In which the pond joins the murmuration of reptiles in calling for tar, cement, and coal, coal, coal for the woorrrld ...

It's been going on for a huugely long time ... the vicious sabotage of humble Australian governments struggling valiantly to give coal, coal, coal to the world ...

The pond noted the obstructionist tactics way back in August 2015, with due thanks to the fearless reptiles, alway vigilant and on the job ...

Now the alert reptiles are sounding the alarum again, and the pond mourns that we are unable to do the presentation in Seth Meyer style, with introductory music and graphics ... you know, this sort of thing ...

Well not exactly that sort of thing ... here no climate alarmism, no climate alarmism here ...

Yes, it's time of an in-depth, detailed closer look at all the reptiles have uncovered ...which naturally isn't alarm about the climate or extreme weather or the melting or any of that sort of nonsense debunked long ago by Moorice and the Bolter and the many other top-notch scientists in the News Corp bunker ...

The key issue is how we might go on fucking the climate and the planet by exporting dinkum Oz coal, coal, coooalll to the wooorrrlld ... without difficult, devious greenies getting in the way ...

First there was the conventional report ...

This is truly terrifying stuff, though the pond is comforted and reassured that Malware cares about as much for climate science as he does about good broadband, and he's certain to put a stop to this wanton interference in another country's affairs. It's not like invading Iraq, and it's certainly not the same as hosting spy bases.

These people are deluded zealots who actually listen to climate scientists, and we can't have any of that.

These are the very same zealots who might well have penned Who the hell does Alan Oxley think he is? :

That’s what a group of scientists asked in an open letter earlier this week. Except that being scientists, they called it “An Open Letter about Scientific Credibility and the Conservation of Tropical Forests.” The letter accuses Alan Oxley and his organisations of “significant distortions, misrepresentations, or misinterpretations of fact.” 
So who is Alan Oxley? He used to be a diplomat with the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. Now his is a supporter of the palm oil and logging industry. For the right price, that is. Two of world’s the most notorious forest destroyers, Rimbunan Hijau and Sinar Mas have hired his consulting firm International Trade Strategies Global (ITS Global) to greenwash their operations. Oxley’s other organisation, World Growth, runs a campaign in favour of the oil palm industry, claiming that it is “alleviating poverty through wealth creation”. (follow the link for the actual letter).

Oh come on, the pond knows who the hell he is, he's a very good reptile adviser:

Now the point about the reptiles is that there's always a murmuration of starlings when the reptiles get on a favourite theme.

So next came the bouffant one, a top-notch starling always good at rooting out worms and secretive cabals ...

By golly, he's just the person to expose an international conspiracy ...

Indeed, indeed, but the pond realises that this trek through the conspiracy might be long and tedious, so how about in the Seth Meyers style, we stop for a reptile cartoon, with an explanation of what it means ...

Naturally the IPA, which accepts climate science as much as Malware accepts the need for good broadband, needs to be wheeled in, because a secretive group of domestic lobbyists funded by who knows what, who knows where, is infinitely preferable to a foreign cabal:

Good old IPA. It's now easy to see exactly why David Pope misinterpreted that witty reptile cartoon.

Now some patient readers who've made it this far in the epic read might be expecting at this point a devastating reptile exposé of the secretive, furtive, world of hidden IPA funding, together with a stern denunciation of the cabal.

They'd be new to the pond and the reptile world ... 

But wait, right at the very end, there's a delicious closing sentence sure to delight ...

... without throwing itself open to the charge of climate change denialism.

You see, the pond promised it would be a delight. 

After all, quoting climate change denialists - such as the IPA and Oxley - is all in a day's work for the reptiles, and the way they look at you and smile sweetly, and say "Moi? Un denialist climatique?", why they look so cute and loveable, the pond just melts and goes all gooey, in much the same way as ice caps and glaciers might do ...

But wait this is a blokk buster mega posting, an in-depth examination of the reptiles at play, and today's Miranda the Devine brought even more astonishing revelations.

It's two damned hussies, witches of the first water, scheming to ruin the country, and with only Miranda the Devine and her fellow reptiles up to the job of stopping them ...

Now the pond knows there's probably some deviant radicals out there wondering about the damage a changing climate might do to the economy should dire predictions come to pass, but that's to entirely miss the point.

Nonetheless, the pond is sympathetic to the plight of these deviants, and understands it's always a long haul doing an in-depth study of the Devine - the acid is inclined to dissolve the skin and ruin eyesight - so perhaps a few Pope cartoons, as deployed at Environmental Law here, will provide a few breaks and a nostalgic trip down memory lane ...

Damn you Cecil, but at least we can go back to the Devine refreshed at the sight of the walri hunter  in his natural pose in the wild... as the Devine rolls out the cruellest word of all ... the "l" word. These are no ladies ...

Oh it's shocking, the shameless hussies, look at how they smile and laugh and dance with glee, and the onion muncher pandered to them.

Phew, how is Cecil going?

Now back to the ever-vigilant Devine as she goes over the same ground as the bouffant one:

It's just too intense ... how are things going in the cartoon world with Cecil the skink?

Oh it's appalling stuff, so appalling that the Devine has to wheel in Keith Windschuttle, who amazingly claims the title of historian, when surely he should carry the title of Honourable Companion in the Reptile Order of Black Bashing:

Oh you appalling crusties, you tree huggers, you anarcho-punk vandals, have you no shame? Look at what you have wrought ...

Sorry First Dog, the last word belongs to the Devine and the devine Keith ...

Economically defunct!

The pesky blacks won't even allow the damn land to be concreted and tarred over, and turned into a decently large car park and mall ...

Yeah, thanks for bloody nothing, Hillary and Julia, you twin witches from hell ...

Now if we can all just sing along ...what we want is tar and cement, and to hell with Cecil, though the pond thanks the Pope for his papal wisdom and reminds anyone who hasn't caught up that there's fresher papal follies here ...

Oh you foolish, sentimental, nostalgic crusties.

Consider yourselves splashed with a goodly dose of Essence of Devine ... and you too Cecil, you dumb skink. The sooner you and your kind are run off the planet, and we cover it in tar and cement, the better everything will be ...

And now anyone who has made it here will be able to tell their children that they saw a murmuration of reptiles, and were mightily impressed by what they saw ... especially as the reptiles joined the dinosaurs somewhere around 2030 ...

Now let's hear it for Malware, the reptiles, and coal, coal, coal for the wooorrld ... and a dash of petroleum to give the right pungent odour to the vitriole ...