be long before beheaded chooks of the "Ned" kind are running about, flapping and clucking in the backyard at their sky gods ...

But in closing the pond does have one particular grievance with the ABC. 

For reasons best known to itself, the ABC has a segment on its news channel in the afternoon where back benchers are trotted out and given some exposure.

Fair enough, democracy at work and all that nonsense, but why on earth does the Canavan caravan have a sinecure in this slot? 

Sure, the pond spends time in the company of loons, that's its brand and its duty, but hasn't the ABC got better ways to waste its time?

The pond only asks for a friend, having endured Canavanish blather about the Wiggles, as celebrated by the First Dog, with more First Dog here ...