In which the pond has an Ēostre feast, thanks be unto the bromancer and Dame Slap ...

 

 

 

 

Why don't we have decent stamps? Put it another way, the pond wanted to make sure the Russian censors had work to do ... 

Meanwhile, the pond has been praying hard to Ēostre, Germanic spring goddess, for something more interesting for this Ēostre weekend than what the reptiles served up on Friday ... even though, as some might cattily note, what we need is a Germanic autumn goddess ...

Beware the power of prayer. 

Ēostre sent the bromancer right off, and at exceedingly long length too, longer even than nattering "Ned", such a long and hysterical rant that the pond wondered how it might begin to cope ...

Well, as Godard used to say, begin at the beginning, and then there will be a middle and an end, and in this case in a seemly and appropriate procession and order ...

 

Now it's true that everything about the images of suffering in Ukraine is deeply upsetting, but is it wise to bring Xianity into the brew?

The pond can't believe it's quoting Time, but at least it's short and to the point ...

 

 

Yes, there are Xians and then there are lickspittle fellow travelling Xians of the Russian Orthodox kind, and yet somehow the bromancer manages to ignore the Russian Orthodox elephant in the room, though he surely had enough space in his astonishing spray of verbiage ...

 

Oh wait, here it comes, though he doesn't know what to do with it, and quickly changes the subject ...

 

Hang on, hang on, that's not how you deal with the elephant in the room, when back at Time ...

 

 

 

 

And so on and so forth, and come to think of it, sounding like a weird Bizarro world version of the bromancer... yet it just goes to show that for every Xian the bromancer can produce, the pond can produce a matching steaming pile of rhetorical Xian nationalist nonsense ...

At last a glimmer of truth, because there's absolutely nothing weirder than the sight of the bromancer on one of his religious jags, urging on Russian Orthodox types to oppose the war, apparently unaware that the game was up long ago ...

Oh fair crack, the West can also produce the bromancer, Tuckyo Carlson, Faux Noise, News Corp, the mango Mussolini and all sorts of fellow travellers ...

Then the reptiles tried to help out the bromancer by inserting a pious image ...

 

 

Now the pond could have run with any number of shots of Russian Orthodox soldiers in prayer, praying to the same god to defeat the bromancer's god, allegedly the same god, but instead it decided to head off to The Economist for a short grab (perhaps paywall affected?):

 

 

 

And so on and so forth, and already the pond was feeling exhausted, but the bromancer was just warming up ...

The pond could only manage to croak out a few verses ...

Oh my name it ain't nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I was taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side
Oh, the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh, the country was young
With God on its side
The Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War, too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I was made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side
The First World War, boys
It came and it went
The reason for fighting
I never did get
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side
 

... and then it was back to the bromancer, with his god on his side ...

Okay, the pond will confess it did go looking for images to match that one offered up by the bromancer, and was strangely smitten by this one, in The Mos,cow Times, of all places ...

 

Wow, the pond had acid flashbacks to its days trapped in a room with black-cloaked penguins, aka Dominican nuns, driven mad by their completely wretched clothing in the noon day Tamworth heat ...

Hmm, The Moscow Times was also reporting that a political cartoonist had fled Russia for Bulgaria ...

 

 

 

 

Sadly, after all this excitement, the pond could only manage a last couple of verses ...

But now we got weapons
Of chemical dust
If fire them, we're forced to
Then fire, them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side
Through many a dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ was
Betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
That if God's on our side
He'll stop the next war

Sorry Bob, you went kinda funny yourself, almost as kinda funny as the bromancer, but the pond could sense that the bromancer was at last running out of steam ...

Phew a short gobbet, beginning with the pond's favourite biblical misogynist ...

 

It's been quite a while since the pond put in a plug for the Skeptics' Annotated Bible, but if you want a summary of what Xians should think about women, it offers a tidy summary, together with many others ...

And now, Ēostre be praised, we have finally landed on the last bromancer gobbet ...

But what of Russian Orthodox Xians singing Ēostre hymns in the shadow of war? What are we to do with that lot?

 

And after all that excitement, the pond quickly needed to settle down for its bonus, and luckily Dame Slap was ready to provide a relatively short outing, waging war on the woke ... and that wannabe woke wretch Sharma

 

 

Kinda funny? Oh it's all laughs here on the pond this day ...

 

Hallelujah and amen, and on with giving Sharma a hard time, as if the pond minds ...

 

 

Gee, Dame Slap really doesn't like this Sharma chappie, though the reptiles didn't help her by substituting a spinning wheel of doom for a snap of Allegra Spender in the next gobbet ...

Sheesh, whatever you do, don't accuse a privileged white blonde of the Dame Slap kind of white privilege ... this isn't some sort of classy fashion show ...

 

Yes, she actually had that in her Twitter handle, but now on with the whirling cursor of doom ...

 

 

 

 

 

Oh dear, the suffering of the rich angle, the pond hadn't thought of that one, but it's a jolly good one ...whenever the pond was dining on its breakfast of tar and grass, the pond's mother would say "just be grateful, think of how the rich suffer in their fancy houses and their fancy clothes and their fancy la di dah ways ... and make sure you finish all your tar, you need a bit more fibre in your diet ... it's good for the bowels ..."

 

Happily the pond's suffering finally came to an end with a last short gobbet ...

 

 

 

Indeed, indeed, and with the immortal Rowe and the infallible Pope apparently on hols, the pond had to turn to the Graudian for an uplifting seasonal message about the suffering of the rich, thanks to Rowson, with more here ...