In which the Major reports for Monday duty in a state of uncertainty, the Caterist is deeply certain, and the Oreo makes an uncertain bonus ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today the Major reported for duty at the lizard Oz for the difficult task of discussing the unknown unknowns, and how nobody knows nothing, and it's all too hard, and anyone embarking on a search for wisdom among lizard Oz scribblers would be better off looking for the lost Ark of the Covenant, the Golden Fleece, or perhaps the Nazi gold in Lake Toplitz ...

It's a difficult assignment, but who better than the Major - still searching for that lost Order of Lenin - to tackle the job?

 

 

Even the orange one? How then could there have been a miscue? And at this point, the reptiles inserted a snap, just to remind lizard Oz readers of who was currently president, lest there by some doubt, what with the faithful thinking that the pillow man had restored the presidency to its rightful owner some ten days ago ...

 

 

Well there's no need to make a big deal of a snap, not when the pond can join Cathy Wilcox in celebrating all the Major's themes ...

Indeed, indeed, and who better than the Major if we're going into the 'lowering the expectations' game?

 

Ah, look, how wrong of the pond to satirise the Major. 

For months the pond endured reptile talk of gold standard Gladys, and never mind these days the virus spreading to all parts - even NZ - thanks to travelling cockroaches, but the Major stays positive, and knows about the unknown unknowns ... neither state could have reasonably foreseen, he scribbles, it being completely impossibly for anyone to look abroad in these difficult times and take heed of warnings, and trust the Major, he finds hope in despair, "Yet events could run in NSW's favour", and we still might have the gold standard. 

It is of course an unknown unknown, and the Major has warned against thinking too long or hard about such matters, but it doesn't seem to stop the Major from offering his own special thoughts and insights and predictions ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it's certainly not a tough time for anyone living in NSW, and wondering why all the sporting action has shifted across the border ... and at this point, the pond almost fell out of its chair, because it never thought it would see the day that a reptile would actually speak a filthy, vile heresy ... of the lowest and most upsetting kind...

Could anyone imagine the Major scribbling "comrade Dan" got it right? Well it's true he didn't mention
"comrade" but he did suggest Dan might have got something right, which is completely impossible and totally unacceptable ...

 

 

 

Indeed, indeed, the logic is impeccable, there can be no certainty, nobody knows nothing, chaos is unloosed, and yet somehow the Major knows the result of the next federal election.

That restored the pond's faith in the Major, which was badly shaken by that talk of comrade Dan. The western Sydney lockdowns are entirely the fault of the Labor party, and they will be severely punished for it ... and if the pond could remember the name of the NSW state Labor opposition leader, the pond would point it out to him or her, or whoever the case may be ... (since reading the lizard Oz regularly leads to a sublime ignorance of the world, and any alternatives within it ...)

And so, this being Monday, on the Caterist, another expert in the unknown unknowns, as only a Caterist might predict the movement of flood waters in quarries, and end up at the losing end of a defamation action (relax, he's still got a generous serve of federal government cash in the paw on an annual basis) ...

 

 

 

 

 

Ah that's more like it, that's better. A shot of an unchecked leader forcing the Caterist into a state of mental desperation.

 

But why not gold standard Gladys, who started the recent rounds of misery by not acting quickly enough? That must remain a mystery, because the Caterist has to sing for his federal government cash in the paw supper, so let the singing begin, and if it occasionally sounds like a squawk, who can expect the Caterist to hold a note in these troubled times ...

 

 

 

Say what? Our gold standard Gladys is in on this police state caper as well?

But before we go on the pond would like to pause a moment and celebrate the latest competitor for its Herman Cain award ... there have been so many of them, but the pond checks the headlines ...

 

There, on the far right, that seems like a contender, with more at the Graudian here ...

 

 

Talking truth to power right to the very end, and there are some very effective alternatives, if you can just think yourself into the right Houyhnhnm state of mind ...

 

 

 

And with a horsey laugh, the pond returns to the Caterist, who would no doubt love it if we could just be like Florida or Texas, lands where the virus can roam wild and free, like all god's chillen, or chillun, or childrun if you will ...

 

Ah, these days it's not Sweden, it's Taiwan and South Korea ... confirm it BBC ...

 

 

 

What went wrong? Per the Major, nobody knows anything, and we certainly couldn't be expected to note down under that there was a perturbation in the force back in May ...

Now how about South Korea? Any thoughts, Aljazeera, though it being a 4th August report, nobody down under could be expected to know about the unknown unknowns, or that trouble might be brewing ...

South Korea has posted a sharp increase in its coronavirus cases as it struggled to tame its fourth wave of infections amid the spread of new coronavirus variants strains.
The Korea Disease Control and Prevention Agency (KDCA) reported 1,725 cases for Tuesday, up by more than 500 from the day before, as more tests were conducted after the weekend.

Not to worry, the Caterist knows about the movement of floodwaters in quarries, and so knows about the movement of viruses and can be absolutely trusted, and what do you know, rather like the Major, he manages a little lip service in his next line, though the but billy goat butt is soon swept aside by a deep and abiding concern for adolescent distress ...

 

Perhaps at some point, the pond might be celebrating the Caterist as a contender ... 

Perhaps the Caterist might even be able to lead anti-vaxxers to a deeper understanding of why, even in troubled times, with war impending, we should ship pig iron to Japan, and never mind those wretched trade unionists failing to understand civics ...

 

 

 

 

Or even better, perhaps a  deeper understanding of why the Communist party should be banned, though the pond must sadly report that Australians in the 1950s failed to understand the importance of Ming the merciless's understanding of civics ...

 

 

 

Ah good old civics lessons ... now please, oldies, join the Caterist at the Daily Beast for more of that singalong...

 

 

Yes, and just remember, if you're a Caterist, tear off that mask, avoid that lockdown, walk wild and free, perhaps even violently demonstrated in favour of the Caterist, and everything will be for the best in the best of all possible worlds ...

And so to the bonus for the day and here the pond was tortured by the feast the reptiles had prepared ...

 

 

A melancholy Craven? Well that's what you get with teenagers, moody, lolling around the house, and always sighing with exasperation ...

And then there was Monsieur Dupont, the man of the bridge, seemingly denying every stupidity that the Major had proposed, and shockingly suggesting that jolly Joe might have been warned by the State Department and his intelligence service ... not to mention the way that the Taliban had been going through the country like a knife through pallid unsalted Tamworth butter ...

But no, the pond is always loyal, and it seems that this day, the reformed recovering feminist has rediscovered her feminism ...

The pond is pleased the reformed, recovering feminist has rediscovered her feminism. The one thing the pond can't accept is any suggestion, not even a hint, that we should do anything about it ...

 

Phew, what a relief, it's all the fault of Afghani women, and the country and its primitive tribalism, and naturally we have the correct response to hand ...

 

And so to the reformed, recovering feminist explaining how it's all the fault of true believers, much like Catholics must shoulder the burden of all the church preaches and does ...

Indeed, indeed, the pond understands from a survey conducted at the time, that 99 per cent of Germans favoured making Herr Hitler the official head law-maker in their country ... and if it needed a jackboot to kick a little sense into a few dissident heads, what the heck, all to the good ...

 

Say what? Even though it's entirely their fault, what with their silly beliefs and what not, we should do something?

Here the recovering, perhaps reformed feminist seems to have entirely lost the plot, and failed to realise the state of advanced thinking in the government, as outlined in the Graudian here ...

 

Luckily Kudelka was on hand on the weekend at the Saturday Paper to look on the brighter side ...