Yesterday, the pond was astonished to see that simplistic Sharri had an EXCLUSIVE featuring what the Donald was going to do ...
Wasn't the Donald now out of power? Then the pond realised how stupid it was being.
Of course after the coronation in August the Donald would return to grill Fauci ...
On the upside, the pond could lighten up with the news that in reptile la la land, it was completely okay to fuck around all you liked, it wouldn't mean the end of your marriage.
In other news, that bedrock of western reptile civilisation, monogamous marriage, was just a fad, and vows were a bit like the Donald's relentless lying ... there to be broken, especially if you stumbled across a porn star while your partner was with child...
It was all light hearted fun, and the pond felt sure that other news would push Sharri's simplistic EXCLUSIVE story down the digital page this morning, but there it was like the man on the stairs ...
Was to be, woulda, coulda, shoulda, and the pond had to waste a perfectly good Rowe early in the morning, though there's always more Rowe to be found here ...
And so at last to the day's business, though it's really no different from the reptile business for decades past ...
Yes, never mind that SloMo hangs around with a barking mad QAnon conspiracy theorist and insurrectionist, it's ABC bashing time ... though unlike snake-bashing day in The Simpsons, it's a year round event, with the government cash in the paw Caterist this time taking up the cudgels ...
Ignoring the reptiles' portrait of their favourite new demonic witch, it's always rich to see the government cash in the paw man blather on about law and integrity - whither the movement of flood waters in quarries? - but even better when the impertinent one can begin with an impertinent sentence about impertinence ...
He let the matter rest? Then why the fuck did he embark on it in the first place, with all the hoopla, bells and whistles?
Truly when you have a government cash in the paw man holding your bag you're in a grim place ...
Oh fuck, True North Strategy dragged out of the cupboard for another run, and this time with the reveal that it's a half baked, half arsed sampling of just 500. So what's the margin of error? What are the questions? Did the Caterist make sure there was a push pull element to them? Who knows, but you'd have to be a gnat to swallow this sort of bullshit fly ... and yet the cash in the paw man regularly gets a grant from the federal government, so what does the pond know about the way the world works?
You know, cash in the paw so you can piss the money against the wall on spurious surveys with a measly sample size of 500 ...
What a wretched, pathetic creature the Caterist has become ... and what a fuckwit. Long before the era of the wretched Sky News, or YouTube or Netflix, viewers had a choice. There was 7, there was 9, there was 10, and there was, for Nazi documentaries and food shows at least, and the odd head nodding subtitle, SBS ...
What a doofus, what a dingbat ... and yet as always, the Major was standing by to provide fierce competition ...
Of course it had to be the Major.
The pond doesn't know how surreal Simon manages to keep churning out his hagiography with a straight face ... but talk of the PM playing the long game was just a desperate attempt to repair silly Simon at top of digital page saying that the PM's popularity had plunged ...
Enough of pitiful reptile figures, on with the genuinely eccentric ...
Of course the reptiles were going to feature a snap of masks. There's a deep fear of masks in reptile land, the sort of fear and loathing that Killer Creighton experiences, a panic coursing through the system ...
Speaking of Killer, the pond almost decided to run Killer's sympathetic portrait of the Wolf at the door, but decided the moment had passed, and it was too weird, and in any case there were plenty of other stories of how the wolf had left the room, and got lost in a whirlpool ...
Yep, an incompetent, bungling academic, and a demented conspiracy theorist to boot ... just the sort of company the Killer likes to keep ... but back to the Major ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, for a moment there, the Major began to sound like he was working for the ABC, piling on to the feds.
Naturally the reptiles had to compensate with a snap showing the town in an On the Beach condition ...
The perfect place to make a film about the end of the world, even if Neil Jillett claimed he was the one to crack the joke, and Ava Gardner was just a rip-off ...
Around this point, the reptiles felt the need for another visual intervention ... a fiendish figure from down south, unlike the sort of telegenic figures beloved by the Major ...
The pond began to feel the need for its own cartoon intervention ...
Yes, that sets the tone for the Major's next gobbet ...
Sack him now? Why the Major is even worse than the ABC ...
Be kind to the old dodderer ... just like Kudelka ... and luckily, after all the illustrations, there was just one short gobbet of Major on a Monday to go ...
Strange, passing strange ...
The pond means no harm, but some stray pond readers might have noticed the bromancer cheek to jowl with the Major ... and what with all that talk of beasts, it turns out that the bromancer was feeling positively beastly ...
Apart from noting yet again how reptile illustrations have gone into sharp decline, what's amusing to the pond is the way that the reptiles sometimes fail to sing from the same song sheet ...
A swamp land? Why that sounds positively beastly ...
Consider the pond startled.
The pond has always wanted to slip in a mention of Swamp Thing ... and now back to the barely restrained hysteria of the bromancer, almost demanding a slap across the cheek from a stern Major, or an agitated Killer, or a naughty Naomi ...
Who knows, but the pond knows that the bromancer is behaving in a most unseemly, un-Major, un-Killer, un-Naomi way ...
Even worse, the bromancer took up the space that the pond had reserved for the chance to snack on an Oreo ... but then the pond thought, why not?
What the heck, sure it was a stretch, but how else would people discover that the reformed, recovering feminist was a monarchist who cared deeply about the condition of the monarchy ...
Of course it was just bad timing for the Oreo ... that illustration came too late for the current goo gooing and gah gahing that has already started to go down ...
Aw, so cute, at least if you're into the royals and that breeder thing, and yet the Oreo is of the staunch, die hard conservative order, a reformed, recovering feminist with a fierce loyalty to the firm ...
Around this point the pond realised it didn't give a flying fuck, and had not the slightest interest in the Oreo, or the royal family ... but was stuck with delivering a final gobbet, just to finish things off ... because the Oreo had discovered a terribly witty pun ...
The House of Whinger? That's as good as it gets? Suddenly the pond felt completely unrepentant at incessantly making childish jokes about Oreos ...
So there you go, that's what happens to reformed, recovering feminists.
You can become an Oreo, and blather about the royals, or perhaps a conspiracy-laden Naomi blathering into the ether ... or perhaps you can just join the reptiles in their favourite way to celebrate western civilisation's crowning achievement, vows of loyalty until death do you part, otherwise known as a reptile ménage à trois ...
Meanwhile, in another state of mind far away ...
"What a wretched, pathetic creature the Caterist has become ... and what a fuckwit."
ReplyDeleteJust to make sure I've understood you correctly, DP, you are not exclaiming in any sense that the Cater has become a fuckwit, since he clearly has been one all along. Not so sure that isn't true about "wretched, pathetic creature" also.
The pond won't go into an extended treatise on nature v nurture, GB, but it is possible that when the Caterist came into the world, his fate wasn't entirely pre-ordained. Could it be that doing a useless degree in sociology was what set him off? Was it coming down under, feeling lost, alone and isolated and then making an unwise choice, of a kind you might expect from being unprepared for the world, thanks to a useless degree in sociology? Might not time at the BBC produce a warped sense of the world? What about producing and directing a documentary comparing the construction of the Tyne and Sydney Harbour bridges? Could that have set him on the path to reptile company and distilled essence of fuckwittery? The pond will allow that nature has much to do with it, but becoming a fuckwit is also a skill, almost an art form, and we should credit the Caterist with the same potential as the bomb in Speed ...
DeleteHoward Payne : A bomb is made to explode. That's its meaning. Its purpose. Your life is empty because you spend it trying to stop the bomb from becoming. And for who? For what? You know what a bomb is, Jack, that doesn't explode? It's a cheap gold watch, buddy.
In awe yet again at your erudition, DP:
Delete"Howard Payne is the main antagonist of the 1994 sleeper hit action thriller Speed. He was a retired police officer from a bomb squad unit and because of this, he became an extortionist and an extremely calculating, manipulative, temperamental, and psychopathic terrorist."
Though I can't quite see applying "extremely calculating, manipulative, temperamental" or "terrorist" to the wannabe Cater, but "psychopathic" applies in full measure. So, basically, things happen and we only arbitrarily apply the terms "cause" and "effect" in accordance with the order in which we notice them.
Hi DP and GB,
DeleteIf we are talking about bombs and the meaning of life how about Bomb #20 in John Carpenter’s indie Dark Star;
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Star_(film)
[Doolittle convinces the bomb not to explode]
Doolittle: Hello, Bomb? Are you with me?
Bomb #20: Of course.
Doolittle: Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
Bomb #20: I am always receptive to suggestions.
Doolittle: Fine. Think about this then. How do you know you exist?
Bomb #20: Well, of course I exist.
Doolittle: But how do you know you exist?
Bomb #20: It is intuitively obvious.
Doolittle: Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have that you exist?
Bomb #20: Hmmmm... well... I think, therefore I am.
Doolittle: That's good. That's very good. But how do you know that anything else exists?
Bomb #20: My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. This is fun.
DW
But, butt DW, Caters don't have any working sensory apparatus. I don't think any of the reptiles have; but at least I have a faint memory of Dark Star and the self-sentient bomb.
DeleteBut it's very depressing between DP and others, including you, to realise that anything I might want to say has already been said, and better than I ever could. But then I learned that lesson back in the 1950s when 'The Goon Show' was first regularly rebroadcast by the ABC. Though it replaced 'Take It From Here' and the beautiful Glums (but then came My Word and My Music).
Hi Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteAfter the fearless investigative journalism of the Sharri kind has informed us that COVID-19 was cooked up in a Chinese bio-weapon facility with funding from Fauci and his evil band of epidemiologists, still further questions need to be answered.
As the great scientific minds of the Murdoch reptiles ensure us that Mother Nature and evolution are incapable of producing a pandemic worthy virus, we must now wonder who is creating these super spreader variants?
The Chinese? Definitely!
The Democrats and Australian Labor? Almost certainly as their hatred of the Donald and are own indomitable Scotty have no limits.
The truth is out there.
DiddyWrote
Of course, DW, all the great plagues have originated in China.
DeleteExcept apparently for a smallpox pandemic or two like the 1789 one in Sydney Cove:
https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2021-06-07/patient-zero-smallpox-outbreak-of-1789/100174988
The default position is always to look for agency in every threat. It used to be witches and evil spirits, now it's scientists and foreign governments.
DeleteI wonder if it's the illusion of control, even if it's someone else in control. The idea that random processes (shit happens) drive events seems to fry their tiny brains.
Just having 'someone to blame' perhaps, Bef. But then, think about all those pissant little "gods" that Homo Saps Saps has invented to "explain" the world and all its doings - and also provide a convenient excuse for lording it over others in the name of the "Almighty".
DeleteIn the early 80s I had a job handling complaints for a large public utility. There was an inverse relationship between the complainants understanding of the issues and the tendency to personalise everything. Those with a good case tended to lay everything out and argue from there, those with little case tended to think someone or thing was out to get them.
DeleteI still see the tendency everywhere, especially in the far right.
Perhaps I should just remind you of that IA article, Bef:
Delete"Who do you want running the country and determining your future? Dumb? Or Dumber? Now is the time to choose. There’s scientific consensus on a long understood – but ever so delicate – matter. On average, when it comes to thinking, progressives do it better than conservatives do. A decade or so of brain scans confirms it."
Right and Left: The choice between dumb and dumber
https://independentaustralia.net/politics/politics-display/right-and-left-the-choice-between-dumb-and-dumber,15130
I have been musing on what kind of symbiosis the relationship between the Cater and 'True North Strategy' might fit into. Not quite commensalism, not really mutualism - perhaps the ouroboros is the more appropriate, if mythical, representation.
ReplyDeleteHmmm: "a snake or serpent eating its own tail, variously signifying infinity and the cycle of birth and death".
DeleteDunno if I can quite see that one, Chad. One would only have to open one's mouth and breathe in to suffer permanent indigestion from the 'gutfull of Cater' syndrome.
The pond will settle, Chadders, for pissing taxpayer grant money up against the wall on useless, meaningless surveys ... and for that all you need to do is pick fluff from navel, and never mind grand our Henry style mythologies ...
DeleteTalking about mythologies, Chad, you might give a passing moment's thought to an Australian context for this:
DeleteAn 'excess of democracy': How corporations killed the campus
https://independentaustralia.net/politics/politics-display/an-excess-of-democracy-how-corporations-killed-the-campus,15165