In which the pond peeks into a bumper book of Monday reptiles ...

 

 

The reptiles are in a complete tizz this day ...

 

 

What coarse beast is that, balefully staring out at the reptiles and the world? 

The tizz suits the pond, because it always likes to begin the week with a little comedy, and sure enough, the bromancer was to hand with an exceptional routine ...

 

 

 

 

Indeed, indeed, bring back Peter Costello, the pond says, or perhaps jolly Joe Hockey, or perhaps a moth-eaten rustic luminary who has become a legend in his own lifetime by ranting into the ether ... and so pleases the reptiles with his siren song and his musings ...

 

 

 

The Canavan caravan? Oops, the pond recently left that train, but still, let us carry on with the bromancer, yearning for the return of the moth-eaten one ... (still a moth is better than a mouse plague).

 

What a good and fine dump on the Nats ... how hilarious that the bromancer fancies Anderson as an intellectual ... how wondrous that status at the lizard Oz now seems to involve the odious recognition offered to rustics by a number count of mentions on bankrupt social media ...

Is it any wonder that the pond moved on in good heart, ready for whatever might be down the bottom of the page?

 

 

Oh dear, both the Oreo and the Caterist to hand? And no doubt the Major lurking somewhere in the wings, waiting to star in the pond's popular segment Ask the Major (but please no questions about that missing Order of Lenin medal). It looked like it might turn into a pond bumper book for reptiles issue ...

 

 

That sets the tone nicely for a reformed, recovering feminist who turns out to be something of a petrol head ... and who won't hear a word about this EV nonsense, and all the carry-on the NSW government indulged in over the weekend ...

 

 

Oh indeed, indeed, show the way, petrol head ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, and it goes without saying how outraged the pond was by the grandstanding of the NSW government ...

 

 

 The catch is, of course, new fees, but even so, this NSW attempt to appear to be doing something, or even show some sort of awareness of things happening in the rest of the world - when everyone pragmatically supports SloMo - or more correctly every reptile, including petrol head reformed, recovering feminists - is still something shocking to behold ... and what do you know, the Oreo is also a reader of The Driven ...

 

The pond will only note the Oreo's deployment of the mythical 1.2% figure before driving on. Never mind that some put the figure at 1.4%, just admire the way that Australian coal burnt overseas creates nearly twice the nation's domestic emissions ...

Dear sweet innocent dinkum clean Oz coal, how we luvs ya, and if we could only return to steam power, how great it would be, but in lieu of that, let's forget all this nonsense about EVs and put the pedal to the metal with the Oreo ...

 

Indeed, indeed, and some might think they have a parrot who shows more signs of intellectual insight than the Oreo parroting SloMo, but please, be fair, she's a reformed, recovering feminist, struggling to find a way forward in life ... and besides, let's not dwell too long on the Oreo, because we also have the Caterist to hand ...

 

 

 

 

 

What's so funny about this snap? Well it shows a rogue president who shamelessly stole a big election with a massive fraud that involved Italy and Venezuela, resulting in a righteous insurrection inspired by the FBI, an organisation which covertly infiltrated the GOP to produce barking mad loons howling at the moon ... and yes, the end result is the left's contempt for democracy ... (not, it should be noted, the right's deep love of autocrats and authoritarians).

 

The pond thinks it got all the elements of that conspiracy theory down, though perhaps it left out George Soros, the international banking system and Jewish space lasers, but please, do go on ...

 

 

 

Please forgive the pond if it overlooks Niall Ferguson, or even the Caterist getting agitated about climate science in the usual Caterist way, and instead briefly strolls down memory lane, thanks to that mention of Peter Coleman ...

Yes, Coleman studied under John Anderson, one of the inspirations for the Push, and honourably served the CIA via Quadrant. The pond thanks him and the Caterist for their service ... with the Caterist having earned his stripes in the great quarry battle, where he fought valiantly against the movement of flood waters ...

And now back to the standard Caterist rant, whereby Chinese labs can be mixed willy nilly with astute Caterist observations on climate science, and dearly beloved coal ...

 

Indeed, indeed, but the one thing we can forgive China for is its love of coal ... wiser heads know that the challenge of global warming is far less apocalyptic than muddle-headed wombats wanting to berate the Chinese for their many human rights abuses, and for their abuse of the planet, and in that regard the Caterist is with Xi all the way ...

 

Not as much contempt, perhaps, as the pond sometimes exudes for the government cash in the paw man, doing his best to help fuck the planet while on the government dime ...

And so to the pond's popular segment, Ask the Major, this day offered up in a fine reptile package ...

 

 

The pond is always astonished at the way the reptiles are obsessed with the ABC. They seem to do nothing except watch the ABC, take copious notes, cover the ABC in a navel-gazing, fluff-gathering way, and is there any better fluff-gatherer than the Major? (finding missing medals is entirely another matter).

Best of all the Major is bringing up yet again a scandal that SloMo would love to see moved to the back burner ...

It goes without saying that the only one on the pace is the Major, and the only one who can see ... why, there's magic in his eyes, and he can see for miles and miles and miles ...

Well the pond has already been to this well a number of times, and can only refer readers to Crikey, and its latest story, currently outside the paywall ...

 

 

It's much more fun and informative than the preening Major, always tugging at his own feathers, but hey ho, on we go, because there's a sister to be noted, who is shockingly, a greenie, and so worse than Satan in the Major's eyes ...

 

Note the clever way that the Major segued into a litany of complaints about the ABC. How the reptiles love their litanies, even more bizarrely how fixated on the ABC are these obsessive compulsive reptiles?

The pond only occasionally observes the ABC, in fact the pond probably reads more about the ABC in reptile pages than from direct observation. How weird is that? A next step would be for the Major to take over the editorial policies of the ABC, or perhaps even run the organisation. Who better than the Major, always beset by delusions of grandeur ...

 

The pond has also contemplated the Dark Emu affair at length, and so perhaps the pond might be forgiven if it instead notes the Major's bizarre use of "this column" ...

The pond itself commits this crime by always referring to itself as the pond, instead of using I, me or my ...

It proposes a special form of bashful humility. "This column" is so much better than a line such as "I, the Major, in 2019 ...", or "I, me, my, the Major are so up myself, I must modestly defer and tefer to myself in the third person ... or "I the Major love the deepest thoughts of the Bolter and Quadrant, my go to sources for inspirational advice on racism ...",

Ah, the Bolter, such sweet memories ...

 

 

Sorry the pond couldn't resist another walk down memory lane, back when the Bolter was more preoccupied with race than he was with downplaying and creating mischief in relation to Covid ... 

The pond occasionally misses the Bolter, but then it always has the Major, and "this column" ... and naturally our Henry cops a mention ...

 

Indeed, indeed, and any hint that the Major is a paranoid barking mad loon with a persecution complex will be dismissed out of hand by this pond. 

This pond stands proudly by the Major and will continue to Ask the Major anything and everything except what happened to that long lost Order of Lenin medal (you know speaking of any and every barking mad allegation against leftist historians) ...

And so to a Rowe to wrap up this bumper book of reptiles for boys and girls, and what do you know, it features the Nats, so bringing this ouroboros to a fitting close ... with more snakes always to hand here ... and by golly has Barners got a big set of dinkum Oz balls, or what?