In which the pond hunkers down for a serving of Dame Slap's chaff ...

On odd occasions, the pond is asked, a tad anxiously, about the monotony in its diet.

Porridge in winter, muesli in summer, Caterists one day, Dame Slap the next, despite the rich gourmet offerings of a nattering Ned Kelly or an onion muncher.

In the old days, the pond's stoic university lecturer used to say "it's all chaff", whenever an epicurean wandered into view, and indeed, there's no finer chaff than that served up by the reptiles of Oz.

Others might wander off into a fog of uncertainty and doubt, haunted by this sort of image and story ...

But thanks to Dame Slap, the pond came to realise this sort of nonsense was just an elaborate plan by the United Nations to use climate science to establish a world government, possibly by 2015 ...

Or perhaps the red is a warning about the tentacles of communism - except Vlad the impaler is now a good friend of the Donald - or, pace Ned, the way Dame Thatcher's grand vision of the British empire revanche has been lost, and now all that's left are red maps of what might have been ...

Whatever, and despite the argument that familiarity breeds contempt, the pond feels it could write a Dame Slap column in its sleep.

It certainly helps to be in a deep sleep while reading a Dame Slap column, as the gears grind over the same old ground ...

Now in the pond's quaint porridge-laden world, a beheading threat isn't okay, nor is a bigoted, racist cartoon. But if you don't mind bigoted racist cartoons, why get agitated about signs urging a little violence?

We all know what should happen to witches ...

Perhaps it's just a matter of knowing the right form of words ... or knowing how to dog whistle ...

The trouble with free speech advocates of the Dame Slap kind is that they want to repress certain outrageous forms of speech and expression, while at the same time allowing freedom for their own patented forms of bigotry.

After you've digested your porridge or your muesli (please, no sugar and salt laden Kelloggs), marvel at how moral equivalence can work its magical spell, and absolve the Leakians of their obvious bigotry and racism ... because Islamic fundamentalism ...

Some like to sprinkle dark brown sugar on their chaff, or even their porridge, and in the old days, the pond was partial to a little treacly golden syrup ...

Sure, the pond has teeth filled with artificial substances, and a tendency to heart attacks, but where's the harm in a diet of pure chaff ... or thick caramelised sugar?

Please, have another serve of the best chaff available ... because it is a ritual at this point in the service to run through a litany of complaints, whines, moans, whinges and carry on up there with the Donald and his rigged election. Triggs and Queensland are sure to be revived and vilified yet again, and perhaps there might even be a history lesson on the glories of western civilisation.

But first a warning. Students of Latin and Ovid, or the suspect sort of walri hunters who infest Wiki and read Exile of Ovid might wonder why Dame Slap selected the poet as her inspiration ...

Yes, as always when Dame Slap goes on the prowl, the pond gets distracted and goes off reading and remembering and only sometimes nodding off ...

That mention of Chaucer could do the same, what with The Canterbury Tales banned in the United States in the nineteenth century thanks to the Comstock Law.

One of the most amusing aspects of Chaucer is his use of retraction - it had a purpose, as outlined here ...

Even if this technique does not apply to the retraction, there is another possible reason that Chaucer may have included it. This reason pertains to a major objective that seems present throughout the work. It seems that Chaucer intended that The Canterbury Tales include something for everyone. There is, for example, The Knights Tale for those of who might like a chivalric story as well as The Miller's Tale for those who would prefer a dirty story. Just as the pilgrimage that holds the tales together is composed of a diverse group of people, so too do the tales apply to a diverse group of people. By ending his work with the parson's sermon-like tale and a Christian retraction, Chaucer may be attempting to keep the ecclesiasts happy, especially after so many tales that could be interpreted as criticism of the church. After all, Chaucer had written in The Summoner's Prologue that the "nest of freres" (SP, 1691) lay up the "tayl" (SP, 1687) of Satan and had insults many other members of the church within The Canterbury Tales. The sermon and retraction at the end of the work might be a way in which Chaucer may be trying to avoid any censorship or criticism of the church upon his work.

By golly, and if you read the Catholic Encyclopaedia, you can see the silly tykes bought the routine lock, stock and barrel ...

As for Shakespeare, the poor lad endured censorship during his time - and conformed to the elaborate and rigorous requirements of the monarchy - and then copped makeovers thereafter, up there with Australia's censoring of that UNESCO climate report.

In 1606 (the year of Macbeth) an Act of Parliament was passed, . . . That if any time. . . any person or persons do or shall in any stage play, interlude, show, maygame, or pageant jestingly or profanely speak or use the holy name of God or of Christ Jesus, or of the Holy Ghost or of the Trinity, which are not to be spoken but with fear and reverence, shall forfeit for every offence by him or them committed, ten pounds. (here).

Funnily enough - touch wood and chaff - the pond has yet to get into trouble with its militant atheism, and felt no stifling of free speech, but perhaps that's because the pond has yet to specialise in urging beheadings or endorsing racist, bigoted cartoons ... or even calling for revolution ...

Never mind, speaking of Shakespeare, and Shylock, as one does, no doubt the matter of pesky and irritating Jews will come to the surface thanks to Dame Slap. The pond has absolutely no idea why the Jews are so sensitive about being demonised.

After all, they run the international banks, and we all know what the international banks are doing to poor Donald's wonderful campaign ...

Indeed, indeed, damn you international bankers with funny sounding foreign names, that sets the mood nicely for a final gobbet of Dame Slap ...

Yes, indeed, indeed, how soon before we can selectively persecute those Dame Slap dislikes and selectively allow those the Dame loves to roam wild and free, clutching their bigotry and racism to their bosom?

And so the reading's done - the pond apologetically notes it actually spent very little time on Dame Slap, but you don't need to contemplate the chaff, you just need to swallow it and ruminate, and while ruminating, the pond always likes to contemplate a cartoon, such as those of the immortal Rowe, and more Rowe here ...

And as a postscript, speaking of censorship, what fun Colbert has with the prudes at CBS .... for those who missed the sketch on YouTube here, a couple of highlights ...