In which Dame Slap, the bromancer and nattering "Ned" contribute to an epic reptile read ...

 

 

Anderson said he had been given a “rough cut” of the program and confirmed it had been “endorsed by news management”, confirming that it was cleared by legal and editorial.
“In making a final decision about whether a program or other content is ready for broadcast or publication I consider all advice from the relevant team, ABC Editorial Policies and ABC Legal, among others,” he said. “I also trust my own judgement and knowledge about the high editorial standards that apply to all ABC content.
“I am absolutely confident of that decision and make no apologies for requiring the highest standards of our published journalism.” (Graudian here)

Translation: oh fuck, not another Xian Porter saga. Forget all this fearless investigation crap. What about the quiet life?  Can't I just put on the cardy and nod off?

Meanwhile, over at Crikey, paywall affected ...

 

 

An insurrectionist in the ranks? Why that's more entertaining than Larry Hand and rats in the ranks ...

Not to worry, the pond has fulfilled its new mission of starting off with almost anything but reptile news, and so to the regular diet of reptile stew, and what better way to start off a weekend reptile banquet than with a serve of a ranting Dame Slap?

 

 

How the reptiles love that snap of SloMo screeching out to imaginary friends, who knows, perhaps in strange tongues ... throw an insurrectionist on the barbie, and it's truly weird times ...

 

Always humble and modest, our Dame Slap, but let's be fair. Yeah, no, thanks ...

She's something of an Elmer Gantry preacher herself. She can be a real, righteous firebrand. She can sort out the finer details of what's moral and good, and what's loathsome in the eyes of the IPA. She knows how to judge. She knows how to shove it up those who might disagree with her. She refuses to allow any room for difference, and damned it she's going to allow sinners against her IPA vision a path to redemption. No,  they're off to IPA hell ... so let the sorting and the mocking of the fallen, the wayward, the derelict and the heretic begin ...

 

Actually the pond woke up this day to the sounds of warbling western magpies. Yes, it's a broad tent at RN, and sometimes the pond turns on the radio just so it can be lulled and nod off to sleep again, but dammit, those warbling WA magpies sounded so fine, the pond stayed awake (and you can warble away with them here).

Magpies aren't what come to mind with Dame Slap, more the cawing of crows and the pecking out of eyes of innocent woke lambs (if thine eye offends thee, pluck it out, or Dame Slap will do it for thee).

Who can forget the dire climate emergency that Dame Slap once announced? You know, the one where the United Nations would use climate science to introduce world government by Xmas, or shortly thereafter ... apparently Dame Slap can, apparently there's no emergency, apparently doctors can forget all about it ...

 

 

Um, was the school in trouble before the woke folk tried to get on board the board? Perhaps it's not the woke folk here? Perhaps it's just the usual IPA skill set on display that's the trouble? Never mind, the pond is pleased that Dame Slap is desperately worried about the fate of hapless rich folk in the eastern suburbs ...

And so to the final gobbet of ranting, taking in all sorts of sods that have afflicted the righteous Dame Slap ...

 

How fucked is all that? Why it's sublimely Dame Slap fucked, in a way that only Dame Slap knows how, confusing and conflating good old time religion with modern attempts at diversity and inclusion (shocking notions that they are). And yet a seminal question goes unanswered. Is Dame Slap, high priest (no priestesses in the IPA, just chairmen) herself an unbeliever, a heretic, an atheist? Or does she deep down share the clap happy ways of the speaking in tongues man? Who knows, because that sort of honesty always eludes Dame Slap when it comes to the smoting and the smiting ... far too inconvenient, this notion of being true to oneself ...

And now as religion seems to have become the reptile theme for the day, on with a truly preposterous piece by the bromancer ...

 

 

A couple of warnings are in order first up. The bromancer is writing at length, and he's writing with a superficiality beyond the usual bromancer level of moronic simplicity.

Take that headline, beyond the valley of the moronic, requiring unpacking before we can even get going. 

Bibi isn't Israel, though he's tried to pretend he is, especially as the circling corruption charges press closer. And there's a lot of people inside Israel who hate Bibi, and not all of them fit the description of self-hating Jews. 

That snap of Benny supporters at the get-go is entirely disingenuous. As well as recent street demonstrations celebrating Benny's demise, there were plenty out in the streets before the election, as noted by Reuters here ...

 

 

 

So yes, you can despise Netanyahu, you can get agitated about Zionist excesses, but that doesn't make you anti-Semitic, nor does it mean that Israel will disappear ... though it might be nice if it didn't imitate the theocratic state excesses of Iran when it comes to minorities and human rights ... why do theocratic states share these traits?

Now with all that unpacked, we can approach the beginning of the bromancer ...

 

Let the pond be clear. Lumping in a dislike of Netanyahu with new, foul racist hatred of Jews is especially vile and despicable ...

Has the bromancer already forgotten the Donald and his supporters? Oh the Donald was gung ho for Israel and Benny, and yet when neo-Nazis and white supremacists chanted in the streets of Charlottesville that the Jews would not replace them ...

 

 

 ... the Donald announced that there were good people on both sides ... but do go on ...

 

There's no real reason to worry. The guy intent on replacing Benny is just as rabid ...

But if you want to know more, why not head off to Haaretz? No need to stick with the bromancer in his survey of the current situation ... especially if you have the app that will help you past the paywall ...

 

Oh yes, it's all good fun ...

 

But back to the bromancer and the myth ... because it seems the reason that King is really significant is because the bromancer has interviewed him and had many conversations with im ...

 

It's a bit late for all that, but it's never too late for a little introspection and the odd revelation ...

 

And so on ... and all this can be noted within Israel without the bromancer's end of world sturm und drang ...

 

Perhaps a little self-loathing is good for Catholics, since Catholicism in particular, rather than Christianity in general, has been a particular font of anti-Semitism. And yet, does that make it impossible to do a cartoon on current events, as here by Rowson?

 

 

Well, no, there's just a little irony there ... and so on to another bromancer bit of nonsense, namely that it was just the Roman authorities who killed Christ. 

It's possible, without a trace of anti-Semitism, to note that it was Jewish leaders who turned Christ over to the Romans, and that Pilate famously tried to get out of the caper by washing his paws. Why not head off to the BBC's The case against Caiaphas before continuing on with the bromancer?

 

Actually the pond prefers the notion of a gulag to a ghetto, though packing in some two million people to a narrow strip of land, and sealing them off from the rest of the world for some fifteen years has some uncomfortable parallels ... perhaps instead a reference to the apartheid ways of the South African government, with which an Israeli government was on way too nuking friendly terms?

And so with a sigh of relief to the final bromancer gobbet, but don't expect a trending hastag, "I stand with the fair and balanced and just treatment of Jews and Palestinian people" ...

 

After all that, the bromancer has just about done enough, with his conflations, confusions, distortions and stupidities to fan the flames of anti-Semitism, so that the Donald's supporters might once again take to the streets ...

And so to the final challenge, and only because it must be done.

You see, this day the reptiles have been obsessed yet again by Covid and comrade Dan, even though comrade Dan has been invisible for weeks ...

 

 

 

What was needed was a stern hand, a frowning visage, that could bore the country into submission to SloMo? And who better for that task than that Everest to climb, the endless nattering of "Ned"?

Stray readers have been warned. There will be eight gobbets of "Ned" before this day is done ... and much blaming of the states and state premiers, because how else to distract from the insurrectionists in the ranks?

Sure the reptiles claim it's only an eight minute read, but by the end of it, it will feel like an eternity ...

Never mind that this time Victoria was done down by inept South Australian hotel quarantine practices; never mind that Gladys has cruised on the back of other state lockdowns; never mind that SloMo has cruised on the back of states doing the hard yards; instead of all that, it's time for "Ned", cane in hand, to dole out some stern discipline, of the kind Mr Corcoran used to hand out to the boys in Tamworth primary ...

 

The point being: why do the reptiles never ask, "why is South Australia so hopeless?" 

 

 

 

Why is hotel quarantine so hopeless? Why is SloMo setting up a quarantine facility so hopeless? The answer's clear enough, there's a Labor state to demonise, and if you happen to be Liberal, you get a "Ned" get out of quarantine card for free ...

 

Come to think of it, why no mention of the bungled vaccine roll-out, which is taking an eternity to deliver, almost as tepid and as lengthy as a "Ned" column ... 

Ah, wait, at last reality begins to dawn, even on "Ned" ...

 

It's the first time that the pond has heard gratuitous window-dressing as "meaningful but limited", but clearly "Ned" has never had to deal with the arcane ways of federal bureaucrats intent on preventing an applicant from getting funding. The pond prescribes a week in Centrelink hell ...

And so to a final bout of blaming comrade Dan ...

 

Actually avoid the reptile model, it's the wrong direction for Australia, unless mind-numbing lectures from the likes of Dame Slap, the bromancer and "Ned" are to your taste.

And so to a palate cleanser, thanks to Rowe, with more Rowe here ...

 

 

 Poor old Melburnians ... and the pond is still irritated by the cheek of the Victorians calling the NGV the National Gallery of Victoria ... but at the same time, they do have that Brack painting, which has a been a pond favorite for a long time ...