Astonished and outraged that big tech should suggest that Sky News after dark is fucked in the head? Shocked and appalled that an old thugby unionist should take to joking about the dangerously deluded parrot with a shock jock of the Hadders kind, because there are some shock jocks even weirder than others? Upset that someone in another place should crack a V joke?
These are precarious, nay dangerous times, which is why the pond turned to its popular Monday segment, "ask the Major", wherein the Major Mitchell would parrot away about it all being the fault of the ABC ...
No doubt at this moment there are a few who might go biblical and smite and smote the Major with Matthew 7:5: Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
But the pond won't hear a word of that kind cast against the Major ...
Indeed, indeed ... fair cop ...
But please, don't let a suspension stand in the way of a Major rant ...
Yes, yes, things are going stupendously well, and everything is for the best in the Major's world ... not that those bloody lefties would understand ... why don't they just go out and punch a horse in the moosh?
Say what? Is the Major quoting approvingly approved words he heard on the ABC? The pond is shocked and appalled. This is what happens when you spend too much time listening to the ABC ... you get a little addled and light-headed, and next thing you know you're quoting some bit of outrageous nonsense you heard on RN, when everybody knows for the good oil you should turn to Sky News, preferably after dark, when you can join the loons howling at the moon ...
And so to a final gobbet of mote-plucking, picking and casting out ...
Strangely the Major didn't pick up on Sky News' role, but not to worry, the pond notes that it's time for its hydroxy pill, and so will take a short break before resuming with the Caterist ...
(Intermission music, if you please maestro).
Ah that's better, the pond is fully hydroxied thanks be unto the parrot and the furniture salesman, and so can tackle the next pressing issue of the day ...
Sorry, sorry, that was yesterday's breathless reptile report celebrating the important role of coal ... but today the Caterist has something even more important on his mind ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, has the Caterist gone full paleo Pete Evans, and taken a swig or two of healthy camel's milk?
The pond is, of course, a determined meat eater, but if anybody or anything could sway the pond to the other side, it's probably a read of the Caterist putting in the boot ...
Indeed, indeed, the pond is right on board. Frankly if was good enough for cave men (forget the women), then it's good enough for the pond. Sure the life expectancy of cave folk wasn't that great, but it seems that Paleo Pete and the Caterist are one, and together might finally solve the mystery of flood waters in quarries and incidentally sort out what to do about climate change ... perhaps nothing ...
Don't you just love the Caterist anyhows, as in "anyhow methane has been found to have far fewer long-term effects than carbon dixoide emissions."
Anyhoo, that means the pond doesn't have to bother reading this sort of malarkey ...
What would NASA know? The pond gets its raw red meat and camel's milk deep understanding of science from the Caterist ...
If that's where we're heading? Surely we're heading for a complete and comprehensive fucking of the planet, and the pond does appreciate each effort the Caterist makes in that direction ...
And so to the bonus of the day, and here the pond faced an agonising choice ...
Should the pond liberate Scotty from marketing from the reptile paywall?
Sorry, the awesome hideousness of that banal pitch about vaccination being the gold medal, down there with fool's gold Gladys being the standard, was simply too much for the pond.
Besides, there was a better booster at hand ... and the reptiles had put the reformed, recovering feminist at the top of the digital page early in the morning with good news of Xmas for Xians everywhere ...
How could the pond resist that sort of pitch? The dog botherer silenced? Killer Creighton sent out to the News Corp kennel of shame? Everything for the best in the best of all possible Santa the Xian symbol world?
Preach on, reformed, recovering feminist ...
Say what? Now the reptile graphics department are getting their illustrative snaps from YouTube screen caps?
Dear sweet long absent lord, how long before the lizard Oz simply turns into a rather large blog? But please, do go on with the good news, and the smiting of the dog botherer and the smoting of Killer Creighton, and their negativism ... and erase from the pond's mind all that terrible advice emanating from Sky News ...
Ah yes, Santa, as splendid an example of Xian mythology as the pond could imagine ... but now, speaking of mental health, the pond must note that at this point the reptiles inserted a video of Barners feeling confident, and the pond knew this needed to be defanged by being screen capped, and demoted in size, and accompanied by a trigger alert ...
Phew, that's better, now back to the good Oreo Santa the Xian symbol news ...
Is it wrong for the pond to interrupt at this point and suggest the best way to mental health? A free Oreo with every vaccination jab ...
Thank the long absent lord the pond made that a screen cap too and refused to divulge the source. A Krispy Kreme, an Oreo glaze, a vaccination card, and a heart attack?
And no, the pond isn't feeling addled and light-headed, it's taking the reformed, recovering feminist very seriously, Santa seriously ...
Those with more serious psychological illnesses? But wouldn't that mean giving lots of cash in the paw to Sky News viewers and News Corp readers? Is that fair?
Sorry, sorry, the pond must take the Oreo in upbeat guise seriously.
Perhaps a reptile graph would help. We all love our graphs, and it would remove any choleric feeling in the air ...
Yippee, as any Xian knows, Santa coming to town is a winner ...
The kids in girl
And boyland
Will have a jubilee
They're gonna build
A toyland town
All around
The Christmas tree
And then they're gonna burn it down
And then we're gonna break all the toys
And then we're gonna make some noise
We're gonna party all night long
We're gonna sing this sing this song
We're gonna party all night long
We're gonna sing this song
Santa Claus
Is coming
To town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-W-S
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
Santa Claus
Is coming to town
And with that it's time for the immortal Rowe's alternative Olympics, with more alternative events to be found here ... and if anyone should think this is a shot at the reformed, recovering feminist and her Santa, SloMo Xmas celebrations, please, she should be so lucky ...
A real Gish Gallop by Cater. "In January 2019 the Lancet Commission issued a report."
ReplyDeleteSo, a report that was written before Covid was a thing didn't mention Covid. Surprise surprise. He then goes on to write about "conceited, contradictory mumbo-jumbo"!
And as for Vegans Taking Over the World, now you can get vegan ice cream! Children's ice cream Mandrake! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0he-LZNzVg0
I note Mr Cater has much expertise in farming and carbon emissions.
ReplyDeleteIs he equally skilled in water conservation and dam management?
A real renaissance man if so.
"Sure the life expectancy of cave folk wasn't that great..."
ReplyDeleteThey really didn't do all that badly, it's the old case of so many expiring when young, but those who hang on, do so on for a goodly while on average:
"Infancy and childhood were dangerous, but if you survived to 15, you could expect a reasonable lifespan: mortality rates started to increase again at around 40, doubling at 60 and again at 70. Gurven and Kaplan found that the modal (most common) age of death for hunter-gatherers who survived past 15 was 72."
https://paleoleap.com/why-cavemen-didnt-die-young/
That's the kind of statistic that doesn't change quickly and when John Graunt studied the death statistics in London back in the 1640s and 1650s, he produced a 'life table' in the 1660s in which he estimated that about 36% of 'quick births' died on or before age 6.
http://www.stat.rice.edu/stat/FACULTY/courses/stat431/Graunt.pdf
Much of the apparently longer lifespan of recent times is, in fact, really due to many more of the young surviving until a decent age.
And the single best reason that those under, say, 5 years of age, have had better prospects of seeing life as an adult, for the most recent 170 (or so) years is that the water they drank contained fewer pathogens that would kill them. Not ‘could’ - would.
DeleteAnd not only the kids Chad, as the Broad Street water pump and the 1854 cholera outbreak in London showed. Not to forget the Great Stunk of 1858 as well.
DeleteHere comes the Oreo: "It [our magnificent resilience] is good news for everyone except those seeking to capitalise on Covid-induced psychological distress." Oh my, actually "capitalising" [a wonderful word] from distress. Now who could that be, we all wonder. Maybe someone who is just trying very hard to show that "lockdowns" kill more than they save. Now who could that be, I puzzle.
ReplyDeleteApologies if this link has been posted before:
Deletehttps://gh.bmj.com/content/6/8/e006653
Seems like a scrupulously researched and referenced confirmation of what most of would have assumed anyway.
And more bonus Oreo:
ReplyDelete"On Friday he met with National cabinet to hatch a plot against COVID's grip on power."
Er yeah, okay. On Friday. 4 days ago. Which is great. It really is. And more power to his arm. But without being a debbie downer, wouldn't it have been a little more useful say, a year ago?
Perhaps then, when given the opportunity to congratulate Gladys on not locking down, and challenging the virus by dithering for a couple of weeks, the "plan" would have told him that was a dim thing to do. A daft option. A false flag that could lead to......altogether now "A LONGER LOCKDOWN!!!!"
That's right kids, Gladys doesn't have a crystal ball. And an adjacent state to NSW hadn't just lived an example of strategies that quash the Delta virus. Oh, hang on, just a tick.....
The fourth Victorian lockdown included a Delta cluster as well - so Dictator Dan has quashed two Delta outbreaks.
Delete"Dithering" is what passes in conservative quarters for careful consideration. They never seem to do anything proactively, events just drag them along behind.
Seeing the Oreo dredge up resilience, usually code for "we are not going to help", reminded me of this:
ReplyDeletehttps://mobile.twitter.com/thespecialbka/status/1400603371711569921
"Imagine Scott Morrison, alone on a desert highway, staring at the blown front left tyre of his car and shouting, “resilience, strength, character, determination”, then waiting for the flat tyre to change itself."
No probs, Bef, that'd bring the Chief Invisible Pentecostal down from in high to fix things. Provided that SloMo has been religiously tithing, that is.
DeleteWhat a spectacular piece of 'total-one-siderism' from Maj. Mitch. "By Thursday Ben English, the editor of Sydney's Daily Telegraph, had decided to drop Jones' weekly column, but has anyone at Aunty looked at it's own coverage, especially radio current affairs showpiece programs AM and The World Today ?"
ReplyDeleteNow comparing Jones and Kelly's asinine and insane rave with a bit of ABC reporting is just typical reptile bullshvt. But hey, the right wingnuts would like us to believe that "Government ministers and health bureaucrats told this column they worry the relentless focus of ABC bulletins may have overheated concerns (about Astra) among the
general public." Isn't that just fabulous ? No names - of ministers or bureaucrats - of course. Who would want to put their name to that and then have to turn up to Q&A or 7:30 or whatever and explain why these "government ministers and health bureaucrats" blessed with far more power and money than the ABC, could only plaintively whinge to a senescent old windbag about how awful those ABC people are being. As usual.
Mitch. goes on: "There's a thirst among left-wing demographics for endless stories about Coalition incompetence ..." Well there isn't any such "thirst" amongst people I know, what the thirst is for, is stories of Coalition competence, but there's just no such stories about for anybody to tell.
But hey, one hell of an ABC assassination job there, Major; really showing us how it's done.