In which the pond goes full Freudian with reptile obsessions and the infatuated, delusional bromancer ...

Today's front page of the Oz, tree killer and digital, has forced the pond to get out its most extreme weapon in psychiatric analysis ...

As anyone who has visited the Freud museum in London will recall:

The room contains the original analytic couch brought from Berggasse 19 on which patients would recline comfortably while Freud, out of sight in the green tub chair, listened to their 'free association.' They were asked to say everything that came to mind without consciously sifting or selecting information. This method became a foundation upon which psychoanalysis was built. (here)

What's interesting about this when applied to the reptiles is the way they keep heading back to familiar obsessions, topics which compel and devour them ...

Well the pond is out of sight in the green tub chair, so let's get on with it ...

Take Rebecca Urban, for example ...

... who seems to have an extraordinary ongoing interest in anal sex ...

Then there's the reptile fascination with Morrison, a demonic figure, a creature from the witching hour who haunts the dreaming of the reptiles and produces nightmares ...

Another nightmare figure is a hideous witch, who entrances them with her wickedness. The major Mitchell is another reptile who has succumbed to the call of this dangerous siren ...

Of course this talk of truth is associated with feelings of paranoia and persecution, with the reptiles only paranoid because they're in complete possession of the facts ...as one of their beloved is "probed" in the way that aliens come down to earth and probe their victims ...

Then there's the reptile thing about coal which is full bore this day, a huge, pulsating obsession...

Of course no one could be found more objective or non-partisan than Brendan Pearson, chief executive at the Minerals Council of Australia, to provide a correct analysis - please, no mention of multinational companies in Australia - and how pleasing to see the lickspittle Lloydie joining in the baying of the hounds, alongside the estimable Oz reptile editorialist ...

What is it with coal? Well Freud covered this with his analysis of a Wagner opera and in the interpretation of that dream, he found a symbolic use of a tower and coal, and a revelatory insight that coal is a powerful erotic symbol ...

It's easy to google this, though google might think you're looking for something else and ask "did you mean: freud oral?"

No coal, no fire so hotly glows

As the secret love of the reptiles which no one knows
Except when it's an EXCLUSIVE ...

Why then, in this abundance of fertile fantasies, should the pond devote itself to quite a common condition, known as bromance?

Well the shrink, as well as the patient, has interests and concerns, and the pond is most anxious to boost the onion-muncher and his bromancer buddies ...

Now this cry has  been common for a very long time, and has been the mating call of such birds of a feather as Kevin and Erica, as well as the bromancer ...

The theory is, if you behave like a spoiled brat, stomping your foot and carrying on like a pork chop, deviously undermining, sniping and feuding, you should naturally be rewarded ...

The pond recommends the treatment to any troubled parent, when their child persists in sulking underneath the bed.

Double their pocket money, lavish icecream on them, give them other treats and presents, and see how this will transform a troubled, disturbed, irritating brat - no, not into an extremely spoiled child, but into a wondrous team player without any delusions of grandeur or a desire to return to the top job and run the household the way he thinks it should be run ...

Now others will remember how well it all worked out with former Chairman Rudd, by harking back to Erik Jensen's story in the May 2013 issue of The Monthly, Rudd's Unrelenting campaign to regain power ...

How tremendously well that worked out for the chairman and for Labor ... and won't it be great for the Liberals ... and so perforce the pond must listen and make soothing and encouraging noises while the bromancer blathers away on the couch ...

There's nothing like an "I told you so" from a foot-stomping, spoiled brat to make an irrefutable argument, and the outcome is equally likely ...

Frankly the pond, as much as the bromancer, is devastated that Malware didn't make the onion muncher treasurer.

Sure, it would have fucked the country's economy, perhaps for decades, but this is surely a minor price, a trifle, up against the right of a born to rule man being returned to his rulership ...

Any man capable of the astonishing vision of a new era of knighthoods would surely cream any of the milksop pollies currently nursing foolish ambitions and wasted dreams on the backbench ... and as for the current ministers, none of them is worth the inestimable weight of a savvy onion muncher who carries with him immense electoral popularity, enhanced tremendously by his gracious acceptance of defeat and subsequent impeccable behaviour...

This surely is a foot stomper and devious sulker who deserves to be rewarded ...

It's always wise, when dealing with reptiles dreaming, and mistaking it for reality, to overlook some of the ominous signs apparent in the real world.

The Howard v. Peacock rivalry saw a decade wasted for the Liberal party, and it ended with Peacock's abject defeat and exile, and the notion that somehow Hawke v. Keating is relevant - given all that Keating wanted was a go at the top job, leaving Hawke with nowhere to go but out - is wonderfully delusional ...

But it's the pond's business to encourage these delusions - how else can a shrink keep a patient on the couch year after year?

The most important delusion to encourage is the one that imagines that once back inside the cabinet, the scorpion would do anything other than what is already clearly in the onion muncher's nature ... once a ministership, why not a return to the throne?

Which is why, above all other reptiles and their obsessions, the bromancer is a special favourite  of the pond, worthy of psych analysis each time he scribbles ...

Such undying love, such a fanatical capacity to tilt at windmills in service of the love ...

Dreams can be divided into three classes according to their relation towards the realization of desire. Firstly come those which exhibit a non-repressed, non-concealed desire; these are dreams of the infantile type, becoming ever rarer among adults. Secondly, dreams which express in veiled form some repressed desire; these constitute by far the larger number of our dreams, and they require analysis for their understanding. Thirdly, these dreams where repression exists, but without or with but slight concealment. These dreams are invariably accompanied by a feeling of dread which brings the dream to an end. This feeling of dread here replaces dream displacement; I regarded the dream work as having prevented this in the dream of the second class. It is not very difficult to prove that what is now present as intense dread in the dream was once desire, and is now secondary to the repression.
There are also definite dreams with a painful content, without the presence of any anxiety in the dream. These cannot be reckoned among dreams of dread; they have, however, always been used to prove the unimportance and the psychical futility of dreams. An analysis of such an example will show that it belongs to our second class of dreams—a perfectly concealed realization of repressed desires. Analysis will demonstrate at the same time how excellently adapted is the work of displacement to the concealment of desires. 
For example, a reptile dreamed of attending a funeral, his best buddy the victim of a political assassin, but then dreamed of seeing his bromance buddy returning from the dead to his rightful place in the sun, but in slow motion, on his way to the opera, he dreamed he saw a vicious ogre stand in the way of his best bud ... 
The dream is simply a dream of impatience common to those which happen before a journey, theater, or simply anticipated pleasures. The longing is concealed by the shifting of the scene to the occasion when any joyous feeling were out of place, and yet where it did once exist. Note, further, that the emotional behavior in the dream is adapted, not to the displaced, but to the real but suppressed dream ideas. The scene anticipates the long-hoped-for elevation; there is here no call for painful emotions, rather the ecstatic consummation of a shared longing, a coming together which might well inspire the enthusiastic interest of a Rebecca Urban. (Oh okay, the real Freud is here and the pond extends its deepest apologies to Freud).

But enough of the hokum of psychiatric analysis. It's time for the pond to take a walk on the wild side with assorted hoodlums and ne'er do wells, with David Rowe an able guide, and more Rowe here ...

No wonder the pond has nightmares ...