In which the pond remembers there's a use for the tree killer edition, and prattling Polonius and nattering "Ned" explain why ...

 

 

Please, bare with the pond a little, or if you will, you can also grin and bear it, because before beginning today's theme, the pond would would like to track the slow evolution of the lizard Oz in a matter close to the heart of inner Sydney dwellers.

It started slowly, yesterday ...

 

 

There it blew, and what a complete marvel of contradiction it was. 

See, below that talk of a lock down? Yep, a pointer to the lizard Oz editorialist sagely advising that a proportionate response, i.e., Glady - not comrade Dan or all the rest - avoids lockdowns, while above it, "lockdowns in place."

The reptiles continued to struggle, as they often do, with their alternative reality, and this followed ...

 

Now it was The Economist helping to explain how to be strategic when working remotely.

Now there was reptile talk of a Sydney scramble amid lockdowns, and still a pointer to the reptile editorialist proposing "proportionate response avoids lockdowns."

Elsewhere of course, there were those urging bigger lockdowns ...

 

 

Why is all this so dear to the pond's heart? 

Well just up the road in King street, the pond can witness the marvel of local lockdowns. 

On one side of King street, and in the pond's area of Camperdown, the pond can rush hither and yon to collect its supplies of urgently needed toilet paper, and on the other side of King street, the lockdown applies ... theoretically the street should have emptied, and City of Sydney rules apply ... and there's not a toilet roll in sight, and only the lizard Oz available to scratch at your bum ... yes, there is a use for the tree killer edition ...

And so to today, and the reptiles suddenly realising that their Gladys was just like all the rest, and was in a spin, and had locked in a million, and sent out the dog botherer to deal with the panic ...

 

 

It was the same in the only toilet paper to hand, the tree killer edition, with the covid spin locking in a million ...

 

 

Well the pond doesn't have to deal with the dog botherer today, not when the reptiles have put up a different talking point, and it isn't Gough in China, because you see right next to that yarn, right at the top of the page, was nattering "Ned" trying to cope with the return of Barners.

Before we contemplate poor old "Ned", what about a warm-up act in the shape of prattling Polonius, a solemn pedantic old codger and something of a covert climate denialist ...

 

 

The reptiles love Barners because it means they can always start with a hand-waving, shouting, beetroot coloured sort of man of a certain age, the reptiles' core demographic ...

 

Now at this point in the history lesson, you'd think Polonius might be startled by the remarkable instability, and the shocking stupidity of climate science denialism in government ranks, but as noted, our Polonius is something of a covert denialist, so instead he must prepare a welcome mat for the blustering bully from Tamworth ... and how better to do it than with his own comedy stylings, of a truly unique kind, calling on the Canavan caravan, Barners and Bid to do their thing as top performers and clowns ...

 

There, you see how it's done, Catholic style? You can fuck around all you like, but a trip to the confessional and you're ready for a bit of human flesh and blood on a Sunday, or even, Boris style, an ability to pretend previous marriages never happened, and so you might yet get hitched in a Catholic church ...

It was an early reading of Boccaccio that first turned the pond to thinking of atheism, admirably outlined in a blog posting here, which begins this way ...

 

Oh yes, there's plenty of laughs in transubstantiation.

And so back to Polonius, sharing his blessed faith with Barners ...

 

And here, as he usually does, the pompous portentous nature of prattling Polonius's pronouncements delivers a real zinger ...

 

It's easy for commentators to laugh at Joyce? Indeed, it is, just as it's easy to laugh at Polonius, and to chortle with glee, along with David Rowe ...

 

 

Unfortunately the laughter is usually followed by a crying fit, as you note the dead fish, the smokestack hat, the chook with little pride, and the dung heap of excreted coal, and the realisation that the swishing tail that deserves a switching is lashing the planet towards doom ...

And so to nattering "Ned", also trying to deal with the return of Barners ... in his own interminable way.

Note that the reptiles, to suit the relentless droning of "Ned", have this time attempted to show the beetroot man in more stately pose ... but a suit and a tie simply can't hide the smirking Tamworth bogan, a species the pond knows only too well ...

So he's been silent after his elevation? So what. We all know what he stands for, we all know how he rolls ... we all know what he will do ...

 

Yes, they're obsessed with that bushwhacker in another place too, but the pond as punishment for reading Boccaccio, is stuck in purgatory with "Ned", and this time the reptiles return to form with a snap of the pointing beetroot man ...

 

Barners was careful after winning? On what known planet, apart from the bizarro world where the reptiles dwell?

 

...The reboot accelerated with Nationals picking a fight on water they had zero prospect of winning. This heartwarming saga began in the Senate on Wednesday when Nationals blindsided their Liberal colleagues by introducing amendments to a government bill to reduce environmental flows under the Murray-Darling Basin plan.
Just for the record, the egregious legislation requiring urgent amendments was actually brought forward by the water minister, Keith Pitt, who was a Queensland National, managing the water portfolio in the Morrison government – at least at the time of publication.
I say at the time of publication because people say Bridget McKenzie wants Pitt’s water portfolio – hence the flags running up flagpoles in the Senate, which is McKenzie’s chamber.
In any case, on the Nationals went, bagging their own legislation. The Liberals were having none of it, so the uprising was crushed in the Senate.
The whole circus then shifted to the House of Representatives, where the Nationals’ whip, Damian Drum, had another go at amending Pitt’s legislation. Drum’s talking points asserted South Australia didn’t need fresh water, because (wait for it) “rising sea levels will mean the SA lower lakes system will not need environmental water”. So things were deeply weird.
But the bathos was heightened by two factors. Firstly, Pitt, the responsible minister, was in the chamber spectating as Drum, his party colleague, moved amendments to his legislation. Secondly, McKenzie had escaped her own chamber and was sitting up in one of the visitors galleries in the House of Representatives, shouting encouragement down at Drum.
As you do.
If you are on the gantry during an elimination challenge on MasterChef.
Less often in the Australian parliament, it must be said.

Yes, comedy has returned to politics, and you can Murph that surf at the Graudian here ...

Oh heck, just a little quote from that other place, that other piece, though the pond doesn't like admitting to reading the Hartcher ...

...When Barnaby was last in the deputy PM post and under pressure over his affair with Vikki Campion, the government member who most pressured the then PM, Turnbull, to declare his “bonk ban” was none other than Scott Morrison. Joyce has told many of his colleagues of the bitter moment when, as he entered Turnbull’s office to confront his leader in the heat of crisis, he saw Morrison leaving, looking as pleased as Joyce was feeling wrecked.
Two men who don’t like each other very much will have to forge a professional relationship if the Coalition is to function. But the Liberals are anxious.

Forget all the talk of the planet being fucked, there's a bull loose in the china shop, and things are likely to get broken, and it's easy to forget, as "Ned" tries to lull readers into a stupour with the endless tedium of his natter ...

 

Barners as pragmatist? Deal with Barners pragmatist to pragmatist? Barners is a loon, but a dangerous one, and at this point, the reptiles confirmed it by inserting an irrelevant snap of a man the pond dimly remembers ...

Who?

“Who is the third feather who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
A lost soul, a withered feather plucked from a chook
-But who is that feather on the other side of you?”

Apologies to T.S. as we return to "Ned", still trying to make the best of the situation, still trying his best to avoid the comedy ...

This is, in the end, the world the reptiles have created, nurtured, watered and fondled, this is the tepid denialism of "Ned" and Polonius in action, this is the reason that Australia will do its bit in helping fuck the planet ... the work of Bid, and the Canavan caravan, and Barners are all just natural extensions of the scribblings of the dog botherer, the Bjorn again one, and the rest of the pack ...

 

Always with the both siderism, always with the wringing of hands, and the sighing to the heavens, and yet a wild beast has been let loose, and marches on SloMo, another fragile denialist ...

 

 

Oh how they once delighted each other and amused the crowd ...

 

Will we help fuck the planet? If the reptiles have anything to do with it, we surely will ... and "Ned's" gormless blather about an epic political shift is a reminder of what happens when senility catches up with you ... and that's why, in times of trouble, the pond always turns to the infallible Pope for help in just such a crisis ...

And now, just to complete the circle, and to please gloating Victorians, and to offer sympathy for those suffering in Sydney, no matter which side of King street they're on, and while the pond stays inside for fear of zombies, the pond thought it should offer up the lizard Oz editorialist's thoughts on lockdowns ... just fish and chip wrapping really, and only of appeal to bin chickens, but still ...

Yes, we all needed a laugh in these fucked-up vaccination roll out, hotel quarantine plague times... because there's nothing quite like being mature Sydneysider adults in the pond manner ...

 

But the lizard Oz editorialist was determined to keep on with the laughs ...

 

And so to wrap up, here's a book well worth reading to your kids ...